Now, when Laila had decided to stop sulking over the bastard called her husband and the bitch called her best friend, she went on doing something productive like watching Picmonic; which was just a website that uses colorful cartoons to help you study.

That went well until;

"Sadiya."

She had heard his movements right from when his car had pulled over but ignored him.

"Sadiya."

Laila sighed, pressing pause on the animated video before swiveling on his chair that she had dragged away from his side of the study that was filled with technological textbooks on shelves, a whiteboard with markers and codes written every which way, devices, and wires, down to the opposite side which belonged to her and was filled with medical textbooks, a notice board with biochemistry pathways with pins, a whiteboard with markers, desk with a few notes, a MacBook her backpack and a few other stuff she needed and didn't even need.

She threw her head back, bringing her arms over her head and grabbing her wrist with the other hand. "What?"

"I want to have sex with you."

Laila flew up from her relaxed position, her eyes and mouth going wide. She glanced around the ample wide study to check if there was someone he was referring to but found no one. Then, she peered up to the man in casuals who stood at the threshold between the study and the vestibule with slide doors that were completely drawn out, with his arms crossed over his chest and his facial almost proud of the bullshit he had just announced.

She lifted her chin, pressing her fingers into her chest. "Me?"

His face wrinkled up in confusion, his brows drawing in. Who else would he be referring to? "Of course."

Laila glanced around again, her hands falling in and out before she threw her head back and vibrated with laughter while slapping her thighs repeatedly. In between laughter, she choked out. "You...you want to...hump me?"

He nodded, his confusion fading as the side of his lip stretched up while he bit the other side, eyeing her from top to bottom.

When her laughter died down, she placed an elbow on her knee and used her hand to support her chin. "Why would i let you do that?"

He lifted his head to the right, thinking as he brought his fingers to count his inference. "One, I'm your husband. Two, this marriage should've been consummated a long time ago. Three, it'll get me off your back. Four, you're evil, but you're still hot and you look like SZA. And finally, it seems that you're sexually pent up and that's why you're such a witch and by doing this, we're doing both ourselves a favor." He finished, his fingers splayed in her direction as she stared at him with narrowed eyes and her lips set into a tight line. Is this man alright? "See?"

She nodded, taking a breath. "I see," Then, she raised her fingers and bent each down after she had made a point. "Well, let me give you my reasons as to why i am never, ever, ever, going to have sex with you."

Sudais threw his head back, vibrating with laughter as one of his arms came to wrap around his abdomen, while the other clasped the wall to prevent him from falling. "That's the fun-funniest thing...I've ever heard you say!"

They were married for God's sake, what was she saying?

Laila ignored him, finding no humor in his reasons. "One, you're an asshole. Two, i was blackmailed into this marriage and will drag you and file an assault case against you if you try to come close to me without my permission. Three, I don't shag people I don't like. And finally, me being sexually pent up is none of your business." She then realized what she had just done, and added. "Not that i am."

He stared at her, eyes twinkling with amusement and a finger scratching his barely visible Fulla tribal mark on his temple. He wasn't expecting her to give in immediately anyway. He needed to start somewhere, and, he did. By making his intentions clear.

He shrugged, "Okay. My door is always open."

"I hope you shut it with your balls."

He sucked air through his gritted teeth, almost dramatically, lifting one hand to his chest and the other to his crotch. Damn, she had made it a habit of ruffling his senses with her words. Not in a good way. He imagined shutting his balls and let out a loud welp. Hai!! "I'd never do that...to our kids." Then he turned to step out.

Laila yelled at his receding back, "Happy wanking!"

He stopped, gliding his phone out to show her while grinning. "To your photo? Always. Thank you."

Laila glanced for anything she could use . She found a random textbook and stood, before screaming and throwing it in his direction which he dodged. "You disgusting jerk!"

His laughter echoed throughout the house before it faded after the sound of the bedroom door clicking close.

Laila sighed, slouching back into the chair to resume her video, and did what students did; Watch a lecture while forgetting to understand.

It was a few minutes past 8 pm, she had been at it for more than 3 hours and needed rest before another stupid day called Monday arrived.

