Chapter Nineteen:

After I got tired of sitting, I started pacing, chewing on my thumb nail nervously. I wasn't sure about this, I wasn't sure about anything. But I did know that I needed to know. I couldn't live in the dark anymore.

As I paced, I thought of all the things that could go wrong. Would he know what we were doing? Would he feel us riffling through his head? Would he be mad at me or would he be relieved that I finally knew?

More importantly, I thought about what I might find. Would I end up mad or relieved? Would he do something in the future or had he already done something in the past? Or was it something I would do, or maybe someone else.

I let out a rugged sigh and raked my fingers through my dark brown curly tresses roughly. I pulled my hands out of my tangled locks and rubbed my face harshly, anxiety filling me to my core. What would I find?

After a few minutes, my door finally opened. Selena walked through first, Kat right behind her. They shut the door, leaving the three of us alone and away from prying ears. Kat noticed my tension filled state right away and glanced worriedly at me, but Selena took a minute.

"Finally, a room with some freaking heat. I almost froze my tits off walking down here." She complained dramatically. Normally I would agree; the castle was always cold, which was why I turned the heater in my room on earlier. But, right now, it could have been freezing and I probably wouldn't notice. "What's up with you?" She asked, finally noticing my anxiousness.

"I need you to do a spell." I blurted out, looking at Kat.

"Of course, what's going on? What do you need me to do?" Kat agreed immediately.

I hesitated for a moment, trying to decide if I wanted to do this. I decided I did.

"I need you to search through King Finnian's memories."

Her dark eyebrows knitted together. "I can't, Kendall. I wish I could, but Niki spelled his mind to keep people out."

"She did. But she said you have access to it until he gets back."

Her eyebrows unfurrowed and rose in surprise. "What? She told you that?"

"Yeah, like fifteen minutes ago. She said she couldn't tell me what he was hiding from me, but his mind is open and unblocked. She told me to tell you to search for the memory of the vision she showed him."

"Kendall, are you sure about this?" Kat asked after a few seconds of thinking it over.

"Of course she's sure. Let's see what that lying asshole is hiding." Selena interrupted.

"I'm sure, Kat." I reassured her. "I need to know. I understand if you don't want to do it. He might consider it treason and if you don't want to get mixed up in that, you don't have to."

"I'm with you, Kendall. If you go down, I go down. I just wanted to make sure that this is really what you want. You can't unsee or unknow what it is." She clarified.

"I know. I'm sure." I repeated.

"Okay, let's do it then."

"So, how will it work? You can do it without him here, right?"

"Yeah, I can. He won't even feel me in his mind. Niki taught me how to do it unnoticed. I'll harness water; I've done best with water for this spell. I'll hold your hand and you'll be able to see what I see. It will be from his eyes, so we'll see whatever he saw." She told me.

I nodded and she walked out of the room

"You can show us both, right?" Selena asked when she returned.

Kat and I shared a knowing look and we both rolled our eyes at her nosiness. "Yes, Sel. I can show you both."

We cleared off the coffee table of all the junk food and she sat a bowl full of water in the center. Kat sat on one side and Selena and I sat across from her.

"This will probably take a while; at least an hour. It will take me some time to get into his head and to track the memory down. Once the memory is over, I'll leave his head and we'll be done." She explained. We nodded. "Are you ready? I won't be able to stop once I start."

We nodded again and she held her hands out for us, on either side of the bowl. I grabbed her right hand, Selena grabbed her left. I tucked my legs underneath each other, getting comfortable. Kat closed her eyes and we did the same. She took a deep breath and started chanting lowly.

I could hear the water sloshing around in the bowl and her chanting slowly got louder and louder. Nothing happened for a while; nothing appeared behind my closed eyes.

And finally, after what had to have been over half an hour, I finally saw. One second I was staring at the blackness of the backs of my eyelids, then the next, I was staring down at a legal document.

My eyesight was hazy; like I was in the middle of a dream. I saw colors, but they were muted and dull.

My pen moved in front of me, but I could tell I wasn't the one writing when I saw a large hand scribbling on the paper. 

It was weird to be in his head. I couldn't feel what he was feeling, but I could see and hear everything that he did.

He signed the bottom of the document and dropped the pen. He leaned back in his chair and looked up. I saw the inside of his office for a few seconds before it was obscured from my vision when he rubbed his hands over his face, his eyes closed as he sighed in exhaustion. I wasn't sure where he was, but I could tell it wasn't his public office. It was an office though, so I figured it must be his private office on the sixth floor.

