Sumama ako sa condo ni Icen nang gabing iyon at doon ko rin balak na muling manatili. I would talk to Mom after I cleared everything with Silas. Kaya naman maaga pa lang ay tumulak na ako pabalik sa masyon nito. Sina Reid at Lance ang kasama ko. Tahimik na nagmamaneho si Reid, si Lance ang sa harapan at ako naman sa likod.

Walang salitang namagitan sa aming tatlo sa buong durasyon ng byahe dahil pareho namang hindi pala kibo ang dalawang ito kung hindi kinakailangan.

Habang nasa byahe, paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa isip ko ang mga posibleng mangyari sa pagkikita namin ni Silas. Paano ko siya haharapin matapos ang lahat ng nalaman ko? What would I say to him? Would he even listen? Kailangan ko ba siyang komprontahin nang direkta o hintayin ko na lang na magsalita siya? My mind raced through various scenarios, each one leaving me more anxious than the last.

"Reid, just drop me off by the gates of the subdivision," I finally said, breaking the silence. "I can walk the rest of the way."

Reid glanced at me through the rearview mirror, his eyes questioning but he simply nodded.

Nang makarating kami sa gate, bumaba ako at nagsimulang maglakad papunta sa mansyon. Tahimik ang paligid, ang tanging maririnig ay ang kaluskos ng aking mga hakbang sa pavement. I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. Pagdating ko sa harap ng mansyon, sinalubong ako ng mga guwardiya at agad na pinapasok.

Nakatayo sa harap ng pintuan si Silas, puno ng tikas ang tindig. He was wearing his usual three-piece suit. His dark hair was neatly combed back, and his piercing blue eyes were focused on me as I approached. There was an air of calm authority around him, but I could see the faint lines of tension on his face. Maaaring may pakiramdam na siyang alam ko na ang lahat.

"I needed to talk to you," iyon ang bungad ko sa kaniya nang makalapit ako.

He nodded, gesturing for me to enter. "Come in. Let's talk inside."

Nauna siyang pumasok at sumunod ako. Alam kong totoo ang lahat ng ipinakita sa akin nina Tita Chi kagabi tungkol kay Silas, pero alam ko rin namang wala siyang utang na eksplenasyon sa akin o ano pa. Despite what everyone assumed, there was nothing going on between Silas and me.

Totoong palagay ang loob ko sa kaniya dahil sa buong durasyon ng pananatili ko rito ay wala naman siyang ipinakitang masama sa akin. Maayos kung itrato niya ako, ganoon rin si Rye. Iyon naman ang mahalaga. Bukod pa sa nagsusumikap talaga siyang tugunan lahat ng pangangailangang emosyonal ng bata.

Sa malawak na library ng mansyon ako dinala ni Silas, naupo siya sa isang leather couch, at itinuro ang upuan sa tapat niya. Umupo rin ako, pilit na pinapanatiling kalmado ang aking kalooban.

"What is it that you need to discuss, Caice?" tanong niya, his eyes never leaving mine.

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "I know everything, Silas. The things you've been involved in. The truth about who you really are."

A flicker of something—anger, surprise, maybe even fear—passed through his eyes, but his expression remained composed. "And what truth is that?"

"That you're not just a businessman," sagot ko sa mas pinagtibay na tinig. "You are the leader of one of the most formidable cartels in the world, entangled in activities beyond my wildest comprehension."

He leaned back, his gaze steady. "And who told you this? Your family?"

"They showed me the files. The evidence. Everything."

I tried to search it in me. Did I feel betrayed? Hindi siguro. Walang namamagitan sa amin ni Silas. Wala kaming malalim na koneksyon bukod sa parehong damdamin at pag-aalalang meron kami para kay Rye. Bukod doon ay wala na.

Was I hurt that he didn't tell me about this?

No.

I was worried for Rye.

Iyon ang nararamdaman ko.

Siguro'y dahil minsan na rin akong napaglihiman kaya hindi ko na alintala ang ganito. After everything that happened with my dad and Hans, I came to realize that you couldn't always get the truth from people. Kusang ibinibigay iyon, if you were deemed worthy of it.

"And what do you plan to do with this information, Caice? Turn me in? Run away?" Diretsahang tanong ni Silas. Wala siyang inamin o tinanggi.