Laila stretched her limbs as she yawned with her arms over her head before she dropped them. She let the blood flow back to her feet until they didn't feel numb before she was heading to their-actually her bedroom. He was just a squatter before she was able to kick him out for good.

Except, this same squatter seemed to have locked the door from the inside. Laila juggled the door handle before sighing. Please. She only wanted a shower, some food and to hit the bed.

Laila knocked. "Hey! Open this door."

Silence was what graced her.

She tried again, this time banging instead of knocking. "Sudais. Open the door," Instead of one hand, she used both, banging unceasingly as she yelled. "I don't care if you're taking a shit or still wanking. Open the door. You don't own this room. I do. You can't just lock it anytime you want."

"Haba! Stop banging it this hard." His distant voice finally came.

Laila did as he had requested, her hands dangling as she waited for him to open the door. "Open up."

"You have to tell me what's the password."

Laila's nose crinkled as she squinted her eyes at the door. "Huh?"

"What is the password?"

Laila took a deep breath and gave the door a big bang as she gritted out the password she made right then. "Let me in or I'll kill you."

She could swear she heard him tsk. "Correct!"

It better be.

He unlocked the door and she walked past him, making sure to bump into him, "Talk about my door is always open. Yen Yen Yen!"

"I meant if you were ready to hump me, not kill me."

"Whatever." Laila yelled, banging the door to the bathroom before doing her business, taking a shower, and heading for the kitchen.

She was in no mood to eat what the maid had cooked, instead, she made herself a bowl of Oreo-infused cereal and took it to the lounge.

Scanning through her lists of channels, she found herself settling into Food network as Bake with Anna Olson aired.

Halfway through her cereal, she glanced by her right and gasped, almost tilting her cereal unto the rug at the sight of the man making himself comfortable on the couch. Haba.

She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head before returning her attention to the screen.

The spoon almost at her lips, she paused, peering at Sudais through the side of her eyes. "You want to eat?"

His irises dilated, "Eat what? You? Anytime Boddo.(beautiful.)"

Laila dropped the bowl, the milk splashing a bit unto the rug as she twisted to him. She looked down, then rose her eyes to his neck, which could be mistaken for his eyes. She just couldn't hold eye contact, it was dangerous. "What is your problem?" Her voice came out softer than she had intended.

His brows wiggled as he rose his upper body and motioned at her face. "Aw. You're blushing! If not for your melanin, you'd be so red."

She shook her head, lips pursed. "I am not blushing, you make me nauseous. I meant you want to eat cereal?"

Sudais slouched back into the couch as he yawned and shook his head. "Cereal? No. You? Yes."

Laila picked up her bowl, "Okay, i am done." Not that she was going to offer him her cereal anyway. If he had fallen for her question, she would've told him to fly to hell and get his cereal from there, because hers? Not for share.

"You might want to start dressing decently..." his fingers gestured at her knee-length silk nighty and her eyes followed his lead. "And can you stop with the hip sway thing cause you're torturing me."

The corners of her mouth quirked up as she stood up, "Please...My hips sway on their own. But i'm Happy to torture, anytime."

***

Monday, 25th January 2019.

You know, Laila's ideal Monday was waking up at 5, being grumpy, hating and beefing with everyone she crossed paths with, getting ready, and being driven by the driver to the clinic for ward rounds before 7.

What wasn't on her schedule was coming out to find the house empty of a driver. His phone switched off. No call-ins. No reports.

With no choice, she stomped back to find the hefty man she called a husband and tapped him.

Despite not liking people waking her up, especially with noise and force, she did the exact thing to Sudais who had hit the bed again after subh since he probably didn't sleep until it was 3. She knew that because she went on her nightly trip to the kitchen to eat an apple and heard him on the phone in the study. Went as far as peeping to see him on his phone on the table as he almost screamed codes to the person on the other side and connected numbers and alphabets with different markers on his whiteboard.

The man rolled with a groan but eventually squinted open his heavy eyes to stare confused at the woman. "Whaaa..."

"You need to come drop me off at the clinic."

His limp arms came up to gesture at the large windows. "Get the driver..."

