The bolded italics are meant to represent her father and the things he used to say.

That is all.

+++++

Chapter Seven

"Slow down, I can see you're slowing down.

But I won't leave your side."

Slow Down

TWICEYOUNG

For as long as I could remember, I've always been fascinated by darkness. Not only did I find myself frightened by the lack of light, but also entranced by the abyss of mystery that darkness seemed to be wrapped up in.

I used to sit in my closet for hours, silently absorbing the darkness that surrounded me, allowing it to enter through the pores of my skin until it had filled me to the brim. When I was a child, my mother used to panic and rush around the house to find me, thinking that I had run away.

You see, what stuck with me the most about these memories was the hard, painful slap of reality that struck me across the face when the door was finally opened, and light flooded into the small room. Having been in the darkness for so long, I would find myself recoiling from the sudden change, cringing and covering my eyes in hopes to return to the comfort that the light had deprived me of.

It was that reaction that caused me to become enthralled, even a little obsessed, with the idea of darkness. I loved its power, the way it could strike fear into even the toughest of men. I loved the way you could hide in it, the way you could be consumed by it.

So maybe that was the problem. From even a young age I depended on darkness to conceal all of my problems, that eventually I allowed it to conceal myself. I became consumed by it. I became darkness.

I relied on its ability to hide my flaws and mistake, stubbornly believed that the skeletons in my closet would remain hidden unless that darkness was dominated by the source of light—which I refused to let happen.

But then I met Sebastian King: a ruthless gang leader known for his lack of humanity, violence, and sociopathic tendencies. His dark features and actions deemed him the king of darkness, yet he, Sebastian King, served as the light in my life.

He was the one who brought all of my flaws and mistakes into the views of others. He made me vulnerable, exposed, and scared—as though I was nothing but a pathetic little girl.

I couldn't conceal myself from him, not only because it wasn't possible, but also because he refused to allow it. He uprooted me from the abyss of darkness that I had called my home, and stripped me of the protective barrier I had built around myself.

He made me weak. He made me unable to hide, unable to run, and unable to resist. I was completely at his mercy, without the strength to fight back, but also without the desire to. Perhaps all the time spent in the darkness had caused a small fascination in light to grow in me, causing me to subconsciously allow him to do this to me.

Whatever the reason was, it no longer mattered. Because as I sat there, under the bright, fluorescent lights that brightened the room to an almost unbearable extent, I wanted nothing more than to sink back into darkness, and wrap myself in its comforting arms, where I could be concealed from the world around me.

But I couldn't do that, no matter how much I wanted to. Because directly in front of me was a man by the name of Sebastian King, who made me unable to hide, unable to run, and unable to resist.

And I was completely at his mercy.

+++++

Guilt is a wretched thing.

It's like a knife to your spine. It paralyzes you. You're cold, numb, and broken. Pain is etched deeply throughout your being and you want nothing more than to find a source of escape.

I could feel my lips moving, my hands trembling, and my stomach plummeting. Words were flowing past my lips as I shifted back and forth, unable to stand in place as my nerves rocketed throughout my being. I felt as if I were on fire, yet at the same time, I was completely numb. I was talking, yet I couldn't hear the words I was saying.

My throat constricted as I continued to speak, and my tear ducts burned viciously as the salty water threatened to break through the barrier and stream down my face.

And then it was all gone at once.

I felt my lips shut, only parting slightly to release the breathy gasps that caused my head to spin and my ears to ring.

But the nausea soon escaped me, as did the world around me. I felt as though I were blacking out. My eyes lost focus and my hands reached up to clutch my face as a horrific sound rang out around me.

I felt my body lurch back and forth as the sound grew louder, causing panic to spread like a wildfire across my body.

"Evie!"

His voice was strong and powerful, demanding my attention as I struggled pathetically to regain consciousness in my coma-like state.

And then I felt it. His arms wrapped tightly around my body, locking me into his hold as the screams slowly died out and the violent convulsions that had taken over my body came to a stop.

I was blubbering like a small child, my hands fisting around Sebastian's shirt as I buried my face into his chest and let out the body racking sobs that seemed to have gathered dust after being stored away for so long.

You're not okay, I told myself as I cried even harder, pain flowing through me like electricity.

I was tired, scared, and hurt. My screams that penetrated the air were much like the ones that used to back in America, when I would wake up from the restless sleep that had been wasted by a nightmare.

I heard him quietly hushing me, rocking me gently back and forth. I was quite obviously in a state of hysteria, and Sebastian was determined to calm me down first rather than yell and scream at me like I had expected him to. There he was, standing in his office, holding me while I clutched onto him for dear life. I couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude dig into my stomach, making the wretched guilt spear through me.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. My words were mixed with cries, but from the way he tightened his arms, I knew he had heard me.

"Please Evie," He murmured softly, his head dipping down to my ear. "Please just calm down, you're okay, alright? You're okay."

