Chapter Eleven:

I woke with a gasp, my breathing heavy and labored.  The sound of a snapping neck and the gush of blood pouring from a clawed carotid still echoed through my mind.  My body was drenched in a warm liquid.  My panic increased at the thought of being covered in someone's blood again.  Looking down at my chest, I realized it was sweat.  Despite the chill in the air, my body was saturated with perspiration. 

I tried to calm my breathing, taking deep, slow breaths.  My sweltering body was cocooned in a sea of blankets.  I sat up and kicked my legs out, trying to disentangle myself from the mass of material. 

I sighed in relief as I was able to breathe a little easier once the blankets were off of me and the chilly air was able to caress my skin, cooling it immediately. 

It had been five days since the incident and I couldn't relieve myself of the guilt I felt over taking the lives of two men.  I had been able to distract myself easily enough during the day.  The first morning I had woken up, I had been surrounded by a plethora of people.  The second day, I spent training with the Head Enforcer, Harrison Trager.  Tyler had been happy to set it up for me and Harrison had been pleased to have me join.  He certainly kept me busy.

It was, unfortunately, during the night that I couldn't distract myself.  My dreams were filled with the incident.  Sometimes, I would even get glances of people sobbing for the loss of their loved ones.  The faces were all a blur, but I could feel the grief rolling off of them in waves.  It made me sick with shame.

I shut my eyes tight, pushing the nightmare away.  I was trying to take Tyler's advice about choosing to accept what I had done without guilt, but that was easier said than done.  As much as logic told me I had done what I had to do, my morality painted a different picture.  Hopefully time would help heal this wound.

Once I had calmed myself down, I switched on the lamp on the bedside table and looked at the clock.  It was barely four AM, but I knew trying to sleep again was pointless. 

As I stood up, I finally was able to catch the lingering scent in the air.  King Finnian had been in here.

I wasn't surprised.  He had been in my room every night since was incident.  The only problem was, he only came when I was asleep.  I had only caught him that first night when I tried to attack him.  The only evidence I had been left with of his visits was his scent that clung to the air.  It was barely detectable, others wouldn't have caught it, but as his mate, his scent was stronger to me than others. 

I didn't really know how to feel about his visits.  I was so completely confused with our relationship; I didn't know what to make of it.  Half of the time, I thought that he cared, but the other half of the time it seemed he wanted nothing to do with me.  It was a conundrum for sure.

Deciding to leave the empty stillness of my room, I swung my legs off my bed and made my way to the bathroom.  I quickly got ready for a work out, not bothering to shower first since I'd just sweat again in a few minutes.  I dressed in a pair of purple Nike shorts, a sports bra, and a loose razor back tank top, along with my favorite tennis shoes.  I left my hair in the French braids it was already in.

I stopped by the kitchen on the way to the gym and grabbed a bottle of water.  I walked quietly through the halls, careful not to wake anyone since it was still early.  I didn't see a single soul in the hallways until I was out of the residential wing.  After that, I saw workers arriving for and beginning their shifts.  I sent them polite smiles when they greeted me, but didn't stop until I reached the gym. 

It was completely empty, like I expected.  I decided to start my workout with a run.  I hopped on the treadmill and turned it up high.  It was probably stupid of me not to start out slow.  I didn't exactly work out regularly.  Me and exercise never got along.  Aside from training, I had never hit up the gym like some of my family did.  I was in good fighting shape in both forms and good running shape in my wolf form, but running as a human?  Not so much.  But the exertion helped take my mind off of other things, so I pushed my body as far as it would go.

I pushed and I pushed, endlessly for two hours.  I pushed until the only sound that ricocheted in my head was the heavy thumping of my heart and the slapping of my feet against the treadmill.  My breathing was heavy and labored and my sides ached with the effort, but I kept going.  I kept going until sweat covered my whole body, dripping off of me disgustingly. 

