Enjoy :)

Tw: low key suicidal, Catra hates herself and talks bad about herself because of course she does. It's Catra.

"Ready, Catra?"

Catra worried her bottom lip. Her grip on Adora's hand tightened. She lifted her gaze from the floor, shifting it towards the two sorcerers. For that memory retrieval session, Micah and Casta were more patient and let her take her time. They even let Perfuma and Scorpia sit in for the session, just in case what happened last time occurred. Heck, even Melog was there, mostly as a way to tell how she was feeling during the session. The alien cat was pacing around the room, occasionally rubbing up against someone for comfort, but then shying away and repeating.

It definitely helped Catra feel safer from any imaginary threats. However, she was still standing, her grip on Adora not letting up as she looked from the Micah and his sister, to the make-shift bed.

"I guess so." She muttered. "Better to just get it over with.

"We'll be right here with you." Adora assured Catra, squeezing her hand back. "And remember, it's only memories. Nothing can physically hurt you. I'll stay right next to you, holding your hand, if you want."

Catra's ears flattened, embarrassed that she would have to rely on Adora for security, when she was a fully grown woman. Though, no one seemed to think the suggestion strange, so it mustn't be that big of a deal to them. Catra shyly nodded in agreement.

She and Adora walked over to the bed. Adora knelt down beside the bed, Catra lying on her back. They remained holding hands. Just like before, Micah and Casta stood on either side of the bed.

Casta spoke up.

"Just like last time, Catra, close your eyes. Micah and I will sift through your mind and look for any lost memories. If something comes to mind, telling us out loud. Anything you may remember. Alright?"

Catra nodded.

"Got it."

With that, they began. Micah and Casta close their eyes to focus their magic. The atmosphere in the room changed. The lights dimmed suddenly, a orb of light appearing above Catra.

No one spoke for the first few minutes. Adora's eyes switched from the glowing orb, to Catra, and then back to the orb. It was fascinating to watch, though Adora couldn't help but feel nervous. Catra seemed relaxed, maybe a little nervous, but of course she was.

Catra suddenly broke the silence.

"I hear screaming." She said.

"What kind of screaming?" Micah questioned gently.

Adora looked down at her girlfriend. Catra's brows pinched together.

"Um... anger, I think."

Catra sucked in a breath.

"I feel so angry. I think I'm the one yelling."

Catra's face screwed up, as if she were trying to make sense of it all. Her face softened.

"I'm.... I'm back at the Horde. It's all dark and gloomy and metal."

Adora ran her thumb over the back of Catra's hand. Catra licked dry lips.

"I'm yelling at people. I feel so angry and... scared."

"Of what?" Casta asked. "Can you see who else is there?"

Silence.

Catra's expression softened.

"I see... Scorpia."

Adora looked over to where Scorpia and Perfuma were sitting nearby. Scorpia seemed just surprised by her name being spoken. Then, it softened to understanding and... almost pity.

"It's ok, Wildcat." Scorpia spoke up, knowing Catra could hear her. "Remember, all of this is a memory. We're friends again."

What on earth was she talking about? Adora turned her attention, to Catra, who looked almost horrified of what she was remembering.

"I'm yelling at her." Catra said, as if it was a revelation.

"Do you remember why?" Casta pressed gently. "Can you feel the thoughts that were going through your head at that moment?"

Catra swallowed thickly. She nodded.

"Yeah. I...."

Catra took a shaky breath.

"I was scared. I didn't want her to hurt me. Leave me. So, I.... I pushed her away instead. I did all I could to make sure she left me. Hated me."

Adora was concerned when a stray tear ran down Catra's cheek.

"They were right." Catra whispered. "I drive people away. I see a lizard person."

The suddenly change in subject was jarring for everyone in the room. Adora looked over at a teary-eyed Scorpia being comforted by Perfuma. She snapped back to attention.

"Uh, that would be Double Trouble." She informed Catra. "Glimmer's cousin. They worked for you as a spy in the Horde."

"Double Trouble." Catra repeated, trying out the name. "They?"

Adora nodded, though Catra couldn't see it.

"Yeah. They. They're a mercenary."

Another few moment of silence. Catra's confusion seemed to disappear.

"Oh. Them. I think I remember them."

"Good." Micah commented. "What do you remember about them? Any physical features? Moments?"

The royal siblings continued shifting through Catra's memories, to find anything they could.