"I did, he is not here and his phone is not going through. Get up, brush up, and let's go...wait, didn't you even say you're going to start working?"

He rose a limp index, "Next week."

She shook her head, closing her eyes momentarily.

He sighed, limping back to sleep before Laila vigorously shook him again. She wasn't ready for punishments. "Wake up! Wake up!"

God, the woman was adamant. He rose his hands, "Okay. Okay." Then took long seconds before he stood and headed for the bathroom while she watched him in case he tried to go back to sleep.

He halted at the door, twisting to give her a lop-sided grin as he lazily shook his index. "Only because this coincides with my plan."

Laila crossed her arms. "What plan?"

His head hung low on his neck, "My plan to have s-Now why would i tell you my evil scheme? That...would be dumb."

Laila nodded, placing her palms flat on his back as she pushed him towards the door, muttering. "You are dumb...but take me to school before i say that out loud." Knowing the man, he could refuse to take her for calling him dumb.

Forget humor, she had seen him angry first hand. And that was why she concluded he could never be a funny guy. His anger would get in the way too much. So would hers.

Subsequently, with a heavy heart that had to remind her she wasn't a killer and shouldn't break the stupidly expensive bedside lamp on the back of Sudais' head for taking so long, they found themselves on the journey to the clinic.

In the pin drop silent car, Sudais dropped the pin, slowly. "Why don't you like me?"

Laila glanced off her journal to the man holding the steering with his left hand while his right rested on the driver's armrest. Even without taking a bath, the bastard still looked...whatever. She didn't care. She shrugged, painfully dragging her attention off him to her revision. "Because i prefer dark-skinned guys."

"Oh." His lips morphed into an O shape as he brought his other hand to take a sharp corner before resting his elbow back on the armrest. "So, you mean Tahir and Muri should never come to my house again?"

Laila's eyes squinted, her face squeezing up at his words being stuffed into her mouth. She slammed the journal close and twisted her head to him. "Don't put words into my mouth. I like them and I didn't say that."

"See?" He glanced at her, then hit the steering with his palm. "You like them and you don't like me. Which means they should never step a foot again in our house."

Laila's head and index shook in protest. "I didn't say that. And I'm going to need you to stop talking like you know me because you don't." She looked out the window and yelped, stretching her arm and fluttering it up and down. "Park. Park here. I'm going to the hostel first."

He did that and watched as she reached an arm to the back to grab a bag heftier than her backpack before attempting to get up.

He crossed his arms over his chest, feigning hurt. "What? No, thank you?"

Laila halted, taking a deep breath and peering at him. "After you made me late, put words into my mouth? No, Fuck you very much, Sudais."

He nodded, a smirk lifting the side of his lips. "I will, anytime. I'll see you shortly."

Laila slouched back into the seat, realizing she had forgotten to tell him. "Actually. You won't be seeing me anytime shortly. I'm not coming home today...or tomorrow...or next tomorrow."

That did the trick, all sort of lark dropped from his poise. His muscles tensed up and he leaned forward. Brows lowered, eyes narrowed, and entire facial morphed into disarray, he questioned. "Why?"

Laila sighed, picturing how tiresome the week would be before she started to explain in sync with her hand movements. "We have operation theatre observation for 3 days that all start at 9 pm and finish by midnight or early into the morning. I can't be coming back that late and besides, I've always had a room here."

"I will come to pick you up whenever you're done, just call me."

Laila tsk, recalling why she didn't tell him in the first place. Of course, he'd say something like that. "You're not going to do that. We're not going to do that."

He slammed his fist into the wheel which immediately had his honk screeching. "Yes, we are."

Laila brought her fingers to gently massage her forehead as she took leveled breaths.

She wasn't going to fight him. If she fought him, it meant she cared. And, she didn't.

So, she opened her mouth to speak, only to raise her head to find him glaring and his voice snapping her composed eyes off the roads. "If we didn't have this conversation, you would've walked off and let me start worrying about where the hell you were because you're too arrogant to give your husband a heads-up on the fact that you don't plan on spending 3 nights away from home?"

