"I've been waiting for the moment, 

When I can call you mine, 

You smile when you see me,  

I somehow lose all time."                                                       

 - Bach's Revenge debut album, track 8

Rosa was in stilettos perched rather precariously on a phone book, lipstick in hand, trying to  see her reflection in the hall mirror Sebastian had hung about seven inches too high. "Hey  honey," she said.  

Seb leaned on the door frame. Somewhere along the way, she'd forgotten he offered to buy dinner. She was dressed to kill. He hated the thought of disappointing her, but Chop's  steakhouse would have to be sufficient.  

A slow, lazy smile spread across his face. "I know me leaving is cause to celebrate."  

He swept his hand in the air, "but this is a bit excessive don't you think?"  

Rosa laughed. "It's bittersweet. I'm so proud of you but I'll miss you like crazy."  

Sebastian uncrossed his arms and pointed a finger. "No wild parties while I'm gone." 

"You know," Rosa stopped applying her lipstick and turned to him, stepping down  from the phonebook. "I don't really know what I'm going to do with myself. It's going to be  too...quiet."  

"You're going to stop worrying about me all the time, for one. Then you can disregard  my instructions and throw a wild party."  

Her eyes welled with tears. "Stop!" she demanded. "You're making me ruin my make  up."  

His mom was such a girl.  

Sebastian helped her into his jeep. Her stilettos didn't seem like such a good idea  anymore. They drove in silence and arrived at Chop's about twenty minutes later. Once they  were seated, they ordered. When Rosa opted for expensive wine, Sebastian gave thanks his  savings account wasn't anything to laugh at.  

Once their drinks were delivered, Rosa leaned back with her wineglass pinched  between her fingers, eyeing him quizzically.  

"What?" Sebastian asked.  

"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on between you and Charlie?"  

Sebastian fixed his eyes on the table, unfolding the fabric napkin and rolling up the  corners. "Nothing."  

His mother looked hurt. "Wow. Must be some kind of nothing."  

He was stupid to think his sulking had gone unnoticed. "You don't need to worry,  Ma."  

"Sebastian." She leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his. "You can tell me  anything. Maybe it would help."  

He exhaled, sure that nothing, least of all confessing his secrets to his mother was  going to help. "Ma, it's nothing. I told Charlie I wanted more. She doesn't. It's that simple."  

Rosa's mouth dropped and quickly snapped shut. She took a swig of her wine again.  "So because she thinks she's not interested, you've stopped talking to her?"  

Sebastian wished he had a glass of wine, or five. "Yeah. No. Kind of. It's  complicated."  

"What are you going to do?"  

"I've been trying to avoid her mostly. Until today, the plan was brilliant."  

"Hang on." She held her hand up and waved to the waiter. "I'm going to need  another glass of wine."  

Sebastian rolled his eyes.  

She rested her elbows on the table and leaned in closely. "What happened today?"  

"She fainted in the cafeteria and I ran to her, obviously. But now she wants me to  spend the night with her." 

"And?" 

"And I promised I would."  

"So that explains why you look like you're going to a funeral."  

Rosa's observation brought him a small smile. "Yeah." He shrugged. "Guess so."  

"Can I offer some totally unsolicited advice?" she asked. "From a woman's  perspective." 

"Do you have any other kind?"  

"I think Charlie is probably just confused sweetheart. I mean think about this for a  moment. You've been best friends since before you could walk. I'm telling you, to her, you are  the only thing, aside from her parents and her sister that is for sure. Nothing in her life is  certain, expect for her family and you."  

Sebastian ran his finger around the rim of his cup. "Okay, well so far this isn't making  any sense. If I am 'for certain'," he brought his fingers up to make quotations, "then why on  earth would she not jump at the chance to make it even more so?"  

"Because," Rosa said, "it could ruin everything. Perhaps Charlie is not willing to risk  losing you. So she'd rather not be with you at all."  

Shame swept through him. "She did lose me so it didn't work out well for her."  

"She didn't lose you darling. If she did, we wouldn't be having this conversation,  would we?"  

Sebastian's eyes widened. How did she do that? Rosa had some sort of mother-knows- best ability but to the point where her intuition could be downright unsettling. "So what do I  do?"  

"You be the hundred percent. That guy she knows will always be there no matter  what. She will realize that you're the one, even if it takes her a little time. You mustn't run  from her anymore or she'll never have to chance to see you in a different way."  

His mother's words lingered in the air before they settled. "Do you really think that?"  

