Chapter nine:

"Be safe. Call if you need anything." Matt told Kat for the hundredth time this morning.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He immediately returned the gesture and kissed her forehead, then her lips. I withheld a gag and turned away.

Soon, they released each other and he turned his attention to me.

"Watch after her for me, little sis. I'll keep my mind-link open in case anything happens. Be careful and please, stay out of trouble."

"You worry too much. Nothing's gonna happen." I mumbled as he pulled me into a hug. I rolled my eyes, but briefly hugged him back before pushing him away. He chuckled slightly.

"You can't be too careful, Kenny." 

I shot him one last glare at the nickname and slid into the car. We were riding in style today. Apparently royalty got fancy limos.

The outside was a shiny black, while the inside was decked out in stark white leather. There were two seats towards the front, which were facing the back. Niki and Emiliya were already seated in them. At the back, there was a long bench seat for three. Lili was on one side and I was in the middle. Kat slid in after me, after hugging Matt once more.

There was a table in between us, which was covered in fancy snacks. There were mini-fridges on either side of the center. The doors were glass, and inside I could see water, champagne, and orange juice. Behind Niki and Emiliya, there was a small TV situated between their seats. A large sound system also seemed to be hooked up back here. No music was playing though, instead awkward silence was filling the car.

We all buckled in and the driver, whom I hadn't seen, started driving away. The windows were incredibly dark, but I could see that we were taking the back way out, going through town. I had no doubt that no one would be able to see inside the vehicle, even with werewolf vision. The windows were that dark.

"So how far is it again?" I asked no one in particular.

Niki was the one to answer. "Our destination is approximately three hours away." Her voice held no animosity. Ever since I blew up at her two days ago, it had been like it never happened. We hadn't had the chance to discuss it in private, but she didn't seem upset with me at all. My anger at her had faded as well. Had she not caught me at such a low point, I probably wouldn't have been mad at her in the first place.

Speaking of my low point, I had yet to see King Finnian again. I had spent all day Saturday watching movies with Kat and pigging out on junk food. Matt had been pissed at me. He was supposed to spend the day with her, but she ditched him to hang out with me instead. Had he known the truth, he wouldn't have been mad, but we didn't tell him. Instead, we stuck to every girls excuse when they wanted a man to leave them alone; it was that time of the month and I was hormonal. No questions were asked after that.

I didn't get lucky enough to get Kat two days in a row. Matt had stolen her on Sunday. I still stayed in my room all day, but instead spent the day with Dalton. He wasn't the best company in the world, but our bickering had successfully distracted me.

I had only left my room the last couple of days for food. I didn't eat dinner with everyone else. I only got junk food from our kitchen. I hadn't had real food since our outing Friday night, so I was basically all ice cream and Cheetos by this point.

Having not left my room, I hadn't had much chance to run into my mate. He hadn't shown up in my room either. I guess deep down, I had kind of hoped he would. It hurt that he hadn't, especially with how we ended things, but I guess it kind of cemented what he had already told me and what I already knew. He didn't want me.

Getting up this morning had been a chore. I was feeling bloated and lazy and just wanted to spend the day in bed. Kat wouldn't allow it. She had woken me up bright and early and all but tossed me into the shower. I had shot daggers at her all morning, but got ready anyways.

Since I was feeling so lazy, I had dressed that way as well. I was in a simple pair of black leggings, an over-sized sweater, my favorite Ugg boots, and a grey beanie pulled over my messy, wayward curls. Not a drop of make-up was on my face, which showed how tired I felt.

I sighed and leaned back, resting my head against the back of the seat.

"Have you ladies ever had to chance to wear a couture ball gown before?" Niki asked, making conversation to fill the deafening silence.

"Not really. Our pack doesn't really have a whole lot of fancy events like that." Kat answered her.

"I'm well and truly shocked." Emiliya commented, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

My eyes shot open and narrowed at her. She returned the glare, giving me one of her own. A growl rumbled through my chest at her disrespect. My wolf was trying to claw her way out, wanting to show this little witch bitch who was really Queen. I had to push her down and reminded her that I wasn't, and never would be, Queen.

"Emiliya, dear, sarcasm doesn't suit you in the least. It would behoove you to cease making yourself so very unlikeable." Niki scolded. Emiliya turned her glare to her older sister.

