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Belonging

Enjoy :)

It was no shocker that Catra wasn't the most social person. Having been raised as a child soldier, ignored and/or abused most of her life. Made an outcast in a place she called home. It messed Catra up in the social department.

Being the newest addition of Brightmoon society, a kingdom full of the friendliest and outgoing citizens, didn't sit well with Catra. It was a challenge, especially considering her past misdeeds in the Horde. There, of course, were people who had a problem with Catra walking around freely, and made their complaints known. So, Catra had stuck to the shadows, only going out if Adora was nearby. Adora was very patient and understanding with Catra when she expressing hesitation to join their group in activities.

Adora slowly worked on getting Catra to interact with others more often. They'd went to different places for dates, Adora showing Catra around. They explored places they haven't seen before and went on the occasional outings with friends.

Well, Adora's friends. Catra had no intentions of assuming her status in the lives of anyone except Adora. She knew she had been literally an evil bitch to every single person that she now saw on a regular basis. It was awkward seeing them at breakfast each morning and when they'd randomly greet her when passing in the hall. Catra would just stare at them and give them a confused wave of her hand and continue on.

The rebuilding of Etheria was an experience. Catra was more than eager to do her part. She'd worked herself to the bone, planning and doing manual labor for hours without breaks. Adora, of course, would have to drag her to bed. Even Mermista, who wasn't exactly fond of Catra in the beginning, had expressed concern for Catra's wellbeing. She'd threatened to ban Catra from her kingdom if she didn't take it easy.

Perfuma, the absolute gem she was, suggested Mermista and Catra talk things out. Catra properly apologized to Mermista and had offered the water princess a free punch to the face. Mermista declined the offer, not wanting to get murdered by She-ra. Instead, they talked about why Catra did what she did. Mermista was surprisingly much more understanding. The two introverted girls got along really well, bonding over their dumbass partners.

However, in Catra's eyes, it didn't mean they were friends. They just didn't hate each other anymore.

The other princesses were easy to win over. Catra genuinely didn't even try. They just seemed to start talking to her at random moments, asking for her opinion on something or just including her in a conversation before Catra would slip away from the group. It got overwhelming quickly. Along with dealing with a new life, she also dealt with her trauma. She had a lot of it.

Nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts. The whole nine yards. Therapy and meditation along with medication helped a ton. It was an exhausting journey. Adora would be up at unholy hours of the night, holding Catra while she cried after waking from another nightmare about Horde Prime or Shadow Weaver or nearly losing Adora at The Heart of Etheria.

Slowly, but surely, things got better. Not perfect, not great, but much better.

They had a new sense of normal. No more fighting. No more war. No worrying about death every other hour of the day. The best friend squad enjoyed every moment of it. They could sleep in til noon, find new hobbies to do, spend time together and relax.

It seemed everyone easily fell into the new way of life. Of course, they all had their own struggles. It took months for Adora to stop sleeping with a knife under her pillow. Glimmer also had nightmares of Prime's ship. Her dad, Micah, didn't let her out of his sight for the first few weeks after the war ended.

It was a slow process. However, one thing that didn't seem to change, was Catra's inability to fit in.

She knew she was different from others. As the only magicat in the Horde, and now the only female in the group without magical powers or who was a princess. It has never bothered her much, until one day.

Catra had been having an off day. From the start, her mind was foggy and her body heavy. She'd fought off the darkness she felt in her chest and had went on with her day.

Adora and the others had suggested they go to a festival in one of the towns. Everyone else was quick to agree.

"What about you, Catra?" Adora asked.

The attention went towards Catra, who had been fine with staying silent. Catra shrunk back a tiny bit, staring down at her plate of food. She shrugged.

"I guess." She said. "I'm not much fun, though."

Adora scoffed.

"You're very fun, babe." She said.

At least one of them thought so. They headed out after breakfast, going as a group. The town festival was everything Catra hated. Crowded, loud, overflowing with energy.