"Sweetheart, of course I do."  

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, ready to digest more than just the food they'd  ordered.

Charlie took a shower while Sebastian was gone. She couldn't eat, despite her mother's  repeated attempts to call her for dinner. The way Sebastian's body was so rigid earlier  weighed heavily on her mind. She knew she'd done damage to their friendship, but the fact  that he tensed, he actually tensed when she leaned on him confirmed it.  

She slipped into plaid pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt and tied her hair up in a  loose mess on the top of her head. She wished, as she had so many times this week that she  could rewind time. Take back what she'd said. For every time she thought about Mitch this  week, she thought about Seb tenfold. In a million years, she'd never have imagined life  without Sebastian, never had a reason to. Now that she was living it, she'd do anything to fill  the hollow emptiness he left behind.  

While she waited, she retrieved an old acoustic guitar from underneath her bed.  

Sebastian had given it to her for her eighth birthday because she decided then that they'd be  famous together. After several frustrating guitar lessons with Sebastian, she gave up  completely and the thing had been tucked under her bed, collecting dust for the last nine  years.  

She used a sock to dust it off before placing the guitar on her lap and strumming the  strings. The sound it produced was tinny, but she didn't care. She placed her fingers on  different frets of different strings like she had seen Sebastian do so many times before. Before  long, she was producing some sort of notes that had the same twang as a country song. The  noise obscured the sound of Sebastian's heavy footfall on the stairs.  

The first real smile she'd seen in a long time was on his face when he opened the door.  "If you're mad at me," he said, "I could think of several other ways you could torture me.  Makin' my ears bleed is a little cruel don't you think?"  

Heat rushed to her face and she put the guitar down instead of running to him like  she wanted to. "I'm not mad. I was just remembering when you gave this to me," she said.  

He moved to the bed and sat down beside her, picking up her discarded instrument.  He cocked his head to the side and began to twist the pegs and play the stings alternately. It  already sounded a hundred times better. "Oh yeah? What do you remember?"  

"I remember how badly I wanted to be like you."  

"It's not all it's cracked up to be sometimes," he whispered.  

The tenor of his voice made her shiver, even though he sounded warmer than he had  in weeks. She slid closer to him, a bold move, but it didn't matter. "Maybe I knew even then  you were going to be a musician. Maybe even then I didn't want you to leave me behind."  

He abruptly stopped tuning the guitar and put it on the bed beside him. "I'm not  leaving you behind."  

But he was. McKenzie's name danced on the tip of her tongue, burning it like a hot  flame. "I saw you with McKenzie," she blurted.  

"McKenzie means nothing. Please don't think I'd ever leave you behind."  

Her head was a mess. She wanted Mitch, she loved him, didn't she? But she loved  Sebastian more, yet differently. Did she want him too? Did she want him more? Tears burned  her eyes and she looked away. "I try not to, but after what happened--"  

"Look." He closed the remaining space between them. "I don't blame you. I know you  think I do, but I don't."  

"But you're mad at me."  

"No bella I'm not. It's just so hard. "You want me to lay here as if nothing has  changed and hold you. Meanwhile, you'll sigh and maybe even smile in your sleep and even  though I know better, some small part of me will still wish that smile is there because you're  dreaming of me." He stood only to move in front of her, dropping to his knees and scooping  her hands in his. "Every time I lie here with you I'm so close and somehow, it's still a million  miles away from where I really want to be." 

"I'm sorry," she whispered.  

He kissed the tops of her hands. "Don't apologize. You can't change how you feel. I'm not trying to change that. God, I'd rather lose my voice forever than change anything about  you. But please try to understand, even though I wouldn't change it, it kills me inside." 

"Do you hate me?" She asked. God knows, he should've.  

"Never," he whispered. "I'd never hate you. I love you, and that right there is the  problem, isn't it?"  

She nodded. "I'm a horrible person."  

He stood and tugged her up to stand. His arms snaked around her waist and he  pulled her close to him. "If that were true, I wouldn't love you half as much as I do."  

Sebastian was right about one thing. She couldn't change how she felt. Her mind  protested. It screamed at her to stop, and not take anything further than she already had.  Stop leading Sebastian on, stop leading herself on. Stop ruining everything more than she  already had. Think about Mitch and what this would do to him. Think about what this  would do to Sebastian, to her, to their friendship, to her heart.

Stop. Stop. Stop.  

But she couldn't. She wanted him.  