"I'm not the least bit interested in making myself likeable to such lowly creatures." She answered snootily.

My wolf raised her hackles again. I gritted my teeth so hard, I thought one might break.

"Perhaps if you didn't turn your nose up to everyone, you would have more acquaintances. As it is, the only person who does actually like you would be your mate." Niki threw back at her, not missing a beat.

"I don't require the approval or friendship of anyone but Kieran. You wouldn't understand. You would have to have someone to love you first before you understood."

I suddenly felt the need to stand up for Niki. Emiliya's comment was completely uncalled for. It didn't get any lower than that. She said it with such malice as well. I could never imagine being so hateful to one of my sister's. Even Selena and I would never talk to each other that way.

"At least once Niki finds love, she'll know it's real and that he loves her for her, and not just because the mate bond paired him with some bitch he's forced to be with." My tone was light, like I was simply commenting on the weather, but my words were harsh.

Emiliya's head snapped back over to me. She looked like a woman possessed, but I didn't regret my words... At least I didn't until I felt a sharp pain in my skull. I cried out and grabbed my head, tucking it between my knees.

The pain was unlike anything I've ever felt. I thought I was going to die. I could hear yelling around me, but I couldn't make out the words. It sounded like I was listening from under water. I knew some of the yells were coming from me, painful cries leaving my lips, but I couldn't hear those either.

And suddenly, as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. I breathed heavily for a few seconds, waiting to see if it would return, but when it didn't, I lifted my head and looked around me.

Niki had a look of rage that I had never seen before on her face. She had Emiliya's forearm gripped in her hand, the latter of whom now had a look of pain on her face. Lili looked me over worriedly and Kat, after she saw that I was okay, turned her hateful glare to Emiliya. She looked ready to jump over the table between us and claw her eyes out.

After a few seconds, Niki released her hold on Emiliya, whose look of pain went away. It took a few seconds for me to realize what had happened. Emiliya was causing my pain. She had used her magic to make my head feel like it was on the verge of exploding. Bitch.

"If you ever do that to her again, I swear I'll kill you." Kat ground out. I had never heard her sound so lethal. She was usually the calm and collected one of the family.

"Like you could. I'm far more powerful than you ever could be. I'm a Petrova. You're nothing but a lowly Caldwell witch."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Emiliya." Niki, for once, didn't sound calm as she insulted someone. Her voice had a furious edge that was new for her, but was somewhat terrifying. I wouldn't want to face her wrath. "Katerina is far more powerful than you realize. I predict she will reach the Petrova power level eventually. You on the other hand, may lose your powers completely. If you ever do something like that again, I will bind your powers quicker than you can even beg me not to. You may think Katerina is not more powerful than you, but you know I am. Don't make me take your powers because you're abusing them, Emiliya."

Emiliya glared at her, but didn't say anything in return. Eventually she nodded at her and turned away, looking out the window. Niki turned her attention to me.

"Kendall, I sincerely apologize for my sister's behavior. I assure you on the Petrova name, it will never happen again."

"Yeah, it's fine." I mumbled. I wanted to make a bigger deal out of it, but Niki handled it. It was done, no need to draw it out. Besides, Niki sounded like she felt bad enough as it was.

"I will inform King Finnian of her actions as soon as we return. She will be punished accordingly." She added.

"That's completely unnecessary, Niki. It's fine, really. It was a moment of anger that got out of control. Let's just forget it."

For some reason, I didn't want the King to know about this. I felt like he wouldn't react any differently than he would had it been any other wolf she had done that to. I couldn't handle seeing him care so little about my well-being.

"I insist, he must know."

"Please Niki. Let's just drop it. I'm fine, we're all fine. Let's just let it go. It never happened."

Niki looked like she wanted to argue some more, but when I shot her a pleading look, she dropped it.

"Emiliya, don't you have something to say to Kendall? She is after all, keeping you out of trouble, even after your abuse of power towards her." Niki looked at Emiliya expectantly.

"I'm terribly sorry about my actions, Miss Keating. I am incredibly grateful for your understanding and kindness. I surely don't deserve it." She looked as pained as I had been by her words. I smirked mockingly at her.

"You're forgiven, Emiliya. And it was no problem really."

She shot me one last glare before looking away again.

