19 | WHAT ARE YOU
DOING, MY LOVE?

"Constantly aware of it all, my lonely ear
Pressed against the walls of your world
Pray to catch you whispering
I pray you catch me listening"

Reyanna couldn't help but to cry. She couldn't believe it. The love of her life wasn't dead. He was alive. He had broken her heart and mended it all in one week. He had done what no other man she had seen had done. He had defeated death. It gave her faith that they, together, could defeat anything.

Jon slowly sat up on the table. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were bloodshot. It looked as if he had seen the devil himself. He turned his head to peer at the familiar face of Reyanna and he instantly engulfed her in a hug. His usual warmth was back, assuring Reyanna it was truly him. He was naked and he felt so exposed. Yet, with only Reyanna in the room he felt at peace.

When he let go, he looked down at his abdomen to peek at the stab wounds. The wounds reminded him of the betrayal he endured. He remembered so vividly being murdered by those he trusted most. He began to breath even heavier, slipping into a panic attack. He was trembling and having difficulty breathing. Reyanna hurried and snatched a blanket and wrapped him with it. As soon as he was covered, Melisandre and Davos entered the room. They were shocked. Both of their jaws dropped at the sight.

"What do you remember?" Davos asked whilst Melisandre still processed that he was alive.

"They stabbed me. Olly... he put a knife in my heart. I shouldn't be here." Jon looked like a scared child. His eyes were wide and his brows were furrowed. Reyanna slipped her arms around his neck, embracing him and cherishing him like she hadn't before.

"The lady brought you back." Davos nodded at Melisandre.

"Afterwards, after they stabbed you, after you died, where did you go? What did you see?" Melisandre asked persistently.

"Nothing. There was nothing at all." Jon told, Reyanna broke their hug to look him in the eye. The nothingness he must've saw scared him so much he didn't want to return there.

"The Lord let you come back for a reason. Stannis was not the prince who was promised, but someone has to be." Melisandre told Jon.

"Could you give us a moment?" Davos asked Melisandre to leave the room.

She nodded and hurried out the room. "You were dead. And now you're not. That's completely fucking mad, seems to me. I can only imagine how it seems to you." Davos sympathized with Jon.

"I did what I thought was right. And I got murdered for it. And now I'm back. Why?" Jon asked Davos and Reyanna.

"I don't know." Reyanna and Davos spoke in unison.

"Maybe we'll never know. What does it matter? You go on. You fight for as long as you can. You clean up as much of the shit as you can." Davos tried to motivate Jon.

"I don't know how to do that. I thought I did, but... I failed." Jon lowered his head in sadness.

Reyanna grabbed his face. "You did not fail. All of those wildlings you saved? You made one mistake. And that mistake was to trust everyone. Because you are a good man, Jon Snow. Not because you failed. Not because you did what was wrong. Because you made one mistake." Reyanna assured him.

"I cried for you. For days. I killed Alliser for you. Because I, and all good people, knew what you did was right. What you did was good. The others were too ignorant to realize that you are not their enemy." Reyanna spoke.

"If that's what you call a failure. Then go fail again, Jon Snow." Davos told Jon, then left the room for the two.

Jon was suddenly comfortable and broke down in front of Reyanna. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his few tears slipped down her shoulder. Reyanna let out a breath she seemed to be holding in. "There was nothing, Reyanna. Nothing. I don't ever want to go back there. I'm tired of all this. I just want to run off to Essos and we can get married there. I don't care anymore. I don't want to feel the feeling of death ever again." Jon told her.

"I don't want to ever feel the feeling of losing you, either, Jon. But you mustn't give up. Despite being a bastard, you are a Stark man. You stand up there and show them who the Night's Watch's true Lord Commander is. Remind them not to fuck with you ever again." Reyanna squeezed Jon's hands. A light lit in Jon's eyes and he squeezed her hand back, shooting her a curt nod before he went outside to proclaim his resurrection from the dead.

* * *

Jon stood tall before all of his allies and traitors. Reyanna stood by his side, making sure he looked proud with his crow outfit. The wildlings were present as well for the meeting before all of the men of the Night's Watch. Tormund approached Rey and Jon with a curious look crossing his face. "They think you're some kind of god. The man who returned from the dead." Tormund muttered to them.

"I'm not a god." Jon spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"I know that. I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small? You take that, Rey?" Tormund whispered to them. He then hugged Jon tightly, secretly glad he was back to keep Reyanna happy and safe.

Jon and Reyanna walked over to Edd, so that Jon could give him a hug for being loyal. "Your eyes are still brown. Is that still you in there?" Edd asked Jon.

"I think so. Hold off on burning my body for now. " Jon croaked out, gaining a chuckle from Edd.

"That's funny... you sure that's still you in there?" Edd mocked Jon's lack of humor. Jon chuckled lowly.

* * *

Later on, Jon hung three of the many murderers that stabbed him. It was a tough scene to watch, but it had to be done. Jon could not forgive those that killed him. He had watched and felt it all so vividly, it would be forever imprinted in his mind. He then gave Castle Black to Edd. He gave up his role as Lord Commander. His watch had ended the moment the Watch had betrayed him and killed him.

