— Next day —

Saturday, June 19th, 2021.

10 am.

My throat feeling horribly painful and sore, I take another lozenge and read y/n's text while leisurely walking back to my sofa.

< I knew you'd feel worse than yesterday:( you should have gone to the doctor ]

[ I'm fine its not like its the first time it happens >

< hm we're soon in summer, you shouldn't get sick ]

[ happens no matter the season for me >

< that's the problem ]

I straighten my back and drop my phone next to me, and I grab my blanket to cover my body, but someone already ruins this moment by ringing the door bell. I heave a sigh but get up again, leave my fluffy blanket where it was and step towards the door.

I hurry to take a mask and put it on to protect the person, hoping that they are not related to my ex, and I open the door.

"Hey—"

I click my tongue and push the door to slightly close it, and I step back to not be too close to her. "Y/n. What the fuck did I say?"

She smiles at me in the softest manner and holds a bag, which seems heavy, up. "I cooked some food and brought some stuff for you," she makes it impossible to refuse and scold her, and I take everything. "Thank you, baby, but you didn't have to."

She does not speak about this but lovingly looks up into my eyes, and she holds her hands behind her back. "I cooked all your favorites. A cheese pizza, and a vanilla cake, and I got you some pistachio ice cream, some milk and honey so that you can drink some for your throat."

She is so amazing, I sometimes cannot even believe she is real and in love with me and no one else.

"Oh, and also, I bought some buns at a bakery, and I tasted one, but they're really good, and some of them are filled with cream," she shows some excitement, delight about it, and I cannot help smiling. "Thank you so much, I'll kiss you when I'm feeling better."

"We can kiss now, you know—"

"No, we can't," I do not let her have it, but she pulls a long face and comes closer. She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me, asking for some physical contact, despite knowing I am against it.

This feels so good though.

"Eat well and take care of yourself while I'm not here, okay?" she rubs her hands over my back, and I hold her tight. "I will. I'm gonna have to drive you home now."

"No, don't worry," she raises her head up, not letting go but bringing me so much comfort with her body pressed against mine. "Matt is waiting for me over there," she turns her head and indicates the car parked in front of my front yard, making me realize I did not even notice it this whole time. "I asked him to pass by your house before going to his."

"Hm. Will his parents be home?" I put the food down on the floor near me, feeling more bothered about letting her leave now that I know this. "No, he only lives with his mom and brother, but they won't be home before six."

Him being a best friend does not reassure me at all, I do not feel comfortable or peaceful about this idea. He is a guy, who obviously got a crush on her, and no matter how helpful he has been, I cannot trust him.

"Are you sure you don't wanna be at your house with him? It's better with some parents around," I attempt to convince her. "He won't do anything, Jungkook. You don't have to be worried."

I will still be worried until she tells me she is safe at home and that nothing indeed happened.

I run my fingers through her hair and do not insist anymore. I know she will get tired of my behavior and slowly lose her feelings if I am too possessive and jealous. "Fine, but still, be careful."

"I will," she stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips against my mask to kiss me through it, but I push her away and move back, uncontrollably laughing. "I swear, y/n. Next time, I won't open the door. Got it?"

"I love you," she softly tells me, meaning them without a doubt, and my heart sinks. "Baby...What did I say about that word?" I do my best not to hurt her, and her facial expression does not change, to my greatest relief. "You don't have to say it back. I just want to tell you and let you know, so don't feel bad about not saying it, it's okay."

She is the perfect girl. I do not think I will ever find someone like her again.

"But I leave you alone. Take care of yourself and tell me how you're doing whenever you can, alright?" she sends me a kiss and makes me regret getting sick. "I love you too, baby. Be careful."

My words put a wide and beautiful smile on her face, and she waves her hand, so I do it in return, and she turns around to go back to that guy.

I watch her leave then close the door.

All this food she brought me is for sure going to comfort me. She is the sweetest person ever.

•••

1:20 pm.

'YOUR P.O.V'

"Can we take a break, please?" Matthew leans back on his chair and raises his arms up behind his head to stretch, and I agree right away. "Yeah. Good idea," I drop my pen on the desk and stand up, and I loudly stretch out as well to get rid of all the tension that built up inside me.

