I continued my storming back towards the main palace. There was only one person that could take my mind off of things- Michael, with his charming voice and oft oceanic eyes.

I started by merely power-walking out of the barracks, but it became an all out run as I climbed the many steps towards the grand palace. I was nearly out of breath by the time I ran past the guards.

"Wait!" The guards called after me. I ignored them.

I crossed through the maze-like corridors of the building, once or twice taking a wrong turn. I only found Michael's bedroom by recognizing a painting next to it, a great winged creature with a trio of heads.

"Michael! I need to-" I burst through the door, shouting, but had to stop mid-sentence at what I say beyond the doorway.

My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe it.

Michael was on the bed. And below him was... another angel. Another man. They had been kissing when I had walked in, but now both stared at me.

Michael looked a bit scared.

I huffed.

I grimaced.

I turned around and ran the hell out of there.

What was that? I felt tears form in my eyes. I couldn't stop thinking about it... about him... His body, so beautiful, carved sunlight, skin like the bark of an aquatic tree-

Kissing another man, hands feeling his muscles and touching his hair. They were both shirtless, both godly, maybe they deserved each other.

I sat down on the edge of Heaven, letting my feet dangle and staring into the sky-like abyss below.

But what did that make me?

An idiot. How could I think Michael wanted me? I barely knew him! He was so drawing, so enigmatic, so powerful. But especially, he was unknown.

I was wearing his clothes, his colors, like a prideful thing. Maybe it was a symbol of shame. Auriel had been right to be disgusted with me.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. Michael with other people. Michael with other men- it made sense, he could have anyone he wanted. And the angels were all men. Somehow I had forgotten how gay Heaven really had to be.

But god- god I was such an idiot. An idiot who thought she was in love, thought that being wanted translated to being special. I had had sex with him. I wasn't regretting it- besides the general soreness of my body- but I felt like a fool for feeling proud.

And pushing Auriel away.

Auriel, who was sweet and kind. Auriel, who spoke to me like an equal, who only wanted to help me.

I had made a huge mistake.

I ran back to the barracks and slammed the door open, searching wildly for Auriel's strawberry ginger hair. I spotted him across the room, sitting alone and staring out the window. I ran to him.

"What do you want?" He said gruffly. "You ran out of practice."

"That was-" I said hesitantly. "Practice got personal."

"I'm not in the mood to talk to you."

"I am though. Look, Auriel, I'm sorry. I messed up."

"Yeah?" He said, sounding disinterested.

"Terribly. Can we talk about this somewhere more private?"

Auriel looked me dead in the eyes, his pale blue orbs flashing. "No." He summoned his sword and pointed it at me. "Now get away."

I couldn't believe it. Had I burned all my bridges? I only knew three people in all of Heaven, and Uriel really wasn't that compelling of a guy.

I ran away, unable to resist the cascade of salty tears that soon coated my face uglily. I came to the room where I was supposed to have slept last night, a bunk bed in a room in the barracks that I shared with Auriel. I lay on the top bunk and cried, feeling absolutely disgusting.

This was my new life. An angel. An angel with a hellton of problems.

I curled into a ball and cried until I ran out of tears. Then I lay on my back, stroking the feathers of my wings. White. Innocent. Pure.

So unlike me. I was a ruin.

I had come here new. Nova.

Now I was other. Alter.

For a moment, I closed my eyes, and in the dizziness of my sorrow I felt something. The smallest pang of knowledge, the closest vagueness of something solid.

Something like a weapon.

I opened my eyes, splaying my fingers out. Cracking my knuckles.

I drew. I drawed.

And the dark fire answered. It was only a brief pang, a sparkler in a cloud of smoke, but I smiled.

I was suffering, but I was learning too.

I sniffed. My face tasted like the sea. I was less miserable, but still, betrayal wounds close slow. I curled up into a ball again, and came to sleep.

-

It was hard to tell if I was dreaming or not when I woke up. I was still exhausted, it was still night, and my face still carried a residue of salt. But now, I felt something warm around me- and it took me a while before I realized what had happened.

Auriel was wrapped around me, his head resting against my neck, his arms wrapped around my stomach.

His breath in line with mine.

He smelt of solace, of comfort.

"I made a mistake." I whispered. "I was wrong."

I may have dozed off again, listening to the sweet sounds of his heartbeat.

I might've imagined it, but I thought I heard him murmur, "All is forgiven."