20. Saying Goodnight

BPOV

I felt myself slowly becoming conscious, but I played possum. I was too comfortable to want to move or even open my eyes. Instead I thought about last night. It had been the perfect first date. When Edward brought me home last night, we had known Charlie was spying on us from the window. Edward very courteously opened my car door for me, offering me his hand to help me out of the car. I didn't trip this time, thankfully, and he shut the door gently behind me. He escorted me to the front door to say goodnight. I rehashed our conversation in my memory.

"Thank you for a wonderful night, Edward. It was perfect," I gushed, knowing Charlie was listening.

Edward smiled crookedly.

"I truly enjoyed learning more about you, your likes and dislikes, your childhood memories. I feel so comfortable in your company, like I've known you for years," he replied solemnly. I grinned at him and saw the answering twinkle in his eyes.

"I feel the same way," I agreed. "I'm usually really shy, but I feel more confident and competent when I'm with you. Like I'm not afraid of anyone. Like I can take on the world, or whatever life throws at me and still come out okay in the end."

"Exactly," he responded. "You make me want to be a better man, to be the kind of man you deserve."

"Oh, Edward," I reacted, forgetting my audience. "You're a wonderful man. You've got to stop being so hard on yourself. Nobody's perfect. You just have to learn to accept who and what you are and just be the best you can be. Nobody can ask for more than that. You made mistakes in the past, but you learned from them, and you haven't done them again. Yes, you rebelled against Carlisle, rejecting his way of life, but you were young and confused and grieving over your parents and the loss of your former life. But you realized the error of your ways and came back to Carlisle and Esme, ready to accept them as parents and return their love. You've been a good son for so many years now. Carlisle and Esme both love you like you were their own, and I know you love them too. You have to stop blaming yourself for your rebellious time and let it go. Focus on all the happiness you've brought to your family since then. Stop punishing yourself. You deserve love and happiness too. You complain about me putting myself down, but you're just as guilty, and I don't like it any more than you do, so stop it! I'll make a deal with you, Edward. I'll stop thinking and saying negative things about myself, if you'll stop thinking and saying negative things about yourself. Neither of us is unworthy."

I peered up into his eyes to see if I was making an impression. He grinned down at me.

"It's a deal, Isabella Marie Swan. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you see yourself the way others see you, the way you truly are. I know you have a hard time believing it, but you truly are very beautiful and special. I promise you I am not the only one who thinks so. Since we have our new deal, you can't just dismiss what I said either. You have to learn to accept compliments with grace. When I say you are beautiful and special, you should simply thank me, not toss the words aside as if you don't believe them."

"Fine," I huffed. "But the same is true for you. Thank you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. You are beautiful too, and not just on the outside. You have a beautiful heart, Edward, a beautiful soul. I can see and hear it in the amazing music you've composed. It's almost magical to hear you play your songs on the piano, the way each song tells a story. I can feel it in the love and loyalty you have for your family, the way you try to protect them. You are special."

I could see the struggle on his face as he tried to accept my words. I had deliberately mentioned his soul, knowing how he felt about it. If he wanted to keep the deal, he would have to simply thank me and not toss my words aside. I could tell I had hit a nerve and found myself wishing I could read his mind. He took my hands in his.

"Thank you, Bella," he answered gruffly, seemingly overcome with emotion. I smiled encouragingly at him. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

He took a step backwards, putting a little more space between us, and dropped my left hand. He bowed to me, bending over my hand and placing a chaste kiss on the back of it. He stood up straight again, dropping my right hand as well.

"May I see you tomorrow?" he asked courteously. I suddenly remembered our audience again.

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure," I sputtered, embarrassed that Charlie had heard me bare my feelings like that. "A bunch of us are going to do lunch and a movie in Port Angeles. You're welcome to come with us if you'd like."

"Ah, yes. I do believe Alice mentioned it to me. I wasn't sure at the time, but if you're going, then I will definitely come too."

I blushed, and he grinned. So much for subtlety. I guess after the little heart to heart we just had, there would be no point in pretending to Charlie that we weren't getting serious quickly. He waited for me to open the door and step inside.

"Goodnight, Bella. Sweet dreams."

"You, too," I teased with a smirk. He nodded, acknowledging that he would be back in my arms once Charlie was asleep. He got into his car and took it home. I shut the door and turned around, grinning like a crazy person, only to see Charlie standing there watching me. I jumped slightly and schooled my expression into a more socially acceptable smile.

"Oh, hello, Dad. You didn't have to wait for me," I mumbled nervously.

"Come on into the living room and chat with me, Bella," he invited, not taking his eyes off my face. I realized it was more of a summons than an invitation, so I reluctantly swept past him and settled onto the couch. I knew it was serious when he actually turned off the TV before settling into his favorite recliner. I waited nervously for him to say whatever was on his mind.

"So, Edward Cullen, huh?" he began, just as nervous and uncomfortable as I was. I nodded. "You two really seemed to hit it off tonight."

