I wigged out about calling Aiden about a hundred times. It wasn't that I didn't want to, because I totally did, I just didn't know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I'd gone over everything that both Carter and Caitlyn had said and then ended up stuck. I understood that I couldn't very well and keep Aiden on a leash and call it a friendship, because it wasn't fair to either one of us. I had a choice to make, it was either I let him go or we dated for real and letting go sounded painful as hell. So, yeah, no; I wasn't letting go anytime soon. But that still left gathering the courage and putting together the words to speak to him.

"Hey, Camille?"

I swiveled my desk chair in the direction of the bedroom door and raised my brow at Caitlyn in question. "What's up?"

She smiled at me and I found myself smiling nervously back. I still wasn't entirely used to this new, softer Caitlyn, so whenever she showed even the slightest amount of kindness, I was either pleasantly surprised or highly suspicious. She took a step into my room and leaned against the open door. "Wanna do something today, just the two of us? We could grab breakfast or go shopping or really just anything."

"Is something wrong?" I turned back to close my laptop which had gone blank sometime ago and gave her my undivided attention. I couldn't fathom why anyone would want to voluntarily spend time with only me. I was the single most boring person I'd ever met. It was truly mind boggling.

She shook her head. "Nothing's wrong. It just feels like we never spend any time together."

"We went skating a few weeks ago," I reminded her, still not sure what game she was playing. It was always better to be safe than sorry and I was really good at being on the defensive end of everything.

"And we haven't done anything since. It's almost like you don't want to hang out with me."

I studied her pouty face for any sign that she was only kidding, but all that I found was sadness. "Why does it matter?" I hoped it didn't sound like I wasn't taking her seriously, because I really was trying to.

She frowned. "You spend so much time with Carter and even that idiot, Logan, but whenever I suggest that we do something, I'm met with a million questions. Carter could ask you to go breathe with him for half an hour and you'd say yes without hesitation."

Was that jealousy I detected? No way. "That's because I enjoy Carter's company and Logan is literally the easiest person to hang out with." Except that lately they were both annoyingly busy with their love lives and I was left behind.

"So, I'm not easy to hang out with? You don't enjoy my company, too?"

She looked so miserable that I almost laughed. "Oh, Cait," I said, suppressing a chuckle. "I do enjoy your company- especially when you're not being a big meanie, but you've never wanted to hang out before. I'm surprised by your request is all."

She sighed and finally came all the way into the room. Dramatically flinging herself onto my bed, she took a pillow and pretended to smother herself as she mumbled something indecipherable.

"Come again?"

"I'm sorry," she said clearly, moving the pillow away from her face. "About everything. I'm sorry that I was such a pain to you when you first got here. I was so insensitive and careless about hurting you when I knew that you'd had enough on your plate already, so for that, I apologize."

I frowned. We'd already dealt with this issue, so her words were merely a distraction from what was really on her mind. "You've already said your apologies and I've already forgiven you. Come on, what's going on?"

She groaned and it turned into a sorrowful moan. I was by her side in a second, still not sure what was happening. I only knew that I didn't want her crying. I did not do well with other people's tears and as you all know, I give little to no advice. "Do you just want to hang out in here?" I asked in a hopeful voice. "We can binge watch Netflix and eat ice cream like the other kids." As the words left my mouth, I remembered a conversation that I'd had with Carter when I'd first moved there about Cait needing someone to be there for her. At the time, I'd dismissed it because I couldn't see past her gruff exterior, but now I understood. Maybe this was her needing me. But, why me? I was literally the last person that anyone should lean on for comfort, but I didn't want to let her down. "You know what, I think that we should grab breakfast."

I held the door of the Starbucks open for Caitlyn and suppressed a groan at the fact that I was really doing this. I didn't know how jumbled her thoughts were or what exactly I could do to help, but we were already at our destination and I couldn't back out even if I'd wanted to- and I did.

"Two Vanilla Bean frappes, please," Cait ordered while I looked around the crowded coffee shop that was bustling with activity. She asked me if I wanted anything to eat and I politely declined. "And two blueberry cheesecakes." Then to me, "you'll be hungry soon."

I rolled my eyes, not the least bit surprised. But I also knew that I'd only nibble at it. I stepped back when a guy dragging an extension cord passed by me. I was having a judgmental moment, silently berating him for being so careless with the laptop that was barely secured by his arm. He then dropped everything onto an empty table and I winced at the crashing sound.

