An hour ago the sunset had radiated across the cloud, turning it molten orange with bands of pink. Now it is gone and I sit under the starless, moonless sky. There is no twilight, only blackness. I feel claustrophobic, like I am in a cave. The low sky has become a ceiling of grey black rock above.

Only the wind and the first drops of rain let me know that we are in the open. The cool damp air rushing in with a few spots of rain. With a sudden jerking movement I stepped back and opened the door, and then locking door of the terrace, I walked down.

Night had come around again too soon. I rested my head against the cool metal of the front door. With the lights off the sunset crept in through the open blinds, casting the ceiling a rusty grey. My hand ferreted inside the first aid box for a pill, just half a sleeping tab, not enough to put me under but sufficient to dull my mind.

There's that feeling in my stomach again, a soft of mixture between nausea and electric tingles. My head has begun to buzz and my heart rate increases as if I'm running away like I want to.

It's been three weeks since he had left for some work. The day we had arrived, we both maintained a good distance from each other and the next day he left for his business tour. He had called me when he had reached New York, but there was nothing much to talk about. Last night Mom and Zareen had visited me to check upon me and Adeel took this opportunity to be a stubborn boy and went with them.

He was everything I ever wanted in a man. If I were to conceptualise a list of ten desired qualities in a man, he would score eleven out of ten. He was my other half, this uncomprehendingly wonderful being that fulfilled my life, so much, so that I sometimes doubted his existence and thought that I had contrived him in a dream.

He inspired me, challenged me and loved me just as I was: quirks, flaws and all. He touched my soul so deeply that I was completely vulnerable to his grasp, which was always tender and caring. He taught me what it felt like to truly love someone down to your core; what it felt like to constantly live with a burning desire, so strong that it actually pains you, and he showed me the perpetually engulfing warmth of deep, flaming, impassioned, mad love.

I loved every element of his soul. What he deemed flawed, I saw as more reasons to love him: I loved his floppy wisp of hair that he could never seem to control; the way he overused the word perpetually when describing his passions; his shyness, the sad smile he made that accompanied a vacant stare when remembering happy memories of Hareem; his confidence that was always accompanied by a tiny crevice of self-doubt, a nook that I constantly tried to fill.

He was my perfect puzzle piece. He was a down-to-earth man. But he was also my reality: pulling me back down to earth when I had floated too far into space. He knew me better than I knew myself; he guided me towards a more beautiful life and opened my eyes to a wonderful, dazzling world that he created for me.

My heart was safely, snuggly wrapped in a blanket of his pulchritudinous love; and so I always carried him with me, wherever I went: in my sub-conscience, in my actions, in my thoughts, in my activities. It was as though we were one, and I was just one half of this amazingly surreal, perfect concept of 'us'.

With him by my side, I felt like I could conquer the world, reach all my goals and dream up inconceivable dreams; but with him by my side, I was just as content with dropping everything for a simple, happy life of togetherness.

He came into my life at a very fragile time. I wanted simple; however, the new me and the life I was leading was far from simple. I was frustrated with him for the way he made me feel: filled with so much love, adoration and desire that he became a need - an unbeknown feeling to me. Despite the fact that he was faced with the toughest time of his life, a time of loss, unwanted change and unimaginable sadness, he was still there for me; and I was undeserving.

He would approach me with love and delight, and I would respond with a blank stare and silent tears creeping down my cheeks.

The one person that understood me and the only one I allowed close enough to my heart to be my comfort---

He was my first love, and my first heartbreak.

I woke up from a restless sleep due to unbearable pain in my abdomen. Slowly the fatigue of the long night was seeping out of me as the welcoming rays trickled in to replacing my unrest - it relaxed my body. Eventually I got out of bed and stumbled across to the other side of the room as my drowsiness had still not left me.

I stumbled to the corner of the room, and with each step my stomach tightened and ached all the more. I kept on swallowing, and my throat kept clenching, but no matter what I wasn't able to stop the warm feeling rising through my chest. I was able to taste it at the back of my mouth.