Laila's nose started to flare. That was it, he had ruffled her last nerve. But, she couldn't afford to be more late and get punished over it, instead, she said, "Yes. I was also thinking about how you'd probably respond like this and how little i care about your response."

"You're really disrespectful do you know that?" He seethed, pointing a finger at her, nose flaring.

She shrugged. Glad to see she could push his buttons just like he did with her. Which was weird because she hardly got angry at people she didn't give a shit about.

She was done. Out. Out she went and left, making sure to bang the man's door close until the whole car vibrated.

Under normal circumstances, gentlemen were supposed to watch over the woman they dropped to make sure she got to where she was supposed to before driving off. Not this gentle-this jerk. She heard his car furiously growl and then it was screeching out of the lot as if it wasn't a clinic.

Whatever. Serves him right.

Anyway, everything went ok at the clinic until Wednesday morning.

Laila had had no contact with Sudais for the past 48 hours plus and was not planning on dropping her pride to call first.

He thought he was mad? She would show him what mad meant.

At the A&E, pediatrics side, Laila was having a not-so-great day.

A kid, the kid she observed his surgery the day before along with her colleagues had woken up shortly after his anesthetics had faded and the first thing the 6-year-old did was stretch his weak hands towards Laila. The whole room went up in protests as to why he was hellbent on Laila coming closer.

With a confused smile, she moved until she was against the kid and asked if he needed anything. He nodded and gestured with his chin and arm to her hefty coat pocket.

With slight embarrassment, Laila brought out the Caprisun that she had intended on taking her drugs with and placed it by his side, knowing it wasn't safe for him to take it at that moment, but happy to give him what he wanted.

The crew completed their inspection and Laila with a big smile waved the kid goodbye and got the same back. She promised to see him bright and early the next day before they had left.

Except, she didn't.

7 Am and she got the news. Spontaneous and acute blood clotting had been the cause of the death of the child. Before any anti-coagulant could be administered, the boy had kicked the bucket.

Now, Laila gave CPR to a 9-year-old with a lung condition as they waited for the AED to be ready since there had been a tragic accident including many people that were rushed into the A&E just in time the students were there for practice and observation.

"Stop compressions." That went on deaf ears as Laila heaved and compressed the patient's chest harder. "Stop compressions. Stop compressions."

"Calling in, time of death 8:27 pm."

"Stop compressions, Laila." Naimat repeated as she yanked Laila from the kid.

Laila's head shook as she moved back, then forward, eyes filled with tears.

The doctor in charge stepped forward, his palms in the air as he came between Laila and the kid. "He is gone." He then turned to glance at a kid and shake his head. The doctor sighed again, turning back to see Naimat gently tapping Laila's shoulder as Laila clenched her jaw and looked ahead, holding back her tears. "It's not your fault." It was! Umar wouldn't have died that day if she hadn't pulled over that rickshaw. Everything was her fault.

Laila remained rigid as she frantically swayed her head up and down, in the process letting her tears spontaneously glide down her cheek. She sniffled, angrily lifting an arm to wipe her face before facing the man. Vulnerability wasn't something welcomed in medicine.

"What's your name?"

"Halima Amin." She answered, voice firm and throaty.

He nodded, "It's not your fault, Halima."

Great to see some doctors were trying to break the endless circle of abuse toward vulnerable students and residents.

"Yes, sir."

He pointed at the door, "There's another patient for you to see in room 2. Hit accident. See her and report back to me. Go." And then, Naimat dragged Laila with her to where they had been posted.

This was one of the ugly parts of Medicine they don't prepare you for. Or rather, the part of clinicals many didn't know of. Every day, you had to watch someone breathe their first, you had to watch life, and every day you had to watch someone breathe their last, you had to watch death. Some days, it was okay, you're used to it. And Somedays, you're used to it, but it was touching. Touching to the point you can't control your emotions no matter how much vulnerability is scorned in medicine.

So, she sniffled her tears back, put her big girl pants on, and proceeded to room 2.

Except, she met with a little accident on their way.

Bumping into a doctor, a very temperamental one wasn't on her agenda. It was even a big bump, but the man thought otherwise and was screaming;

"Are you mad? Can't you see or something?"