Catra held on tightly to Adora's hand. She felt her stomach twist with nerves. The amount of things going on made her stay on edge. She kept quiet, opting to stay in the back of the group while the others went ahead.

Catra didn't mind Adora going off with the others. Adora was very outgoing and full of energy. So were her friends. It made sense to let them go off and have fun.

"You ok?"

Catra jumped. She turned around to see Scorpia standing there with Perfuma, both with concern on their faces. Catra and Scorpia's relationship was very complicated. Scorpia had said she forgave Catra for how she'd treated her before. Catra didn't believe her. No way she could ever be forgiven so easily.

There was just no way. Scorpia was the nicest person Catra had ever met, but not even she could still genuinely care about Catra. She shouldn't care.

Catra forced a smile. She was great at pretending. Most of the time.

"I'm good. Why?"

"Well," Scorpia didn't lose the worry in her voice. "We saw that you looked uncomfortable and I know you, Wildcat. You don't really look like you're good. Something wrong? Why aren't you with the rest of us?"

Catra hated being doted on. It made her feel weird. Plus, she has no right to inconvenient others. They'd all dealt with her shit enough.

She opened her mouth to reassure the pair once more.

"There you are."

The three women turned their heads. Adora, Glimmer, Mermista, Frosta, and Bow stood there. Catra felt her stomach drop.

Had they been looking for her?

"Yeah." Scorpia said with a humored expression. "We just found her out here a moment ago."

The group all gathered around.

"We were looking for you." Adora told Catra.

She suddenly frowned, looking Catra up and down, analyzing her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, keeping her voice down.

Catra scratched her shoulder, uncomfortable with the situation.

"Nothing." She lied. "Just didn't really want to be in a crowd. Nothing big."

The look on Adora's face said she didn't buy it.
She knew Catra too well.

"Why didn't you just say something?" Adora questioned.

Catra felt her palms sweating. She rubbed them against her pants, wondering when she'd started getting so freaked out.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." She said, a bit harshly.

"Ok." Glimmer drawled out, stepping forward. "You're definitely not ok."

Adora looked at the young queen and then back at Catra. Her brows furrowed deeper. She reached out slowly. When Catra didn't back away, Adora took her by the hands.

"Catra. Talk to me. What happened?" She pleaded.

Catra sighed, resigned.

"I just don't like crowded and loud places."

A look of dawning showed on Adora's face. She facepalmed.

"Oh, I totally forgot about that. You hate that."

"Don't worry about it." Catra quickly said. "I'll be fine. I'll just go find something to do while you guys stay here."

It seemed like an obvious plan to Catra. However, the looks of bewilderment and almost hurt that crossed some of their faces made Catra think that maybe her way thinking wasn't mainstream.

"Why would we just leave you alone?" Bow asked. "This is a group thing."

Catra felt her gut twist. She crossed her arms over her chest loosely.

"It's not that big of a deal." She shrugged. "You guys have fun. Plus, I'd just slow you down. I'm not fun, anyway."

She snorted in amusement.

"I don't exactly fit in, so trust me. I'm doing you all a big favor. I don't want to ruin your fun. Really, it's no problem. You guys naturally run in a group. I'm usually solo, so it's not that big of a deal for me."

They all looked at one another.

"But, Wildcat." Scorpia spoke up. "You're apart of this group too."

Catra raised an eyebrow.

"No I'm not." She denied. "Dude, me living in the same place as you guys doesn't automatically make me suddenly one of you guys. I know I'm not like any of you. You don't have to lie or force me into the group to make me feel better. You guys only tolerate me cuz I'm Adora's girlfriend. I get it, guys. Really, it doesn't bother me. I'm fine with being the plus one."

Silence. Catra looked around at them all. It was like she'd just insulted their parents.

"What?" She asked, wanting to what was their deal.

"Catra." Adora said with a disheartened look. "They're your friends just as much as mine. You didn't know that?"