"It sounds like you were impatiently waiting for this," he chuckles and looks up at me. "I was, my back's hurting so bad for some reason," I grab my phone and step away to lie down on his bed and relax, and he turns around on his chair to keep his eyes over me.

"You want a massage?" he dares to ask me, and my eyes dart towards him. "Excuse me? Only Jungkook can give me one."

"A massage isn't necessarily a sexual one, dumbass. You think I'd ask if I meant it that way?" he acts like he would not joke with this type of subject, and I fake a laugh. "Still. You can't give a massage without feeling something sexual, in my opinion," I send a text to Jungkook to know how he is doing.

"Well, true," he moves and leaves his chair. "You want a drink?" he slides his hands in the pockets of his trousers, and I think for a moment. "Hmm. You still have some peach juice?"

"My fridge is full of that," he does not surprise me at all. "Good. Come back with that then, please."

"Yes, Ma'am," he steps out of the room, leaving me alone in his private one. I take a moment to clear my brain but cannot feel very happy or great, knowing Jungkook is not doing good makes me sad.

I check my notifications every five seconds, eager to talk to him, to get an answer, and know how or what he is doing.

He is not answering though, I hope he is just sleeping.

10 minutes later...

"I wanna ask you something, but like, seriously," he puts his can of juice down on the desk, and I take another sip. "Hm, tell me."

"Do you think I'm attractive? But for real, don't sugarcoat your words or try not to hurt me, I want to know the truth," he does not realize how difficult this would be if he was not, putting me in an uncomfortable position. "You are. How can you even ask me that?"

"Because I doubt it? I don't know. I wanted your opinion," he explains in poor words, not making it any more believable. I do not understand how such pretty people can be insecure about their face, this is insane how the human brain can be so tricky and manipulative. "Why my opinion and not another person's?"

"Because I know you'll take me seriously. I literally got called a fucking 'five' by a girl in my class the other day," his words get my eyebrows to raise. "I'm sorry, what? Who the hell is that dumb and blind girl? And you can tell how immature and stupid she is by the fact she literally rated you."

"I rejected her one week ago, maybe that's why," he tells the rest of the story. "Oh, there, that's the only thing you need to know. She's just mad. And also, you had to reject two girls in the span of less than a month, and you still wonder if you're attractive? I can't believe you."

"Being asked out doesn't mean you're pretty, you could just look like an easy option," he attempts to find some lame reasons that are not valid at all. "Sure, Matt. You're an ugly boy that pretty girls want to date."

"How do you know if they're pretty?" he smiles but seems to be loving this topic, and the compliments he is getting. I know he tends to lack confidence, but he hides it or conceals it with fake arrogance. "I don't like Eve, but she's pretty."

"Yeah, if you say so," he rotates his chair and drinks again. "What? Do you think she's not pretty?"

"No, but you've always been prettier to me, and now that I hate her, she's freaking ugly," he cannot admit the truth, his hatred influencing his opinion. I smile and put my can down. I did not expect him to slip a compliment so smoothly, but I will not say anything about it.

"Do you know how many girls Jungkook dated or rejected?" he brings him up, comparing himself to my boyfriend for sure. "He told me his ex was his first, so I don't know anything more, but I believe there must have been a lot of girls."

"Yeah, he's like the type that girls love the most. He looks cold as fuck, but actually is caring, he's 'hot', that's the whole package for you," he does not criticize him, to my greatest relief, and my lips curve up. "I just love him for who he is. He's just afraid to show his emotions, but he's the sweetest. I seriously want to cuddle with him all the time."

"He's the opposite of what he looks like, exactly like you," he states, without explaining what got him to think that. "Like me? What does that mean?"

"You look so soft, cute, and baby girl like, but you're actually a monster. So in this case, your book is worse that your cover," he grins while speaking and provokes me, looking for trouble.

I punch his arm to take revenge, and he grimaces and throws his hand to touch the painful spot. "My fucking arm! It's sore, little bitch."