I kept going until I could hardly breathe and black dots started dancing in front of my vision.  Then I stopped.  As the treadmill came to a stop, I quickly collapsed to the ground next to it.  I gulped down water between my ragged breaths.  Eventually, my breathing and heart rate slowed to a normal pace.  I took another sip of water before I stood up again.

I made my way to another room in the gym.  I stopped in front of a punching bag, needing to release some of my pent up aggression.  I didn't bother wrapping my hands or putting on gloves.  I wanted to feel the pain.

Once I threw my first punch, I couldn't stop.  I threw punch after punch, kick after kick.  I felt like I was in a blind rage.  The pain didn't even didn't even register in my mind as a red haze took over my vision, guiding my actions. 

I don't know how long I went for, could have been minutes, could have been hours.  I let out a scream of frustration as I slammed my fist into the bag as hard as I could.  My last hit did in both the bag and my wrist.  The bag snapped off the hook, sand slipping out.  My wrist throbbed painfully and I wondered briefly if I had broken it.

As the haze lifted, I surveyed the damage to my hands, my knuckles raw and bloody.  I was feeling the pain now that the adrenaline was wearing off.  I hissed in pain as I wiped the blood against my tank top, staining the grey material with crimson.  More blood seeped from the wounds, but not as much.  My hands were swollen and bruised.  I shook my wrists out.  They hurt like hell, but they didn't feel broken.  All in all, the damage should heal itself within a day or two.

"You should consider wearing gloves next time, Miss Keating."  A voice spoke up from behind me.

I whirled around in surprise.  I hadn't even heard anyone approaching me.  My defenses were up, but once I saw the owner of the voice, they lowered.

Royal Beta Kieran was standing in front of me, looking every bit the Royal he was.  He was in a fancy dark blue suit, not a wrinkle in sight.  He wore an expensive looking gold watch and his hair was neatly combed back, not one strand out of place.  His intense blue eyes were fixed on me.  They looked so much like his brothers it hurt.

"You scared me."  I put my battered and bleeding hand against my chest, willing my heart to slow down.

He looked amused, his lips curling upwards ever so slightly.  "My apologies, Miss Keating.  That wasn't my intention."

"Don't worry about it.  It was my fault.  I should have heard you."  I smiled slightly at him.

"Are you in need of medical assistance?"  His eyes looked down at my hands, then back to my face.

"No, no.  I'm fine.  It looks worse than it is.  I'll be sure to wear gloves next time."

"Perhaps try a little restraint to not obliterate the bag as well." 

I would have thought he was angry by his words, but his voice held a teasing edge which told me otherwise.  I hadn't talked to Kieran much, or at all really, but he didn't seem as intimidating as I once believed.

"I'll do what I can."

"I have no doubts that the gym manager will appreciate that."

"There's a gym manager?"  I inquired.

"Yes.  He is in charge of maintenance of the gym facilities."  He answered. 

I nodded in response, not sure what else to say, but he spoke again so I didn't have to.

"King Finnian sent me to retrieve you.  He would like a word in his meeting room."  He informed me.

My nerves skyrocketed.  What could he possibly want to see me for?  And why couldn't he just come get me himself?

"The King wants to see me?  Why?"  I asked, sounding anxious.

He didn't say anything about my nervousness.  He must have assumed it was because I was intimidated by the King, not because he was my mate.

"He has given you a few days to rest, but now he needs to question you about the events that took place during the attack."

I nodded slowly.  I didn't know what more I could tell him.  The guys refused to answer questions that day, but I'd go along with this.  He gestured for me to follow him and I walked next to him, leaving a couple of feet between us.  We walked in silence for a few minutes, with me still trying to stop the bleeding of my knuckles, before he spoke up.

He cleared his throat hesitantly.  I looked up at him.  "I would just like to extend my appreciation for your actions that day.  I loathe to think about what might have happened to my Emiliya had you not sensed the wolves when you did." 

I was surprised.  I hadn't expected that from him.  I guess I just assumed he was like the male version of Emiliya, but maybe not.  "Yeah, well, I'm glad I sensed them in time.  Had they been smarter, they would have kept a greater distance.  I got lucky I guess."

