Wednesday, 22nd may, 2019.

"Psst!"

Startled, the highlighter fell from Laila's fingers to her table, down to the floor, her frightened gaze whizzing to Naimat. Naimat gestured at the door where one of the doctors stood, gripping the latch, a tight expression smeared on his face.

"Halima Amin?"

In pure respect and alarm, she stood erect, "Yes, sir?"

"Follow me."

Laila's heart skipped a beat, her gaze falling back to her colleague who lifted a perplexed brow at her. Why was she looking at her like that? Even she didn't know what was going on.

Nonetheless, Laila composed herself and muttered. "I'll be right back." Then walked out of the room with everyone's eyes paying attention to her gait. Once out, she took a deep breath, swallowing the last bit of saliva in her mouth before exhaling shakily.

She dipped her hands into her dress pocket and fisted them inside as she followed the doctor from the OBGYN department who had blatantly insulted her in one of their numerous cesarean section observation.

Laila alternated between biting the insides of her cheeks and her lips as he lead her through the hallway that connected the clinical academics site and the real clinic.

She exhaled another shaky breath just in time for the man to stop. She did too, only that she stopped breathing too. "We part here, the MD wants to see you."

MD?

MD?

MD?

Eyes wide as saucers, she pushed her head forward in question, voice shaky. "The uhm-the Md? Medi-medical director?"

In a dismissive grumble, the man barely acknowledged her as he started to walk away. "Did i stutter?"

Doctors and being angry, 5&6.

She blinked. Fast. Too fast. Then whizzed at the man that was about to take a corner, "Thank you, sir!" There was nothing thankful about what the asshole just did. But, if you knew what you were doing in medical school, you'd do well to remember every insult thrown at you must be received wholly, or else, well, wait until ward rounds or exams or attitudinal scoring came.

"Right!" She declared at no one in particular, revving her sweaty hands from her pocket and clapping.

As fast as she could, she walked to the said director's office. There, she knocked thrice and heard a, "Come in."

Laila fisted her hands, hard enough to draw blood as she took a second to brace herself. Once she felt it was enough, she unlatched the door and poked her head with a; "Salam'alaykum."

With a small smile, the aging man behind the chair in the lavish, large office threw her blessings back. "Wa'alaykumus Salam, Laila."

Masking the fact that she was about to shit her pants, she closed the door behind her and preceded with a fake smile that looked genuine. "Ina yini, Baba?"

"Lahia lau, Laila. How are you doing?" He gestured to the empty seats in front of his table. "Please, have a seat."

"Yes, sir." She nodded, answering the rest of their greetings before she sat on the chair. Now that he couldn't see much, she crossed her legs and clasped her shaky hands on her abdomen while making herself busy by bouncing her legs.

She already had so many shits rumbling in her head, so;

What did the man want?

Why was she called here?

Was what she was avoiding true?

Please, no.

"Do you know why i called you, Laila?" Well, if i did I won't be here almost shitting my pants, old hag.

But of course, she didn't say that. Instead, she rose her shoulders in focus,  "No, Baba. I have no idea."

He hummed, nodding and leaning forward with his palms coming to rest on his wooden desk. "You were reported...again."

You have got to be kidding me.

Laila's mouth hung agape at what this could mean. She could be facing possible expulsion for this. Especially with the way he said, again.

Slightly baffled, she pumped, "Sir?"

He ignored her confusion and with a calm, cautioning voice, he asked. "Tell me what happened between you and Doctor Nura around lunch break yesterday."

Laila sharply inhaled.

"I know you, Laila. Don't lie to me...I'm listening," he pumped, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Ok," She took another breath before uncrossing her legs to rub her palms against her thighs as she started to narrate. "Uhm, i met him first during my appointment. My-my cardio-therapy appointment, i was to take a shot and-and...well, because i am scared of needles and was struggling with the nurse, he offered to give me the shots and lift my punishment if I don't freak out."

"What punishment?"

She opened her mouth to speak rapidly but decided against it, instead, she let her chest heave downwards before she answered. "He and Conso Patrick were punishing me with 4-hour male ward rounds because they kept asking me questions at ward rounds and i kept giving wrong answers or not answering because i was distracted."