"Sore? Good, I'll punch it even harder next time," I do not see it as a weakness I should show mercy to. "Why is it sore though? What did you do?"

"I've been working out and lifting weights, it hurts like hell," he keeps rubbing, meaning I did cause him pain. "You're working out too? Dammit, why is everyone around me doing it? I feel even more self-conscious now."

"You don't need to work out to look good while I do, and you told me you do daily squats," he hols his biceps and kneads it, making me feel bad for punching him. "Yeah, but it's not like it's gonna change much, but whatever, we have to go back to work at some point."

"At some point, you're right," he does not do as suggested but puts his hands in his pockets. "And 'at some point' means now," I push my index finger down against the desk, and he throws his head back. "We've been working for, like, three hours. Let's take an one hour break, please."

"One hour? We both know we're not gonna go back to work if we take a long break like that," I do not force him but try to encourage him, knowing how difficult it is for him to stay focused for too long. "Yeah..." he heaves his hands up and runs his fingers through his fluffy hair. "We can stop if you want, we'll continue tomorrow through FaceTime."

"I can't focus anymore right now," he takes hold of one of the snacks he brought for lunch and bites into it. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Kinda yeah, but I'm fine," I tidy up to not leave a mess on his desk, and he hands me one cookie. "Here. Eat something."

"Thank you," I grab it without thinking twice, and remove the wrapping. "We can cook some pancakes if you want," he talks with his mouth full, and some excitement runs through my body at the sound of this. "Pancakes? I love them a lot, so don't tempt me or I'm gonna eat them all."

He giggles and shoves the rest of his snack in his mouth, and he rises from his chair. "Let's cook some pancakes, I'm craving some."

•••

3:30 pm.

"Matt," I pronounce his name, feeling the need to ask him a question. "Yeah?" he swallows the piece of pancake he had in his mouth, and I look up at him. "Imagine, you have a girlfriend, you're sick and alone in your house, but you don't want her to get sick too, however," I grab another pancake, ignoring the fullness of my stomach. "She comes to your house to take care of you, how would you feel? Will you be upset or not?"

"You just wanna know if Jungkook's gonna let you do it, why make it so long?" he understands what I mean by my question, and I smile but wait for his answer. "If it was me, I'd be worried that she could get sick, but I'd be happy to have her around, and that really means a lot when your partner is willing to be there no matter what."

"Good. That's what I hoped for," I eat and take my phone with my clean hand to see if Jungkook answered my new text, but he has not. "Do you find him different from when he was just a friend?" he shows some curiosity about our relationship.

"Not really, he does more intimate stuff, but he's always been caring and very affectionate, so I can't really think of anything that feels different now," I shake my head, and his eyes go down to my pancake. "So, like, what my brother said about him is kinda bullshit?"

"Well, depends. He does have a problem with addictions and all, but the abusive boyfriend thing is bullshit," I still stick to this statement, to the truth I want people to know. "What exactly happened then?"

"What do you mean 'happened'? Nothing happened," I clear my throat with some peach juice, and he stares at me. "Are you sure? I know my brother can be a jerk, but I'm worried about what he said 'cause he wouldn't make up such a thing."

"His ex made it up and told everyone about it to look like an innocent victim and make him a bad guy," I tell him what I have explained already, and what I will always refuse to believe. "Alright. I trust what you say. As long as he doesn't do anything wrong to you, I'm fine."

"He won't," I do not think otherwise, certain of this.

•••

4:40 pm.

After having an inner fight against myself to decide whether I should go home or not, I wear the mask Matthew gave me and text Jungkook to warn him about my presence, and I unlock the door to not make him stand up and move too much.

In less than five seconds, he raises his head up from the armrest of his sofa to look up at me. "Go home, y/n. Please, I'm not in the mood to argue."

"I'm just checking up on you," I tell half of the truth, feeling annoying and clingy, but unable to let him go through this all alone. He sighs but puts his head back down. "Come with the mask I left on the counter at least."

I put the dish I brought on the kitchen counter and do as told, and I head up to him. I squat down in front of him to have my face near his, and I put the mask on him to cover his mouth and nose. He seems to be in a worse state than earlier, he truly looks like he is struggling a lot.