Magmumukha lang akong tanga kung gagawin ko ang parehong sinabi niya. I wouldn't turn him in because I was so sure the authorities already knew everything he'd been up to. At bakit naman ako tatakbo? Silas wouldn't dare touch me dahil lang alam ko ang sikreto niya.

Umiling ako. "When I asked you if you knew why Rye called you a monster... Why didn't you tell me the truth? You knew why your son thought of you as a monster."

"Because the truth is dangerous," he said simply. "And I didn't want you to be part of that danger. I wanted to protect you."

Why would he want to protect me?

Tila nahuhulaan niya ang tanong na iyon. Makahulugan siyang ngumiti. "I like you, Caice. I hope I'm able to make you feel I care, because I do."

Huh? Gusto niya ako? Kailanman ay hindi ko pinag-isipan ng kung ano ang pakikitungo ni Silas sa akin. I thought he was kind to me because I cared for his son. Kung anumang klase ng pagkakagusto ang nararamdaman niya ay nasisiguro kong hindi ko iyon kayang suklian. I had reserved my heart even though I knew I shouldn't.

"You still lied to me," ang akusasyong iyon ang tanging nasabi ko.

He leaned forward, his eyes intense. "Yes. Because sometimes, ignorance is the only shield we have against the horrors of this world."

"By horrors... You mean you?" Tuya ko, matapang na sinalubong ang kaniyang mga mata. Isipin ko pa lang ang lahat ng krimeng ginawa niya. Lahat ng sakit na idinulot niya sa ibang tao... Gustong-gusto ko nang tumakbo palayo.

Silas smirked, but for one fleeting second, I saw an indescribable emotion cross his eyes before they darkened with indifference.

Muli siyang sumandal sa kaniyang kinauupuan, diretso pa rin ang tingin sa aking mga mata. His demeanor shifting to one of cold detachment.

"Pack your things and leave," he said flatly.

"I wanted to talk to you about Rye," agap kong sabi bago ko pa makalimutan ang tunay kong sadya. "What happens to him?"

Silas's eyes narrowed, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flash of something—regret, perhaps? But it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "Your job here is done. Now leave and run for your life. Run, because I'm on the verge of imprisoning you until you reciprocate whatever it is I'm feeling for you."

I stood there, stunned by his words. Tahasan ang pag-amin niya ng kung anong nararamdaman niya sa akin. Bigla ay naisip ko ang sinabi nina Tita Chi sa akin kagabi. Maaaring sadya ito. He was trying to play with my emotions dahil nga naman ay puwedeng puwede niya akong gamitin if he had desires to infiltrate this country. He could use me, and he would. That was without a doubt.

"What are you talking about, Silas? Why are you doing this?"

Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan at maipaliwanag ay ang sinseridad na nakabalatay sa kaniyang anyo. It was as though he meant it the way I understood it.

"Because you've seen too much, and you've come too close," he replied, his voice icy. "I can't afford to have you here anymore. You're a liability. And as for Rye, he'll be fine. He's my son, and I'll take care of him."

My heart ached at the thought of leaving Rye with Silas and this kind of life. But there was very little I could do. Rye was still Silas's son. He was his responsibility. Ang tanging magagawa ko lang ay magtiwalang hindi pababayaan ni Silas na mapariwara si Rye.

"Silas, please," hindi ko napigilang makiusap. "Rye is just a child. He deserves a chance at a normal life. Don't keep him in your world of crime."

Kung sana'y puwede ko lang hingin sa kaniya si Rye. Kung sana'y puwedeng ako na lang ang kumalinga doon sa bata. I would give Rye the love and care he so deserved.

Silas's gaze hardened. "This is his legacy, Caice. He was born into it, just like I was. And he will learn to navigate it, just like I did."

"But he deserves better! You knew your son deserves better!" I argued, my voice rising with desperation. I felt so frustrated dahil alam kong kahit ano pang gawin ko ay hindi ko maiaalis si Rye sa nakatakda niyang hinaharap. "He deserves a chance to be free from all of this. From you..."

"You have no say in this, Caice. Rye is my son, and I will raise him as I see fit. Now pack your things and leave before I change my mind about letting you go." He dismissed me.