* * *

The next day, Jon was packing his and Reyanna's things while Reyanna was outside watching the men practice combat. There was a loud horn blowing, indicating riders arriving to Castle Black. She watched as Jon hurried outside to take a peek at the incomers from the gate. It was a tall blonde woman, a short brown haired man and a thin red headed young lady. All unbeknownst to the Castle.

Jon seemed to recognize her as he hurried down to greet her. They were both in shock seeing each other, then wrapped each other in tight arms. When Jon let go, he waved over a confused Reyanna. "Sansa, this is Reyanna Challinder— my bride-to-be. Reyanna, this is Sansa Stark, my sister." Jon introduced the two ladies.

Sansa curtsied and Reyanna mirrored her. "Challinder? As in the elite Challinders? I thought you were all in Meereen, with Daenerys Targaryen." Sansa asked.

"I stayed back here. We came from north of the Wall." Reyanna told.

* * *

Once Sansa was fed and clothed, she told Jon and Reyanna of all of the hardships she had went through. Being promised to and abused by King Joffrey. Watching her father being beheaded by Joffrey. Being ridiculed and tortured by Queen Cersei. Being married and abused by Ramsay Bolton, who was even worse than Joffrey. "We never should've left Winterfell." Jon told his sister.

"Don't you wish we could go back to the day we left? I want to scream at myself, don't go, you idiot." Sansa sighed.

"How could we know?" Jon huffed.

"Where will you go?" Sansa asked Jon, knowing he was bound to leave the Night's Watch.

"Where will we go? If I don't watch over you, father's ghost will come back and murder me." Jon suggested that all three of them would go somewhere together.

"Where will we go?" Sansa corrected her question.

"I can't stay here, not after what happened." Jon told.

"There's only one place we can go. Home." Sansa told nonchalantly.

"Should we tell the Boltons to pack up and leave?" Jon snickered.

"We'll take it back from them." Sansa wanted revenge against Ramsay Bolton. And Reyanna didn't blame her.

Jon sat up in his chair. "I don't have an army."

"How many wildlings did you save?" Sansa asked, suddenly losing a bit of respect from Reyanna.

"They didn't come here to serve me."
"They owe you their lives."

"You think they'll be safe here is Roose Bolton remains Warden of the North? Winterfell is our home. It's ours and Arya's and Bran's and Rickon's. Wherever they are, it belongs to our family. We have to fight for it." Sansa scoffed.

"I'm tired of fighting. It's all I've don't since I've left home. I've killed brothers of the Night's Watch. I've killed wildlings. I've killed men that I admire. I hanged a boy younger than Bran. I fought and I lost." Jon rose his voice.

"If we don't take back the North, we'll never be safe. I want you and Reyanna to help me. But I'll do it myself if I have to." Sansa lowered her voice intimidatingly.

* * *

The next day, Sansa was at Reyanna's door with a handmade dress. "I made it for you." She smiled kindly at her future sister in law.

"Oh... thank you." Reyanna was truly grateful but she didn't wear dresses. And the only time she did was when they were loose fitting or perhaps when she would get married she'd wear one.

"Put it on." Sansa pressures Reyanna. Reyanna nodded and closed the door behind Sansa and instantly changed clothes before her. The dress fit perfectly and it was beautiful... but then, Reyanna started testing the movability of the dress by stretching out her arms and legs.. and it ripped the dress.

Reyanna gasped in embarrassment. Sansa was quiet for a moment, then bursted out laughing. "It's quite unconventional for fighting, isn't it?" She noted.

"I'll make you something more suitable." Sansa assured her, then left the room.

* * *

To the traitor and bastard, Jon Snow.

You allowed thousands of wildlings past the wall. You have betrayed your own kind. You have betrayed the north. Winterfell is mine, bastard. Come and see. Your brother Rickon is in my dungeon. His dire wolf's skin is on my floor. Come and see. I want my bride back. Send her to me, bastard, and I will not trouble you or your wildling lover. Keep her from me and I will ride north and slaughter every wilding man, woman and babe living under your protection. You will watch as I skin them living. You will watch as my soldiers take turns raping your sister and your lover. You will watch as my dogs devour your wild little brother. Then I will spoon your eyes from their sockets and let my dogs do the rest. Come and see.

Ramsay Bolton,
Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North.

The letter was sent to Jon as a threat. It was read aloud by him and Sansa during their lunch, making everyone lose their appetite. It certainly did spark an anger in Jon's soul because he suddenly wanted to fight again. "Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North." Jon grumbled.

"His father's dead. Ramsay killed him. And now he had Rickon." Sansa told, knowing she was right about him.

"We don't know that."
"Yes we do."

"How many men does he have in his army?" Tormund asked.

"I heard him say 5,000 once when he was talking about Stannis's attack." Sansa told.

"How many do you have?" Jon asked Tormund.

"That can march and fight? 2,000." Tormund answered.

"You are the son of the last true Warden of the North. Northern families are loyal. They'll fight for you if you ask. A monster has taken our home and our brother. We have to go back to Winterfell and save them both." Sansa told Jon. Gaining a nod from him.