Who was expecting a double update???
I know I'm awesome 😊😊
Enjoy...

Zain's POV

Human beings are driven by a dichotomy of pain and pleasure. If something is pleasurable, we will seek it; if it is painful, we will avoid it.

Whenever we experience a painful moment, the intensity of that experience-of that pain-will affect our future. How it affects us is our choice, but the fact that it has an impact is unavoidable.

Some events will affect us more than others.

"But either way, first loves are important because they represent the first time you really loved someone outside your family."

This is so true and it means that your first love is also very much about your family. I went through a phase of thinking a lot about my first wife. When we were young our love was quite indistinguishable from lust. Our passion bonded us together, our laughter and our good times kept us happy.

Then she went away and I ceased to function as I had before. There was hole, an emptiness where you had been. Everything in the house reminded me of her and I would rummage through her clothes in the closet just to smell her scent. I missed her. My illusion that we were in a carefree relationship fell away, a future without her was no future at all.

I tried to move on a million times. I moved away, but I always came back. I always found myself wrapped up in her arms dreaming late at night because she was the only one I truly ever felt at home with. The sheer feeling of being in her arms was like some otherworldly drug. Everything was OK.

Not very many people in my life knew about the extent of our relationship because they didn't understand her. She opened me up to who I was as a person, and to all the beautiful ways in which one can love the world. She inspired me to travel, be free and enjoy my life. She brought out the best in me. She unlocked channels in my brain that created new waves of thinking. She allowed me to tap into a higher level of being that I might've never experienced otherwise.

She was a part of my being, her love had seeped into my skin and rested in my bones. The bond that had been invisible until that moment became obvious, tangible and robust. I had never understood marriage before, but now all I wanted was to promise myself to her for the rest of my life, to honour her, nurture her. I wanted to wake up with her for the rest of my life, to be her partner, her true friend, her love.

Nobody has ever looked at me like she did, and I miss it every day. She wasn't just my lover; she was my absolute best friend.

I used to always ask her why she loved me. She probably got really annoyed. She would always respond that she just did. She just fell in love with me. I made her laugh, and we understood one another. It was that simple, yet it was intangible.

I have always loved her with devotion and purity; I had in mind that we were going to be together forever. But things... they never stay the same. There comes a dark night after every sunny day. Being away from her made me realize it was never the physical love which made it special, it was something different - a connection between two souls.

For the past year, I've used my grief as a crutch. I've used it as an excuse for my own addictions and pitfalls. But, I've also done some really amazing things. I couldn't have done those things in any circumstances other than a grief-stricken heart. I'm more fearless and independent. I take positive risks because you do only live once.

As much as I can, I try to enjoy my life because it's what she would've wanted.

I'm still hopelessly in love with her. I feel like I'm swimming around in this giant, gaping hole that's been left behind by her absence. I relied on her existence for the validation of my own.

As I am surrounded by different people, tasks, I still feel her presence, her smile, her silliness. I'm never with her, but find myself with her all the time anyway. This feeling of being with her makes love worth it.

Not many people ever experience a first love like I did. For this, I'm eternally grateful.

They say energy never dies, and that matter can't be created or destroyed. So, I know that wherever she is, our love lives on.

Sometimes, I'm able to see above the sadness. In those moments, I can feel the love and friendship we share. I feel her in the wind, the trees and the sun beaming down on my face.

Sometimes, I feel delusional and vastly alone. Sometimes, I feel broken. I wonder how I can ever be loved or fall in love again. For this, I have no answers. I can only trust that I'm where I'm meant to be.

I miss you Hareem. I miss you so much. I know you can't hear me as I'm saying this - but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how far you are, or how long it is until we talk again. Just know that I am in love with you and that love doesn't die; and so I shall wait. And if this all turns out to be dead, than it was never love. Rather, something quite different; and I have no words lefts to describe what it could possibly be, have this not have been love.

But I personally promised to love you until death do we part, and it appears that, that time may be here... Don't you remember how far you fell when you looked into my misty green eyes? When you touched my short dark hair as I brushed past you? And it appears not, so I'm sorry for wasting your time and holding on to our past when you've clearly made it clear that you no longer needed me. But I knew you loved me and if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have been married to Hanya today.

Hareem, my friend, my lover, my foe.
The woman who tapped into my soul.
She inspired and discovered my depth, transformed my perplexed heart, unruly kept. She unearthed the smile from deep within, I can hardly breathe, much less think. Her touch on my skin burns like fire, awakening my fetish desires. She unleashed the passion in my veins, when we first kissed in the rain. The girl I loved and lost, was never mine.

I want to believe she's with me all the time, but this isn't how I feel. I miss her terribly, and I wish she was still alive every day.

One day, I'll find peace with all of this. The optimistic part of me wants to write, "It gets better.”

Despite the heartache I've suffered, I would definitely walk into that garage all over again if I was given a choice. This battle has been fought for thousands of years. The good news, my friends, is that love conquers all. It even conquers death.

But,
It's time now,

So my darling wife, I love you. You'll never hear me say from now own. It's time to let go and I know you wanted this only from the very first day, so my love, I have control over nothing. Our future creates our actions, I'm sure that you can agree on that. True love can be found because things can get better. It's not true that, love at first sight isn't real, love is true, even if everything falls apart, because when you take a closer look, I do miss you. I won't try to convince you that I hate you, but it's time to move on.

And it was painful to think about you - to continue remembering the story of my life. But I will always remember, like an angry carving etched on my skin, that at one point in my foggy existence I loved you.