"Blonde hair. Lots of green. Um... their body's changing. Maybe a shapeshifter?"

"Right?" Adora said, smiling. "Good job so far, Kitten."

Catra giggled. "I think DT called me that too."

Adora pouted. How dare someone else call Catra that. She almost felt jealous.

Catra's smile slowly fell.

"I can hear them. Talking to me." She said. "DT. They're taunting me, I think. Something about me, not really wanting to be a villain. They say... that I'm the problem. You push everyone away, Wildcat. No one needs me. Wanted me. Trusted me. I... hate them for it, but I feel like I agree. I remember being so alone after that. I hate myself. I want to..."

Catra shed more tears, her eyes squeezed shut.

"It's all happening so fast. I feel so awful and sad and I just hate myself."

Adora's heart broke. This was insane. Catra had told her about Double Trouble and what they'd said to Catra during her meltdown in the Horde, before the whole Prime thing happened. According to Catra, it was probably the lowest point of her life. Seeing Catra remembering that time hurt to watch and listen to.

"I can't do it anymore." Catra spoke softly. "I feel so hopeless and like it would be better if I just... was gone."

Adora's eyes widened. She looked over at Scorpia and Perfuma. Perfuma didn't seem fazed by Catra's words. Scorpia was the opposite.

Gone? What does she mean, gone? Like, dead?

Adora turned back to her girlfriend.

"Anything else, baby?" She asked. "Anything else you can see or hear?"

Catra shook her head. "Nothing. Just... sadness and... and so much despair. I think I tried to kill myself. I don't know. I feel like I wanted to then, but I don't remember anything after thinking about attempting. I just remember being so done and tired of trying. There was nothing left for me. Nothing to live for anymore. I was alone and hated and..."

Catra's bottom lip wobbled, clearly overwhelmed with emotions.

"Can we stop?" She requested.

"Of course." Micah said.

The glowing orb slowly disappeared into thin air, the lights brightening up again. It took a bit for everyone to get their bearings again. The atmosphere was tense.

Catra opened her eyes. She sat up, with the help of Adora.

The magicat looked towards her friends. More specifically, Scorpia.

"I'm so sorry, Scorp." She wailed. Scorpia wasn't that much better. The gentle giant got up and went over to Catra. She scooped up the smaller, crying woman, hugging her. Catra sobbed and sobbed, almost violently. She clung to the Scorpioni princess, repeating apologies like a mantra.

"I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucked up person. I'm so terrible. No one likes me and I was so angry and- and-"

"I already forgave you, Cat." Scorpia shushed her. "We're all good now. I still like you and so does our friends, so don't talk bad about my bestie."

Catra only cried harder. They worried Catra would vomit if she continued like this. Melog must've had the same idea, because they fetched a trash can, holding it in their mouth. Scorpia sat down, not letting Catra go.

"Breathe, Wildcat." She said. "It's ok."

Catra hiccuped.

"No it's not!" She sobbed. "I'm horrible and a bitch and I hate myself."

Catra suddenly gagged. Scorpia and Adora was quickly to move Catra, so she was kneeling on the floor, hovering over the trash can. Catra puked for a bit, still crying a bit, but the need to keep breathing forcing her to calm down. Casta fetched some water and a towel.

Once Catra was some form of calm, she took the towel and wiped her dry mouth. Her body trembled from the strain.

"Sorry." She croaked.

"Don't be." Perfuma said, shaking her head. "It's good that you felt so strongly about your past actions. It means you feel bad about it and you know you wouldn't repeat them. As Scorpia has said, you two have talked it out and are now on good terms again."

Catra was lifted up so she could sit on the bed. Perfuma stood in front of her, smiling softly.

"Your feelings are valid and your emotional instability should be seen as a factor of why you acted the way you did. You didn't see your own worth, so you pushed others away before they saw what you saw and abandoned you. That way of thinking is a result of your abandonment issues. However, we'll get into that more during one of our sessions. Right now, I'm more concerned about how your mental health is right now. How are you feeling?"

Catra sniffled.

"Tired. Like I want someone to run me through with a sword. Death sounds nice right now. That's fucking dark."

Catra closed her eyes, unable to keep them open. She leaned against Adora's shoulder. Adora wrapped her arms around the mentally and physically exhausted magicat.

She looked at the other two princesses, smiling kindly.