"I'll go save us a table," I said to Caitlyn, already making my way over to one that had been occupied mere seconds before. It was right by the window and gave me the perfect opportunity to find material to converse about if we ever got stuck. I had never actually spent an extended amount of time with her that required prolonged speech. We were either on the go, or with our friends, so this should be at least a little interesting.

Ten minutes later, she took the seat opposite me and gently placed a medium sized coffee cup of the sugary delight in front of me which I immediately seized. I took the lid off and took a few licks of the whipped cream before resealing it and taking a sip. I imagined some nut somewhere yelling, "Cold drinks in cold weather?!!"

"When are we going to go shopping for presents?"

I screwed up my face. Shopping was my least favorite pastime. "Do we have to?"

She gave me a pointed look, while gingerly cutting into her cheesecake. "Yes, we have to. I've already got a vague idea of what I'm gonna get Mom and Dad, but I need your and Carter's help."

"You really mean that you need us to chip in, don't you?"

She smiled, wiping blueberry jelly from her lips. "Why, yes. And they said that you were slow."

"Shut up!" I sipped my frappe. "What are we getting them?"

"No clue."

"You said that you already knew!"

"No, I said that I had a vague idea. There is a difference."

I tore a piece of cheesecake and licked my fingers. I wondered when the right time was to ask her what was wrong. Maybe nothing was, and she just needed a change of scenery, but I still had to ask. But, when? "I still have no idea what to say to Aiden." I decided to give her some more time, hoping that she'd come to me instead. Also, I wasn't used to having boy problems and needing someone to guide me along the right path, but I figured that it was as good a bonding activity as any.

"Just tell him the truth. You can never go wrong with the honest to goodness truth."

"Are you being serious right now?" Surely, there was a better alternative. Telling him the truth sounded an awful lot like baring my soul, and I was not good at talking about myself, there was too much truth that I wasn't willing to admit even to myself.

"Why are you still so scared?" She pointed her fork at me. "You're being the biggest baby right now. Just swallow your pride and call him."

Stabbing at my cheesecake, I glanced at her. She was lost in her own plate, brows knitted. "What's going on in that head of yours?" I figured it was high time that we stopped avoiding the topic.

"The truth?"

I hesitated, sensing that a shift was about to occur. "Um," I finally said, sticking a pin in the decimation of my cheesecake. "Sure."

She looked up, a sad smile playing at her lips. "My emotions sometimes overwhelm me and I get really, really sad. It's not the kind of sadness that you read about it books, mine is the kind that comes from my soul." She let out a low sigh. "My bio-mom used to act like I wasn't even there whenever my sadness showed. So, eventually, I just stopped letting it show. It was easier to bury my feelings, way easier to pretend to be something that I'm not. And it is so easy to fake happiness. So easy." I reached out and held her hand in mine. A year ago, there was no way that I'd ever have understood where she was coming from, but after everything that had happened, it was like she was reading my non existent diary. "It's so crazy, sometimes it's like I'm drowning in my own thoughts."

"I get that feeling too. It's kind of like you want to scream just to get some release, but you can't ever do that."

She looked out into the street, absently twirling the straw in her cup. "Yeah." After a while she looked at me, sadness radiating off of her in waves. "I've gotten so good at hiding it but I'm not sure that that's the best thing anymore."

We sat there in silence after that, her lost in her thoughts and me lost in mine. There were so many things to be said, I just didn't know how to say them. It's ironic, I always expect everyone else to have the answers to my problems and to actually speak up when I voiced a concern, and here was Caitlyn, spilling her ink to me and I had no words of wisdom although I could probably relate more than anyone else in our circle. It was just so hard to break the "I don't even know what to tell you," cycle.

Caitlyn sighed. "I'd apologize for raining on your day, but I'm hoping that you don't mind that much."

I squeezed her hand. "I love the rain." When I got a smile out of her, I relaxed my hold a bit. "I was thinking about asking Tori to make an appointment with a therapist for me to battle my demons with help, sounds like an idea you can get behind? Therapy might help us both."

She shrugged. "I've tried that. Shit didn't work. Nobody seems to understand that I just can't help the way that I feel."

I nibbled at my bottom lip. I was probably going to piss her off with what I said next. "Maybe you didn't go into it with an open mind. I think that if it's your choice completely then maybe you'd be more willing to open up."

"How are you so sure about it being my fault?"

I shrugged. "Call it a hunch. We're literally twins, remember?"

She smiled, her eyes twinkling with unshed tears. "True. I'll do it if you will."

"Then I will."

"Misery makes for good company, doesn't it?"

I resumed picking apart my cheesecake, a smile tugging at my lips. "The best."

