Chapter Sixteen:

I felt like death warmed over.  I may be immune to human diseases and illnesses, but I certainly wasn't to hangovers.  And unfortunately, I remembered every detail of last night.  Every shameful, mortifying detail of my behavior.

I groaned as I pried my eyes open.  They were full of crust and gunk in the corners and I rubbed them so harshly, I felt they may burst in my skull.  When I blinked them open again, a stream of blinding sunlight was streaming right in my face.  My mouth felt like cotton and tasted like I had swallowed ammonia.  My lips were dry and crusty, in desperate need of some chap stick.  I groaned again as I lifted my hand to block the light.  My head pounded like a drum, beating in time with my heart.  I sealed my eyes shut again and massaged my temples. 

I sat up after a few minutes and took myself in.  Someone had changed me out of my clothes from last night and I was now dressed in a t-shirt and shorts.  My bra was even gone.  I should feel violated at the thought of someone seeing me naked while I was passed out, but I was just thankful that I was in something comfortable.

I pushed my cheetah print comforter off of my legs and swung them over the side of the bed.  I groaned for the third time as a wave of dizziness swept over me and I stayed sitting for a few seconds until it passed.  In those few seconds, I was finally able to smell myself.  I nearly gagged at the lingering scent of vomit that clung to me like a second skin.  There was even some dried up at the ends of my hair.

I breathed through my mouth as I walked into my bathroom, to take a much needed shower.  I grabbed a few pain relievers from the medicine cabinet and downed them along with two full glasses of water before getting in.

After a nearly hour long shower, I finally felt human again... or well, werewolf again.  I dressed in another pair of cotton shorts and a t-shirt, with a sports bra underneath since a real bra just wasn't in the cards today.

I brushed through my hair and pulled it into a messy bun.  To feel and smell even better, I lathered my body in lotion, leaving my skin soft and smelling like honeysuckle.  I brushed my teeth - three times - and rinsed my mouth thoroughly with mouthwash.

I sighed again once I was ready, not at all prepared mentally to go downstairs.  I focused my hearing and almost groaned again when I heard my parents down there.  I wouldn't be surprised if they got here late last night after everything happened.  The thought of them coming home from their night away together for me, piled onto the guilt.

I felt so ashamed of my actions now.  I was in a dark place yesterday and I had taken it out on the people who loved me most and they didn't deserve that.  I just couldn't bring myself to tell them.  Deep down I knew they wouldn't judge me, but I was judging myself.  Obviously something was wrong with me if my own mate didn't want me.  I just didn't want my family to know that and look at me differently.

I wondered if they already knew though.  I wondered how much Tyler actually knew.  He was blissfully ignorant before I left yesterday, so the King must have told him after.  I didn't let myself get my hopes up that he may care.  He made it perfectly clear that he hadn't.

I mustered up all the courage I could and left my room, making my way downstairs slowly.  My pace was about as fast as a turtle stuck in peanut butter.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I finally reached the open living room, kitchen, dining room area.  Everyone was already down here.

Dad, Brody, and Tyler were sitting in the living room, while Mom and Selena were in the kitchen.  Mom was stirring a big pot of something and Selena was pulling something out of the oven.  It smelled like chicken noodle soup and cookies, but I couldn't be positive since I couldn't see.

I felt five pairs of eyes all land on me, but I couldn't make eye contact.  I fidgeted nervously and looked at the carpet in front of my feet.  Before anyone could say anything, Mom was rushing over to me and pulling me into a hug. 

Her arms around me felt comforting.  I usually didn't like hugs that much; I'd give them, but I wasn't touchy feely like Mom was.  But I suppose I needed comfort more than I realized because I wrapped my arms around her and leaned into her, accepting the support she was offering.

She held me tightly, rubbing my back soothingly.  I buried my face in her shoulder so I didn't have to look at anyone else and inhaled her familiar, soothing scent.  She always smelled of cookies, since she was always baking.  It has never comforted me more than it has now.  It smelled like home.

"I'm sorry."  I whispered into her shoulder. 

"Oh, sweetheart.  It's okay.  No one's mad at you."  She pulled back and grabbed my face in her warm hands.  "We can talk later.  For now, we need to get you hydrated and feed.  Come on, lunch is ready."

I nodded at her and she pulled me into the kitchen.  I still didn't look up to meet anyone's eyes.  Mom all but pushed me into one of the bar seats.  Luckily, my back was now facing the guys, but that left Selena right in front of me, the person who deserved an apology the most.