Inilipat niya na ang tingin sa kung saan. The finality in his words hit me like a physical blow. I felt my eyes fill with tears for Rye, for the future that awaits him.

"Fine," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "But know this, Silas. You may be able to control Rye's life, but you can't control his heart. One day, he will see you for what you really are, and he will hate to be just as rotten as you are. Rye will choose his own path."

Silas's expression remained impassive. Maybe he recognized the truth in my words. He stood up and walked to the door, opening it for me.

"Go now, Caice. Before I change my mind," he said quietly.

I took a deep breath and walked past him, feeling a mixture of anger, sadness, and resignation. I couldn't... I couldn't save Rye.

Mabilis kong kinuha ang aking mga gamit. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan si Rye pero nasisiguro kong sinadya ni Silas na hindi ko ito makita. It made things easier, dahil baka kung makita ko pa si Rye ay hindi ko mapigilan na isama itong paalis.

As I stepped outside, the cool air hit my face, and I realized that this was it. This was the end of my time here. I had to leave Rye behind and hope that one day, he would find his way out of this darkness.

Reid and Lance were waiting a few blocks away from the mansion. Parehong tahimik na nag-oobserba lamang ang dalawa. Tinulungan ako ni Reid sa aking mga gamit at nang tanungin ako kung kay Icen ba nila ako ihahatid ay umiling ako.

"I need to see my mom, Reid."

I had bigger concerns, at si Mommy ang isa sa mga iyon. Kailangan niya ako. Lalong lalo ngayon.

Tumango lamang siya bago paandarin ang sasakyan. Si Lance naman ay sandali akong nilingon, there was a small smile on her face as if telling me that everything would eventually fall back into place.

I smiled back.

As we drove away, I couldn't help but look back at the mansion one last time. I prayed silently for Rye's safety and for the strength to move forward. I had to believe that somehow, things would work out. That somehow, Rye would find his way to a better life.

Hindi pa nakakaparada ng ayos ang sasakyan ni Reid sa driveway ay naroon na agad si Mommy, nakatayong naghihintay sa akin. Tinawagan kasi siya kanina ni Lance habang nasa byahe para sabihin na darating kami.

I barely waited for the car to come to a complete stop before I jumped out. "Mom!" I called out, my voice breaking with emotion.

Kagabi ay hindi ko siya nalapitan. Hindi ko siya nayakap. Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang akyatin sa kaniyang silid nang malaman ko ang kaniyang kondisyon ay hindi ko ginawa. Alam kong mas kailangan niyang magpahinga.

Mom ran towards me, her arms wide open. As soon as I reached her, she wrapped me in a tight embrace. For the longest time, I felt like I was finally home, safe in my mother's arms. All the tension, the fear, the anger—it all melted away in that moment.

"My baby girl," Mom whispered, nanginginig ang kaniyang tinig at halatang handang umiyak anumang sandali. "Oh, how I missed you!"

"I'm here, Mom. I'm here," I replied, holding her even tighter. "I'm so sorry for everything."

"Shh," she soothed, pulling back slightly to look at me. Her eyes were filled with tears, but there was a gentle smile on her lips. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

We stood there for a moment, just holding each other, before she guided me inside the house. Reid and Lance followed us, giving us space but staying close enough for in case we needed them.

"Si Uncle Vince po, Tita Nicole?" Tanong ni Lance habang pasunod kay Reid sa kusina.

"Nasa hotel, anak. Kasama ni Icen," Mom responded, pero hindi niya inaalis ang tingin niya sa akin na para bang natatakot na kapag ginawa niya ay mawawala akong muli.

Mom led me to the living room and we sat down on the couch. She held my hands in hers.

Sa loob ng siyam na taon ay inalagaan ko ang galit sa puso ko para kay Dad at para rin sa kaniya. I never understood Mom and her eagerness to protect Dad, to stay with him despite knowing everything he had done.

Ganoong ba talaga ang pag-ibig? Kahit ang matatalino ay nagiging tanga?

She traced the contours of my face with her fingers, her touch gentle but trembling. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she let them fall freely.

Bigla ay para akong nanghina.

"Oh, my Caice," gumaralgal ang kaniyang tinig sanhi ng pag-iyak. "I missed you so much. I missed holding you like this. It broke my heart to see you, to know you were there but never being able to reach you."