He stayed leaning back, with his eyes closed for a few seconds, showing us only darkness. After a few minutes, he heard someone walking from down the hall. He smelled that it was Niki before she even knocked and when she did, he grunted out permission to enter.

Niki's willowy frame entered the room. She looked a few years younger, but still had that knowing, powerful glint in her eyes, though they held a heaviness I hadn't seen before. 

Finnian sat up straight once he saw her and gestured to the chair across from his desk. She sat down gracefully, tucking her dress under her as she lowered onto the chair. Her auburn hair was pushed back, showing her sharp, regal features.

"What do I owe this pleasure, Nikolina?" He drawled lowly. Even in this dream like vision, where I couldn't even see him, his voice still gave me chills in the best way possible.

"I'm afraid I am the bearer of troubling news, King Finnian." Her voice was sympathetic and her lips pulled down in a frown.

"What?" He sat up straighter and spoke tightly, his voice thick with apprehension.

"I had a rather disturbing vision this morning."

"Of what?"

"I believe it would be more beneficial if I show you, your highness. I don't believe I have the courage to describe it in great detail."

His vision moved up and down twice, like he was nodding at her. She held out her hand across his desk. He hesitantly reached over and grabbed it.

Niki closed her eyes and started chanting. Finnian closed his as well. My mind went dark until Niki's vision started to play in his mind.

It felt weird, the sensation of the vision odd. It was Niki's vision, who was showing it to Finnian. Kat was seeing it from him, who was showing it to us. It felt like a game of telephone, but with visions instead of phrases. Despite that, I knew the vision wasn't distorted or altered in any way. What we were seeing is what Niki had seen originally, however long ago she had seen it.

The vision wasn't completely clear. Faces were blurred and half of the vision was just feelings and not images.  It started with Finnian running in wolf form. Trees blurred past him as he ran faster than I've ever seen any wolf run. After a few minutes, he finally slowed. He shifted back while he was still jogging.

He fell down to the ground, an overwhelming sense of loss and despair sweeping over him. Nothing was in front of him at first, but suddenly it appeared. She appeared. Her face was a blur, but her body was mangled and bloody. Death surrounded her, seeping out of her pores. She laid still, unmoving and unbreathing. He cradled her to his chest as her arms hung limply. His vision blurred with tears before they fell.

It took me a minute, but I finally realized who the girl was. The face was still blurred, but the dark curls hanging over her shoulders were ones I'd recognize anywhere, even when they were covered in blood.

It was me.

He continued to hold me and cry over my lifeless body. He ran his hand over my hazy face and muttered apologies, over and over again.

After what felt like a lifetime of this, his sorrow mixed with something else. As he looked up, I felt it clear as day, deep in my bones. The person in front of him was blurred and distorted, but whoever he saw caused one emotion.

Betrayal.

The betrayal ran deep, as deep as the sorrow he felt for his fallen mate. Whoever was in front of him was someone he trusted. Whoever was in front of him was my killer.

The vision faded away and I was suddenly back in his office, looking at Niki. He snatched his hand from hers and she opened her eyes. She gave him a sad, sympathetic look.

He looked away from her and turned to stare out the window instead. It overlooked the backyard and the forest and mountain behind the castle. Niki stayed silent, giving him a moment to collect himself.

I heard him swallow harshly. His gaze left the window and looked down at his hands. They were fisted so hard, his knuckles were white as paper. He relaxed them and blood flowed down his fingers from the puncture wounds in his palms. His claws had extended and dug into his skin relentlessly.

After a few minutes, he turned back to Niki.

"You don't know who my mate or her killer was?" His voice was cold, unattached now. But I could hear grief if I listened closely.

"I'm sorry, Finnian. I don't. Faces are often blurred in my visions."

"I understand." He looked back down to his papers. "You may leave, thank you, Nikolina." He dismissed emotionlessly.

She stood and walked away, but stopped at the door briefly.

"I know you're scared, Finn, even if you won't admit it. But visions aren't always set in stone."

He didn't respond, so she continued out, closing his door with a soft click.

He got back to work.

A loud gasp escaped my throat when I was pulled back to the present day. I drew in rugged breaths, my heart thundering in my chest. I closed my eyes tightly again, trying to calm down.

