But the weather wasn't any better the next day. Sa halip ay mas lumakas pa ang ulan sa labas. Kaninang umaga ay napanuod namin ni Hans sa balita na signal number three ang buong Bicol region. Wala kami parehong nagawa kundi ang sumilip lamang sa bintana at panuorin kung paano wasakin ng bagyo ang dalampasigan.

I watched the chaos outside, the wind whipping the trees into a frenzy, the rain lashing against the windows with relentless force. The usually serene beach was now a tempestuous scene, waves crashing violently onto the shore. I couldn't stop thinking, When will the rainbows show up?

Natigil lang ako sa ganoong pag-iisip nang ilapag ni Hans sa window pane ang tasa ng mainit na tsokolateng itinimpla niya. Tapos ay naupo rin sa tabi ko bitbit ang sa kaniya na sa palagay ko ay kape ang laman.

"Salamat," kahit paano ay napanatag na ang loob ko kay Hans. Iniiwasan ko na lang rin isipin pa ang mga namagitan sa amin para hindi ako magulo. Sapat na 'yung bagyo sa labas, hindi na kinakailangan pang pati sa dibdib ko ay may kaguluhan.

Kinuha ko ang tasa at pinagsiklop iyon sa aking malalamig na mga palad. We sat in silence for a while, sipping our drinks and watching the storm rage outside. The hot chocolate was comforting, its warmth seeping into my bones, providing a small reprieve from the chilling reality of our situation.

"When will this end?" I finally whispered, more to myself than to Hans.

He glanced at me, his expression thoughtful. "Storms don't last forever, Caice. They pass, and then we rebuild."

I sighed, taking a deep sip of my hot chocolate. "It just feels like it's been storm after storm lately. Rainbows never showed up..."

Hans was quiet for a moment, contemplating my words. "Rainbows come after the rain. Sometimes it takes a while, but they always appear. Walang mintis, palaging dumarating."

I looked at him, his calm presence a stark contrast to the turmoil outside. "How do you do it? Stay so composed? Bakit parang ang dali-dali sa'yo na maging ganyan? Parang hindi ka naapektuhan."

"I've had my share of storms, Caice. You learn to weather them," simple niyang paliwanag.

I shook my head and let out a humorless laugh. "I've had mine too, Hans. And I always, always, break down. No matter how hard I thought I was. And I'm a psychologist!" I said, my frustration seeping through my voice. "Para tuloy sobrang hina ko."

"It doesn't make you weak, Caice. It makes you human. Everyone breaks down sometimes."

Gusto kong paniwalaan ang sinabi niya na hindi nga ako mahina, tao lang. Pero parang ang hirap, eh. Tuwina'y naiisip ko na may mas ilalakas pa ako. Hindi lang ito. Hindi natatapos sa ganito.

Hans noticed my contemplative silence and leaned forward slightly, his gaze gentle yet probing. "What happened to your dream of becoming a Marine Biologist?"

A small, rueful smile tugged at the corners of my lips. "Life happened. Plans change, circumstances shift. Pero natapos ko rin naman iyon. I have a double degree, kung gugustuhin kong balikan ay madali lang naman. Mas ginusto ko lang talagang pagbuhusan ng atensyon ang Psychology."

"You're a Psychologist now, huh." Hans stated, more than asked.

"Yeah," I admitted reluctantly, napaiwas ako ng tingin. Muli kong ibinalik ang aking mga mata sa kaguluhan sa labas. "I guess I realized I wanted to help people in a different way. And... well, sometimes you have to be there for yourself, too."

There it was, the unspoken truth lingering between us. I couldn't bring myself to say it outright—that since he left, no one had been there for me in the same way he used to be. Hans had been my anchor, my support, and losing him had left a void that I struggled to fill.

"And you," I said, turning the conversation back to him bago pa mapunta sa kung saan ang usapan. "You're a pilot now. That's quite a leap from where we left off."

Hindi ko maiwasang maalala kung paano kami nagsimula ni Hans. Kung paano siya nagsusumikap na pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at pagttrabaho para magkaroon ng magandang hinaharap. I used to be angry at him for leaving me for a cougar, may iilang beses ko pang naisip na kung ano siya ngayon ay dahil iyon sa suportang nakuha niya sa cougar niya. But deep down, I knew that Hans had worked so hard to be where he is now.