I felt my own tears begin to well up. "Mom, I'm so sorry. I was so angry and confused. I didn't know how to deal with everything."

She shook her head, a sad smile on her lips. "You don't need to apologize, sweetheart. I understand. I always understood why you felt the way you did. It was so hard, seeing you drift away and not being able to pull you back."

"Why did you stay with Dad, Mom?" Hindi ko napigilang itanong. "Why did you stay with him? After knowing everything he did, how could you stay?"

Her eyes softened as she looked at me, her expression filled with a mixture of sorrow and love. "Because, Caice, love isn't always logical. It isn't always easy. I stayed because I believed in your father. And because I loved him, despite his flaws. But most importantly, I stayed for you and Icen."

She held my hand more tightly, her grip warm and reassuring.

"Caice, please, don't give up on your father. He loves you and Icen more than anything in the world. Just open your eyes, and you will see how much he has sacrificed for our family."

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong sakripisyo ang tinutukoy niya.

"He's done so many terrible things. How can you ask me to forgive him?" Halos bulong na lamang iyong lumabas sa aking mga labi. Hanggang ngayon ay galit pa rin ako kay Dad at hindi ko sigurado kung kaya ko siyang patawarin.

She sighed, her eyes filled with a deep sadness. "I'm not asking you to forgive him right away. I know it will take time. But I'm asking you to try to understand. Your father has made mistakes, terrible ones. But he's also tried to protect us in his own way. He's fought to keep our family safe, even if his methods were wrong."

I looked down at our joined hands, my mind racing. "I just don't know if I can, Mom. I don't know if I can look past everything he's done."

Pumatay siya ng mga tao. Mga inosenteng pamilya.

"I just don't know if I have it in me, Mom. It's so hard."

She nodded, her own eyes brimming with tears. "Hindi kita pipilitin, anak. Basta huwag mo na lang akong lalayuan ulit. Nakikiusap ako..."

Muli ay mahigpit kong niyakap si Mommy. Marami pang luha ang namagitan sa aming dalawa, lalo nang mapag-usapan namin ang sakit niya. Ngayong lang siya na-diagnose at nasa early stages pa kaya agad rin ang mga treatment niya. Kumpleto sa lahat ng pangangailangan niya dahil hindi siya pinababayaan ni Dad. I knew Dad couldn't live without Mom, just as she couldn't live without him. Kaya kahit paano ay nakampante akong gagawin ni Daddy ang lahat para mapanatiling maayos ang lagay ni Mommy.

I noticed the changes caused by her chemo. Her hair was thinner, and there were slight dark circles under her eyes. Her cheeks were a bit more hollow, showing the toll the treatments were taking on her. Despite all this, she still managed to be the most beautiful woman I knew.

"I'm feeling tired, Caice," Mom said softly. "I think I'd like to rest now."

I nodded, immediately ready to help her. "Okay, Mom. Let's get you to bed."

I gently supported her as we walked to her room. I could feel the weight of her fatigue with each step, but I tried to be strong, to transfer some of my strength to her through my touch. When we reached her bedroom, I carefully helped her lie down and adjusted her pillows to make her comfortable.

"Mom, you have to promise me that you'll fight this," I said as I tucked her in. "You can beat this. We're all here for you—Dad, Icen, and me. Lalabanan natin 'to."

She gave me a tired but loving smile. "I promise, Caice. I'll fight. For all of you, and for myself."

I held her hand, feeling the slight tremble in her grip. "I know you can do it, Mom. Get some rest now. I'm right here, I won't leave you."

She nodded and closed her eyes, beginning to drift off to sleep. I sat by her side, watching her breathe steadily. Each breath, each quiet moment, was a testament to her strength. I knew the battle ahead was long and arduous, but I also knew she was a fighter.

Kaya ni Mommy 'to. Kayang-kaya niya.

After making sure Mom was comfortable and sleeping soundly, I quietly left her room. As I descended the stairs, I was surprised to hear Kourtney's voice coming from the kitchen. Curiosity piqued, I followed the sound and found her talking to Lance. They seemed engrossed in their conversation.

I paused at the doorway, a small smile forming on my lips at the sight of Kourtney being there for Mom. It warmed my heart to see my family rallying together in this difficult time. Tutuloy na sana ako sa loob nang malinaw na marinig ang sinabi ni Kourtney.