When I opened them back up, I saw Kat and Selena both looking at me with tears streaking down their cheeks and as I reached up to touch my face, I realized mine was the same way. I hadn't even realized I'd been crying.

I wiped my cheeks of all moisture with the palm of my hand, then rubbed my hands over my cotton shorts.

I didn't know how to feel about what I saw. I suddenly understood Finnian and why he's done what he's done. Whoever had killed me had done it because I was his mate. He had been trying to protect me.

In a way, I understood that. But I also resented it. He let whoever it was keep us apart, keep us from happiness. I certainly didn't want to die, but we were letting this douche bag win by staying apart. I didn't want that either.

Before I could think more about it, Selena launched herself at me, squeezing me tightly. She buried her face in my shoulder and started sobbing. It was shocking, considering she wasn't a crier, but I wasn't either and I had cried too.

I wrapped my arms around her. Kat joined in and we added her into our hug, all of us holding each other and crying together.

I couldn't get the image of my dead, mangled body from my mind. I was scared and hated that feeling.

We sat there on the floor for who knows how long. They were my best friends and sisters and we held each other like I would die tomorrow.

Eventually, our tears stopped and we pulled away, all of us still sniffling slightly.

"No more crying. You heard Niki at the end; not all visions are set in stone." I instructed them sternly.

"You're right." Selena agreed, wiping her tears away. "No one is going to hurt you without going through me first." She insisted fiercely.

"Me too. We'll protect you, keep you safe." Kat agreed.

"That's all the protection I need, right there." I teased, making light of the situation.

"Damn straight." Selena joked back, but it was weak since I could tell she was still shaken up.

"I'm gonna be fine." I promised her. I grabbed both of their hands and squeezed. "Why don't we get some sleep?" I suggested when I looked over at Kat. "You look exhausted. We can figure all this out in the morning."

As I looked at my phone, I realized it was only eleven o'clock, but I knew that Kat was drained from such a big spell, especially since she had to project it to both me and Selena. She nodded gratefully and we all stood up.

We pulled the comforter and sheets on my king sized bed down and climbed in. Kat and I were on the edges and Selena was in the middle. I grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, turning it down low. I usually didn't sleep with it on, but Kat did, so I always left it going when she was in the room.

Kat and I both switched off the lamps, leaving the room to only be lit with the dull glow of the TV across the room. I handed her the remote, letting her put it on whatever she wanted, but she left it on the sitcom that was on already.

The three of us snuggled deeper under the blankets. Selena stuck her cold toes on my bare leg and I kicked them away. She moved them over to Kat, who did the same thing.

"Tyler lets me put my feet on him." She whined, a pout on her face.

"Tyler's also whipped like cream." I mumbled.

She didn't reply right away, but when she did, it wasn't about my comment. "I love you, Kenny, you know that, right?"

I turned onto my side to face her. "I know. I love you too, Sel. You too, Kat."

"I love you guys too." Kat added.

"Alright, enough of this mushiness. Let's go to sleep. Goodnight."

"Night." They both mumbled in return.

We all closed our eyes and drifted off into unconsciousness.

***************************

My sleep didn't last long.

A couple hours at most.

I tossed and turned, my dreams filled with images of my dead body. I woke with a silent gasp, which thankfully didn't wake Kat or Selena since they both slept like the dead. I didn't try to sleep again after that; instead, I laid awake, staring at the canopy over the bed.

After a while of that, I finally gave up on sleep.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, staying as quiet as possible. I slowly tiptoed out of my room, pulling the door shut gently behind me. The cold air of the hallway bit at my exposed skin, causing goosebumps to erupt across my flesh. I rubbed my bare arms up and down, trying to create friction.

I hadn't changed out of my short pajama shorts and thin t-shirt before I left, and I was regretting it now. I hadn't even bothered to put on shoes either. It helped to remain quiet, stealthy, but my toes were freezing against the hard, cold stone of the floor.

I padded my way through the castle, up the hidden staircase, all the way to the sixth floor. I slipped in the door and made my way towards King Finnian's bedroom. He wasn't here, but I would wait for him. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I wanted to say to him, but I knew we needed to talk.

His bedroom was just as I left it last time, save for the fact that he wasn't inside, watching me walk away. It was dark, illuminated by only the moonlight through the window. The first thing I did was start a fire in the fireplace, which not only left the room in a dull orange glow, but it also warmed it considerably.