"Now how about we try to enjoy the rest of our trip. Hopefully it can go a lot smoother than the last half hour." I suggested. This would surely be a long ass day.

*******************************

I sighed heavily, half in frustration, half in annoyance. I was one ugly dress away from walking out the door and playing in traffic, leading to my not so tragic ending. It would assuredly be better than this torture I was currently enduring.

At any given time in werewolf history, there has always been some form of rebellion. It wasn't always a real threat, but occasionally it was. I wasn't sure what the current rebel status was, but I did know how to end it. All the King needed to do was send them with us for the day to suffer this agony. For the first time in history, we could end the rebel movement.

We had currently been here two hours already and had only succeeded in finding Lili a dress. Niki, Kat, and I hadn't even tried any on yet.

I had certain expectations in mind when I was informed of this trip. I figured we would stop at some fancy dress store, try a few on, and all would be good after a few. I thought we would all find a gown we liked relatively easy and be out within an hour... two tops. My expectations weren't even in the same ball park as to the reality.

Once we arrived, I quickly noted that the store was empty, aside from a few workers scattered around. One of them greeted us. Somehow, the willowy blonde had known who we were, calling us all by name once we entered, even Kat and me.

The store wasn't set up like I anticipated either. I had expected racks upon racks of ball gowns. Instead, all I saw was accessories dotted around the store. I had been confused at first about where the dresses were, but I was soon informed.

We had been ushered over to a seating area. It had stark white modern and uncomfortable couches. They were set up in front of a makeshift runway. At the back, there were mirrors surrounding it and a door that led to the changing rooms. Somehow, I had pictured this type of set up for someone picking out a wedding dress, not a ball gown. I guess my imagination is just too small to conjure up the extravagance that is ball gown shopping.

The girls helping us, Sarah, the willowy blonde who greeted us, and Penelope, who looked like a Victoria's Secret model, were bringing out racks of dresses at a time. We were also trying them on one at a time. Lili had gone first. She didn't seem to care what she got, but Niki and Emiliya did.

Emiliya had relaxed slightly, the incident in the car long forgotten. We had both remained stiff and tense around each other at first, but eventually we relaxed. She and Niki seemed to be quite the fashionistas, so they were guiding the choosing process.

Currently, Emiliya was trying on another dress. I had lost count of how many came before it. Lili had found hers after trying on five different ones, but I stopped counting Emiliya's at ten. In a way, I was urging her to take her time. I had been informed that I was up next and I was not at all pleased with the decision.

After seeing the dresses they had, I realized that they weren't the simple dresses that you could slip on and off no problem. No, not at all. That would be too easy. These were designer dresses, some of which I had never even heard of. The majority of them were difficult to get on and off. Sarah and Penelope had to help with that.

The dress Emiliya just walked out in was the perfect example. It had a long, heavy looking train and an equally heavy looking cape. The monstrosity of a dress was adorned in feathers, pearls, and lace. Parts of it were see through and it had a slit up the leg that was almost so high that it felt like we were sitting in a strip club, not a designer gown shop. It had an intricate series of buttons going up the back, which had taken forever to button up. It was a shame so much time was spent on it too, considering we had all denied it within five seconds flat.

She had walked back to the back, Sarah and Penelope trailing behind her, guarding the train carefully. These dresses were a fortune after all. I'm sure the merchandise in this store cost more put together than my house. Dad would have a nice dent in his bank account after all was said and done, not that he couldn't afford it though.

After another mind numbing and soul crushing ten minutes, Emiliya managed to make her way back out. She stopped at the end of the runway and turned slowly for all to see. I had to begrudgingly admit that she looked beautiful. She was now decked out in a simple black dress, strapless with a sweetheart neckline. It was tight all the way down to her knees, where it slightly flared out to her feet. It had black sparkles all over it, but it was tasteful, not atrocious like the last.

"That is the one, Emiliya." Niki commented, sipping on her complimentary sparkling water with lemon.

"I believe you are correct, sister." Emiliya admitted. She walked back over to the mirrors and looked at herself from all angles. After a few seconds, she turned to Sarah. "This is the one." She affirmed, repeating Niki's words.

Sarah nodded and followed her to the back, where she would change and take her measurements. We weren't actually getting the dresses today. They would be made in our exact sizes and delivered to the castle on a later date.