"She should probably get some rest, but I don't think she should be left alone for a while. Just until the aftermath of today is over. The aftermath of her last session.... was pretty concerning."

Perfuma and Scorpia nodded.

"Poor Cat." Scorpia sighed. "I feel bad for her. If you need anything, let us know."

Adora nodded. She lifted Catra in her arms, standing up. Catra suddenly shifted. She weakly waved an arm at Scorpia.

"Corps. M' sorry for bein' a bitch. You're awesome n' give great hugs. Love you. Super pal trio, or something?"

Scorpia chuckled. She ruffled Catra's hair.

"Yeah, Wildcat. Super pal trio. I'll even tell Entrapta, ok?"

Catra grasped blindly for Scorpia. Scorpia raised a brow. She took Catra's smaller hand in her pincer. Catra pulled her pincer to her mouth and gave the hard shell small kitten licks. Everyone, but Adora, was super confused. Did Catra think she was a cat or something?

Scorpia looked at Adora for answers. Adora shrugged.

"Kitten kisses, I think. It's an instinct she stopped doing when she was a kitten. From what I've read, I think it's a thing Magicats do when they claim someone as part of their group. Like a marking thing. Kind of like their version of a friendship bracelet."

Catra drowsily stopped, on the verge of passing out. Scorpia on the other hand, was looking at her as if she was the most precious being in the universe.

"Oh." Was all she could say, getting choked up.

Adora giggled.

"I'll let you guys know how she's doing after she sleeps for a while."

Perfuma nodded, taking Scorpia's arm.

"Of course. Call if you want something."

Adora turned to Micah and Castaspella. The two older adults were watching them, seemingly drained as well. Micah gave a nod to Adora.

"Just watch over her." He said, an air of caution in his voice. "If she continues to have low mood and certain thoughts, let us know right away."

Adora gave a nod. She left the room. Returning to their shared bedroom, Adora walked in, having a guard close the door behind her. Adora had no problem getting Catra into some comfortable clothing. Catra would occasionally be helpful and not cling to Adora and maybe sit up enough to get her corset off.

Why on earth did Catra choose a corset of all things to wear in the Horde? Those things don't look comfortable. Guess she'd have to wait until Catra got her memory back.

Adora changed into some lazy clothes as well. Not exactly her night clothing, but just an outfit that would be comfortable to stay in bed for a while. Turning off the light, Adora tucked Catra in, climbing in beside her. She lied down on her side, staring at Catra as she ran her hand over Catra's mane.

Catra mumbled something, leaning into the touch. A quiet purr came out, filling the silence.

Adora smiled.

Catra opened her eyes just a little. She looked at Adora.

"Hey, Adora." She whispered. "Thanks. For being there today. I don't know what I would've done without you. Sorry you had to deal with me again. I know my past is filled with painful memories for you all. It must be difficult for you guys to go through it all again."

Adora was taken aback.

"Hard on us? Catra, you're the one who has to remember it all over again like it's the first time. If you think for a second you're not also a victim on this whole thing, then you're more brain damaged than I thought. Yes, you did some very bad things, but it all started with your trauma. If Shadow Weaver hadn't hurt you like she did and was actually a good parent, maybe things would've turned out differently. It all started with her. You may have done some bad things as a result of your trauma, but you still have unimaginable trauma. Your trauma isn't less valid just because you did ended up choosing bad choices as a result. That's how you dealt with it, and it's valid. Your pain is valid and don't let anyone say otherwise, because no one knows what you went through more than you, no one else can say shit to you about your experiences. It doesn't excuse your actions, but it does validate your feelings. We'll continue to tell you this until we die. We forgave you already, Catra. You're a better person now and you're learning to undo all the manipulation and the cycle you were trapped in. That's what's important and I do love you. Never doubt that."

Catra was silent. She just scooted closer to Adora. Adora lifted an arm as an invitation. Catra moved close, Adora's chin on top of her head, her arm around Catra's waist.

Catra still had a sense of doubt in the back of her mind, but she knew Adora wouldn't lie to her. None of her friends would. That calmed any worries she had for the time being.

They loved her and that was enough for Catra. Sure, she'd definitely need a few therapy sessions to process everything, and maybe more reassurance from the others, but she was getting better and no use being upset over it now. Catra chose to believe it was true.

So yeah! Lemme know what you guys think :)