I sat back in his chair, watching the fire crackle and burn. I stayed away from the unused armchair, instead choosing to sit in his worn one. It was covered with his scent, which clung to the air. I breathed it in deeply, greedily, letting it wash over me and calm me.

I sat there for hours. Eventually the fire died down and the room lit up a little at a time as the sun rose. I should've been tired, but I wasn't. I was keyed up and full of energy, ready for this confrontation. It could quite possibly be our last.

I heard him coming from down the hall. His steps were quick, full of purpose. When he threw his door open, I didn't look at him. I stayed still, my eyes staring blankly at the dim glowing embers. It felt just like last time I was here, except our positions were switched.

"What are you doing here?" He murmured lowly after a few beats of silence. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.

I stayed silent, not ready to answer him yet.

"Miss Keating, I suggest you answer my question." 

I still stayed silent. His demanding tone and words didn't even seem to register in my mind, my thoughts still running wild.

"Hey, are you okay?" He walked around the chair, stopping front of me, his voice sounding worried now.

He was staring down at me, but my eyes didn't move from the fireplace.

He moved closer and kneeled down in front of me, balancing on the balls of his feet. His hand found my cheek and he tilted my face over to finally meet his eyes. They were glowing a deep amber. "Kendall, what's wrong?" He demanded in concern.

Hearing my name come from his lips was a shock, to say the least. I had only heard him say it once, and that was out of anger. Now, his eyes shone with worry and his voice held desperation for me to tell him what was bothering me.

"I know." I whispered.

His hand left my cheek and he stood up. He tried put on a blank face, but I could see apprehension on his face when I looked closely. "You know, what exactly?"

"I know... everything." I stood up slowly, crossing my arms over my chest. "About Niki's vision. About why you won't be with me."

His face paled for a split second, but then a deep growl rumbled deep in his chest. "Nikolina told you?" He demanded through his growls.

"No, she didn't."

"Then how the hell do you know?" He hissed at me.

"Is that really what's important right now?" I spat out, finally losing my temper. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know."

"The hell I didn't. I had every right to know." I yelled at him.

"I'm trying to protect you. I've always tried to protect you." He snarled.

"No, you're just a coward." I snapped, standing up and poking him in the chest roughly.

"If you had actually seen the vision, you would understand." He glared down at my finger.

"I did see the vision. I know exactly what happened in it." I glared back at him and pulled my finger away when he grabbed it.

"How can you possibly call me a coward if you saw it? You died."

"You're a coward because you refuse to try and change things."

"That vision is our fate if I accept you. It showed us our fate. I would rather live in a world where you're safe, even if you hate me, than in a world where you don't exist. I can't live in a world where you don't exist. I need you safe."

"It's our fate? That's bullshit!"

"It is!" He insisted. "Visions almost always come true. That vision showed us our fate if we give in."

"So you change it!" I finally exploded. "We change it! We change fate. We fight fate. We make our own damn fate. Stop letting your fear control you. If you want me, fight for me. Fight for us and our future."

"It's not that easy." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It is that easy. We're all going to die someday. That's inevitable. Does that mean we should live in fear of that happening? Hell no."

"If it was my life at risk, I wouldn't give being with you a second thought. But I can't risk your life."

"Do you want to be with me?" 

He hesitated for a few seconds, but he finally answered, his eyes softening considerably. "Of course I do. How could I not want you?"

"Then fight. Let's fight together."

I started to get hopeful when he looked thoughtful, like he was considering it. I grabbed his hands in mine and laced our fingers together, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

Finally, he sighed deeply. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I dropped his hands like they had burned me and took a few steps away from him. It took a second for me to push the tears away, for me to gather my thoughts.

"I'm disappointed in you, Finnian. I thought you were better than this. I thought you were stronger than this, more courageous. I guess I was wrong."

He winced at my words, like they physically pained him.

"I can't keep fighting for you when I'm not being fought for in return." I turned away from him, and walked towards the door.

"Kendall..." He whispered, a hint of desperation in his voice.

I paused for a second before I walked out. "Whoever the traitor is, they're still going to betray you. We'd be stronger together, united. As a team. But if you want to do this on your own, be my guest. Just don't expect me to be waiting for you when it's over. Goodbye, Finnian." I added in a low, breathy voice. I didn't turn around to look at him.

With that, I continued out of his room and back down to mine.

I had a ball to get ready for.