There are no words, for there are so many to describe true love. It is intense, passionate and most often, unforgettable. Love is pain that broke your heart yesterday and yet love is joy that picked up the pieces to create a beautiful tomorrow. Love is ephemeral as lifetime ends and yet eternal as it is embodied in memories that build one. There can be no life to be lived, no completion if love seems absent. In a way it is an enigma that will continue to both astound and haunt generations to come as they feel an unthinkable desire to surrender.

This girl is like a snapshot out of time. I can see her youthful face turned toward the sun. Though her feet are scarred she still dances, dances like the joy of life within her cannot be tamed. In that purple shirt and jeans she could be anyone, no-one. But to me she is the world itself and without her I cannot enjoy a simple flower or the rising sun. There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep her safe from harm, but I cannot protect her forever. I can only be there when she falls and stand well back while she reaches for the stars.

When I first look upon her face, it was not on the perfect features that I dwelled - not the gold flecked hazel eyes, nor the pomegranate pink lips. Instead it was the small blemishes and insecurities that allured me. That was the moment I had found the person who was perfectly imperfect for me.

Now, when I look upon her face, I lose myself. All mistakes I have ever made, and there have been many, are gone - every impure thought erased. All negativity is cleansed, almost like a religious experience or spiritual enlightenment. I know her eyes can see through me, but I know they do not dwell on the anger, nor the deceit, nor the selfishness. She looks past every flaw to find the person inside, the real me, and in that moment I know I'm perfectly imperfect for her too.

There's something about Hanya that makes me feel young inside, but not in a childish way. She wakes the pure side of me, the best side, all the facets of myself that only require love to be healthy and whole. An eternity to be with her would be serenity, contentment. Our energies vibrate in such a unique way, each the perfect compliment of the other.

I'm not simply "in love," I'm well and truly smitten. Any other could only be a poor reflection, no more substantial than a shadow of the real thing. Hani, is what makes my heart strong. Her smile alone burnishes my soul into a beauty it could never have achieved on its own. Before we met I was one, now I am a half, yet somehow so much more than I ever was before.

It's true what they say, laughter is infectious. But you know what? I think love is too. But not in the full on laughter kind of way, but in the steady quiet lifetime of dedication kind of way. That's how it is with me and Hanya. It didn't arrive slowly though, it was the clap of thunder kind, the kind that slaps you round the face like a wet kipper - kinda rude and shocking. But once you've felt love like that, you can never imagine a life without it. It can't stay as a thunder clap of course, there is laundry to do and bills to pay - but under that everyday monotony the love is still there: warm, cosy and just as real.

Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. I didn't plan on falling in love with Hanya, and I doubt if she planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created.

For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it.

It's only because of Hani's love around me I will always find my way back home, for when fear sets my compass spinning, it matters not which direction I take, only that I keep on walking towards my home. She made me question every promise I ever made to myself. She made me open up when I didn't want to let myself in. She helped me to breathe when I didn't want to anymore and she helped me to see that it's okay to fall in love again.

The humidity of my heart increases rapidly. There's no looking back, i've fallen in love with a stern brunette and there's nothing I can do but love her with every ounce of my body as it tingles uncontrolibly. I have to smile because she brought me joy something that i thought was out of my life once and for all.

All of a sudden a shrill sound of my cellphone ringing broke the icy atmosphere of my Cabin, pulling me out of my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I looked at the name, Dr.Khan's name was flashing.

"Assalamualaikum, Aunty." I said.

"Walekumasalam, Zain." She replied

"Is everything fine?" I asked her, tossing the table weight.

"Hanya's cell is unreachable, she was suppose to come and meet me today. Her reports have came." Aunty replied.

"She didn't told me anything and how can she forget to collect her reports" I replied massaging my temples.

"Zain, just tell her to contact me as soon as possible or ask her to meet me tomorrow." Aunty said.

"Why do you sound so worried? What the report says?" I asked

"It's not good, Zain. Her condition is getting worse, Myomas is increasing, why are you both taking so long? She should have been pregnant uptil now by Allah's will. Have you both even trying properly? Try and understand, Zain, she has to get pregnant to stop the formation of these fibroids. If she wouldn't conceive within a month, she'll lose the chance to conceive ever again." Aunty said and I was stunned for a while.

What is all this happening? Hani, never said anything, she said everything's fine then what is Aunty saying? What about being pregnant?

"Aunty, just wait a minute. What are you talking about? What Myomas? Why does she needs to pregnant? I'm not understanding anything." I was damn confused.

"Wait, didn't Hanya said anything to you? About her condition?"

"No, she only said that it's nothing serious. It'll be fine." I said.

"Oh My God!! All this while she was hiding it from you? What did this girl do?"

"Aunty please tell me everything. I beg you!! I wanna know. Is she fine? There's no danger, right?"

"Zain, She is suffering from uterine myomas or it is also called leiomyomas which is basically a formation of fibroids in the endometrial walls of uterus. Due to these fibroids formation she have a terrible pain during her menses and heavy flow.

These are benign tumors which are non-cancerous and dont spread from one part to another but eventually d whole of uterus passage will be blocked if it isnt treated. The only solution to stop them is she needs to get pregnant soon. But not all fibroids needs a women to get pregnant but her case is a different where she needs to conceive as soon as possible.

And her pregnancy hormones will eventually heal her fibroids and we will give side treatment too. But, if she doesnt concieve soon there is 99% chances she wont concieve again. If you both make it soon then she would have less flow and pain will reduce too." Aunty said.

I will love you,
Like the sky,
Loves the birds,
With open hands,
And infinite freedom.