Before I could muster one up, Mom sat a bowl of steaming chicken noodle soup and a big bottle of blue Gatorade in front of me.  It smelled delicious and my stomach rumbled.  I pushed the thoughts of apologies to the back burner and Selena left the kitchen when I started eating.  I took big sips of the Gatorade between mouthfuls, letting it hydrate me.

Once I finished the soup and the Gatorade, I felt a thousand times better.  My headache was now just a dull ache, the stomach cramps had let up, and my dry mouth and throat felt quenched.  I always knew Mom's cooking could work miracles.  The soup was made from scratch and was chock full of nutrients that my body needed.  I don't know who thought up the idea that greasy food was the hangover cure, but they had obviously never tried homemade chicken noodle soup.  Greasy food with a hangover just made me feel worse.

Mom took my empty bowl and filled it with water in the sink after I declined another serving.  I wanted one, but I needed to face my family.  I stood up and walked into the living room, throwing away my empty bottle on the way. 

I plopped down on the edge of the couch.  Dad and Brody were both in the chairs and Selena and Tyler were curled up together on the other end of the couch.  They had been sitting in silence since I came into the room, so I didn't have to talk over them or the TV.

I crossed my legs underneath my body and toyed with my fingers in my lap.  I stared at the ground and cleared my throat awkwardly, trying to dislodge the lump that was stuck there.

"I owe all of you an apology.  I'm so sorry for the way I acted."

Selena moved away from Tyler and over to me.  I didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't a punch in the arm.  "Ow!"  I glared at her, finally meeting her eyes.  She looked mischievous and I rubbed my arm up and down. 

"You're forgiven.  Just don't be such a colossal bitch next time." 

I nodded and looked down again.  "Sorry."  I mumbled.

She punched me again.  "Ow!"  I yelled as I scowled at her again.

"Stop apologizing, it's so unlike you.  I just want my sister back."

"Fine, I'm back."  Before my words were even finished, I balled my fist and punched her in the arm as well.

She winced and rubbed her arm, but I could tell she was pleased by the slight smile tugging on her lips.  Mine mirrored hers, glad that I was forgiven, but it immediately turned into a frown at my father's words.

"We know about you and King Finnian, Kendall."  He tried to make his voice smoothing, but I still tensed up.

"What about us?"  I spoke slowly, trying to figure out what exactly they knew before I confessed anything.  I shot Tyler a glance, or more like glare, out of the corner of my eye.

I saw him mouth sorry as he rubbed the back of his neck, a look of guilt on his face.  I looked away, not sure how I felt about him telling my secret when he seemed adamant not to last night.  I turned my attention back to my father.

"We know he's your mate." 

I started shaking my head before he could even finish his sentence.  I bounced my leg, but it wasn't enough to get rid of the nervous energy.  I stood up and started pacing in front of the TV, in front of all of them.  "I don't want to talk about it."  I mumbled as I continued pacing.

"Kenny, sweetheart, I know something is bothering you.  Let us help you."

"You know I don't like to be called that."  I growled at him, trying to change the subject.

"Kendall, just tell us.  No one here is judging you."  Selena added in.

I just shook my head at her and continued pacing while chewing on my thumb nail.  They continued trying to coax it out of me and I continued to refuse.  I could tell they were getting frustrated, but so was I.  Getting rejected was a big deal in the werewolf world.  It almost never happened.  When it did, it would bring shame upon the rejected wolf.  They were looked down on as being defective somehow.  If my family knew the truth, I would feel the full force of that shame.  The King hadn't flat out rejected me, but he did the closest thing to it. 

"Did you two have a fight?"  Dad continued to question, trying to fill in the blanks himself.

"No."  I snapped.

He finally stood up from his chair and stopped in front of me, halting my pacing.  I looked up at his frustrated face and he looked down at my annoyed one.

"Enough of this Kendall!  Tell us now!"  He yelled, his Alpha command behind his words.

The command didn't work on my wolf, but his words and angry tone did make the dam finally break.  I had held it together before now.  I had let my rage numb me of all other emotions.  But now, standing in front of my Dad, who looked down at me with exasperation and fear, the rage finally faded and allowed in everything else.

My lips trembled, making it hard to speak.  "He doesn't want me."  A harsh sob tore from my throat at my last word.

Once I started, I couldn't stop.  Loud, guttural cries escaped my throat as tears poured down my face like a never ending river.  My legs gave out from under me and Dad was there.  He wrapped his strong arms around me, holding me upright.  I clenched his shirt tightly and buried my face in his chest.  He held me against him tightly, shushing me and rubbing my back up and down. 