After our breakfast outing, I spent the rest of the day hanging out with my siblings, but by nightfall I was getting antsy because my brain insisted on nagging at me to talk to Aiden and I relentlessly refused to comply. It was an annoying chain of events.

"One of these days, my fist is going to find its way to your eye," Caitlyn was calmly telling Carter who had bitten her sandwich without permission.

He hugged her head. "You're too cute to be so violent." When she gagged, he laughed and released her.

I occasionally looked up from my phone to smile at them, signifying that I was following along, although I wasn't participating in their banter.

For some stupid reason that was probably really good at the time, I'd decided that it was a great idea to create a group chat for April and Jason to work their shit out with my limited help. My intentions were pure, I just wanted them to be able talk to each other without chewing the other's head off and I'd be there to mitigate whenever it got too heated. They had another plan in mind and instead of having a rational conversation they were going so hard at each other that someone was bound to draw blood soon. I suppressed a groan at yet another exchange that I was going to have to insert myself in.

-J: Honestly, I might be wrong but maybe it's not you it's me.

-A: it sure is!

-C: .......

-J: Yeah, it's me who's getting all the heat for something that was your doing. I'm trying to at least be your friend after everything that you did to ensure that that could never happen!

-A: you're funny 😂 i don't think that you even know what it means to be anyone's friend. "friends" don't treat their friends like crap and then pretend like it's all good when it's convenient to them!

-J: How am I the one at fault here? You're the one that changed and left me behind, remember? Or is that one of the things that's been added to your growing list of things you love to pretend never happened? You're a fucked up person for even saying that to me after all that you've put me through

-A: me? what did I put you through? you abandoned me you asshole

-J: Oh come the fuck on! Quit using the fact that I broke it off as an excuse for why you're not wrong. You literally drove me to it!

I put my phone down as April was typing, I was probably going to have to sit this one out. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea. Things only got worse from there.

When I finally checked the messages, they were full on having a pissing match and I didn't know how to stop the madness.

-J: I don't know how I could've ever allowed myself to fall in love with someone who doesn't even know the definition of love

I knitted my brow at that and had to scroll up a bit to see how we'd gotten to that point. Shaking my head, I sighed heavily. April was complaining about how selfish Jason was for wanting things to go back to the way that they were before, without even bothering to fix their current issues. Jason maintained that it was stupid to try and fix anything because all that they did was fight and make things even worse. Then to add fuel to the fire, April said that they were a toxic combination and that the exchange was literally poisoning her happiness. Surprisingly, Jason agreed but somehow managed to blame the toxicity on her since he believed that he was not the one responsible for their relationship ending as badly as it did.

And what was even more horrifying was that they were addressing me more often than not. At some point they should've realized that I wasn't there, but they were so caught up in their anger that they still hadn't noticed my silence.

-A: that's rich coming from a hypocrite like yourself. let's not forget that you're the one that broke up with me! you ditched the train! you shattered my world! and fyi I do know the definition of love which is why I can say with certainty that there is no way that I could ever love someone like you

I felt the sting of her words as though they were meant for me and my heart ached.

-C: Please you guys can we not say things that we can't take back? You two love each other to the deepest parts of the universe and that wont change just because you say it did. Clearly there is a lot of anger that still needs to be sorted out and I honestly wish that I could physically be there to do that but that's not happening. So, I'm going to set some new rules

I sent all that I'd typed before Jason responded to April's announcement and said something even worse. I needed them to focus.

-C: #1 read everything thrice before hitting that button because it can never be taken back once it's out there #2 try to remember that it's you two against the problem not you two against each other. I don't want you guys burning the bridge that leads you back to each other #3 PLEASE

"Everything okay over there?" Caitlyn asked with a worried glance at me. "You seem awfully focused on that phone. Is it Aiden? Have you two finally made up?"

I gave her a smile that probably looked as empty as a dried up well. "Almost."

She didn't look convinced but didn't ask any other questions.

-C: Where did y'all go?

After another two minutes of me rereading what I'd sent, trying to figure out what exactly had scared them away, a message popped up.

-A: i would apologize if I knew that it wouldn't be used against me later. he's so stuck on the fact that it was somehow my fault and he's completely innocent that he can't see the bigger picture. i fucked up and i can own up to that but can he even acknowledge that he was a complete dick to me when i tried to make things right?

I didn't have time to even give it some thought before another message came barreling through as though it brought any good news.

-J: I was only a dick because you were being a bitch about the whole thing. I was hurt and angry and I'm still both of those things but you're too busy acting like you're the queen and we're the sorry people to even see that. I'm pissed as fuck at you and I'm hurt as fuck too and I don't even want to think about this anymore, much less talk about it. I'm out.