He nodded, flickering his gaze to his fingers and then back at her before motioning with his hand. "Go on."

"Yes. So, I left. I was here with Sudais and we got lunch and,-"

"Do i know him?"

She shook her head, "No, sir. You don't." He is my husband, or was he really? He gave no reply so she took that a cue to go on. "In short, Sudais left and i was at the parking lot when Nurain showed up. We started talking...and..."

The man was one impatient man as not a few more seconds of her silence and he pushed her. "And then?"

"And then," she brought a hesitant hand to her shoulder, "He started to massage uh...my-my shoulders. Um-then...then he like kept going lower," her hand went in sync with her words until it was on her waist, "Then, he like grabbed my waist and pulled me...pulled me into him. But not in a hug, it was-"

"But the person that saw you two said you were very close, hugging even."

Laila pursed her lips, blinking before nodding. "Yeah, yeah. We did-he hugged me. But the thing is...um-we got into a fight," she added, gently bringing her hand to scratch the back of her neck as she avoided eye contact.

"Was it before or after the hug?"

"It was both, Sir."

The man took his time slanting backward as he nodded to himself, gathering his facts before clearing his throat and advancing. "Laila,"

"Sir."

"A student reported you."

Laila couldn't help herself, she almost snapped. "Which student?"

He narrowed his eyes at her and she cast her head down, "I'm sorry."

He blinked and nodded at her apology. "You don't need to know, but, it's a clinical student. They don't know your relationship with Nurain. But, the university and the clinic's reputation is at stake here, you realize that right?"

Laila agreed but didn't hold back her thought, even if it was now partly a lie. "Doesn't the university acknowledge our relationship by now?"

The man sighed. "Technically, yes. But, the clinic doesn't approve a doctor-patient relationship, or a doctor-lecturer-student relationship, no matter the title. This is also the 3rd time this is being reported. Laila...you and Nurain are very reckless wallahi," he removed his glasses to massage his sore eyes and in attention, Laila mimicked by removing her glasses and rubbing her eyes too. "You 2 have been putting me in a difficult position all because i am Nurain's uncle. I had to handle you myself this time, they wanted to send you off to your university's dean and registrar but i intercepted. You know what this means, right?"

"That it was an innocent mistake, Baba." Laila reasoned in a soft voice.

"I still have to take action. I have to punish you so you stop these reckless games of yours. Do you understand?"

Laila nodded while unconsciously biting the moisturized skin of her lower lip.

"It is not a doctor-patient relationship. Nor is it a lecturer-student illicit relationship. I just need to incarcerate you two."

"We'll accept any punishment you give sir, and, we'll be more careful."

"You have to. I'm going to be putting you on a 2 days disciplinary suspension with no added liberty. Any assessment you miss will not be made up for you. As for Nurain, he'll also have a 2-day disciplinary medical restriction with no added liberty."

Mouth agape, she thrust her head forward. "You've already talked to him?"

"Yes. He was the one who begged me to take your case from your deen and registrar and give you a mild punishment."

Laila then nodded in understanding before the man started again. "Pack your bag and get your suspension statement in the next office." Having concluded his statement, he pushed his chair back but didn't stand until Laila did.

With a small squat, she gave gratitude. "Thank you, sir."

Back at the clinic, the tutorial going on had ended so she packed her bag and ignored poor Naimat who always got the cold shoulder from Laila whenever she was going through her most emotional moments. This was one.

"I appreciate you, Naimat. But, i just got suspended and I'll see you in 2 days," She added a lie, "I also don't have the full information but I'll call you." She wouldn't call her. If Laila told you she'd call you, just go on with your life, please.

Despite wanting to protest, Naimat nodded and pulled Laila into a hug. She figured the girl needed it. Despite not being a huggy person-or at the least disguised as one, Laila wrapped a tight arm around her and sighed.

"I don't know what's wrong, but you're going to be alright."

Naimat didn't know about it or else she wouldn't be that optimistic.

Laila scoffed, sniffling as she shook her head. "I doubt I'll ever be."