Laila crouched a little, head cast down as she apologized. "I'm sorry, sir."

"I'm sorry? What are you sorry for?" He went on, taking a step back as the attention of people nearby started to draw toward them.

"I'm sorry for bumping into you sir, I didn't see-"

"So you're blind ba?" He asked, spreading his arms out. If Laila knew well, she'd say this man was already pissed off about his wife and needed the most little reason to explode. And, she gave him one.

She shook her head and bent again. "I'm so so sorry sir. Please, forgive me."

"Sorry? In fact which class are you in?"

Laila glanced at Naimat, her eyes starting to feel wet again before returning them to the floor. "500 level sir."

His eyes bulged out as he placed his hands akimbo, "500 level and you're behaving like an animal?"

"No, sir."

"Oh, so i am lying?"

Naimat and Laila sensed the trouble and excruciating ward rounds punishment and they immediately exclaimed, almost dropping to their knees.

"No, no!"

"No sir! I didn't mean it like that sir."

The man stared at them over the sound of a resident begging on their behalf, then hummed, tsk-ed, and shook his head. "My friend will you get out of here!"

And well, they did that; get out of there.

Down in room 2, Naimat did the checking and reporting while Laila stood motionless.

When they reported back, again they carried their heavy legs to the OR for the surgery they were supposed to observe which was a coronary bypass surgery that generally takes 3-6 hours but they were assured it wouldn't be past 4 hours as the blockages of the kid weren't severe.

It started at 10 pm.

Halfway through the student's observation, Laila was light-headed. Too stubborn to lean on the wall and fall into a nightmare-filled sleep, she slanted forward, her hand coming up to grab something.

Since it wasn't a severe surgery, they were allowed to talk, as such when one of the medics noticed Laila's sway, he immediately addressed, "If you're going to pass out, fall backward." Meaning, not on the patient who was vulnerable or on the table of instruments with knives and needles and certainly not on devices and materials they might need for the case.

He meant it as no joke but a few laughed before the beeping sound from the cardiac machine went off along with the team's composure.

"Wha-what's happening?"

"I can't find the connection!"

"She is bleeding!"

"What?"

"Artery bleeding!"

Laila stared dazzled at the scene, the blood, the heart, the girl, the Surgeons, anesthesiologists, scrub tech, circulating tech, nurses, and the students all high on adrenaline as all tried their best to save the situation.

Fate had already decided they weren't going to have any luck on that. After a few more minutes of the poor girl bleeding as one of her arteries had been cut open by accident, she bled to death. The cardiac monitor made an unceasing screech before it finally went off.

Again, a patient was gone.

Laila didn't know how, but she bit back her tears as they moved out and stepped out of their surgery attires in the dressing room before everyone was out of the OR.

Just at the spot which could lead to either the hostel, main hospital, or parking lot, Laila announced in a whisper to Naimat. "I don't think i can stay in the hostel today."

Naimat paused, bringing her phone to her face but quickly closing her eyes at the brightness. She reopened her eyes and let her jaw hit the floor. "It's 12:17 Am Laila, h-how are you going to get home?"

Laila sighed, sniffling, then frustratedly dropped her arms and let them bounce. "I...I don't know...wallahi I don't. My phone is dead. But I can't-i can't stay. I am about to explode, Naimat. I don't know what t-to do...I'm tired-" she gestured between them, "We're tired. Wallahi we've seen more death to last us a year and I can't sleep in the hostel and pretend like I'm okay-or-or that everything is okay..."

Naimat let out a sigh as she brought Laila's body flush against hers but said nothing.

What could she say? They were in this together. They chose this. They knew it was never going to get easier. They just got more resilient. But, it didn't mean they didn't have bad days too. It didn't mean they couldn't cry. It didn't mean they didn't want a hug. It didn't mean they sucked it up and acted cool when it wasn't. The struggles were real.

A throat cleared in the background and Naimat eyes flew open to their course mare. She gave him a tired smile and he returned the favor. "Hi Abdallah!"