"Seriously? Sa birthday ni Uncle Exodus balak mag-announce ng engagement ni Audrey?"

"That's what Ethan said. Alam mo naman ang isang iyon, hindi nahuhuli sa balita."

"I still can't believe Audrey is getting married! At sa Hans pang iyon, huh! He really wouldn't stop targeting a De Salvo, would he? Hindi siya umubra noon, tapos susubukan naman niya ang isa pa ngayon." Nasa tinig ni Kourtney ang pang-uuyam. "Kunsabagay, Uncle Exodus is more lenient than Uncle Vince."

The words hung in the air like a dense fog, clouding my thoughts and making it difficult to process what I was hearing. Audrey and Hans?

No...

The shock hit me like a tidal wave, pulling me under and leaving me gasping for breath.

I stood there, frozen in place, as the news settled in. My mind raced, trying to piece together how this could have happened.

"But Hans seemed successful now," tinig na ni Lance iyon. "So, maybe, he wasn't after anything with Audrey. Isa pa, ang alam ko ay they're friends even before."

That was possible. Nagtrabaho rin si Hans kanila Uncle Exodus noon. But God! Audrey was way younger than I was back then! Imposibleng noon pa ay meron nang sila dahil merong kami!

Why was this bothering me so much?

Ano kung nagkagustuhan nga sila?

Inaasahan ko ba talaga na sa nakalipas na siyam na taon ay hindi nagmahal ng iba si Hans?

Nanghihina akong napaatras sa tangka kong pagpasok sa kinaroroonan ng mga ito. Memories of my time with Hans flooded back, mingling with the confusion and hurt I felt now. We had shared so much, and despite the way things ended, there was a part of me that still cared for him. Knowing he was moving on with my cousin was a bitter pill to swallow.

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm my racing heart. Bigla akong dinagsa ng ala-ala ng nakalipas... Seven years ago... The night I last saw Hans.

Maingat kong ipininid pasara ang pinto ng aking silid at bumaba na ng engrandeng hagdan. Medyo maraming tao sa baba ngayon, nagkakasayahan ang lahat. We were celebrating Kade's graduation. Sabay sana nang sa akin, kaya lang sinabihan ko sina Uncle Roy at Mama Nae na hindi ko kailangan iyon.

Nauna ang commencement exercise ng course namin sa kanila. Noong nakaraang Biyernes pa ang sa amin, ang sa kurso naman ni Kade ay kaninang hapon kaya ngayon ang selebrasyon.

"Bakit? Natatakot ka ba sa Dad ko? Ano kung mahuli niya tayo?" si Kourtney iyon habang hinihila palabas ng mansion si Jeric.

Sa hardin ang tungo nila. I wondered what they would do there. Madilim ang bahaging iyon dahil dito sa loob ang kasiyahan. Kahapon lang umuwi sina Kourtney, gusto nilang naririto ang buong pamilya para kay Kade.

I remembered my graduation. I didn't ask my parents to come. Sa halip ay si Uncle Roy ang naroon. Dapat lang naman dahil sa loob ng dalawang taon, sila ni Mama Nae ang tumulong at kumupkop sa akin dito sa villa.

Tuluyan nang nawala sa paningin ko sina Kourtney, napailing na lamang ako. Gusto ko sana siyang pagsabihan, pero paano? Hindi naman na kami nag-uusap. Hindi ko na rin matandaan kung paanong nagsimula ang pag-iiwasan namin, pero siguro'y ako ang may gawa noon. Tinaasan ko ang mga barikada ko matapos ang nangyari sa akin.

"Congratulations," nakangiting bati ko kay Kade. I kissed his cheek and handed him my gift. "Sana magamit mo!"

Ngumisi si Kade, hindi na kailangan pang buksan ng husto ang paper bag dahil sapat na ang pasimpleng pagsilip sa bahagyang awang noon upang malaman na isang sumbrerong buli ang laman noon.

"Pasensya ka na, wala pa akong pera, eh. Kapag nagtrabaho na ako ay papalitan ko 'yan ng mas magandang klase." Ngisi ko sa kaniya.

"Ayos na ayos 'to, ano ka ba?" Masuyong niyang sabi bago ako balingan ng tingin. "Salamat, Caice. Magagamit ko nga itong madalas."