"I wouldn't call it luck.  You have good instincts.  Accept that with pride.  It is, after all, something to be quite proud of."

I nodded at him in appreciation.  "Thank you.  That means a lot coming from you, Royal Beta."

"I give credit where credit is due, Miss Keating.  You earned that credit." 

He stopped us in front of a familiar door.  The same room King Finnian interviewed me in last time.  He opened the door and allowed me to walk inside the small meeting room.

"Please wait here.  King Finnian will be with you shortly."

I nodded at him.  When he shut the door, leaving me alone, I took a seat, facing the exit.

I waited for about five minutes before he decided to make an appearance. When he fully shut the door, leaving us in complete isolation from everyone else due to Niki's silencing spell on the room, he turned his gaze towards me.  His eyes were golden and filled with fury.  I quickly racked my mind, trying to figure out what I had done to piss him off, but I came up blank.

He must have noticed my look of perplexity, because he growled lowly and strode over to me, his long legs reaching me in just three steps.  He ripped my rolling chair out from under the table and grabbed my arm, his hold gentle despite his aggressive actions.  He pulled me to my feet and close to his body.  His musky scent made me dizzy in the best way possible.  I was so enraptured with it, I didn't even feel self-conscious about my sweat soaked body.

After a few seconds, I got my bearings and rage filled me, matching his to a tee. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?  You can't just manhandle me whenever you want to."  I tried to jerk my arm out of his firm grasp, but he wasn't having it.  In fact, he just pulled me closer.

"No, what the hell is wrong with you?" He glowered down at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Your hands."  He gritted out.  He looked like he was on the verge of shifting, trying desperately not to.

I glanced down at my hands and finally realized what his problem was.  My knuckles had stopped bleeding, but were still cut up.  My fingers and wrists were tender and hurt to move.  He was pissed because I had abused my hands, but why?  Why did he care?

He released his grip on my upper arm and grabbed my hands in his much bigger ones.  His touch was gentle, his thumbs massaging my aching wrists.  He lifted them to his lips, kissing every cut tenderly.  My eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his lips on my skin.  All pain disappeared when he touched me.

His lips lingered for a few moments before he pulled back.  My eyes snapped open at his words.  "If you ever do something like this again, I'll make sure you never step foot in another gym." 

I pulled away from him harshly, his words infuriating me.  "You can't tell me what to do.  You have no right."  I yelled at him.

"I have every right.  I'm your King."  He spoke calmly, but his eyes gave away his real feelings.  They were practically glowing with anger.

"You may be my King, but it's my body.  I can do whatever I want to with it, including abuse it.  Back the fuck off."

"No one is going to hurt you, including yourself.  Not while I'm alive."  He lowered his voice, trying to sound menacing, intimidating.  It didn't intimidate me.

"Oh, yeah?"  I asked challengingly.  He just raised an eyebrow at my challenge.  Had I been any other wolf, a challenge would have resulted in my death. 

My next move was stupid, so incredibly stupid, but my temper got the best of me, forcing me to do things I wouldn't normally do.  I guess between the guilt I was feeling, the hatred, and the fury, I wasn't exactly myself.  Which is why I slammed my fist into the stone wall as hard as I could, effectively shattering the bones in my hand.

As we had been talking, I had slowly been putting distance between us.  He hadn't bothered to stop me, but he should have.  He tried to grab my hand before it could hit the wall, but he was too far away.  Despite his crazy fast reflexes, I somehow managed to beat him, based on the pure fact that I was closer to the wall than he was to me.

It took a second to comprehend the pain, but once I did, it hit full force.  A cry of pain left my lips and tears built in my eyes.  I cradled my throbbing, bloody hand against my chest, feeling like an idiot.  I had no idea why I would break my hand like that, but I just felt the need to defy him.  I wanted to go against everything he said. It wasn't reasonable or mature, but it was what I felt, so I went for it, not thinking over the consequences first.  Now those consequences were kicking me in the ass.