I didn't have it in me to focus on anyone else.  I didn't know what their reactions to my break down were and at that exact moment, I didn't really care.  

I just couldn't hold it in anymore.  Everything that had happened with Finnian finally hit me, full force, in front of the majority of my family.  Every uncaring word he'd spoken to me.  Every moment he would trick me into believing we had a chance, just to crush it in the next.  Every time he rejected me and pushed me away.  It was all coming out.

I couldn't be sure how long I stood there.  All I knew was that the room was completely silent except for my loud sobbing.  I wasn't even completely sure they were still in the room. 

I was having trouble breathing after a while, the air not making it to my lungs.  My whole body shook and a cold sweat broke out across my skin.  My heart was racing, beating painfully against my ribcage. 

Dad finally pulled my face away from his chest once I started getting lightheaded from lack of oxygen.  He cupped my face in his hands and I grabbed onto his wrists to steady myself.  I looked at him, feeling panicked.

"Take slow, deep breaths, sweetheart.  Try to calm down."  He demonstrated the breaths he was talking about.  He took in long, deep breaths through his nose and released them through his mouth. 

I tried to do the same.  Tears still spilled down my cheeks, but eventually my sobs quietened and my breathing slowed.  I continued to take in deep breaths, letting the oxygen fill my lungs.

Once my breathing returned back to normal and my sobs stopped, I collapsed again him again in exhaustion.  My eyes felt heavy and raw from tears and my throat was sore from sobbing for so long. I let my eyelids flutter shut completely and my breathing slowed even further.

I felt my feet leave the ground and my body being cradled to Dad's chest, but I still didn't open my eyes.  He walked for a while before I was lowered onto a soft surface.  A warm blanket was pulled tight around my chilled body.  The last thing I felt before I completely drifted off into oblivion was Dad kissing my forehead and mumbling that he loved me.

*********************

When I woke up for the second time that day, I felt crappy, although not as crappy as the first time.  My temples throbbed in sync with my heartbeat and my eyes were dry and scratchy.  I rubbed them with the heel of my palm and sat up.

I was disoriented for a few minutes, but once I got my bearings I was surprised to see Selena sitting on her bed, gazing at me.  I would have called her a creep for staring had she not looked so upset.

"What time is it?"  I mumbled. 

"It's just after two.  You've been asleep for about three hours."

I nodded and sat up completely, letting my comforter and sheets pool in my lap.

"Why didn't you tell me?"  She whispered after a few minutes of silence.

I sighed.  "I was embarrassed.  I didn't want to admit that there was something so wrong with me that my own mate wouldn't want me."

"There's not a damn thing wrong with you.  The only person who should feel ashamed is King Dickwad.  He's the problem; not you."  She told me fiercely. 

I smiled weakly at her.  "Thanks, Sel.  That means a lot to me."

"Do you want to talk about it?"  She asked hesitantly. 

"Not really, but I feel like I owe you an explanation for how I acted yesterday."

"You don't owe me anything, Kendall.  You were hurting, I understand."

"That's not an excuse."  I argued.  "I was horrible.  I practically forced you to go out.  I knew you were trying to change, show Dad that you could be trusted.  I was so selfish.  What I did was unforgivable."

"I do forgive you though.  I'm letting you off the hook.  Now let yourself off the hook."

"I don't know if I can.  I was horrible to the people who really love me just because of some asshole who doesn't."

"You can.  I'm sure I'll do something crappy in the future, probably sooner rather than later.  I'll get a free pass and we'll be even."  She joked.

I laughed lightly.  "Okay."  I finally agreed.  "So, you and Tyler, huh?"

A light blush covered her cheeks and I fought back a laugh.  "He's pretty great.  Although I still want to know what you told him about me.  He never told me."  She glared at me now.

I tried to think back and I finally remembered our conversation in the pool... We had talked about the King that day... I shook my head and pushed all thoughts of him away, instead focusing on my sister.

"I didn't say anything too bad." 

"Expand."  She demanded.

"I just told him that me, you, and Kat had been causing Mom and Dad trouble for years." 

"What else?"  She continued to glare at me.

I grinned when I thought back to our night out a couple weeks ago, the night Kat and I did karaoke.  "I might have told him a few stories about you."

"Which ones?"  

"I may have told him how you got Dalton ran over."  I giggled.

"Kendall!  I did no such thing!  That was entirely on you and him.  You should have been smarter to realize it was him and he should have moved faster.  Werewolf speed, my ass."  She grumbled, crossing her arms defensively.

