I sat in my bedroom, my music playing out of my speakers. I was so damn bored right now, but Benji and Gideon were on a date, and Sonnet was out with her mom for the day.

                “Fight for the fuck ups, stand up for true love, we’ll never give up,” I mumbled along. Yep, I was definitely gay.

                I sighed and stood up, shutting my speakers off. I grabbed a book off of my dresser and tucked it under my arm securely, leaving my bedroom.

                “Where are you going Ethan?” my mom asked as I walked past her in the hallway.

                “The coffee shop,” I said.

                She pulled out some money and handed it to me. “Have fun, dear,” she said.

                “You’re not going out with your friends?” dad asked. He was leaning in the entryway to the kitchen, watching me curiously.

                “They’re busy,” I said, shaking my head.

                “Oh. Well, another day then,” he said, not meeting my eyes.

                I nodded at him and turned away. I knew that look in his eyes too well. A look that said he was disappointed in me, and disgusted with himself for it.

                “See you guys later,” I said and left the house.

                I popped in my earphones as I walked down the street towards the coffee shop. I nodded my head along with the music.

                “You could be the corpse, and I could be the killer. If I could be the devil, you could be the sinner. You could be the drugs, and I could be the dealer. Everything you say is like music to my ears,” my music yelled.

                I walked for a while, until I reached the coffee shop. I went up to the counter and ordered myself an ice coffee, paying for it and taking it over to a table on the far side of the little coffee shop.

                I sat down and opened my book, breaking the spine and setting it on the table. I sipped my coffee as I read, one headphone in and my music turned low so I could focus on the words in the book.

                “I just keep running into you, huh?”

                I looked up at Will. He had an ice coffee in his hand, standing in front of the table I was at. He was watching me with little interest.

                “Take a seat,” I said, gesturing to the empty seat across from me.

                He sat down, peeking over at my book. “What are you reading?”

                “We Need To Talk About Kevin,” I said, putting a bookmark in it and shutting it. “What are you doing here?”

                He lifted his coffee. “Gee Ethan, I wonder what I could possibly be doing at a coffee shop.”

                “Sass is my game,” I reminded him, sipping my coffee. “I see you’re a French vanilla ice coffee with extra cream, regular sugar kind of guy.”

                “How can you tell?” he asked in confusion.

                “I get the same thing. I recognize it when I see it. Don’t test me when it comes to ice coffee. I live off of the stuff,” I said.

                “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking into my eyes.

                “What?” I asked in confusion.

                “You look upset,” he said.

                “Well, it could be because we’re not having intercourse right now,” I said with a shrug.

                “You try to blow things off with sarcasm. But I can tell something upset you,” he said.

                I looked at him, trying not to let my disbelief show through. Was it that clear that my dad had upset me? Was I being too obvious about it? I always tried to hide those feelings, and I had always done a good job of hiding them.

                “I’m not upset,” I said. “Well, other than the whole us not having sex thing, I mean. Care to change that?”

                “I’m straight,” he said absentmindedly, looking out of the window and taking another sip of coffee.

                “Straight guys don’t cuddle and hold hands with other guys,” I said.

                His eyes snapped to my face, that guarded look potent. “What are you talking about?”

                “You know what I’m talking about. Our little nap together. You were awake before me, and we were still holding hands,” I pointed out. “Why?”

                “I had just woken up. I was delirious. I didn’t even realize we were holding hands,” he said.

                “That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one,” I said. “You weren’t delirious. You were awake. You had been awake for a few minutes. Don’t try to lie to me, William.”

                “Sorry mom,” he said sarcastically.

                “I’d prefer it if you called me daddy,” I said with a seductive wink.

                “Out of all of my sister’s friends, I hate you the most,” he grumbled.

                Something clicked into place for me then, and I found myself discovering a very useful piece of information about Will. I mentally slapped myself at having taken so damn long to piece it together. It was so obvious.

                “What? Why are you staring at me?” he asked.

                “Because I’m figuring you out,” I said.

                He raised an eyebrow at me. “What?”

                I took in his appearance today. Tangled hair, faded T-shirt, ripped jeans, Converse with a hole in the right shoe. I knew Sonnet, and I knew she came from a financially steady family. It’s not like Will couldn’t afford nice clothes. The guy was just choosing to wear these clothes as if to prove how much he didn’t care.

                “Let’s hang out, Will,” I said.

                “I don’t want to hang out with you,” he said, scowling.

                “You should take it as a privilege,” I said, standing up and throwing out my empty coffee. Will sighed but copied me.

                We left the coffee shop together and started walking. Will glanced at me, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.

                “Where are we going?” he asked.

                “You tell me,” I said with a shrug.

                “Your house. I’m sick of my house,” he said.

                “Oh goody. Just another person for my mother to spaz out over,” I said with false enthusiasm.

                “Well it’s either your house, or back to the coffee shop,” he said.

                “I’m tempted to go back to the coffee shop,” I grumbled. But I wanted Will alone so I could bring up this new, and very interesting, discovery I had finally made.