Naimat's hand mildly rose to spank Laila on her back. "Don't say that!"

Laila chuckled despite her now gathered tears. "Okay, miss Naimat optimism."

She waved at Naimat as she hastily took off back to the clinic.

She contemplated what to do first, visit someone or get her suspension papers first? She decided to do the latter first. And did just that.

Checking the time, she hoped she wasn't late as she took a deep breath. Without the care that she was in a clinic, she banged on the door instead of knocking.

The person on the other end took their time letting Laila bounce her legs and fiddle with her fingers, the metallic taste of blood draining down her throat as she bit the insides of her cheeks hard, before finally opening the door.

The frown on Nurain's face fell and was replaced with a smile.

"Hi. You-"

She shoved her suspension envelope into his chest and pushed past him into the office she had memorized like the back of her hand. She dropped her bag, reached for the water bottle on his table, and chucked the whole content down with some dripping down her chin to her hijab.

"You have got to stop doing that. You don't drink water when you're juggling and you know that!"

She ignored his caution as she carelessly threw the empty bottle to the other side of the office and walked to him to the door. She clicked the door pin in before roughly grabbing him to pull him with her. He stood his ground and she tugged harder. When she figured the stupid man wasn't going to move, she nodded, crossing her arms in defense as she tried not to yell. "Tell me what you said yesterday about not divorcing me was a joke."

He casually walked and placed the envelope on his piled-up table before taking a seat on his swivel chair. "What makes you think I'd joke about that?"

Placing firm hands at the adjacent edges of his table, she leaned down and slanted forward. Eyes squinted and mind telling her to jump him, she suppressed her inner demons and asked instead. "How? Why?"

Suddenly, he had a change in visage; brows furrowing, he slammed his hands on the table but didn't get a flinch from Laila. "Are you serious? Did you read my text?"

"No, i told you to divorce me on text since your coward ass can't say it and when i saw a text notification from you, i opened the app, closed my eyes, and wiped every message. I couldn't bring myself to read your divorce text." Admittedly, her voice lowered with each passing word until it was just above a whisper. She hated talking about it. It was that bad.

He sighed, lifting his leg to revive his phone from his pocket. He swiped and scrolled and did whatever he did before shoving his phone at her face.

Laila glanced between the phone and Nurain. He nodded for her to take it and she did, standing straight as she read what was in the text sent to dear old, 'Love Of My Life'

What i did was unforgivable. I know you will have a hard time forgiving this. It's not something you just forgive right away. I'm only letting you go now because I don't deserve your forgiveness. But, please, come back whenever you've calmed down. I'll wait, however long. I'm sorry.

Sent at 8:07pm, Sunday, 10th September, 2018.

That was it?

The last 8 months of her life was all a lie?

Laila's hands finally un-paralyzed as she flew one to her chest and felt her legs turn into jello. She caught the table to prevent herself from falling. Turning frantically around, she realized it wasn't a nightmare and she had nowhere to escape. Her only option was to slouch on the seat behind her.

It didn't feel like she had drained a bottle of water down her throat just a minute ago as her throat and mouth went dry and she brought her trembling hands under her hijab to scratch her throat while frantically shaking her head.

Afraid she'd sob and someone would hear her, she covered her trembling lips as she choked on nothing but air. Air thick and suffocating from around her, she dropped his phone on the table and abruptly dashed for the door.

At the door, she froze at Nurain's warning.

"You can't go out like that!"

He was right. Damn the bastard.

She whizzed around, hands flying to hold unto something, anything and it finally caught Nurain's shirt.

"Stop, Laila. You need to stop and calm down."

"Calm down?" She whispered, fisting the fabric of his shirt, eyes rolled to the back of her head in fatigue and disbelief. "Calm down, you say..."

Her chest heaving hard and fast meant no good, as such, he groaned before pulling her with him to the balcony, into the little space before gently releasing Laila's waist when he was sure she was going to land on the chair. He made himself comfortable on the opposite one. They both needed the air. Laila could go into crisis and his brain could shut down.

