Watching the sun rise over the Reformation was one of the most torturous things I had ever endured. Watching, waiting, doing nothing. Staring at this barren wasteland that those like my parents go to. The sun rising brought a heat that made your clothes stick to your skin, a heat that made you feel as though you could barely breathe. The sound of rumbling engines filled the air as we were brought to the center of the Reformation. Somewhere I never thought I would have to see, somewhere I never imagined would look like it did. Within the center of the Reformation stood a statue, surrounded by circling, tall, concrete buildings. The buildings held large painted red letters on the sides, a sea of faces circled where the statue stood. It stood towering above a circle of marble. It was a man, holding out a Fasci, a symbol the Reformation held, a symbol no longer recalling its meaning. At the man's feet were chains. This was where they made displays of others, where they showed the rats what really happened when you stepped out of line so far, when they knew you were beyond hope.

This is where my parents would meet their downfall. Standing next to Taya and Theia, I took a deep breath. Willing myself to feel nothing. Feel nothing, feel nothing, I whispered to myself, over, and over, and over. Praying for it to work, for it to push down any tears, hurt, numbing pain. Closing my eyes, as the wheels of the approaching Humvees kicked up dirt, I thought of every moment leading to this moment. The extravagant birthdays with piles of gold wrapped presents. Christmases with anything we could possibly imagine. Thousands of lessons, toys, clothes, everything I could ever want. Yet, everything I could ever need, stands beneath a statue, ready to die. Nothing, there is no feeling, I willed myself. With my eyes forward I stared into the eyes of the statue, wondering what he has seen, how many people he has watched beaten, bruised, and killed.

A thousand memories shattered against the ground. Framed in the most luxurious of woods, varnished and leafed with gold. Theia stood with a small smile on her lips, Taya was tucked into her older brother's side, trying not to watch. Theia leaned over, "so unsympathetic, that they don't understand what we're doing."

I took a seething breath. If there weren't so many people watching, I might have punched her across the jaw. Unsympathetically. I gritted my teeth as her father took the stage, standing in front of my parents, with a voice loud enough for all gathered he said, "You must understand the consequence of your actions. You could have hurt one of our children, part of our next generation! You are to die, here and now." Warrick then turned towards the rest of the audience, "and to the rest of you, let this be a symbol, to never defy! We are here to help you, but you cannot be helped if you refuse it, if you come against us; you will end up like these two."

I looked out over the crowd, taking a look at all the blurry faces that I never would have come in contact with. Some were angered by this display, others terrified, others so good at covering up their feelings that it seemed they did not care if it was them on the stand. Was this real? These people scuffed, and bruised, covered in dirt. They were so different, so much more real than anything I was ever taught, anything I had ever seen. They were not kept happy. They were not easily obeyed; they were like us. Filled with ambition and pride. They were not rats, lowly, they were the vast majority of the Confederation, and if they tried hard enough, if enough of them were like those here; we would stand no chance. They would win a thousand times over. How did they never break out, how did they never gain enough power to take a stand against us? Where was the vicious murderous intent of these people? Where was the insane, those put here because their minds were no longer functioning correctly. They seemed sane, they seemed to value these lives that have led them, corralled them. These lives that have lined the paths, that have had no mercy even to those who were like them. These Reformals, people who were to be dangerous, and meddlesome, seemed almost more human than those I had grown up alongside.

Inside I was screaming, a scream that tore through my throat, one that shook the world. Outside I was nothing more than a face in the crowd. I was a target for the Reformals, and I was a failure to the Officals. I was not enough for either, or yet I could be all they needed. I could be great, and those around me were the ones to control my fate. As my world came down around me, it was not my choice, I thought I knew these people. But to truly know a person I would need to know their shadow as well, to know exactly who came around the bend by the way their feet fall. And I did not know that, the shadows on the ground matched nothing around me.

Theia stood there and I knew she thought she was saving her country, she was following her father blindly, expecting that he knew best. I sat there losing it all, losing my family, my life, my career, I was going to lose every shred of dignity because of this. There was nothing to do, nothing to say, that would save them, without trading spots. I was not going to trade spots, because this was their choice. I choked back the sounds of my heart ripping into a million pieces as a tear carved its way down my cheek. When there is nothing left to live for, what would you die for? Within that moment. I did not know. I turned my head, not willing myself to endure the pain of watching them in their last moments here. The ones who raised me, the ones who taught me, loved me, fought for me, with me. Those who truly cared for me, not my skills. Not what I could do for the nation. Not what I could do for those my age. I was not a pawn for my parents. I was their queen. Their strongest piece.