King Finnian swore under his breath and grabbed my hand pulling it away from my chest.  He held it gently, kissing my knuckles once again.  He pulled one hand away from me, grabbing his cell phone out of his pocket.  He typed in it for a moment before putting it back and grabbing my hand in both of his once again.

I blinked away the tears, trying not to cry.  I focused on him instead.  I focused on his eyes, his scent, the softness of his lips against my fingers.

I finally calmed down enough to speak, to try and explain my actions, but before I could, the door opened and Niki strolled in.  She was wearing a long dress that was trailing behind her.  It was modern, but had the style of something we'd see in a movie set before the 1900s.  Her long auburn hair was down, hanging to her waist, half of it pulled back.

"What are you doing here?"  I asked as she closed the door behind her.

"I asked her to come heal you."  King Finnian growled out.

His brief attention on his phone made sense now.

Niki walked over to us, stopping in front of me.  She gave King Finnian an expectant look when he didn't release my hand.  He pressed a few more kisses against it before reluctantly extending it to Niki, laying my hand in between hers.  She examined it closely.

"Oh, dear girl.  You are too recalcitrant for your own good."  She shook her head slightly.

"Okay, Merriam-Webster.  Are you sure you're a witch and not an SAT tutor?" 

Her lips twitched upward.

"You are also quite droll." 

I rolled my eyes, but didn't reply.  She closed her eyes and started chanting.  I felt the pain in my hand fade to a numb tingling.  Within a few minutes, it was good as new.

"Thanks, Niki."  I told her once she was done.

"You're welcome, Kendall.  Please, do be more circumspect next time." 

I blushed, feeling embarrassed for my actions.  I nodded and she left us alone.  I almost begged her to stay, not wanting to deal with King Finnian, but I knew she wouldn't so I kept my mouth shut.

As soon as the door clicked shut, King Finnian had me pressed against the wall, his body molded against mine.  He dipped his head, letting his lips skim against my ear.

"If you ever do something like that again, I'll have you locked in a padded room."  He whispered against my ear. 

At his words, all enjoyment of his actions left and I pushed him away.  It didn't do much, but he willingly stepped away from me.

"I don't like threats and I don't like being ordered around.  Hence why Niki needed to come heal me in the first place.  Perhaps try asking, King Finnian.  Politeness can go a long way."  I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

He gritted his teeth and sighed through his nose.  "Fine."  He spat out.  "Please, don't harm yourself again." 

He looked pained, like he never had to ask instead of demand something.  I got a twisted amusement from his displeasure.  I wasn't planning on hurting myself again, but I still wanted him to ask instead of demand.

"Fine."  I agreed.

I sat down and he took a seat in the chair across from me.  I tucked my legs underneath me and leaned my elbows on the table, my chin resting against my now healed fists.  He sat up straight, his posture screaming confidence and dominance. 

"So what do you want to know?"  I inquired, looking him directly in his now cerulean eyes.

"I need you to tell me exactly what happened and what was said.  Word for word, Miss Keating."  All emotions had been wiped from his face. 

I rolled my eyes.  If I was never called Miss Keating again, it would be too soon.

"I caught one of their scents while we were in the restaurant.  I didn't know if he was a threat.  I didn't want to alert Niki and everyone until I was sure." 

He cut in, a hint of anger settling on his face.  "You should have alerted her."

I waved him off.  "Yeah, yeah.  Don't even start.  You and my entire family have already succeeded in making me feel like a five year old with all the scolding I've received.  I get it.  I was dumb.  Let's move on."

He glared at me, but kept his mouth shut.

"So anyways, when I got outside, I followed his scent.  He was hiding in the woods.  He took off, so I followed him.  I was able to subdue him pretty easily.  I questioned him for a few minutes, he deflected, then another-"

"Word for word, Miss Keating."  He reminded, interrupting me.