He let her have her moment and watched. He didn't enjoy it, but he watched her bounce her legs, her head thrown back as she gazed at the sky with teary eyes, flaring nose, trembling lips, and her hands held atop top of her head as her chest heaved heavily.

Nurain watched Laila struggle not to cry but she eventually failed. She let out a loud wail that had him on his knees in front of her in an instant, shaking her thighs as he tried to pull her out of whatever trance she was sucked into. "Laila, please, calm down. Calm down!"

"Calm down," She repeated, nodding and biting her lower lips. "Calm down, he said!" She wailed, spreading her arms in utter doom and then bringing them on top of her head. "Calm down he is telling you, Laila."

She couldn't sit. The seat was biting her ass.

She abruptly stood and paced back and forth as much as the small balcony could allow her, monsters, demons, beasts all feasting on her and all she could manage to do was internally curl and cower.

Nurain stood up, hoisting careful hands toward her. "You need to calm down."

She whipped to him. "Calm? Be calm?"

"Yes, i need you to calm down."

She frantically nodded. "You need me to calm down? I'm calm."

The next strings of words all came out fast and blurred.

"Oh, you're calm?"

"Yes, yes, I'm calm."

"This is you calm?"

"Yes, this is me being calm."

"Oh, oh. Well, you seem worked up to me."

"Wh-what-what do you want me to do?"

"Calm down."

She got in his face, spontaneous saliva flying out of her mouth. "How can i calm down? Fucking calm down you say?" She motioned an angry arm at the sky, "I've been living a lie for the past 8 months. I thought you divorced me. I thought i finished my Iddha. I thought i was married to Sudais. Hell, i thought he could be something-we could be something. But most importantly, i. thought. I. Was. Free. From. You! And you're telling me to calm down? To hell with calm! Bura uban calm, Nurain! Shi calm in nace yaci ubansa!" That was the first time in plain sight she had no remorsefully cursed him out in Hausa language and to say he was shocked was an understatement.

He stood frozen, mouth agape and she stood shaking with rage in a staring contest that she was hellbent on winning.

He snapped out of it and his visage softened as he reached to touch her. She aggressively pushed his hands off her as she pointed a dancing index at him. "Don't. Don't come close to me! You hear me?"

They made eye contact again, only this time, his wasn't an angry one, it was a seeking one.

Stupid man, selfish man!

He managed to grab her index that was at his face as he slowly dragged them down and nodded. "Babe, You don't want to do this. Okay?"

Laila let out a loud groan as she stomped her feet and brought her arms over her face to shield it. Hopefully shield away from the truth, but she knew she couldn't anymore.

Reality hit her.

Her anger was fruitless. It couldn't do shit.

She snail likely shrank from her knees and Nurain was quick to catch her in a hug although he didn't keep them up. He let them fall to the floor with Laila's face buried between his laps as she sobbed her misery, her unending doom, hollered at fate, cursed Daddy, cursed everything and everyone in her life.

Although muffled, he could still make out a few words she was saying.

"N-no. No-no! Daddy-daddy is going! He is going to kill me. Su-sudais...the man! How? Why-what did i do? What. Have. I. Done?"

He cooed at her as he raced his palms on her back, soothingly. "You didn't do anything, baby. It's my fault. But, It's okay now. We're going to get through this together." he groaned as he pulled her by her upper arms and the volume of her sobs increased now that she wasn't burying them.

The sight of her smeared-up face yanked and squeezed his heart out, vampire style. Tears mixed with mucus were spread on her face every which way as she blinked her bloodshot eyes and sniffled, only to let out another wail.

"I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked, Nurain."

He was there for her and she needed to so he shook his head, shaking her. "You're not. Okay? I am here and I'll fix this."

She nodded, croaking. "Plea...please do. Fix me-just divorce me. Please! Nobody has to know. I'll-I'll tell S-s-..." she couldn't even say his name without wanting to die right then.

Nurain's idea of fixing everything wasn't like that. He stood firm on his words, he was keeping her at all costs. As such, his movements froze before he was shaking his head. "No. That's not what I meant. I stand by my words, Laila. I'm not going to let you go."

She inched forward and clasped her trembling palms against each other Indian style before she closed her eyes, body quivering back and forth. "You have to. Please."