Have you ever noticed how gorgeous the gold within the sun's rays is? Because as I take a deep breath trying to calm my heart crashing against my ribs, I do. I notice ever amazing drop of gold that casts over this gruesome scene. Suddenly, as my throat constricts, I realize how much of a monster the heart must be. Why else would our ribs be cages?

Standing in front of my parents was a man, a man who must have been close to my father, a man who must have stood side by side with him in the hardest of times. Now this man, the man who's face I would never see, the faceless man who would haunt my dreams until I had dreams no more; this man stood with a gun in his hand. A gun perfectly loaded with two pristene bullets. Shaking, reality slamming into my body as though it were a freight train. How could this be? How could such a luxurious life end with this? In a place dirty and so unlike anything else. I knew that there was a world such as this one. But I never expected to see it. The lens bathed in gold I had been seeing out of had finally cracked; in a way it never would for anyone else.

As I stood with the other Officals, I felt my stomach fall to my feet, knowing at any moment I could be next, even without a reason. I could die at the hands of my allies. The way the man raised his arm felt like it took him year, centuries. As if he was basking in this moment. The moment he rid the earth of something below rats. Something that meant the world to me.

Before I knew it, I was on my knees, hands clasped over my ears, teeth grinding together, as the first bullet exited the chamber. As I watched my mother's body hit the ground. After I watched the bullet run through her head at the speed of light. My breath came in ragged, uneven breaths, my head spun, and the world darkened. All I heard was the roar of the crowd around me and a second deafening boom. I fought back tears as I heard Warrick shouting above the crowd. Far away was a scream for my name, "no!" I sobbed, no please not me. No please, please I'm begging you. My nails dug so far into my skin it bled. Slowly, barely. But the warmth made its way down the sides of my face. I felt someone grab me from behind and forced me to stand. I was limp. I couldn't comprehend the thought of dying. Not today, not after that. But I didn't have it in me to fight back either. I had never felt this broken, this hurt. Never felt this... this way. Whatever this feeling was it tore apart my chest and made my brain stop as the world around me spun faster than light. My name was shouted in my ear, and I couldn't even open my eyes to see who it was. They were shaking me and all I could do was fall apart between their arms. Finally, they let me fall to the ground. I clasped my heart, folding over myself, my forehead against the dirt of the ground. My breathing hard and fast. I took one deep ragged breath, and then a second. Once I had gotten myself together enough, I looked up at the person kneeling before me. Jackson. I choked back another wave of tears, and stared into his eyes, as he stared back. I looked around the two of us, there were faces watching. Not the reformals, who were sent back to their barracks. But those who celebrated with us last night. I watched as Theia came stomping towards us, her father right behind. I turned back to Jackson, trying to will my lungs to work, and allow me to speak.

Jackson grabbed me by the arm, pulling me up. I met Theia's eyes with whatever courage I could corral back from the ground.

"Worthless." She spat.

I swallowed. Standing up straighter, to mask the pain. Trying to take back the show I must have put on, trying to distract from it. Warrick stood before me, "darling," he started, words dripping in a false pity, "don't tell me you have sympathy for an act of that degree."

I shook my head, because it was all that was standing between me and crying again. Jackson shoved me behind him, he stood facing Warrick, chin up, seething, "she is a girl." He spat back, "a child, who has lost her family, blood. You are not to tell her to not mourn for people. Because you can mourn for who they were, without mourning for the loss of their actions."

"Boy, you do not talk to your elder in such a way."

"You should remember how valuable I am to you, so I think I can talk how I wish."

Warrick rose his fist and before I could comprehend what was going to happen, he struck Jackson across the face. Jackson stood his face thrown to the side. He rolled his tongue along the inside of his cheek, placed his hand above the place he was punched. I gasped, putting my hands over my mouth. Theia, let out a quick laugh, smirking, she said, "Jackson watch your place." She shoved him aside and put an arm around my shoulders directing back to the Humvees. "Come now Silver," she said sweetly. A sweetness that had a sickening effect on me, one such as a poison, seeping through my bones. I stared ahead, don't look back Devin. It was not my place; it was not my problem. It was not my decision.