Kung may isang bagay na meron si Hans at wala ang lahat, iyon ay ang ibang klaseng determinasyon. Some people knew what they wanted but never truly had the drive to get it.

Kaya kahit paano ay masaya ako para sa kaniya. Kahit iniwan niya ako. Kahit nagkasakitan kami noon. Ang mahalaga ay natupad niya ang pangarap niya.

"I'm happy you reached your dream,"

Hans shook his head with a wry smile. "I'm just starting to chase my dream, Caice. It took me a while to have all the means to get what I really wanted."

I froze, the words hanging in the air between us like a delicate thread waiting to be unraveled. Hans's expression held vulnerability. Hindi ko iyon madalas na makita sa kaniya. Hindi ko rin maintindihan bakit kung titigan niya ako ay para bang nakasalalay sa akin ang katuparan ng pangarap niyang iyon.

"What was the dream you were chasing?" I asked cautiously. Part of me feared the answer, afraid of what it might mean for us, for our fragile truce.

He sighed, his gaze dropping momentarily before lifting to meet mine again. "I mean... I'm finally in a position to pursue what I really want,"

Confusion clouded my thoughts as I tried to piece together his cryptic statement. "Bakit pakiramdam ko ay dapat alam ko ang tinutukoy mo? Nabanggit mo ba sa akin noon?"

Kumibit lamang ang kaniyang mga balikat na para bang hinahayaan akong mag-analisa ng kaniyang sinabi. Nilingon ko siya, nagtama ang aming mga mata at husto niya akong tinitigan.

Hinalughog ko ang aking isipan kung saan nakaimbak ang lahat ng ala-ala namin ni Hans. Tapos ay may isang eksena na pinakanangibabaw sa lahat. I remembered telling him that once we got through everything ay maghahalikan na lang kami buong araw, in which he responded that's the dream.

Mahina akong natawa sa ala-alang iyon. It was such a simple, unexpected dream pero para sa amin ni Hans, noong mga panahong iyon, napakahirap na noong abutin. Naging masyadong imposible para sa amin ang katahimikan.

"What's funny?" Usisa niya, mataman akong pinagmamasdan.

Umiling ako, hindi ko pa alam kung dapat ko bang ibahagi pero wala namang masama. Baka pati siya ay matawa lang rin. He had outgrown that dream, alam ko.

"Wala, naalala ko lang 'yung isa sa mga naging usapan natin noon. Na kapag nalampasan natin lahat ng pinagdadaanan natin, maghahalikan lang tayo buong araw..." Natawa akong muli, unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang kapayapaan sa aking dibdib. Kahit alam kong sandali lang ay gumagaan ang loob ko habang kausap si Hans.

"Gusto mo 'yun, eh." Paalala niya na siyang nagpaikot sa aking mga mata. Yes, I was the one who brought that up. "Pero pangarap ko 'yun..."

Napangiti ako. Isa iyon sa mga ala-alang masakit balikan pero hinding hindi ko magagawang kalimutan. If only life had been kind to us, baka napagtagumpayan namin ang lahat hanggang huli.

"Hindi ko maisip, Hans. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pangarap na tinutukoy mo," sumusuko kong sabi. Niyuko ko ang tasa, naubos ko na pala ang tsokolate. Ibinaba ko iyon sa window pane at binalingan siya. Nagulat pa ako nang halos mapaso ako sa ginagawa niyang paninitig sa akin.

"Isa lang naman ang pangarap ko, eh. Bonus na lang ang iba pang mga kaakibat ng pangarap na iyon." Tahimik niyang sabi.

Hindi ko alam pero bigla ay bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso sa sinabi niyang iyon. Inalis ko sa kaniya ang aking tingin sa takot na baka mapansin niya ang epekto noon sa akin. Pinanatili ko lamang ang aking tingin sa labas ng binatana na para may kung anong sobrang interesante sa bawat hampas ng mga alon sa dalampasigan.

"Is it already too late?" Mas lumambing ang kaniyang tinig nang muling magsalita.