"Are you serious?  It was just a bunch of insults and unanswered questions."

"I'm always serious."

I snorted unattractively.  "Yeah, I realized that the second you tried to kill my pack's future Beta."

He gave me an unimpressed look.  I sighed.

"Fine.  I asked him who he was.  He said something along the lines of my worst nightmare.  I told him I was insulted that he even considered himself a threat to me and to not make me ask again.  He called me a bitch or something.  Before I could say anything else, someone came up from behind us.  I moved before he could kick me in the head, but the first guy was able to get on top of me."

"Did he do anything to you?"  He spoke through gritted teeth.

"Not really.  I think he managed to punch me then, but I kneed him in the balls and he got off me.  The second guy ran at me.  I was able to move just in time.  I had him on the ground and asked again who they were..."  I paused, not sure I wanted to disclose my next actions.  I didn't want to give him the upper hand in our screwed up relationship.

"What did he say?"  He demanded.

I sighed and told him, knowing I wouldn't leave this room until he had the truth.  "He said and I quote, 'The King won't be able to protect little bitches like you once we kill him'.  I wasn't planning on killing them.  I was going to subdue them, so that you guys could question him.  But he said that, and my wolf instincts told me to kill him before he could hurt you.  I always follow my instincts."

Once I finished, I moved my gaze from the table top to him, looking at him through my lashes.  He had a thoughtful look on his face.  I didn't know how to interpret it.

"Did he say anything else before you killed him?" 

"No..."

"What happened next?"

I narrowed my eyes in frustration.  "Don't you have anything to say about why I killed him?" 

I wanted him to feel something.  I wanted him to open up somehow.  I mean, damn.  I tell him I killed someone, ended their life, because they threatened him.  A threat they never would have been able to achieve, by the way.  And he has nothing to say?  Screw that.

"What is there to say?  You reacted like any wolf would have had their mate been threatened."  He said it like it was common sense, like he didn't know what my problem was.

"I doubt you would have."  I mumbled bitterly.  I crossed my arms over my chest in anger.  Was it that difficult to give me some kind of reaction?

He had a look of exasperation on his face, which irritated me more.  He sighed, like I was some petulant child who he was tired of talking to.

"I don't have the time nor the energy to ease your doubts and insecurities all day.  I would have reacted in a similar manner.  That is all I have to say on the issue."

"You're an ass."  I added, wanting to get the last word at least.

"Wrap this up, Miss Keating."  He ignored my insult.

"Fine.  After I snapped his neck, the first guy managed to get on top of me.  He disoriented me before I could fight back.  He kept slamming my head into the ground.  Before he could kill me, he stopped.  I didn't realize it was Kat at the time.  I took the opportunity while he was vulnerable for attack and ripped his throat out.  I passed out after that."

"He didn't say anything else?"  He questioned.

"Nope."  I said absentmindedly. 

Guilt ate at me, gnawing at my stomach painfully.  I looked down at my hands and all I could see was weapons.  Weapons that ripped out the throat of one man and snapped the neck of another.  I had to blink hard to get the image of blood saturating them out of my head.

"You feel guilty, don't you?"  It wasn't really a question.  His voice was softer than I was used to.  I blinked a few times, trying to focus on here and now and not on the events of a few days ago.

I hesitated, but finally nodded once.

"They don't deserve your guilt."  He stated simply.

"I know they don't, but it's not that easy."

"I know.  It'll get easier."

I chewed on my lower lip, thinking over my next words.  "Who was the first person you had to kill?"  I finally asked.

He didn't answer for a while, and that gave me my answer.

"It's none of my business.  I guess I forgot my place again."  I said bitterly, remembering what his words to me had been last time we were in this room.  I stood up, with every intention of leaving now that he knew the whole story, but I didn't make it out of my seat.

"His name was Levi Redford.  He was Alpha of the Redford pack.  He was a member on my father's Royal Council.  He was a trusted friend and ally.  My father thought he was anyways."

