'Are you okay? '
'Can you please answer my call?
'It's Matthew, Lauren, im worried.'

It's some of the message I received from Matthew this morning, It's been a week and I'm still not attending school. My parents excuse me from all of my classes, saying I am sick and can't make it to school for a week. I just received an online assignment and lecture to catch up on our lesson, and I just want to stay like this forever now.

Riza and Jonathan visit me at my house when they have time, and we also talk over the phone every day. I keep myself busy studying as we are entering our senior year in a few months. It will be our last year in high school, and I really can't wait to see how my college life will turn out.

Jonathan said that he will skip one year before he goes to college because he wants to keep playing some league in our school. While Riza and I will attend the same university as we decide to become partners in business in the near future, I will study accounting, and Riza will take some business major courses. We had already set our plans, and all we can do now is prepare ourselves to make them happen.

'How about Matthew? Did he already have plans? ' the question that suddenly pops out of my mind as I am answering the question book Riza gave me yesterday. I suddenly slapped my face enough to get myself back from thinking about Matthew: 'You must be out of your mind, Lauren.' 'Stop thinking about him'. I said to myself, I can feel the pain in my cheeks as I caressed it.

I haven't talked to Matthew since then, but the day after I go out of the hospital, I reply to his message, saying, 'Everything is fine, and I just need some rest'. I also asked him how he was doing, and what he said made me really want to believe him ''something happened at home, my mom was in the hospital for days she was in labor. So I need to take care of her, but everything is fine now.' I can feel tears in my eyes while I am reading his message to me.

I just want to forget everything I saw that night and believe what Matthew said to me. 'that everything is fine'.

Days go by quickly as I see myself sitting in the class, listening to the teacher in front of me. I find it awkward when my classmate asks if 'I feel okay now, if what happened to me, and even asks me if I am still in a relationship with Matthew.' I just smile and laugh at them until our morning class ended.

"Haha, you look like you are about to pass out right now." Riza laughs at me as I lean my back on the bench, trying to close my eyes and rest. "I just feel so tired listening to everything they said," I said as I still enjoyed the silence with my eyes closed as my head lay back on the bench headrest.

"They even ask me if I am still dating Matthew," I said in disbelief. "Can't everyone tell? Of course we are still together." I continued as I felt how annoyed I was, remembering when someone asked me that question earlier. I was waiting for Riza's answer, but I didn't hear anything from her.

"Riza?" I was about to open my eyes when I felt his lips on my forehead. Our eyes met halfway before his smile gently showed on his face. "Matthew," as I call his name, before he wrapped his arms around me from my back.

"I miss you, Lauren," he said as he leaned his head on my shoulder.

I felt stuck, I didn't know what to say or what to do. But his presence makes all my worries disappear instantly, like all I need is him. I didn't force myself to say anything; instead, I just cares his head like a child. I could feel his smile on my neck as he shoved his head on me. "I miss you too, Matthew," I said to him, trying to hold back the tears that were forming in my eyes.

I decided to ignore everything. I am trying to forget what I hear and what I see. I just want nothing but to be with Matthew, no matter what happens, our relationship will still be the same. I have made myself clear since that day.

Jonathan is the only one who knows about what happened, and he already made a promise that he would keep it a secret for life. I plead with him as he tries to confront Matthew. 'I know what I am doing, Jonathan, trust me, okay? ' I said, convincing him, but I can tell from the looks on his face that he is doubting me.

'I won't hold back next time, Lauren.' he said as I could feel assurance in his voice that he would surely keep everything a secret between us, even at Riza's. Jonathan made up the story that I met Matthew that day and got sick after because of heavy rain. She didn't ask Jonathan for more and just believed what he said.

Everything was fine, like Matthew always said. He always waits for me after school so he can walk me home and spend time with me. We have lunch together, and I also watch their game when I have free time. I also think that the girls in school recognize our relationship now, as no other girl is approaching him these days.

'I just want everything to be the same as it was,' I always said to myself, as the worry in my heart still gives me the unknown feelings that I do not want to feel. It makes me so anxious all the time, like something will happen to us, and I can't bear to think about it.

"I hope I am the one who is on your mind right now." I get back to my senses as I can hear Matthew's voice as he also holds my right hand while we both walk home for today's class. I let out a small laugh as he looked at me with a jealous face. "Oh, did I caught you cheating on me?" he joked at me as he stopped and faced me. I smile before I laugh at his face.

"See, you're smiling now," he said in his soft voice before he pulled me into his body for a hug. "You worry a lot these days, Lauren. I know," he continued, still holding me in his arms. "I am here now," Matthew said as he caressed my head like a child in his arms.