"No! I won't."

"Please!" She croaked, moving back to rest her forehead on the floor beneath him, her cries and requests not faltering. "Please. Please. Ju-just divorce...divorce me, Nurain. Please-"

"What. Are. You. Doing?" He jerked back, eyes going wide at the woman prostrating while still trembling in front of him. "Are you insane? You don't prostrate to anyone but Allah. Are you mad?" Heart at the tip of his tongue, He grabbed her upper arm to hoist her.

"Don Allah! Don girman Allah, Nurain just-do it. Just-just, please!"

He wiggled her fatigue figure as she slanted forward and unclasped her palms, her body going limp and falling on him.

"Laila. No-no-no! Don't do this! Don't pass out! Please, baby, please. I love you! I'm sorry i cheated. Wallahi it was just sex! She meant nothing to me. I won't do it again. I'll give up all this and everything if you ask me to, if that'll make you forgive me! Baby! Please!" He wailed, shaking her unconscious body with his trembling hands. 

He was a freaking doctor and he had no idea what to do!

He stood up, heading to the bathroom and revving a glass of water. He ran back to her comatose figure and poured the cup on her face, rubbing the tears and dirt off it. He tossed the glass that broke without him even noticing, then aggressively tapped her cheeks as his mind went blank, his words pained. "Baby, please. Don't! I-i-i need you. You hear me?" He brought a hand over her left boob and placed the base of his palm over the area her heart was and pressed it, "I need you. I can-i won't! I can't live without you! Please," the most obvious idea came to him and he ignored the urge to bash his stupid head into the wall.

He placed firm palms over her heart to pressure it and leaned down to give her CPR.

"Come on. Come on, babe! Please." He went on and on and on, his spontaneous tears dripping down from his eyes directly at her face as he started to slowly shake his head in defeat.

Laila let out a gasp as she abruptly rose from the floor, then turned to her side to couch out the water that went through her nose.

He let out a breath of relief as he slouched on his butt, heaving hard and fast, mirroring Laila as they both tried to catch their breaths.

"Thank God! Thank God you're okay." He exclaimed, clasping his wrist with one hand and bringing it over his head as he wheezed.

God damn it. Laila was one hectic woman.

When she whipped at him, he immediately lifted his arms tiredly. "I beg of you, Laila. No more. I'll continue to give you time to calm down but I'm not divorcing you."

Useless prick!

Laila let out a breath of frustration but decided not to push it. She needed painkillers. She needed sleeping aids. She needed to be high on something even if it was sleeping aids. She. Needed. To. Get. Away. And. Pick. This. Up. Another. Time!

Nodding, she groaned as she attempted to stand. Nurain beat her to it and stood up to place a helping hand at her. She ignored the hand and let out a wail in pain as she stood straight.

Ignoring the pain in her body, she stretched out as much as she could then frantically searched for her missing shoes. She found it, slipped it on, and walked past Nurain only to be trapped by his hands. "Let me at least drive you. Are-are you even okay?"

Despite it being the first thing she said after regaining consciousness, she made sure to lay it out on a clean slate with a soft, exhausted voice. "I'll be okay but i hope you realize how much you hurt me someday," she poked a finger into his chest, "I hope it comes back your way," Then she pointed at the tears packed at the edge of his eyes, "And i pray you cry forever, cause I don't care if you do anymore."

She grabbed the rest of her shit and tore an unreasonable amount of tissue paper to wipe her face before she was sprinting out of the clinic and to her home.

The unused pack of sleeping aids and the almost finished pack of her painkillers in her bag proved themselves the most useful thing in her life that day as she took them with the Caprisun in her bag just before she got off the cab in front of her home.

Thankfully, Sudais' favorite car was absent and so was he when she walked into their bedroom. Not having the energy to do anything, she threw her backpack and veil, zipped her dress down, and unclipped her bra which fell to the floor. She neither removed her head tie nor her shoes as she threw herself on the lounge bench and cried herself to robotic sleep.

Was this hell?

What the hell was she going to do?

How was she going to survive this?

Would she even survive this?