Catra shook her head.

"No. They're your friends, dummy. They would never be actual friends with me. C'mon now. Even you have to realize that this is all just mutual understanding."

"Mutual understanding?" Glimmer repeated. "What are you talking about? You don't think we actually like you?"

"I know you guys don't." Catra immediately corrected. "I'm not hurt by it, or whatever. It's fine. I'm fine with just sticking around the edges. You guys have your group. I'm just Adora's girlfriend. After everything I've done to you guys, I never expected anything more than that. Why are you all being weird? It's the truth."

Catra was taken aback by the hurt on their faces.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "You don't have to feel bad about it. I understand. Really, I do. I don't fit in with you guys, anyway. I could never, so no one is missing out on anything."

Why were they looking at her like that? All heartbroken.

"Did I say something mean?" She then asked, unsure of what was wrong. "I didn't mean to-"

Adora was suddenly hugging her. Catra paused, immediately concerned. She let Adora squeeze her, resting her head on Adora's chest. Catra had enough sense to let her girlfriend do whatever.

"We're so sorry." Adora suddenly sniffed.

Was she crying? Ok, that does it

Catra gently pushed away, looking up at a teary eyed blonde princess. Catra softly wiped the tears away with her thumbs.

"What is up with you guys? It's ok. Geez you're all sappy today. What happened?"

Adora held her close by the waist.

"You."

Catra was shocked into confused silence. Adora sighed and continued.

"I didn't know you felt that way. Like you don't belong here. I had no idea you felt like you had no one on your side."

Catra chuckled.

"I technically have you and Melog." She pointed out. "You're all I've ever needed. I belong with you. You just have others in your life and I share you with. I'm your girlfriend and you have your friends and sort of family."

Adora huffed.

"They're your friends and sort of family too, Cat." She argued.

"Catra." Bow suddenly spoke up.

Catra looked at the master archer. Bow and Glimmer walked up to the two.

"We may have had a bad beginning and yeah, we were enemies during most of our time in the war. But, you've become so much more to us. When I said we're the best friend friend squad, I was talking about you too."

Catra's eyes widened.

"Why?" She asked. "I shouldn't even be alive right now. I've done too much evil things. Why would you want to be associated with me?"

"Because you've also done good things." Glimmer answered.

The young queen looked sheepishly.

"You're not the only one here who did really bad messed up stuff. We all did. So, we're in the same boat."

Catra rolled her eyes.

"You didn't lead an army that killed people and destroyed towns." She shot back.

Glimmer shrugged. "I still committed a war crime. Plus, so did Scorpia and Entrapta."

"They're princesses." Catra refuted. "They have power that I don't have. They're actually important and still fit in. They have magic. I don't have any of that."

Catra pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Look, I get what you're trying to say, but the point is that I'm not like any of you. Never have and never will be. I don't fit in anywhere and I'm not going to try and squeeze myself into your circle, cuz it's not worth it. You're all better off pretending like I'm just another face in the hall. It really doesn't hurt my feelings. I'm used to it and I don't want any of you to feel like you have to include me. I get it. I'll leave you all alone and maybe go back to the castle. I've wasted enough of your time, guys."

Catra turned to leave when a hand grasped her wrist. Catra bristled for a moment before relaxing when she saw who it was. Adora.

"I don't think you do understand." Adora said.
"You think none of them want you around? That couldn't be further from the truth!"

"She's right." Bow agreed. "We don't just tolerate you because you're Adora's girlfriend. We genuinely like you. We want to be around you."

The others made sounds and gestures of agreement. Catra looked around at them, shocked.

"You're not some random person we keep around for shits and giggles." Glimmer rolled her eyes. "You're the person who saved my life and Adora's life, simply because you cared. So, why would we treat you as lesser than what you are? You're my friend."