The gravel crunched beneath my feet, in a rhythmic way that set my heart at ease, releasing the knot and tension that it had tied itself into. I watched, my head against the window of the Humvee, as Taya and Matt climbed into the one behind us.

The ride back to the Palace was silent as the world flew by my window in blurring lines and colors. The Palace was bathed in a new light, as the sun sank close to the Horizen, ready to disappear in an hour or two. I swung open the door, stepping out and staring at the building. A ghostly white, with spiraling designs, making it look as though it had survived since the dawn of time. It was gorgeous, breathtaking even. But empty. It seemed to have its life sucked from its bones. Walking through the halls, I trailed behind Theia slightly more than usual. I took in the halls, and floors, and walls, and decorations in a new light. Everything seemed to be different now.

Theia sat on the chair in my room, the one that sat beneath my window, covered in pillows of all sizes. My reading chair. She looked almost ethereal there, her hair catching the light that was seeping in behind her, between the blinds. I lay strewn across my bed, the white covers around me, as I sunk slightly into the soft mattress. I was nearly asleep when Theia said, "a game Silver?"

I looked at her curiously, my eyes lazily moving to the table with a chess board in the corner of my room, "one game." I whispered, struggling to pull myself from the comfort of my four-poster bed. I took my seat across from Theia, she moved her pawn first and I followed her moves copying every one she did. I no longer had it in me to win, to outsmart, out strength, outwit her. Theia finally won, out of the luxury of going first. She knocked over my king saying, "I win, again Devin. You rarely beat me." She stood, and walk to my door, "goodnight, Silver." She closed the door as she left. Leaving me sitting, staring at the wall. My eyes heavy and hurting. My body lost of all strength.

The thoughts that usually swam around my mind were nowhere to be found, there was nothing within my mind at that moment. I sank back against my chair, playing with a pawn between my fingers, the door swung open and closed, I barely looked up until I saw the dirty blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I turned and looked at Jackson, I barely smiled as I met his brown eyes. He swung into the seat across from me, he picked up Theia's knight that had captured my king. He sat there tossing it between his hands, waiting for me to start the conversation. I do not feel like conversations. I turned my head and stared at my bed, setting down the pawn I sighed, and looked back at Jackson, who met my eyes. He raised his eyebrows. I always forget how much older he is sometimes, but right now I can tell that he is seventeen. I look away, as he whispers my name, "Devin..."

"I do not want a conversation."

"You can't-"

"I can't what?" I shot, looking at him, "I can't what?! I have nothing. You can't tell me what I can and can't do, when I have nothing!" I slammed my hands down on the table, sending several pieces rolling over the edge. I took a deep breath and looked around, "I want to go to bed."

He opened his mouth as if to retort, but he closed it quickly and went out without another word. I dragged myself to my bed and as I collapsed into the sheets, I was asleep. Nightmares tormented me throughout the night, I had a fraction of sleep, because I was woken up so often by the sound of imaginary bullets, and screams, and more. By the time that light snuck into my room beneath my curtains, I had been up for hours, staring at my window, no view of the outside world. My door swung open, and someone sat on the end of my bed. "Hey," Jackson muttered.

I sat up and looked at him, "hey," I whispered back, barely getting the word out without crying.

"It's gonna be alright, Silver."

I shook my head, my body still in a numbing fog, how could it be, okay? Ever. I could not possibly wrap my head around that thought.

"Silver, you know that this happens all the time, to people we don't know? To people who have hard lives, I need you to get past this." He stared at the door, not willing to look at my eyes any longer.

I sighed, "I know, I'm trying."

"I know."

I stared at the door as well, not knowing what else to do. Theia walked in, looks like the day was going to start early. I didn't know what I was going to do for the rest of the day. What was I to do? Theia smiled, "aw wonderful, been looking for both of you. It's a training day, Silver. Jackson, Matt needs you, something about planning, blah, blah. I stopped paying attention, but I knew that you would find it important." Jackson nodded and left. I looked at Theia, "is Taya coming?"

"Of course, she is."

I took a deep breath and got ready, ready to look presentable, and ready to face the day. I turned to Theia, "Ready to go, Theia?"