Was it too late for what, exactly? Too late for us? Too late to revisit what once was, to rewrite the chapters of our shared history? Gusto kong tawanan ang aking sarili dahil ito na naman ako. Parang umaasa na naman sa kung ano.

"It's never too late to chase your dreams," safe kong tugon dahil ayaw kong mag-assume.

"Is it too late to chase you?"

Hindi ako agad nakasagot sa tanong na iyon dahil sinisigurado ko pang tama nga ang narinig ko. Ang daming kung anu-anong damdamin ang nag-uunahan sa aking dibdib. Halos mabarag na iyon sa lakas ng tibok ng aking puso. Alam kong nakamasid sa akin si Hans, hindi ko nga lang siya magawang lingunin dahil natatakot ako. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa tanong na ibinato niya sa akin.

His words hung heavy in the air between us, sinking into my consciousness like stones dropped into a tranquil pond, rippling outward and disrupting the calm. I swallowed hard.

"I..." I started, my voice catching in my throat. How could I respond to that? How could I admit the truth that I had buried deep within me for so long?

"Huli na ba ko, Caice?" Mas malinaw niya pang tanong. Hindi na nakatiis at marahang inabot ang aking pisngi para ibaling ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Naroon sa kaniyang mga mata ang pagsusumamo, ang pagmamakaawa.

Hans waited patiently. Hindi pa rin kasi ako makahanap ng isasagot sa tanong na iyon. Para akong nanghihina, gusto kong isipin na nananaginip lang ako pero totoo, eh. Totoong totoo si Hans at narito siya ngayon sa aking harapan. His eyes searched mine for a glimpse of understanding, of reciprocation.

"I never stopped loving you, Caice," he continued softly, his thumb brushing against my cheek in a tender caress. "Even when I left, even when we were apart. I've carried you with me every day."

I stared into Hans's eyes, his words resonating deep within me na para bang iyon ang bubuo sa lahat ng damdaming ibinaon ko sa kalalimlaliman ng aking dibdib. Na para bang iyon ang tugon sa lahat. The sincerity in his gaze stirred memories long buried, emotions suppressed under layers of hurt and time. How could he still love me after everything that had happened? More importantly, how could I still love him, despite the scars he left on my heart?

Gustong kong paniwalaan. Gustong-gusto ko pero natatakot ako. I wanted to believe that his love endured, that perhaps, despite the mistakes of our past, there was still a chance for us.

But fear gripped me tightly, its tendrils winding around my heart with a relentless grasp. I had been hurt before—deeply, irreversibly. The pain of losing Hans had shattered me, leaving behind jagged pieces that I had painstakingly stitched back together over the years. Could I risk exposing those fragile mended parts to the possibility of being broken once more?

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to steady my tumultuous thoughts. The storm outside continued its relentless assault, mirroring the turmoil within me. The past and the present collided, weaving a tapestry of memories and emotions.

Nalilito lang si Hans. Katulad ko ay nadadala lang rin siya ng emosyon. It was the thought of being in the same room together after all those years. Iyon, 'yun lang ang natatanging eksplinasyong naiisip ko. We were both caught in a whirlwind of nostalgia and longing, mistaking it for something deeper.

Si Audrey.

Paano si Audrey?

Nanghihina akong umiling at buong pasya na nagsalita.

I hesitated, my heart heavy with the weight of my words. Hans sat across from me, his eyes searching mine, waiting for my response. The truth lay heavy on my tongue, but the lie was a necessary shield, a barrier against the vulnerability threatening to consume me once more.

"I... I stopped loving you a long time ago. I'm sorry if it took me this long to say it. I just... I couldn't take another chance with you."

His expression faltered, a flicker of hurt crossing his features before he masked it with a stoic facade I had grown to know.

I swallowed hard, the words tasting bitter and false on my lips. "There's someone else," I continued, my voice trembling slightly. "I love someone else now."

It wasn't a complete lie. I had learned to love myself again, to prioritize my own well-being and happiness. But Hans didn't need to know the complexities of that truth, the layers of healing and self-discovery that had brought me to this point.

Ako naman.

Gusto kong ako naman.