"Do you have a fever?" I push his bangs away to touch his forehead, and he closes his eyes. "Yeah," he does not move, using his voice the least possible. I pull my mask down and press a kiss on his forehead, and I comb his hair back. "Why aren't you in bed? You'll feel more comfortable."

"I wanted to watch something on TV, but I just slept all day long," his exhaustion escapes through his words, my heart breaking at the sight of this.

Nothing hurts me more than knowing he is in pain.

I do not speak but rub my thumb and the tip of my fingers over the side of his face, and he opens his pretty eyes and looks into mine. "Did you have a good day?" he asks me in a low voice, even though he matters much more. "Yeah, we cooked some pancakes, so I brought you some," I smile and caress his neck, willing to pamper and shower him with love. "I'm happy then. Thank you."

"Do you not want to get into bed now that I'm here?" I suggest him to do, convinced this will feel much better on a large and soft mattress. "I can barely walk, but yeah," he sits up, keeping his blanket over his body, and I stay close to him to go upstairs.

We both enter his bedroom, and he carelessly drops his body on the bed.

"I'm gonna take a shower and stay to cuddle you, okay?" I wait for his approval, but he barely keeps his eyes open. "You'll do it whether I say yes or no, so why do you even frame it as a question?" 

He does have a point.

"True. I'm coming back quick. Yell my name if you need me," I open the door of the bathroom, and I hurry to clean myself.

15 minutes later...

I climb on the bed after putting some pajamas on, and I lie down in front of him. Still not sleeping after the long time I took in the bathroom, he opens his eyes and sets them on mine.

He is so out of energy and strength.

I inch much closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck to kiss his forehead again and comb his hair, and he does not try to push me away, he snuggles up against me and hides his head in my chest.

"Do you need a painkiller, a snack, or something else?" I hug him. "No," he moves his arms and puts them around me, and one of his hands slide under my top. "I just needed you." 

No word leaves my mouth, but my heart beats faster under my ribs. This feels warm and good. I do not ever want to let go of him. I want to hold him, play with his hair, and give him kisses until he feels better.

"Take your mask off if you want to sleep," I tell him, not liking the idea of keeping this on when he is unconscious, especially with a blocked nose. "I keep it if you're here."

I do not listen to him but remove one of the straps, and I take it off of his face. "Babe, please," the nickname flutters my heart and fills my stomach with butterflies. "You don't have a cough do you?"

"My throat is pretty fine, but I feel like I'm dying, so I know that if you catch it, it's gonna be even worse to stand it for me. So, let me wear it or get in the other room tonight. I'm begging, baby," he puts it back on, and I understand this bothers him a lot. "Okay, I'll sleep in the other room, but promise you'll call me if you need something."

"I will, I promise," he tightly presses my body against his, his hand squeezing my skin as if it was hard to let me leave. "Fine. Sleep tight, I hope you'll feel better tomorrow," I peck his forehead and bear hug him for the last time today, and I feel the muscles of his arms flex against my skin and crush my waist and hips.

I do not make it linger so that he can rest, and I leave his embrace, and the bed. I open the door and turn around to gaze at him. "I love you," I tell him, with a smile upon my face, and I close the door before he could feel forced to answer me with the same words.

I know he is still not ready to tell them and mean them, but I cannot pass one day without telling him what I feel anymore. Since that day, I fear that every minute with him could be the last, so I make them as special as I can.

— Next day —

Sunday, June 20th, 2021.

10 am.

The silence remaining in the room, I lay the warm pancakes on a dish next to the two other bowls full of fruits, and I grab everything to place them on the dining table.

Then I go back to the kitchen side to warm some milk up, and while the cup is in the microwave, I take a pill of Tylenol out, put it down next to Jungkook's glass of water, and I head upstairs with a mask on my face.

I hope he had some good sleep and is not doing worse than yesterday.

Doubting that he could be awake, I quietly open the door, without knocking, and I go tilt my head to peek at him. I slowly step towards him, and once I reach him out, I bend over the bed and lay down next to him.