Have you ever asked yourself on what have you done wrong in your life?

Have you already questioned God about how your life keeps going backwards from the start?

Do you really deserve everything that is happening to you right now?

At times, I do

I once asked God, 'Why can't he let me be with the man that I love? '

and until today, I didn't hear any answer.

and until now, I wanted to know why.


Tristan POV

'I'm sorry, I just got back from my business trip'
'I just saw your messages, are you okay? '
'Can we talk right now? '
'Lauren, is everything alright? '

were all my messages to Lauren. Once I read all her messages, I saw how many times she tried to call me.

I tried calling her as I drove straight to her shop in the middle of the night. I was so worried about her, as I could get a clue on what was happening.

and I was not wrong, seeing Lauren's teary eyes in front of me.

As I see her walk closer to my direction,.

We talk inside my car, a meter away from her shop.

She looks so devastated, she also lost some weight, and her eyes were so deep that I could tell that she hasn't had enough sleep these days.

"I am sorry, I should have called you about it," I said to her, as she kept so quiet for a minute, trying to hold back her tears.

"It was just—I was being too selfish right now, Lauren," I explained, trying to get her attention.

"So—where is Matthew?" She asked me again, for like the fourth time since we talked over the phone.

Her cracking voice, that plead to me to answer her question make me want to blame myself for how Lauren is hurting right now.

"I am going to New York tomorrow, I need to talk to Matthew." What Lauren said makes me stop and just look at her with those tears in her eyes.

"W—what? Are you flying to New York to see him?" I asked her.

"Wait—you didn't talk to Matthew these days?" I asked.

I am trying to see how Lauren will react to me.

and seeing her confused reaction to my question makes me want to go back to New York and hit Matthew in the face.

'How could he do this to Lauren? of all people? ' I wanted to ask myself as I took a deep breath, trying to control the anger I felt over Matthew.

Flashback

"Have you talked to Lauren, about it?" I asked Matthew after our dinner with my father.

"She didn't need to know," Matthew firmly answered, which makes me feel so mad at him right now.

"Lauren needs to know this, Matt!" I argue with him, making him face me.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but the looks on his eyes. I know that he was hurting.

"She didn't need to know, I can talk to father about it," he said, trying to make me feel that he was confident about it.

But deep inside, we both know that he doesn't have any choice but to agree with what our father wants for us.

for him to marry the youngest daughter of William's.

'I should be happy'

Seeing Matthew look so devastated in his life right now, losing Lauren after his years of working so hard just to come back for her again.

'I should feel somewhat relieved'

that he was having a hard time now, but I was not.

as I could only feel empathy for Matthew right now.

"How about Lauren?" I asked him.

"You know, this will be on the news tomorrow," I continued asking him.

"You are hurting him again, Matthew!" I told him, as I knew he didn't know what he would do.

"I'm only going to marry Lauren!" Matthew's voice growled over the place, making some people look in our direction.

"You know how much I care for her, I will do anything for her!" He continued.

"Just for a month, I just need one month, Tristan, and I will go back to her," Matthew said to me.

I feel so helpless—not for me, but for him. for Lauren, who was waiting for him.

I feel so sorry knowing how Lauren could feel right now.

"If you didn't go back for a month, I just took it. I will take Lauren away from you," I said as I looked at him straight in the eyes.

I didn't know, but I was hoping for Matthew to answer me at that moment.

that I wanted to hear from him that 'he can't let me have Lauren'.

But he didn't speak, he just stayed quiet with me for a few minutes.

without any words.

(end of flashback)

"He agrees with the marriage with Williams, Lauren, but he told me that he would come back for you." I try to explain this to Lauren.

"For a month?" Lauren questioned me.

I couldn't feel anything, but all the sorrow and pain in her looks right now.

I hope that I can take it all away from her.

"You trust him, right?" I couldn't believe myself saying these words to Lauren.

"Matthew is trying to do everything for you, Lauren," I said to her, as I could feel how hopeless she was at the moment.

"Like you always do, Lauren."

"I want you to trust him."

I lied.

I don't trust him.

never in my life.

But making Lauren feel at ease for now is the right thing to do.

She was crying for almost an hour, and I can't take it anymore.

"I still want to talk to him, Tristan," Lauren still insists.

"I want to hear everything from him."

"I need to see him."

"I need to tell him something!"

Lauren's voice cracked as she raised a bit between her sobs.

"I need to talk to him!" Lauren continued, like she was losing it.

"Calm down! Lauren, look at me!" I called at her as I could see that she was panicking.

Her breathing was so fast, too deep, as I opened the window on her seat.

"Lauren! I'm here okay?" I assure her as I hold her shoulder as she doesn't stop crying.

"Just breathe, Lauren, everything will be fine." I keep on talking to her, as I can feel how her body shakes for a few minutes.

"Tristan, I really need to talk to Matthew," Lauren said again.

I was about to lose myself after hearing it multiple times. when Lauren grabs my hand.

"I am pregnant with Matthew."

She said she was looking at me.

"I really need him right now."

Lauren's voice pleads as she says that to me.

My heart cried out in pain for her. I couldn't find the right words to tell her at those moments as I pulled her hands to me, wrapping my arms around Lauren's small body.

She was like a glass that was nearing breaking.

But she holds everything back with all her best.

And like the words I say to her, 'that I will be someone that will stay even though I am not the one that she needs'

I will stay.

Together, we can endure the pain of not having the love that we wanted.