While Sarah helped Emiliya, Penelope ushered me up after another rack of dresses was brought out by an unfamiliar girl.

I groaned, but stood up nonetheless.

"Kat, help me?" I asked rather pathetically, needing my best friend's help.

She rolled her eyes with a slight smile on her face, but stood up anyways and walked over to me and the dresses. I started on one end and her on the other. I was knocking off dress after dress. The first was an ugly orange. Definitely not my color. The second was high and wrapped around the neck, which I knew would drive me crazy. The third had a huge, gaudy bow on the back. Not my style.

It went this way for the first eight dresses. Finally I reached one that was somewhat decent. I pulled it off the rack and held it in front of me, looking it up and down.

"That might work. Try it on. I'll keep looking." Kat told me was she continued. She had already looked at half of her half of the rack.

I walked in the dressing room with the dress just as Emiliya was walking out. She surprised me by nodding in acceptance at my dress choice. I smiled tightly back at her, appreciating the gesture.

I quickly shucked off my comfortable clothes, leaving on my black lacy bra and purple boy shorts.

The dress I picked out was simple. It was a deep plum color with thin off shoulder straps. It showed a little cleavage, but not too much. It was tight to around my mid-stomach, then fell loosely down to my feet.

After Penelope zipped up the back, I walked out and stood in front of the quartet of witches. I twirled around slowly, much like Lili and Emiliya had.

"Pretty, but I think we can do better." Kat told me, still looking at the rack.

I nodded and walked back to the dressing room. Penelope helped me out of it and I stood in my underwear, waiting for the next one. After a few minutes, Sarah walked in, holding the next dress Kat picked out for me.

A huge smile lit up my face. It was gorgeous. The two girls quickly helped me into it, careful not to rip the thin mesh material. Once I had it on, I pulled it up slightly so I didn't trip and walked back out.

As I modeled the dress for them, I felt slightly nervous this time. I already adored this dress and I wanted them to love it too. As soon as I finished my spin, I received the most important opinion. My best friends.

"That's the one." A large smile lit up her face, which I copied.

This was definitely the one.

****************************

After a few more hours, we finally finished. I hadn't taken more than ten minutes to find my dress, but the same couldn't be said for everyone else. It had taken three hours alone to find Kat and Niki's gowns, plus another hour or two to pick accessories.

Kat picked a gorgeous emerald green dress, which matched her cat-like green eyes perfectly and complimented her caramel colored skin. It had a halter neck that stopped at her collarbones, leaving her arms bare and was loose around her legs, falling to her feet. 

Niki had picked out a one shouldered silver dress. It was adorned in flower patterns and had a short train. It was tight around the waist, tied with a darker silver belt. It wasn't my favorite dress - I didn't like the flowers and I wasn't a fan of one shouldered dresses - but despite that, Niki somehow pulled it off and made a dress that I thought was kind of tacky, elegant and beautiful.

Now that we were finished, we were having a late lunch early dinner meal. My stomach had been demanding food for hours now. Thankfully, Kat and I had convinced them against the fancy French restaurant that they wanted to go to. Instead, we were sitting around a round table in a higher end steak house. It was a happy compromise since all I wanted was a greasy fast food burger.

When we got to the restaurant, I tried to invite our driver to eat with us. I felt bad that he had been left alone all morning and afternoon while we shopped and I thought it was rude to ignore him. But he had declined, choosing instead to run a couple of errands, such as filling up the gas tank.

We got a table rather quickly. Due to the weird time we were eating, we were only surrounded by a few old couples having a four o' clock dinner. After sitting, they brought us a basket of sweet rolls with honey butter. I devoured half of them within minutes. Thankfully I didn't have to feel guilty at not sharing, because the waitress soon brought out more. We ordered our drinks and food fairly quickly. I wanted a beer more than anything, but I figured I should keep my wits about me if the ride here was anything to go by. My instincts were telling me not to let Emiliya have any kind of ammunition against me, even though we had got along the rest of the day. Either way, I decided to stick to sweet tea.

"Well this has been a nice little outing, despite the bumpy beginning." Niki commented once our food was brought out. We quickly dug in.

"Yeah, it's been nice." I agreed halfheartedly.

"Perhaps you two will also join us for our spa day the morning of the ball?"