                We walked to my house in silence. I pushed the front door open and Will followed me. I mentally sighed as I led him upstairs.

                “Ethan you’re back earl- Oh!” mom said in surprise, noticing Will.

                “This is Will. If you spaz out, I will never bring another human being back to this house,” I warned.

                “Hello Will!” mom said, visibly trying to suppress her excitement.  

                “Hi,” he said.

                “Well, this has been a lovely time. Come along Will,” I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him down the hall and into my bedroom.

                “Man, you really didn’t have friends, huh?” he asked, sitting on my bed as I shut the door.

                “Nope. Not before Benji,” I said.

                “Benji’s a good guy,” Will said with a nod.

                “How long have you known him?” I asked.

                “A while. Him, Sonnet, and Gideon have been friends since they were little,” he said. “Why?”

                “Just wondering,” I said.

                “Stop trying to read me,” he said, his face twisting into that unavoidable scowl.

                “You’re frustrating. You’re so carefully guarded. But I can see past you just enough to know why Sonnet is always telling us not to turn you gay,” I said.

                “What are you talking about?” he asked in annoyance.

                “Sonnet may act like she hates you, but she’s been protecting you all along. Because she can see it just as well as I do now,” I said, nodding to myself.

                “What?” he asked, his eyes guarded more than ever.

                “Sonnet knew all along that you aren’t as straight as you claim. She saw the way you looked at Benji Bryant, and she knew it scared you. That’s why she didn’t want guys hitting on you. Because she knew it would freak you out. You’re not straight, Will,” I said.

                “You’re crazy,” he said, glaring at me. But I could see past the guarded look in his eyes just enough to see the fear there.

                “Am I?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t have to hide the truth around me. I’m not going to call you a faggot and beat you up. In case you hadn’t noticed already, I’m not exactly homophobic, Will.”

                “And I’m not exactly gay,” he said, quickly becoming irritated with me. “I’ve had girlfriends before.”

                “So? That doesn’t prove anything,” I said. “That’s like saying you can’t be fat just because you’ve eaten a salad before.”

                He stood up, heading towards my door. “Whatever. Think what you want. I know that I’m straight, and my sister knows that I’m straight.”

                I grabbed his arm, pulling him back. I met his eyes with a steady look. I knew he wasn’t straight. I knew he had crushed on Benji before.

                “I know you had a crush on Benji. Hell, maybe you still do,” I said. “Wouldn’t that be the irony of the world? I had a crush on him when I first met him.”

                “I never had a crush on Benji,” he said, trying to pull his arm out of my grip.

                “Stop lying to yourself, Will. Hell, this is probably part of why you’re so miserable all the time. You lie to yourself. Let me guess: at college, you told yourself you were happy when you weren’t. You told yourself you weren’t good enough when you saw your grades. And now you’re telling yourself you’re straight when you aren’t. How long have you known you like guys?”

                “I don’t!” he cried, but I saw slight hysteria rise in his eyes. He immediately forced it back down.

                “You don’t? Then why did you keep holding my hand yesterday?” I asked.

                “I told you…” he said, his voice going weak.

                “You know it’s no use lying to me,” I said.

                “Are you trying to blackmail me?” he asked quietly.

                “No. I’m trying to figure you out,” I assured.

                “I’ve wanted to be close to the type of person I prefer for so long,” he whispered. He reached out, lightly running his fingers on my lips. “Let me.”

                I nodded and he leaned down, kissing me. I kissed him back, letting him finally accept himself. I released his arm as his hand slid into my hair, letting it curl around his fingers as our lips worked together.

                We broke apart from each other. Will looked like he couldn’t believe that had just happened.

                “Not so bad, is it?” I said.

                “I shouldn’t have…I’m not gay…I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off, running a hand through his hair, looking troubled. He gulped and pushed his emotions out of his eyes.

                “Will, stop hiding yourself. Let someone in,” I said gently.

                He pushed me away from himself, glaring at me. “If you tell anyone, I swear I’ll kill you,” he snarled.

                “What an original threat. Truly, I’m terrified,” I said. “Now, listen to me.”

                “No!” he snapped. He yanked my door open. “Leave me alone you fucking creeper! Stay away from me! Stay out of my house! Don’t ever talk to me again you goddamn, pathetic waste of space!”

                He stormed out of my room. I listened until I heard the front door shut. I sighed and shook my head. This boy was so complicated.

                “Ethan?”

                I looked up as my mom stepped into my bedroom, concern in her eyes. “Ethan, are you okay? What happened?”

                “Nothing,” I said, waving my hand dismissively. “Will has some personal issues going on.”

                “Are you okay?” she asked.

                “I’m fine, mother,” I said, lost in thought. Every time I learned something new about Will, I found myself drowning in more questions than ever. That boy was so incredibly complex.

                He had told me to stay away from him, but we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. He could try to avoid me, but I’d catch him at some point. I was not giving up on Will.