He looked thoughtful.  He stared at the wall, not looking at me.  I stayed silent, not wanting to ruin this moment.  This was the first time he had ever opened up to me.  My heart swelled at the thought of him trusting me enough to share this story.

"Redford had it in his head that he would make a better King.  There is always someone who thinks they would do a better job.  My father was far too trusting.  That was his biggest mistake."

His eyes moved from the wall to meet mine.  They were a stormy swirl of midnight blue and gold.  They were mesmerizing and I couldn't look away if I tried.  I wanted to comfort him, but I was scared to move even an inch.

"My mother was pregnant when she died.  There are only six people who are still alive who know that, seven now including you.  She couldn't shift.  Redford used this to his advantage.  He was here for a party.  It was a small get together to celebrate my parent's anniversary.  Mother had slipped away to freshen up.  Redford snuck out and followed her.  Father had been drinking; his senses were slower than usual.  Had he been sober, things may have ended a lot differently."

His eyes left mine again.  He seemed more thoughtful than upset.

"Redford shifted and my mother didn't stand a chance.  Due to her inability to shift and the element of surprise, it didn't take Redford long.  He killed her quickly.  That was the only bright side to the situation.  She at least didn't have to suffer.  My father was fueled by his drunken grief.  He was sloppy. Redford killed him."

He paused for a few minutes, just staring into space.  My need to get up and comfort him was growing, but I could sense that he wasn't finished, so I stayed seated.

"I've never been able to figure out what he thought would happen after that.  I guess he figured taking out the King meant the throne automatically went to him.  I had been the first one in the room that day.  The first one to see my parents mangled bodies.  Kieran and Tyler weren't far behind.  They killed Redford's men.  Redford was mine though.  He was my only focus.  He died a coward.  Once he saw his men being taken out, he tried to run.  He didn't even make it to the hallway.  I didn't stop until his head and limbs were completely severed from his body."

"Did you feel guilty?"  I whispered after a few moments of silence.  His eyes snapped to mine.

"Not even a little.  And neither should you.  Redford didn't deserve it and neither do those wolves you killed.  I wish I could have been there to protect you.  I'll always regret not being there to end them myself.  You basically did them a favor." 

"How is that?"  I asked, feeling confused and weirdly vulnerable.

"You ended them quickly.  They didn't have to suffer.  Had they killed you instead, I can promise I wouldn't have granted them the same cutesy.  Even if they hadn't killed you, they still hurt you.  I'll keep to myself exactly what I would have done to them, but just know that you did them a favor by saving them from having to deal with me."  His eyes had darkened, just like his tone.

I gulped and tried to lighten the subject.  "Is that your twisted way of making me feel better?"

"Did it?"

"Maybe a little."

His lips tugged up in the corner, the closest I had gotten to a smile from him.  He soon dropped it and got serious again.

"Let the guilt go, Kendall."  I stared at him in shock.  He had only called me by my first name twice now.  "You shouldn't feel guilty about protecting yourself.  I'm glad you did.  I don't know what I would have done if I lost you..."  He trailed off and looked at me with a tenderness I hadn't seen before.  I nearly melted in my seat and he didn't even have to touch me.

I nodded at his words.  I couldn't say that the remorse was completely gone, but I certainly felt lighter than I had in days.  King Finnian had gotten through to me in ways no one else could.  All it took was him opening up to me.

He nodded back and stood up. 

"I appreciate your time, Miss Keating.  I have some work to do now."

I nodded and stood up as well.  I walked over to him.  He was about to pull the door open, but I stopped him, surprising both him and myself.  I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and rested my cheek on his strong, warm chest.

"Thank you..."  I mumbled against him.  It was a loaded thanks. 

Thank you for being honest with me.  Thank you for opening up to me.  Thank you for easing my sorrow.  Thank you for just being here.

He stood still for a few seconds before pushing me back gently.  He swallowed hard and nodded at me.  I gave him a weak smile and left the room, finally starting to feel like myself again.