"You have a whole spa day beforehand?" Kat questioned after swallowing a bite of chicken.

"Indeed, we do. We begin our day with a facial and a massage. Then we get our nails done along with our hair. At the end of the day, we have our makeup applied before getting ready on our own." She explained.

"Now that sounds like a proper girl's day. I'm in." Kat agreed.

As I chewed on my steak, they looked over at me. I quickly swallowed it before I answered. "Sure, why not."

I wasn't exactly a girly girl, so these types of things didn't excite me. Sure, a massage sounded alright, and I could surely use a professional doing my hair and makeup before a formal event, but other than that, it wasn't my cup of tea. 

I was girly, in my own way. I usually wore a little makeup and I loved trying new hairstyles. I even liked clothes, although I didn't like shopping for them. I guess I just liked the after effect of that stuff, not the process.

"Please, try to contain your enthusiasm." Kat drawled sarcastically. "Don't mind her. She's not into that kind of stuff. Selena and I have been trying for years to get her to a spa. Other than an occasional haircut, she doesn't do things like that."

"You're not alone. It's not my cup of tea either." Lili added, surprising me.

I noticed that Lili didn't seem to speak much in the presence of her sisters. She wasn't exactly a real chatterbox when they weren't around, but she did talk if she had something to say. But around them, I don't think I've heard her talk unless spoken to. Her relationship with them seemed strained at best, despite Niki's maternal nature towards her.

"Finally someone who understands. I'm the only girl in my family who does."

"It does seem quite frivolous to me."

"Exactly my thoughts. I think it's a waste of time and money. The massages are alright, but they also make me feel a little uncomfortable. Half of the things they do, you can just do at home if you really feel the need, which I don't. And waxing is horrendous. A razor works just fine for me."

"We are in complete agreement."

"You two are no fun." Kat pouted at us.

"And feeling uncomfortable and fussed over is fun?" I asked her teasingly. This is not a new argument.

"Yes." She stated.

I shook my head at her softly, knowing we'd always disagree about this.

"It will still be a nice time to bond. Maybe your sister can join us as well." Niki suggested to Kat and me.

"Selena would love that." Kat told her, since I was currently inhaling another roll. They were delicious. I was on my third basket.

As they continued to discuss this, with Lili and Emiliya commenting occasionally, I continued to eat. I finished faster than the rest of them. I was now just sitting, listening to them talk, when something got my attention.

I subtly sniffed the air. I didn't know what I smelled, but my wolf was perked up in anticipation. After a few seconds, I caught the scent again, stronger this time. I noticed that it blew in when the door was open. It was the smell of a wolf. There shouldn't be any wolves in the city and I had already been informed that a pack was not close by.

"Excuse me." I told the witches and stood up. I walked in the direction of the front, where the restroom was. I'm sure they assumed that was where I was headed or else they would have joined me. I didn't want to freak them out unless there was really a threat though. I knew the scent wasn't that of our driver, so I was determined to find out who it was.

I snuck out the front door when I noticed they weren't looking. Since I barely caught a scent, I knew they wouldn't be able to sense the wolf. Witches had a natural detection instinct, but they had to be in somewhat close proximity. If he was in the restaurant, they would have sensed him, but not when he was outside.

Once outside, I sniffed the air discreetly. It was stronger to the left. I called my wolf forward as much as I could without shifting and giving myself away to the humans. I let my nose guide me around to the back of the building.

Since we were on the outskirts of town, the woods were thick behind the steakhouse and other businesses along the street. As I scanned the woods, I growled when something caught my eye, thankfully no humans around to hear me. The back of the building was completely deserted.

I saw someone trying to hide behind a tree. They were hiding from me, meaning that their intentions couldn't possibly be good.

I snarled again and ran into the woods. Sensing me coming, the coward took off running, but I was faster. I tackled the guy from behind. He quickly shifted positions, leaving him on top of me, but I shifted us back just as quickly. I dug my knee into his chest and let my fist fly at his face. I felt and heard his nose crack and blood started spurting out.

I punched him once more for good measure and pressed my forearm against his throat forcefully, effectively cutting off his air supply.

"Who the hell are you?" I growled out. I lifted my arm slightly, just enough so he could breathe and talk.

"I'm your worst nightmare, pup." He smiled, blood covering his crooked teeth.

I punched him again.