"Hi, Naimat." He wasted no time in stuttering, something he did around Laila as he was the poor guy that liked her in her set-to be honest most do, they just never made an approach and if they did, she scared them away-and Laila being Laila had always been cold towards him. "I...I'm goin-leaving...a-and I thought i heard-i didn't eavesdrop-i just kind of...it flew by my ear and...i was wondering if... i could give you two the ride you need to your homes?"

Naimat's eyes narrowed at him, trying to pinpoint any hidden agenda but didn't find any. As such, she gently but firmly pulled the almost limp girl away, then grabbed her shoulders. "You should go with Abdallah, I don't want to leave the hostel. Besides, where would i go?"

Maybe it was the tiredness, but Laila put up little to no fight at all and was escorted to her classmate's car by Naimat who didn't forget to tiredly warn; "Amanah, Abdallah. Take her home and don't leave until you make sure she is inside...Laila, i know you, you're probably going to skip tomorrow but don't forget we have Pediatrics CA on Friday."

Laila agreed in a small voice. "Okay..."

At home, Laila had to wait for over 5 minutes before the gate man was peeping to look at her as she croaked out. "It's me...Hajia Laila. I'm coming from school..."

Laila ignored the look the man had tried to hide. He was probably thinking she was having an extramarital affair that went wrong and ran home at 1 Am, face drenched, eyes red, muscles limp and legs about to give up as she walked to the front door and realized she had left her key in her hostel or had dropped it somewhere.

With no other choice, she pressed the doorbell that went in alarm throughout the house. Minutes, and by minutes she meant literal Minutes passed by with no answer. She dragged her heavy legs to the gateman's station.

The man confirmed Sudais had been home since a little after 8 and she sighed, repeating the circle back to the front door, and pressed an uninterrupted finger into the button of the doorbell. She released it after a while and walked to the window, slashing it open to see any sign of life while biting the insides of her cheeks and stomping her sleep and cry off her. The was nothing. Blank. Lights out.

Again, she was at the door as she banged the mahogany door instead of pressing the doorbell, "Sudais! I know you're in there!" As if the remote control for OK had been pressed on her tears, they broke the dam and poured in full force at the realization that the man didn't want her sank in. He didn't want her, not at night when she wasn't going to give him what he wanted. Not when she was selfish and too self-absorbed to try and form anything between them. Not when she looked like shit and was sure she smelt like it too. Not when she really needed someone. Someone really specific with a specific sea breeze savor scent.

She went on though, if he didn't need her, she needed a bed. She needed to get out of her bra. Her hefty thighs needed rest. Her eyes needed to rest-if they would agree to, considering the type of day she just had. But most importantly, SHE NEEDED TO LAY THE HELL DOWN!

Laila lifted her hand to bang the door again and was beat to it by the sound of a single click of the key and then the door went flying open.

At the sight of the woman at the door, he pushed the door close.

"Please!" Her hand came up as he slammed the door in her face. Same trembling hands didn't give up, she pounded the door. "Sudais!" She waited and there was still no motion. She let out a groan while pounding harder. "Biggi!" Her hands slowed when she realized she wasn't going to get inside.

Laila sniffled, wiping her tears off as she stepped back from the stairs while her body shook with sobs.

Where the hell was she going to go at 2am?

The man was obviously too cold-hearted to let her in when she had spent at least 10 minutes outside.

Her legs had touched the last stair down when the door creaked open again.

Sudais stood with a hand around the door knob. He had khaki vests and holiday shorts with slumped shoulders and pink eyes indicating how tired he was.

"I-i..." her lips trembled as the words hitched in her throat. She moved her weight from one leg to the next, puffy eyes meeting his chest in an attempt not to look into his eyes,  "I left school," She inched closer, this time, her eyes rose to meet his and she slanted her backpack strap unto her shoulder higher. "Please."

He closed his eyes for a second, stepping aside. "Okay. Nastu der. (Come inside.)"

She sucked in a breath and crossed the distance between them before resting her forehead on his right shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. She sighed. A big sigh of relief. She was where she didn't want to admit she wanted to be.

She stood rooted to her position, waiting for him to hug her back.

He didn't.

Instead, he stared at the night sky and wondered when the hell this was going to end.