My giggle turned into a full on laugh.

"Did you mention Kat's silencing spell?"

"Yeah, I had too to tell that story.

"Did you tell him how we got caught doing it?"  Her voice rose like ten notches, turning shrill.

"No, geez.  You sound more like a banshee than a werewolf when you talk like that.  We all promised we'd never speak of it again.  It was just as embarrassing for me as it was for you."

"Now I have to hear this story."  Tyler sauntered into the room and took a seat next to Selena.

"You will literally have to have a witch pry that memory from our brains if you want to know, because none of us are ever telling."  I crossed my arms over my chest.

He looked at Selena pleadingly, but she just raised an eyebrow and agreed with me.

"So why are you here anyways?"  I finally asked him, addressing the elephant in the room.  Now that I was calmed down a little and had released some of my pent up emotion, I was able to finally talk about this without crying or wanting to punch someone.

"After you left, Finn called me into his meeting room.  He seemed... really upset."

I glared at the ground.  "Good, he should be.  I hope he still is."  I said spitefully. 

"Anyways, he wanted me to go after you, keep you safe."

"Why?"  I stared at him imploringly.

"Is it really that surprising after what happened last time you left the castle?" 

"Yes, actually, because I know he doesn't give a shit."

"I can promise you, Kendall, he gives plenty of shits."  I looked at him in amusement at his word choice, despite the meaning behind them.

"If he was so worried, then how come he let me leave?  How did I manage to make it past all the guards?"

"He told them to let you through.  He felt guilty for what happened, whatever it was that actually happened, so he wanted you to be able to get away for a few days, but he also wanted you safe."

"He didn't tell you what happened?" I questioned meekly.

"No, and I didn't pry for information.  If one of you wants to tell me, you will.  I do want to apologize to you, by the way.  I'm sorry for telling your family.  I should have let you do it, but they were so concerned that I couldn't say no."

I shook my head at him.  "Don't apologize, Tyler.  You didn't do anything wrong.  The only thing you've done was try to help me.  I'm sorry for how I acted."

I wanted to ask him if he had talked to the King, but I couldn't bring myself to.  I didn't want to know if he asked about me or not.  It would just hurt if he hadn't and get my hopes up if he had, which would hurt worse later.

"I understand, Kendall.  No one is mad at you."  I smiled at him gratefully.

I was feeling better now that I made up for two of the five people who were affected by my actions last night.  And that was only the people here.  I'm sure Matt was pissed at me too, which made me wonder if anyone had called him to let him know I was okay.

"Thanks, Tyler.  By the way, has anyone talked to Matt?"

"I called Kat on the way back from the party yesterday, so they know you're safe."  Selena answered.

"Does he know anything?" 

"As far as I know, he doesn't.  You'll have to ask Mom, Dad, and Brody if they told him though."

"I guess it's time to face the music anyways." 

I stood up from my bed and walked out of the room, Selena and Tyler following behind me.  They didn't really need to be present, but I knew Selena just liked to be in everyone's business.  She would eavesdrop even if she wasn't in the room, so it didn't really matter either way.

Once I made it downstairs, it was a similar sight to this morning.  Dad and Brody were both sitting in their same chairs and Mom rushed up to me, pulling me into a tight hug. She didn't pull away until a few minutes later.

"Are you feeling better?  Do you want something to eat?  I was so worried about you."  She looked me over frantically.

"I'm feeling better, Mom, really.  You don't need to worry.  And maybe later, okay?"  I smiled weakly at her.

She nodded hesitantly and released me.  I walked over to the couch and sat down.  Selena sat in the middle and Tyler on the other side of her.

"So I guess it's time to tell you everything."  I started before anyone else could talk.  Mom walked over and sat down on the arm of Dad's chair.  All eyes turned to me.

"Only when you're ready, Kenny."

 "I'll never be ready, but I need to get it out in the open."

He nodded and everyone sat silently, waiting for me to begin.  I struggled with where to start, but decided the beginning was the best.

"Okay, so I realized the King and I were mates on my first night there.  I guess he sensed me and was listening to what I was doing in my room.  Dalton came in and we were arguing, or at least I thought we were arguing.  But then he stormed in and choked him and told him to never flirt with me again."

"You didn't realize he was flirting?"  Selena snickered, interrupting me.

"How was I supposed to know that he had a thing for me?  Kat was the only one who knew.  He wasn't exactly obvious about it."