He then left the group.

-A: Chameleon...

-C: I'll talk to him. Don't worry

But first, I had to figure out what I was going to say. I couldn't call him and defend April when I knew that it wasn't that simple and risk pissing him off even more and potentially closing that door once again.

I loosened my ponytail and got up from the couch. I needed a long shower to wash away their fight. If I was so worked up and I had only read it, I didn't want to know what it felt like to actually live it and I prayed that I'd never have to find out for myself.

Finding Aiden waiting for me in the kitchen after my shower that took nearly an hour, was not in my plans for the night, but I wasn't complaining. "Hey," I said with a wide smile, walking into his open arms. "What are you doing here?" He smelled like vanilla, and I inhaled for the hell of it.

"Missed you," he said, his chest vibrating with laughter. "Are you sniffing me? Really?"

I was proud of myself for not blushing as I pulled away. "Yep! You smell so yummy, what do you expect a girl to do?"

He laughed again. "So I've heard."

"So," I said, rocking back and forth on my heels with my hands behind my back. "I think that we need to talk."

He raised his brow. "About us?"

I nodded.

"Is it a happy talk?"

I shrugged. "That's up to you."

Ten minutes later, we were sitting across from each other in the kitchen. I plucked a cookie from the plate in front of us and dipped it in my milk. I knew that he was waiting for me to say something and I was getting there. But first, sugar.

"We're going to the mall," Caitlyn informed us, poking her head into the kitchen. She gave me a knowing smile and I rolled my eyes. "Bye!"

I chuckled. "Bye."

Aiden tapped my hand as I reached for another cookie. "Are you still finding your bearings?"

I swallowed. "Um, yes."

He laughed at that and I joined in, feeling the awkwardness dissipate. "Would it be easier if I just asked you some questions then?"

I cocked a brow. "Like an interview?"

He thought about it for a second. "Yeah, kind of. Except that I'll probably be biased as hell."

I laughed. "Okay, okay, ask away."

"Have you reconsidered us being just friends?"

I nodded.

"Do you want more then?"

I nodded again, my face growing hot.

"Does that start like now, or...?"

I pretended to think about it and smiled at how nervous he looked. Why was he even nervous? "Yes."

A huge grin spread across his face. "One more question." At my nod, he continued. "Cuddles on the couch while binging Netflix?"

I rolled my eyes, but my heart was beating a mile a minute. It sounded perfect. I didn't say that though. "You are such a girl."

He shrugged. "I like to tell myself that I'm somewhat romantic."

It took me about ten minutes to calm my heart and breathe normally while wrapped up in Aidens arms. He seemed totally relaxed, tightening his hold on me ever so often, while I was internally panicking. I'd never snuggled up with someone other than a good ass friend or my Dad and it was a head rush.

We finally agreed on American Horror Story after running through a million titles. Turns out we did not have the same tastes in series, sponsored in part by the fact that I didn't watch a lot of anything and was downright boring.

About halfway through the fourth episode of season 1, my siblings returned. If they noticed our proximity to each other, they didn't mention it. Carter greeted us and then disappeared while Caitlyn stuck around for a minute or two before giving into my glare and leaving too. I nestled closer to Aiden then, marveling at how much I was enjoying being in his arms. I was in serious trouble, I knew that. But, I wasn't scared anymore. If it worked out between us, that would be amazing. If it didn't, well, I've lived through worse.

I looked up when I felt him loosen his hold on me. He kissed the top of my head and I didn't even bother denying how giddy that made me feel. I gave him a full-on smile and pointed to my nose. He kissed my nose and when I pointed to my right cheek, he kissed that too. I hesitated before pointing to my lips. My nerves were in a ball the second that I did that, but I didn't want to take it back. He seemed surprised by my request but did as he was told and pressed his lips to mine, giving me a tender kiss. I had no idea what I was doing, only that I wanted more than a peck. Parting my lips, I felt him relax and then we were moving in sync, exploring each other in a way that I'd never even bothered dreaming about. I blushed an even deeper shade of red when we came up for air, staring at my hands instead of at him.

He tilted my face up to him, his eyes questioning. I buried my head in his chest. I didn't know why I was so mortified, but I couldn't help it. Maybe it was because I'd initiated the kiss, but he didn't seem to mind, if his laughter was anything to go by. "Why are you hiding?" he asked, poking my side.

I shrugged, my head still buried. His laughter reverberated throughout his entire body and I pinched him. His vibration was making my hiding spot very shaky.

"Mom's home!" Caitlyn called. She was probably peeking out the window and saw the car pull in.