"Sana lang ay huwag puro trabaho ang atupagin mo ngayong tapos ka na sa pag-aaral," medyo sinimangutan ko siya bago tuksuhin. "Mag-girlfriend ka rin! Tumulad ka kanila Oxygen! Huwag nga lang sobra-sobra!"

Humalakhak si Kade at inakbayan ako. "Ikaw ba? Handa ka na ba ulit magpatawad?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa kaniyang tanong. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Isasatinig ko pa lang sana iyon nang ikiniling niyang bahagya ang kaniyang ulo sa bukana ng nakabukas na double doors.

My heart skipped a beat as my eyes followed Kade's subtle gesture. There, standing awkwardly at the entrance, was Hans. He looked out of place amidst the sea of finely dressed guests, ang nakagawiang bihis niya na pantalong maong at simpleng puting t-shirt ang siyang suot niya. His hair was tousled, as if he had run his hands through it multiple times. His eyes scanned the room, searching for something—or someone.

Ako?

Ako ba ang hanap mo, Hans?

It had been two years since I last saw him. Two years since I left him in San Vicente without giving him the chance to explain himself. Months after that, my anger had lessened, and my eagerness to reconcile had grown. But Hans never came back to San Jose. The last I heard from Kade was that he had continued his studies in Puerto Princesa.

Tinigilan na rin siya ni Dad, napayapa rin ang buhay niya nang iwan ko siya.

I did cause him that trouble.

I did cause him that chaos.

He shifted on his feet, clearly feeling the weight of the stares and whispers directed at him. Kalat na kalat rin kasi talaga sa buong bayan ang nangyari sa aming dalawa, ang gulo naming dalawa. My chest tightened at the sight of him. Mas lalo kong napatunayan sa sarili ko na labis nga ang pangungulila ko sa kaniya.

Kade squeezed my shoulder gently. "Go talk to him, Caice. Alam kong matagal mo na siyang gustong lapitan. Ako na ang bahala kay Uncle Vince."

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. I knew I couldn't avoid this moment forever. Slowly, I made my way through the crowd, my gaze fixed on Hans. As I approached, he spotted me. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulang kausapin siya, lalo nang hindi ko mabasa ang ekspresyon ng kaniyang mga mata.

Sandaling bumaba ang kaniyang mga mata sa suot kong kwintas at mas dumausdos pa iyon patungo sa aking palapulsuhan. Hindi ko naman inalis sa akin ang lahat ng bigay niya. Iningatan ko pa rin iyon at minahal kahit pa galit ako sa kaniya.

"Hans," iyon pa lang ang lumalabas sa aking bibig ay parang gusto ko ng umiyak sa labis na pangungulila sa kaniya. Mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya. "It's been a while."

He nodded, looking down at his feet. "Yeah, it has."

Binalita sa akin ni Kade noong nakaraan na nakapagtapos rin ito. Hindi ko nga lang sigurado kung paano dahil alam ko na hindi na nabalik pa sa kaniya ang scholarship under the De Salvo Foundation. Hindi na rin naman siya nagtrabaho pa rito sa rancho at ang talyer ng tiyo niya ay hindi na rin muling nagbukas.

Pero kunsabagay, madiskarteng tao si Hans. Kayang-kaya niyang mag-survive sa kahit saan, at kahit anong pagsubok. Kinapa ko ang aking dibdib ngunit wala na akong maramdamang galit para sa kaniya.

I studied his face, searching for anything. Pero wala. Wala na iyong kislap sa kaniyang mga mata na palagi kong nakikita noon... Iyong pagmamahal kaya na inilaan niya sa akin... Naroon pa?

Dumarami ang napapabaling sa amin kaya medyo nailang na ako. Hindi pa rin kumikilos si Hans kaya naman ako na ang kumuha sa kamay niya atsaka siya hinila palabas, binitawan ko lamang siya nang makababa na kami mula sa front porch. Nagpatiuna rin akong naglakad patungo sa nakahilerang mga sasakyan ng mga bisita sa palibot ng mansyon.

Ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya sa akin, nanatili siya sa likod ko, hindi ako sinasabayan.

"I've thought about you every day, Hans..." Ako naman ang unang umalis, baka tama lang rin na ako ang unang bumalik.