"Uhh, wrong.  Everyone knew and he made it very obvious."  Selena argued.

"Did he tell you?  Who all knew?"

Every single person in the room then informed me that they were aware of his feelings, even Tyler.  I gawked at all of them. 

"Whatever, can I finish my story now?  Anyways, he commanded Dalton not to tell anyone he was there.  He seemed into me at first, but then he got all cold and distant.  Tried to command me not to tell anyone either.  His commands don't have an effect on me, but I was embarrassed, so I didn't tell anyone but Kat."

"Kat knew and I didn't?"  Selena demanded.

"Selena, be quiet and let your sister talk."  Mom chided.

"So then we had dinner later.  He acted like he didn't even know me.  But then he showed up in my room again later.  That's basically been our entire relationship, or whatever you want to call it.  He acts like I mean nothing to him in public, then sneaks in my room at night and tries to act like a good mate.  He's such an ass."  I got carried away at the end and ended up ranting instead of telling a story.

I couldn't help it, I was just so pissed at him.  Why did he have to lead me on like he had?  Why not just reject me in the first place?  Was he just a sadistic bastard that got off on playing me?  Or was there more to the story that I didn't know?  Guess I'd never find out, because I was dead serious when I told him I was done.

"Things went like that for a while.  He was so back and forth all the time, it nearly gave me whiplash."

I paused for a moment, lost in my thoughts.  I shook my head and tried to remember where I left off.

"So, anyways, I thought we were finally making some progress after my attack.  He was coming to my room every night, he was finally starting to open up to me.  He even helped me to get over the guilt I was feeling about killing those wolves.  I thought things were finally getting better."

I had been so wrong, it wasn't even funny.

"So that leads me to yesterday.  We were at that stupid freaking brunch.  I got jealous when I saw him talking to some other girl.  Niki wouldn't let me confront him there, but once it was finished, I went up to his room..."

"What happened up there, Kendall?"  Dad lightly coaxed after I stayed silent for a little too long.

I sighed heavily, not really wanting to tell them what happened, but knowing I had to.  "He said I'd never be his Queen and that he didn't want me.  That he'd never want me and I just wasn't good enough.  I told him if he let me leave, then I was done.  He didn't try to stop me.  So I left.  I'm sorry, Dad.  I know this is important to you, but I can't be there anymore.  Please don't make me go back."

A few tears leaked out of my eyes as I begged my Dad not to push the issue, not to force me back there where I was unwanted.

"Of course, sweetheart.  You don't have to-"

"No."  Mom interrupted, sounding firm and unrelenting, which was unusual for her.  My jaw dropped slightly.  "You promised your Dad two months, you'll finish those two months."

My jaw dropped even further.  I suspected Dad might try to force me back, but never Mom.

"Abby, it's fine-"

"Don't you Abby me, Jefferson.  She is going back and that's final."

"Mom, I don't understand.  Selena will be there with Tyler, she can just take over for me."  I tried to change her mind, but my words were breathy and unconvincing as confusion took over.

Mom stood up and walked over to me, sitting down between me and Selena.  I turned to face her and she grabbed my hands.

"I love you, Kendall.  You're my baby and as much as I want to give in and let you stay, I can't do that.  I didn't raise you kids to back down from a challenge.  I didn't raise quitters.  I know this is hard for you and I'm so sorry you're going through this.  But you promised your Dad two months and you're going to fulfill your commitment and finish those two months."  She explained.  More tears leaked from my eyes.

"Mom," I choked out past the lump in my throat.  "I can't be near him.  It hurts too much."

"Oh, sweetie." Her hand rested on my cheek.  "You're so strong.  You're a fighter, Kendall.  I'm not going to let you stop fighting just because you're hurting.  He's your mate; your destiny.  You two are meant to be and I know you'll find a way back together. And if you don't, at the very least you'll be able to say you gave it your all.  Don't give up just yet, baby girl."

I released a shaky breath.  My hands were trembling slightly.  I thought over her words for a few minutes, mulling them over, before I finally decided she was right.  This isn't me.  Running away from my problems.  I've always faced my problems head on with my head held high. 

I wasn't so sure about the part about the King and me making it, but I was sure that I wasn't going to lose myself because of him.  I deserved better than that and I wasn't going to let him take anymore from me.  I was going to walk back into that caste like I owned the place, with my head held high and full of the confidence that I always had before him.  I let him break me down, now it was time to build myself back up.

"Okay."  I finally breathed out.

I was ready to show him what a fighter Kendall Keating really is.