Constance buckled over. A warm, clouded, cream coloured liquid spilled from my mouth, and sizzled as it splashed over the cold stone floors. My stomach felt like the bag in a set of bag-pipes being vigorously squeezed. With a heaving lurch of my stomach another small mouthful of bile dribbled from my quivering lips into the waiting pool of rancid vomit.

I was shivering violently in the humid room. Now that my stomach had stopped lurching I merely felt bruised inside. Curling up on the couch, I closed my eyes and drifted off.

"Mam, get up. Mam, are you alright?" Someone was shaking me. I blinked my eyes open and I saw a blurred vision of Samya.

"Samya?" I croacked.

"Yes Mam, it's me. You alright?" She helped me in getting up. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Your appointment for today with Dr.Khan is confirmed. Just now they called and informed." She said.

"Okay"

"Driver will be ready Mam"

"I'll drive"

"But Mam--" I stopped her. "I'll get ready by then" I stumbled as I stood up. "Mam, you're not well" she was concerned. "I'm fine Samya, it's just the weakness."

I didn't had the energy to get ready so I took out the first dress that came in my hand. Surprisingly it was a plain black cotton anarkali. I quickly freshened up and in the meantime Samya cleaned up the mess that I created in the room. I was brushing my hair when I noticed my appearance.

Waves of heat coursed through my blood, a cold sweat glistened in my features. My eyes had sunken and making my skin look more pale, everything ached, everything sagged.

"Mam, your car is ready" Samya said.

"Hmm". After getting ready and keeping all the reports in my bag, I called Mom and told her that I'll pick Adeel when I'll be returning from the hospital. She was insisting to come with me but I told her not to. Dad was busy in the office, Zarine was at Uni then who's gonna take care of Adeel?
And since Adeel has started walking, it's almost impossible to get hold of him.

There wasn't much traffic so I reached the hospital in no time. The receptionist told me to wait for awhile in the waiting area, they'll itself call me when my turn comes.

The doctor entered in green scrubs, her black hair tied low in a pony tail. I sat up a little higher to get a better look. She was Indian looking with large brown eyes, neatly lined in black. She had the lithe movement of an athlete and the easy smile of one visiting a dear friend.

The nurse called my name.

"Assalamualaikum Aunty" I greeted her.

"Walekumasalam Dear, How are you?" She asked, she spoke with an american accent and with her hands.

"Getting worse day by day. Abdominal pain and my bleeding has increased. I'm bleeding almost twice a month, and it's staying for more than ten days." I said. She listened to my complaints like she had all the time in the world and nothing could interest her more than what I had to say.

I thanked God for sending me such a wonderful doctor.

"Have you bought your reports?" She asked softly and I handed her. "Hanya, why don't you lay down until I go through your reports, Nurse please help her." Immediately a nurse was by my side.

The doctor had the posture of a soldier. Every action she took was precise and purposeful. Through out the examination she gave commands rather than requests. The nurse had hovered two feet behind, her relaxed expression of earlier replaced with a grim slash for a mouth and knitted brows. When the prodding was over I dropped my eyes to the covers in anticipation of her speaking to me, but when I raised them again the room was quite empty; they weren't even in the room.

My hands stretched over the cold linen like an infant in search of a comforting toy and closed on the thick itchy fabric. I was alone before, but then I felt ever more so. The walls seemed far away and I felt trapped- tethered by tubes.

"Sorry dear that I had to leave you alone. I just wanted to recheck your reports once again." She smiled in the cold and distant way professionals do. I can never relax around such expressions. I need a genuine face, preferably a smile.

"Is everything all right, Doctor?" I said taking a seat on the chair.

"Aahh..yeah, everything's fine. Till when Zain will be here?" She asked suddenly.

"Umm..he's in New York. So, I came here all by myself." I replied.

"Ohh..." Was all that she could say.

"It's okay Doctor, I'm strong enough to know what is the cause behind my sickness" I gave her a confident smile but on the inside I was scared to hear the result.

"You're suffering from Uterine Myomas". She said.