Sana...

Sana may babalikan pa ako.

"Hinintay kitang bumalik ng San Jose... Hinintay kitang habulin ako nang tumakbo ako. Hindi mo ginawa..."

"Kung hinabol nga kita, hindi ka nga ba aalis?" Tahimik niyang tanong.

Muli ay binalikan ko ang araw na iyon. Ang sakit. Ang galit na nararamdaman ko. Umiling ako. "Pero humupa ang bugso ng emosyon ko, Hans. At sa paghupang iyon, hinanap kita. Ginusto kong naroon ka. But you weren't there. You didn't come for me..."

"If I had come back, I would've only ruined the peace that had settled right after the chaos. You needed time to heal, and I didn't want to disrupt that."

I turned to face him fully, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill. "I didn't want peace, Hans. I wanted the rainbows. I wanted you. But you weren't there."

Hans looked at me, his face void of any emotions, a mask of stoic detachment.

I steadied my voice, mustering all the courage I had. "I love you, Hans. I love you still. And if you would ask me to leave and be with you now, I would come with you. Sasama ako, kahit saan... Kahit saan."

I tossed my pride out the window. Gusto ko nang bumalik... Bumalik siya sa akin.

He didn't move. He just shook his head, and my heart sank.

"Why?" I whispered, desperation creeping into my voice. "Hindi mo na ba ako mahal, Hans?"

Bigla akong pinanlamigan. Napuno ng takot ang aking dibdib. Parang hindi ako makahinga.

His eyes softened for a fleeting moment, but then the stoic mask returned. "Hindi lang naman ito tungkol sa pagmamahal, Caice. The chaos wouldn't end if we kept fueling it by being together. I came here to say goodbye, to let you know that I didn't use you. Hindi kita ginamit. Kahit kailan... Hindi. What I felt for you was real, but it's just not worth jeopardizing everything."

My breath hitched, the pain in my chest almost unbearable. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Hindi sapat na mahal namin ang isa't isa kung masisira naman at magugunaw ang lahat ng pinaghirapan niya? Ang mga pangarap niya? Akala ko ba ako ang pangarap niya? Sabi niya 'yun, eh. Ako!

"So that's it? You're just going to walk away?"

Hindi siya nagsalita. Pinagmasdan niya lamang ako.

I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Mahal kita, Hans... Mahal na mahal kita. Oo, nagalit ako sa'yo kasi nasaktan ako, eh! Pero hindi naman nabago nu'n 'yung nararamdaman ko sa'yo. Ang tagal kong hinintay na puntahan mo ko rito. Kanina, nang makita kitang dumating... Umasa akong sinusundo mo na ako kasi hindi na ako galit. Please... Isama mo ako sa'yo. Sasama ako."

"Masasaktan ka lang sa'kin, Caice. Mahihirapan ka lang ng paulit-ulit..."

"Handa ako! Handa akong ipaglaban ka! Handa akong ipaglaban tayo!"

"I've seen what our relationship has done to you... Ayaw ko nang maulit."

I took a deep breath, trying to absorb his words. "So this is really goodbye?"

Bakit parang ayaw ko?

Ayaw kong bumitaw kahit bumigay na 'yung mismong kinakapitan ko.

He reached out, brushing a tear from my cheek. Tumango siya na para bang hindi niya kayang isatinig iyon. Na parang pati siya ay naduduwag.

"You were never just a chapter in my life. You were the whole book. Pero panahon na para isarado ito, Caice. Panahon na para magsimula ng panibago..."

"I don't know how to let you go, Hans." Basag na basag na ang tinig ko. Hinang-hina na ako.

"You're stronger than you think," he whispered.

With that, he turned and walked away, each step a dagger to my heart. I watched him go, the tears flowing freely now. The man I loved was leaving, and there was nothing I could do to stop him.

Mas lalo akong nanlumo nang mula sa entrada ng villa ay lumabas ang isang pamilyar na bulto. Sinalubong nito si Hans. Tuluyang nanlamig ang kalamnan ko nang matanto kung sino iyon.

Si Cynthia Almacen.

I had always imagined that after the chaos, there would be rainbows. But now, I realized that there were no rainbows. Just the deafening silence of a sudden death.