'For a moment - I wish that I could stop the time now.'

"Are you really believing this guy?" A girl with short hair on her skirt and tight blouse suddenly appeared at the front gate of our school. She had been waiting for someone for an hour with a furious look on her face. She looked at me from head to toe and smirked.

"Did you sleep with him?" the girl asked me.
"Stop! What are you doing here?" Matthew said, as I could see how mad he was at that time. I was so shocked by what was happening that I didn't even speak for myself at that time. I saw Matthew step closer to the girl, trying to stop her, as she pushed him away and slapped Matthew on the face.

We were getting a lot of attention, as I could see some students talking around us. "Matthew." I try to walk closer to him, but he stops me with his hand. "Just go home, Lauren," he said with a serious tone, still facing the girl in front of us. I was confused, and like a trained dog, I just turned my back on him and started to walk on my own.

"Hah, are you really dating that girl?" I can hear the girl ask Matthew, but I just ignore her, trying to get out of the scene, but what she says next makes me freeze on my own two feet.

"Did she know what you do, Matt?. Your job, your family, everything about you," the girl said in her loud voice, letting me hear what she was saying. "Can you please stop? Don't make a scene here," Matthew said as he grabbed her arms, trying to take her away from our school.

"Did she not know!? Wow, Matt!, did you lie to her, saying you live in a 3-story house with wealthy parents who are in the process of divorce now? Did you also tell her that your mother is in the hospital right now?"

I can hear Matthew curse in frustration as the girl laughs at him. 'What did she want? 'Why is she saying all of this?' I can feel everyone's eyes on us as someone grabs my hands, and I can feel the tears fall down on my eyes.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Riza's worried face makes me feel all the pain that I try to hide. It was like a safety pin on my heart that just lost its reason to hold on. "Lauren?" she called me again as her voice echoed in my head like a ringing - It's hurt.

"I do not care!" I said so loudly that I could see everyone's attention turn to me. The girl laughed as I turned and looked at her. "What did you say?" she asked me in disbelief, waiting for my answer. I could see Matthew's eyes on me with a questioning look on his face.

"I said, I do not care," I repeated to her as I came closer enough to reach and hold Matthew's hand. I hold him so tight, like I do not want to lose him.

"He entertains not only you but a lot of us," she said to my face. "Everything about him was money," she continued. "He used you, he was just playing with you," the girl said to me.

"I said, I do not care. Didn't you hear me?" I repeat myself for the third time, still not taking my eyes away from her. The shocked look on her face faded as she walked closer and leaned on me. "You know, right?" she teased me like a child and laughed.

I can feel Matthew's hand tense as I am still holding him. "Lauren?" He called my name, but I can't dare myself to look at him.


"Wow, I was shocked! I can't believe that you're still with him, Did you really like—love him that much?" her voice making all the emotion inside me explode. "How did you find it? Did you see it on yourself?" she asked me.

I can feel tears flowing down my eyes, as I can't hold on to my emotions, but I also can't push myself to do anything at all at that time. I can feel Matthew loosening my hand, trying to take it off. I was stunned for a second when I quickly grabbed his arms, stopping him from going with that girl.

"Don't leave," I said, almost pleading with him. but he didn't even look at me when he took my hand off his arm. "Let's talk later," he said, but I again grabbed his arms. "Please, Lauren, don't do this." I felt his words break my heart into a thousand pieces.

'What did I do? ' 'Did I say something wrong? ' 'Is he mad at me? ' 'Why is he walking out with that girl? ' 'Why did he leave me? ' 'Why didn't he choose me? '

I felt so devastated at that time. I can feel my knees losing their strength as I fall on my feet like a lost child. I can hear Riza calling my name and giving me a hug, but everything that happened really didn't make sense; I didn't understand, and my mind can't process how I feel right now.

It's just pure pain.

a pure pain that leaves me with all the wounds that make me go back to this moment all over again.

A few days after Matthew dropped out of school, the news about him spread like wildfire, and even some photos and videos of him at the club with different girls leaked in the school chat box. Everything he told was a lie, except for his parents, who are in the process of divorce, and her father was overseas for some work. Everyone said Matthew fooled them, calling him the worst person they met.

I just didn't know how to react to everything they said, but Matthew is the warmest person that I met. I will not deny it, as my heart still belongs to him. I tried to look for him at the club where he works, but they said he had already left a few days ago.

He changed his number, and no one knows where he was or what he is doing. He just suddenly disappeared from my life, Matthew.