I appreciated her giving us time to untangle ourselves before the front door opened. It would've been so awkward to scramble away from each other under Tori's scrutiny. Cheeks still burning, I reached for Aiden's hand, tugging him a little closer to me. He entwined our fingers and I bit my lip.

"Night, guys!" Tori said brightly when she finally entered the living room. "Don't mind me, I'm just passing through."

Bailey, however, was not just passing through. She lit up when she saw us on the couch and thought it was a brilliant idea to join us. We excused ourselves when she decided that Strawberry Shortcake was a better option than AHS.

Our hands were still locked together as we walked to the door. I didn't want to say goodbye, but it was getting late and soon Tori would kindly ask Aiden to get going anyway.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

I laughed at the idea of me actually knowing what my plans were in advance. "Usually whatever the group says I'm doing. Why, do you want to hang out?"

He nodded but my excitement soon became disappointment. "I do, but I've got to spend the day with my mom. It's a monthly something."

I rolled my eyes. "Then why'd you even ask?"

"I felt like it's something that your boyfriend should ask, you know?"

My brows rose on their own accord. "Boyfriend, huh?" Guess that means that we're not going have to endure the whole awkward 'what are we?' phase.

Shrugging, he said, "I figured that since we've danced around each other for so long we might as well just go ahead and label it."

"That's awfully ambitious."

"Should I dial it back?"

I shook my head. "No, boyfriend." And when he kissed me goodnight, I almost whimpered. I really did not want him to leave.

"See you Monday," he whispered against my lips.

"Only twenty-four hours and then some," I mumbled.

He laughed, holding me close. "We can be one of those couples who text every second of the day and make out like there's no tomorrow when we finally see each other."

I scrunched my nose. "Eww, no."

His laughter warmed my heart. He did a lot of laughing today and I found myself laughing too, feeling super duper happy. "I'll still text you."

"I guess I could reply."

"Goodnight, girlfriend," he called as he walked to his car.

"Goodnight, boyfriend," I said with a chuckle. "Text me when you're home!" I yelled as an afterthought.

"Ha!"

Caitlyn was waiting for me when I opened the door. She ushered me in and locked it behind me, dragging me all the way to her room. "Tell me everything," she demanded.

"I think I'd like to be one of those girls who doesn't kiss and tell."

She looked horrified. "Don't joke about gossip."

I laughed. "How is it gossip?"

"Just tell me! Did you get your first kiss? Should I call Carter?"

I shoved her arm. "Yes, and hell no."

"Did you DTR? You might as well have. I'll smack you if you say that you're still just friends."

I blushed furiously. "Apparently, I have a boyfriend."

She squealed, and I could see her resisting the urge to jump up and down. "I'm literally so happy right now." She put her right hand on her heart. "My baby sister is all grown up and in a relationship." When she wiped away imaginary tears, I lost it and burst out laughing. What a class act.

I sat on the edge of her bed and dodged as many of her questions as I could've and the ones that I did answer, I did so without giving too much away. She was blown away by the fact that the kiss had been my idea. In fact, she looked downright proud.

Her phone rang, and I remembered my promise to April that I'd talk to Jason. Groaning, I slid my phone out of my back pocket, checking for cracks as I'd been sitting on it for quite a while. Satisfied with its appearance, I unlocked it and dialed Jason's number while waving goodbye to Caitlyn who was so caught up in her call that she didn't even notice.

"Bad time, Camille," he said when he finally picked up. "I was about to call it a night. It's like 1 in the morning here."

"Shit, my bad," I apologized. "Call me tomorrow?"

He sighed, and I knew that he was considering telling me where to shove it. "I'll think about it," he said instead.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry about the group chat." I didn't want to, but someone had to take responsibility for the blood bath.

"I started it. I provoked her into snapping," he sighed again. "I just wanted her to have an honest reaction."

"Wasn't what you were expecting, huh?"

"We said a lot of mean stuff. I feel like such an ass, but then again, I think that its justified."

"You said that you didn't love each other," I reminded him. "None of it is justified. You need to call her."

"Or she can call me," he shot back.

Touché. "Can I add you back to the group?"

He hesitated, and I expected to be shot down. "I'll sleep on it." It wasn't exactly a positive answer, but it wasn't a definite no either, so I'd take it.

"Okay, I'll talk to you when you're up and about?"

"Sure."

I hung up the phone feeling as though I hadn't accomplished anything. Served me right for inserting myself into their fight and I vowed to call April in the morning and somehow convince her to call her own ex and hoped that they figured it out together.