{Beauty And The Beast Part 5}

GASTON: Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man. No one says ‘no’ to Gaston!

LEFOU: Darn right!

GASTON: Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear (turns chair away)

LEFOU: (Runs in front of him) More beer?

GASTON: What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.

LEFOU: Who you? Never. Gaston, you have to pull yourself together.

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston.

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy he'd love to be you, Gaston (cheering from the gallery) even when taking your lumps

There's no man in town more admired as you.

Your everyone’s favorite guy.

Everyones awed and inspired by you. (LEFOU turns chair back forward)

And it's not very hard to see why!

No one’s slick as Gaston, no one’s quick as Gaston.

No one’s next as incredibly thick as Gaston.

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfectly , a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley

And theyĺl tell you whos team they prefer to be on!

(LEFOU has pulled a man's belt off, whose pants fall to the ground. LEFOU jumps up and wraps the belt around GASTON’s neck, who flexes and breaks it off. LEFOU continues to dance around. OLD CRONIES pick up and swing him around.)

OLD CRONIES:  No one's been like Gaston, a king-pin like Gaston

LEFOU: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

GASTON: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

OLD CRONIES: My, what a guy that Gaston!

(OLD CRONIES swing LEFOU back and forth into the camera.  LEFOU tickles GASTON’s chin, who stands with pride)

OLD CRONIES:  Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips

LEFOU: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!

(LEFOU swings up his arm in dance and throws a mug of beer in GASTON's face, who socks LEFOU in the face)

ALL: No one fights like Gaston, no one bites like Gaston

WRESTLER: In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston

BIMBETTES: For there's no one as burly and brawny

GASTON: As you see I've got biceps to spare

LEFOU: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny

GASTON: That's right! And every last bit of me's covered with hair!

(GASTON fights with the men, then lifts a bench with the BIMBETTES on it.  He drops the bench on LEFOU, then turns to the camera and reveals his hairy
chest.)

OLD CRONIES:  No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston

LEFOU: In a spitting match, nobody spits like Gaston!

GASTON: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptooey!

ALL: Ten points for Gaston!

(GASTON plays a chess game with a man, then hits the board, sending it and pieces all over.  He takes a bite of leather from the belt once wrapped around his neck, chews it and spits it into a spittoon, which falls and gets stuck on the head of LEFOU.)

GASTON:bWhen I was a lad I ate four dozen eggg

Every morning to help me get large!

And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

(GASTON juggles a number of eggs, then swallows them whole.  LEFOU attempts the, trick, and is hit in the face by three eggs.)

ALL: No one shoots like Gaston, makes those beauts like Gaston

LEFOU: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

GASTON: I use antlers in all of my decorating!

(GASTON takes three shots at a beer barrel, which begins leaking into the mugs of onlookers.  He returns stomping to his chair, where we see the fireplace surrounded by the heads of the animals he has killed.)

ALL: My what a guy! Gaston!!!!!!!

(The OLD CRONIES have picked up the chair and carry GASTON around in it.  LEFOU tries to flee, but they toss the chair into its normal place, and LEFOU is pinned underneath. MAURICE bursts in frantically)

MAURICE: Help! Someone help me!

OLD MAN: Maurice?

MAURICE: Please!  Please, I need your help! He's got her.  He's got her  locked in the dungeon.

LEFOU: Who?

MAURICE: Belle. We must go.  Not a minute to lose!

GASTON: Whoa!  Slow down, Maurice. Who's got Belle locked in a dungeon?

MAURICE: A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast!

(MAURICE has gone from person to person, pleading his case, until he is thrown at the feet of GASTON. A moment of silence, then the OLD CRONIES begin to laugh and mock him.)

CRONY 1: Is it a big beast?

MAURICE: Huge!

CRONY 2: With a long, ugly snout?

MAURICE: Hideously ugly!

CRONY 3: And sharp, cruel fangs?

MAURICE: Yes, yes.  Will you help me?

GASTON: All right, old man.  We'll help you out.

MAURICE: You will? Oh thank you, thank you!

(The OLD CRONIES pick up MAURICE and help him out by throwing him through the door.)

CRONY 1: Crazy old Maurice.  He's always good for a laugh!

GASTON: (Very pensive)  Crazy old Maurice, hmm?  Crazy old Maurice. Hmm? Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking.

(LEFOU is still under the chair.)

LEFOU:A dangerous pastime--

GASTON: (finishing line) I know, But that wacky old coot is Belle's father. And his sanity's only so-so Now the wheels in my head have been turning. Since I looked at that loony old man. See I promised myself I'd be married to Belle,  And right now I'm evolving a plan!

(GASTON picks LEFOU out from under the chair and holds his head close, and whispers)

GASTON: If I...(whisper)

LEFOU: Yes?

GASTON: Then I...(whisper)

LEFOU: No, would she?

GASTON: (whispering)...GUESS!

LEFOU: Now I get it!

BOTH: Let's go!

(They begin a waltz around the floor as they sing)

BOTH: No one plots like Gaston, takes cheap shots like Gaston

LEFOU: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston

ALL: So his marriage we soon will be celebrating. My what a guy, Gaston!!!
(out through window to snow covered square, empty except for MAURICE)

MAURICE: (to no one in particular) Will no one help me?