"Please. You're a pathetic excuse for a wolf. I'm almost offended that you think you're a threat to me."

Despite my abhorrence to all things physically challenging, mainly exercise and training, I could still do it. My father made us train until we were twenty-one. Even now, at twenty-three, we still had to have a little refresher day a couple times a month so we wouldn't get rusty. Aside from the training, I also had Alpha blood in my veins, which gave me more natural strength than non-ranked wolves.

"Now, don't make me ask again, bitch." I told him, pressing my knee further into his sternum.

"The only bitch here is you."

Before I could reply, I heard movement behind me. I ducked off the wolf just in time, a foot narrowly missing my head. Before I could get my bearings, the wolf that had been under me was now on top. It was his turn to slam his fist into my face. I groaned as my cheek split open from the gaudy oversized ring on his ring finger. My head whipped to the side and into the ground at the same time, causing an ache to start in the back of my skull. I pushed the pain away and focused on my two assailants.

I lifted my knee and got him in the spot that affected all males, no matter the species. Between the legs. I kneed him as hard as I could. He groaned in pain, his hands leaving my shoulders, where he had been holding me down, to cup his manhood instead. I easily pushed him off of me. He was down for the count at the moment, so I focused on the new guy.

We was slightly younger looking than the first man, and slightly stronger as well. But just because someone is strong doesn't mean they're well trained.

Before I could assess him further, he ran at me. I barely managed to side step him. I used his momentum against him and threw him to the ground. I sat on his back and shoved his face into the ground trying to suffocate him with the dirt.

"Who are you?" I demanded again. I forcefully yanked his head up by his short hair.

"The King won't be able to protect little bitches like you once we kill him." He sneered.

I suddenly saw red, metaphorically of course. I wasn't in control of my actions. All my instinctual wolf side knew was that he threatened our mate's life. The threat needed to be neutralized. Had I been thinking clearly, I wouldn't have acted so rashly. He needed to be questioned. But all rationality left me.

I put one hand on his chin, the other on the back of his head. I twisted it to the side, a sickening crack resounding around me. I knew that noise would be stuck in my brain later.  I never killed anyone before. 

I dropped the guy's head. I could see he had died with his eyes open, the dull blue irises now glazed over as his head twisted unnaturally.

Before I could turn to look at the other guy, he was on top of me. I slammed painfully into the ground, my shoulder taking the brunt of the fall. I hissed in pain.

He quickly pushed me onto my back fully. I tried to lift my knee again, but he blocked it this time. His fist landed on my face again. My nose now resembled his, blood pouring out and down my mouth and chin, soaking into my light grey sweater.

He lifted my head while I was still disoriented and slammed it into the ground. Black dots danced across my vision and I saw two of him as he did it again and again. He paused briefly to punch me again, twice in a row. He grabbed my hair once more and continued his slamming.

By then, I knew it was over. I was barely conscious. Even if I could get the upper hand, I couldn't even see straight. Blood was covering my entire face. With the jerky movements, it was spilling in all different directions. I could feel the sticky warm substance filling my mouth and running down my chin. It was sliding down both sides of my neck and gathering in the hallow area between my collarbones. The collar of my sweater was soaked, ruining the soft material. The cut from my cheek was running down my ear, puddling inside. 

As he continued slamming my head into the ground, all I could think about was Finn. We'd never have a chance now. We'd never be happy together. Would he even miss me? I was going to die letting myself think that he would.

Before he could finish me off, his hands left my hair and he stilled over my body. Through my double vision, I saw him grabbing his head. His mouth was open like he was screaming, but I couldn't hear anything.

I didn't know what was going on or why he stopped, but I let instinct take over.

I reached up blindly until I felt his skin under my palm. I couldn't reach to twist his neck, so I did the next best thing. I let my claws elongate and I sunk them into the soft flesh of his skin and ripped out his carotid artery. His blood immediately spilled out, soaking my clothes completely. I barely managed to push his dead weight off my body.

I blinked heavily a few times, trying to stay conscious. I saw Niki, Kat, and Emiliya enter my line of vision. Kat's mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear a thing. I wanted to reassure her as she knelt over me that I was okay, but I couldn't form words.

My eyes felt heavy and I couldn't keep them open any longer. Kat's worried expression was the last thing I saw as I drifted into darkness.