LAUREN POV

"How do I look?" I asked Tristan as he parked the car.

He smiled, almost laughing, his eyes on the mirror as he got the right angle when he parked.

"What? Do I look like a mess?" I asked him again as he turned off the engine of the car and looked at me.

"Lauren, you are the most beautiful woman now here in New York," Tristan said, more like teasing me. as I laughed at him.

Yes! I was in New York, and Tristan went along with me as he knew more about the place here and where Matthew would be at this moment.

"This is the place, Mr. Henry told you?" I asked Tristan as we both stood in a prestige hotel in NYC, the 'Four Seasons Hotel'.

"Are you sure we were in the right place?" I asked again as he checked his phone again.

"Yes, it was the address he gave me, he told me Matthew would attend some business event here." Tristan looked at me with a confused look on his face.

We enter the hotel, and we almost get stopped by the security inside. Thankfully, I had Tristan with me, the youngest son of Carter. We both smiled as we smoothly went through to their security.

I was astounded by how luxurious the high ceilings were inside. The people inside it even more look expensive by the way they dress.

"Lauren, this way," Tristan called me as I walked more quickly to follow his wide step.

We enter a large room filled with people dressed in formal attire. I suddenly felt out of place as I dressed so brightly in a white dress that goes above my knees with a top short blazer on me.

I suddenly stop, as I realize this is the world Matthew has right now.

The pressure inside the place felt so heavy.

You could tell how wealthy every person in this room was by the way they dressed and talked to each other.

'Does Matthew really enjoy this kind of life? '

I asked myself, as I could feel how heavy my feet were when I entered the room.

"Relax, Lauren, I am here." Tristan held my hand as he took me to an empty table, offering me some drinks.

We just stand there, in the corner of the room, mostly at the second table from the last. But you could see clearly from my direction how he smiled at every person who greeted him.

Matthew, everyone claps as he walks on the stage.

He looks so fine, I could feel how my heart suddenly got so heavy as I could finally see him.

He was holding a glass of wine in his hand. He looked so handsome in those ocean-dark blue neckties and the formal suit that really fit his body.

He taps the mic and looks at the crowd.

'Can you see me too? ', I want to ask

"Lauren, I d— ont think you should be here." I could hear Tristan, but my eyes could only see Matthew at the moment.

"Lauren, we need to go." Tristan tried to hold on to my arms, pulling me to go out of the room.

but I stopped him when I finally heard Matthew's voice again.

"Good evening, everyone." Matthew's voice echoes in the room as he speaks with the microphone in front of him.

"Lauren, please." Tristan called me again.

"I would like to thank everyone who is with me tonight in one of the most special moments of my life." Matthew continued to speak in front.

I was just waiting, and I found myself listening to every word he said.

"Everyone, please give her a plause, my soon-to-be wife, Ms. Abegail Williams." He said those words with a smile.

as he walks, holding the woman's hands, as they both stand in front of everyone, in front of me, holding their hands intertwined.

"Lauren, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was— " Tristan almost whispered to me as he held my right hand.

"I never heard him say another woman's name instead of mine," I said as I looked at them clapping, tossing their glasses, and celebrating their marriage announcement.

I bit my lips so hard that I could taste my own blood from it.

Looking at both of them smiling at each other was like breaking my own heart into pieces.

I gasp for air, I can't breathe in this room.

I take my hands from Tristan as I try to walk in the crowd of people going out in this place.

I feel so hopeless.

I only want to be with the man that I have loved from the beginning since I met him.

But it was too much for me.

It felt like I was walking in the sea of people in front of me, endlessly.

I could feel tears falling down in my eyes as everything around me became so blurry, even though I kept on wiping the tears from my eyes.

I didn't know how much I cried these days, as I tried so hard to hold it back.

"Lauren!"

I walk faster, almost running.

"smash!" (glass breaking on the floor)

I stop when I run into the waiter, making him fall to the ground.

He looked at me, so surprised.

Everyone was looking at me, all their eyes were on me.

"Lauren!" Tristan said in a worried voice. When he reached my hands, it felt like cold water on me, pulling me back into reality.

"Are you okay?" a woman said, speaking to me.

I could feel their footsteps stop behind us.

"Tristan?" Matthew asked, as I could feel how Tristan held on to me tighten a bit when they approached us.

"I'm sorry about the commotion, I will leave now," Tristan quickly said as he tried to pull me out of the room.

But someone grabbed my arms, I could tell the way he touched me.

I didn't dare look at him. Tristan tries to cover me up, not to show that I look so messed up right now.

"You know her?" Ms. Abegail asked Matthew by his sudden action towards me.

I pulled my arms from him. He's in front of me now.

Like I wanted to

'I am pregnant with you, Matthew'

I wanted to say

'I will marry you, Matthew'

I wanted to say

"Congratulations on your wedding" was the most painful word I ever told myself.

I didn't look at him; I just walked away.

I keep on walking.

going out to that room

I keep on walking.

going out to the hotel

I keep on walking, as I see myself going fast, even though I don't know where I am going.

I just wanted to escape. I just wanted everything I feel to stop. I wanted the pain in my heart to fade.

I want to end everything I have now.

I want-

"Lauren!!"


"Bepp! Beeeeepppp!" (car approaching)


"Lauren!!!"


"Baang!" (car crash sound)


"Lauren! Lauren!"


I kept hearing my name, as the voice slowly faded on me until everything went blank.