I took a deep breath. I needed to be as honest as possible. "Dad, I feel like he's my soul mate. I know all teenagers start gushing about love and forever when they're dating, believing nobody else has ever felt the way they do, and nobody could possibly understand what they are going through. I've had that lecture from mom for the past ten years. But I'm not like other teenagers. I'm an old soul and so is Edward. I know you don't want me to rush into anything, but I'm going to warn you now that I intend to marry Edward someday. Not tomorrow or next week, but someday. When I'm with him, I feel comfortable, safe, content. I feel like I belong, like I'm alive, like I'm stronger than I was before. I feel special, beautiful, admired, accepted. When I'm with him, I feel like all is right with my world. I know I haven't known him for long, but I've never met anyone like him. There is so much more depth and maturity to him than the typical shallow, self-centered teenager. He doesn't go to parties, doesn't drink alcohol, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, doesn't even curse. His ideas of a good time are to read books, compose and play music, go hiking, and spend time with his family. I can actually discuss literature with him. If I use a quote, he typically recognizes the source. He is a music prodigy, an absolute genius. His family is very close-knit. They love to play baseball together, when the weather permits. They spend a lot of time outdoors. Plus, he is a perfect gentleman. He treats me with an old-fashioned courtesy and respect that I doubt I would get from any other teenager I could possibly date. At least you won't have to worry about him pressuring me to do anything I don't want to do." Because I will be the one pressuring him to push the boundaries. There isn't really anything I don't want to do with him. But of course, I would never say that to my father. I saw Charlie's blush after the last sentence, but he also seemed very relieved not to have to bring up that particular subject himself.

"Well, he seems pretty taken with you too," Charlie postulated. "I certainly don't want you to rush into anything, but I don't have a problem with you dating him. I'd like to get to know him a little better myself, but we have plenty of time for that. Just be careful. I don't want you to get hurt or have your heart broken. I don't want you to make the mistake of giving yourself over to someone who won't return your feelings."

I had a feeling we weren't just talking about me anymore. He sighed, looking my way but not meeting my eyes. "Bella, if you're like me, once you give your heart, those feelings never die. But relationships can't survive on that love alone. Both people in the couple have to feel the same way in order for it to work. Try not to give him your heart until you're sure you'll be getting his in return. Try to figure out if his is the forever kind of love, or the here and now, good while it lasts, kind of love. Unrequited love leads to loneliness and misery. I don't want you to be old and alone, pining for something you can never have."

I knew he was talking about Renée. He still loved her after all this time. I went over to him and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly. "I'm not going to make the same mistake you did. I'll be making my own mistakes, different ones. We all make mistakes. But don't feel too bad, because if you hadn't made your mistake, then I wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't even exist. Sometimes living means learning to roll with the punches, to accept both the bad and the good together, and focus on the good."

"You're not a mistake, Bells. You're a blessing. You're the best part of my life."

I blushed. "Thanks, Dad. I love you too. And don't give up hope. You're not all that old. You can have a second chance at happiness. It won't be the same love, but it can be different in a good way."

He smiled shyly at me, awkwardly patting my back.

"I'm going up to bed now, Dad. Unless there's something else you wanted to say?"

He shook his head and stood up straight. "I'm going fishing with Billy in the morning, so I'm going to head up to bed now too. Have fun with all your friends tomorrow."

I sighed in contentment and felt little kisses on my shoulder.

"So, are you ever going to open your eyes, or were you planning on lounging around in bed all day?" a velvet voice teased, his breath tickling my ear.

"Mmmm, that depends," I murmured. "Would you be lounging around in the bed with me?"

He chuckled. "No, you little minx. I'm planning to go to my house and watch a movie, before we need to meet with Jacob and his friends."

"You'd rather watch a movie than hang around in bed with me?" I pouted, opening my eyes to look at him. He swooped in to kiss the bottom lip I was projecting.

"Well, I think you will particularly enjoy this movie too," he explained.

"What's it about?" I asked with a groan. How could it possibly compare to making out with my super-hot vampire boyfriend?

"It's about a girl who goes walking through the streets at night in the city, looking for trouble. Trouble finds her and she beats the crap out of all the trouble she finds, making the streets a safer place for all unaccompanied women. I think it's a Wonder Woman flick."

I gasped. "Rose's movie? She found them last night?"

He nodded. "Indeed. I do believe they are very sorry they found her. Alice did the taping from the rooftops, so we should get a good view. They all came home in high spirits, so I'm rather eager to watch the tape of their exploits."

"Me too!" I shrieked. I hopped out of bed and immediately started falling, my legs tangled up in the covers. Edward caught me, of course, before I could smack face first into the floor.

"Thank heavens for vampire speed," I muttered as he set me upright. I dashed over to my dresser, but managed to trip and fall against it at the last moment.

"I tell you what, love," Edward drawled. "You grab your undergarments and I'll get your clothes and shoes. I'd like to get you over to my house in one piece. Slow down a little. We've got plenty of time." He handed me my outfit at the door as I headed to the bathroom. I just grabbed the clothes, gave him a quick kiss, and raced pell mell through my morning routine. I didn't want to argue about slowing down when I had better uses for my time. By the time I was dressed and ready, Edward had breakfast ready for me.

"I brought you a breakfast burrito so you could eat on the go. I can't believe I'm going to let you in my precious Volvo with human food. I must really love you or something. Just please don't spill anything. It's going to take days to get the smell out as it is."

I stuck my tongue out at him. I know, I know. Real mature.

"Smells great to me!"

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "To each his own, I suppose."

I laughed and he joined me. "Lead on Sir Knight! We must fulfill our quest."

He snickered, before bowing formally and sweeping his arm toward the door. "This way, milady. Your carriage awaits."

I giggled. A stray ray of sunlight shone through the door, landing on Edward's face. I gasped as I saw his skin sparkle brilliantly for the first time. I had read about it, but that hadn't prepared me for seeing it in person. I gazed up at him in awe. My knight in shining armor.

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