"Mine too." Scorpia called excitedly. "Yeah, things may have been really tense back then, but I don't really blame you completely. You were having a mental breakdown. Plus, Shadow Weaver was also really mean. She raised you and so of course you acted like her. I would be mean too if I learned from only her."

Mermista shrugged.

"Yeah. We're cool now, so I don't really see a problem with you anymore. I think you're just as much of a friend as anyone else. I actually would rather chill with you than them, cuz they're all way too happy and loud for my taste."

Catra was overwhelmed. She had no idea what to do or think or say. The hands holding hers squeezed gently. Catra turned to Adora who was giving her soft smile.

"See? We all like you, babe. You're not just my girlfriend to them. You matter to us. We're sorry if made you feel like you didn't belong here."

Catra shrugged lamely.

"You know I've never belonged anywhere. I'm not like that. You're nice and sociable and everyone loves you. I'm not like you. I've never been liked by anyone but you. Guess I just assumed nothing would change. I've never had actual friends. The Horde wasn't exactly the best place to learn how friendship works. I've always had to rely on myself, especially after you...."

Catra couldn't finish it, not wanting to feel like she was shoving it in her girlfriend's face. Catra didn't hate it for it anymore and she understood why Adora had left.

"I left." Adora finished for her. "It's ok to say it, Catra. I did. I left you alone and I hurt you and you felt abandoned and Shadow Weaver told you that I didn't care about you. I think I understand now. You were always told that you'd always be alone and unworthy of love and care. So, you've internalized it as a coping mechanism."

Catra felt her face burn in shame. She hated being called out like this.

Adora was right. She hated being alone, but she had accepted a long time ago that it was how it would always be. Catra hung her head.

"Yeah, but you didn't have to say it out loud." She huffed.

Adora held her close, pressing their foreheads together.

"Look at me." She whispered.

Catra blinked a few times, unwilling to do so. It felt too vulnerable. So, when Adora lowered herself so she was looking up at Catra instead, Catra had no choice. This girl was stubborn.

"You're not alone anymore." Adora said. "Ok? You'll always have me. You have a whole group of friends. You don't have to hide how you feel. You're not a burden on any of us. It's what families do. We share our problems and help one another through it. You're not an outsider anymore, baby. We all know exactly how you feel and understand you. We all want to be there for you and for you to trust us. It's ok to let us in. You belong just fine here. With all of us."

Catra pursed her lips together tightly. Her emotions were running high and she was not about to show them right then and there. Too soon. Adora understood her silence. She smiled and stood up straight.

"Ok? You feel better?" She asked.

Catra silently nodded.

"Now, c'mon." Glimmer laughed. Slinging an arm around both Adora and Bow.

"Let's go climb some trees."

Catra must've looked visibly confused, because the others looked her way.

"You said you didn't like crowds." Glimmer said, with a shrug. "So, we're gonna find something else to do that you'll feel comfortable doing."

Something she felt comfortable doing?

"But.... you all were having fun in the festival." Catra said, clearly confused.

They all seemed to sag their shoulders or roll their eyes.

"We just said we care about you!" Mermista exclaimed, fed up. "We want to spend time with you, but if you're not comfortable being in the festival, we'll do something you actually like. That way we all have fun."

Catra let it sink in. She smiled a little.

"Uh, sure. If you're sure."

Adora giggled. "We're sure. I wasn't kidding, babe. We want you to be just as much apart of this group as anyone else. Ok? Now c'mon. Race you to the orchard."

Catra smirked, the familiar glint in her eyes sparking back to life. She, Adora, Glimmer and Bow all took off in a run. The rest walked in the same direction, taking their time.

Tripping over one another, laughing and panting as they ran, Catra felt a sense of familiarity. Something she'd only felt with Adora growing up. Now with the others as well.  Maybe things weren't so bad. She could get used to this.

She felt like maybe, just maybe, she'd found where she belonged.

So yeah. Lemme know what you think :) this was written with no thought process lol hope this made sense

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