What the hell was he doing? Charlie was trembling in his arms, she looked as if she were  about to cry and he'd basically just given her permission to use him. I know you don't want me,  but I'll spend torturous moments beside you because I know it makes you happy. Sawyer was right.  

He was a dumb shit.  

But she was so tiny and delicate and exceptionally beautiful. The shape of the body he  knew was underneath her clothes, the way the curve of her neck met her shoulder, it made  him weak inside.  

"Sebastian?"  

He moved his hand up, and unpinned her hair, letting loose blonde curls fall down  her back. He twisted one around his finger, even though it was wrong, he couldn't help  himself. The silky strand fell through his fingers. "Hmm?"  

"What I said, that day on the balcony..." she trailed off.  

His heart seized in his chest for a moment, but she continued. "I mean..."  

She couldn't possibly hurt him anymore than she had already, and he wanted to fix  the distance between them, whatever the cost. "If you've got something to say," he said. "It's  okay, I can take it."  

She nodded.  

He waited. Nothing.  

He grabbed her hand in his. "It can't be that bad."  

"I messed it all up," she managed.  

"No. I did. You can't change the way--" 

But she cut him off, "I feel. You're right. I can't change the way I feel. Which is why,"  

she wrung her hands together. "That's exactly why I-I want you to kiss me."  

His brain took flight, trying to catch a single recollection of the countless times he'd  thought about kissing her. He wanted to say something, ask her if she was sure, ask her why  now, but he couldn't. Her eyes danced across his face, willing him to put his mouth on hers.  Daring him to do it.  

He leaned forward, brushed his lips across hers first, just skimming the surface. She  sighed. He liked the noise she made for him. Her mouth was as soft as he imagined it would  be and his hand moved up, cupping her chin. As he forced the kiss deeper, her body went lax  and she tried to push herself into him. He moved and grabbed the back of her leg, right at the  bend of her knee and pulled it up. She followed his lead and wrapped her legs around his  waist, lacing her hands in his hair. God, she tasted good, like sugar. He turned their bodies  and moved toward her bed, as he lay her down, he broke free from the kiss. 

"Why now?"  

"Because if a million people were standing in a crowded room, the only person I'd see  is you," she breathed. "I didn't know what you meant to me until you were gone."  

"And now you do?"  

"I don't know," she said. "I just now that somewhere along the way, I fell for you."  

His finger traced a line down her throat, stopping above her heart. "Give this part of  yourself to me," he whispered. "I swear I'll never make you sorry you did."  

Charlie smiled, "I think Sebastian, it was yours all along."  

He wanted his lips to crush hers to show her how much he loved her. It took every  ounce of resolve he had not to rip her clothes off and send them flying. But he didn't have to,  her hands were already tugging at the hem of her shirt. He moved to stop her. "I can't believe  I'm going to say this but keep your clothes on. God," he added. "Never thought those words would leave my mouth."  

She laughed nervously, confusion flashing across her face. "I thought you wanted  me."  

He pushed against her, to prove he did and whispered. "I do. But not the night before  I leave. I want you and then I want to hold you and never let you go. Right now, that's not  an option."  

McKenzie and what he'd done with her flashed in his mind, but he shoved the images  deep down. He couldn't think of her now. He'd dreamed of this moment for so long that  nothing, not even his own guilt would destroy it.  

She smirked and twisted enough to hike her shirt up, revealing her navel. Great.  Because this wasn't hard enough already. "Wow Sebastian, a real gentleman, huh?"  

He raised an eyebrow and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Now you're  getting carried away with ridiculous assumptions."  

"What if I told you, I want it-er-you?"  

"I'd ask why you're in such a hurry."  

"Well," she said. "You're leaving for one."  

"And two?"  

She shook her head. 

"There's no two?"  

"Not of the top of my head."  

"And two," he supplied, kissing her neck. "Could be Sebastian issuing a resounding  no." After all the times he'd imagined doing various things to Charlie's body, he couldn't  bring himself to follow through.

She pouted.  

"Cute, but still no. I can't be with you and leave the next morning. It's wrong. You  haven't done this before, you shouldn't rush."  

"You don't know that."  

But he did. Mitch's locker room talk about his ice queen hadn't exactly flown under  Sebastian's radar.  

"Not for sure, but it's a pretty safe assumption. Guess what else is a safe assumption?  

Assuming I am not going to sleep with you tonight."  

"Sebastian?"  

"What?"  

"I feel like I have to make up for lost time somehow."  

Sebastian kissed her again and whispered, "Then stay awake with me."