But that was the problem. I was really not okay. With a great deal of effort, I forced myself to release his shirt and push away from him, breaking away from his firm grip. A look of confusion crossed his expression, and I found myself having to take another step away as he reached for me once more.

"Ev, what's going on?" He asked cautiously, his eyes scanning over me as though I was about to burst at any given second.

I could only imagine how I looked at this point. Judging from my feverish face, I was sure that my cheeks had turned a deep red and my hair was matted to my face due to the build up of sweat and tears that had streamed down my face in consistent rivulets.

"Don't tell me I'm okay." I whispered out, shaking my head violently.

"Evelyn," he began, his tone stiff.

"No!" I rushed out, cutting him off. "Look at me Sebastian! I'm not okay! You can't possibly tell me I'm okay right now."

"No you're right!" He suddenly spat out, his eyes darkening considerably. "You're not all right. You're fucking hysterical. You've just blubbered out a bunch of nonsense and you absolutely refuse to stop crying and it's getting on my fucking nerves because you need to get it together god damn it."

My jaw dropped in shock, and I felt my stomach lurch in discomfort. "Sebastian, don't you see? I'm hurt! I can't handle anything right now."

Sebastian let out a growl and turned away from me, slamming his fist onto the desk behind him. The noise was ear splitting, echoing across the room and causing me to flinch away.

"You don't think I'm hurt?" He questioned, his voice rising into a yell. "Please tell me Evie, please fucking explain to me why you think that you're the only person who could ever be hurt. Why the hell are you the only one who can feel pain and be upset?"

I stared at him blankly, feeling my heart slow down and the nerves and anxiety fade away. The hysteria was leaving me slowly but surely, leaving me feeling cold and empty as Sebastian stared at me with a look anger and disgust.

"I'm sorry," I finally forced out. I took a step back, my eyes moving downwards as shame took over.

"I need you to go." He finally said.

We had both calmed down drastically, and now were staring at the other silently, watching the other almost cautiously.

I parted my lips slightly, but he raised his hand slightly, motioning me to not say anything. I shut my mouth instantly, trying to ignore the hurt that grew deep in my chest as a result of his actions.

"Was it the drugs?"

His question caught me off guard. I had been on my way out when I heard his voice, but it was the question itself that caused my body to come to a stop and my spine to grow rigid.

"What?" I asked, turning around. I felt my face twisting as a series of emotions swept across me.

He looked down before bringing his eyes up to meet mine. "You said you killed our baby. Was it the drugs?"

"Are you kidding me?" I almost spat out. I took a step towards him and threw my arms up. "Did you not hear a single word I said before? Sebastian I told you! I told you everything!"

"You weren't talking to me. You were fucking screaming and crying while I had to comfort you."

His words were like a punch to my stomach. They winded me as they sunk in, making my eyes widen and my throat constrict. He had made it clear at that point that my pain was nothing but a burden. With a thick swallow, I shut out the hurt I felt and shoved out the building emotions within myself. With a blank stare I forced myself to shut down and repeat the words that had long been buried deep within.

"The drugs came after the baby. I took the drugs because they allowed me to forget all the pain, misery, and guilt that had followed after the loss. They made me numb and numbness was what I wanted most."

And they helped me sleep.

I was sure if I should add that part, but it had been the most important reason for me. Sleep was the one time I could escape everything, however it soon became the time that all the monsters and skeletons in my closet chose to haunt me, making it nearly impossible to get even a few minutes of sleep in at night.

Drugs gifted me with dreamless sleep.

"How did it happen?" His voice was eerily calm, causing alarms to ring off in my head.

"Are you actually going to make you repeat myself all over again?" I asked, my voice cracking as the emotion tried to fight through the barrier I had built.

Sebastian took a step forwards, getting in my face. "Well if you had done it right the first time, then you wouldn't have to repeat yourself."

My jaw locked and I swallowed hard. A bitter laugh escaped his lips and he angrily ran his hand through his hair.

"You know what? If you hadn't killed our baby we wouldn't be in this situation. If you hadn't tried to destroy the gang and then run away, none of this would have happened!"

His words were laced with venom, each one slowly killing me.

"You're going to do this?" I whispered out. "You're going to put all the blame on me as though you had no fucking part in this whatsoever? Like you weren't one of the reasons I left? Sebastian you were the fucking reason I left. You betrayed me. Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare blame me."

"Get out." He said, turning away from me.

"It's not my fault." I insisted.

"I can't look at you right now."

A shock ran through my core, fear stabbing at my violently, butchering me as I watched him close himself off, shutting me out completely. Panic pooled in my stomach whiles waves of anxiety and nausea rolled through me.

"I can explain it better," I choked out, my voice barely audible. "Please Sebastian, let me try to explain it better."

I was in a state of utter desperation and he was staring at the ground, his expression taut and twisted, as though he was in pain. I was no longer angry. I wanted Sebastian to look at me again. I wanted him to reach out and hold me, like he always would whenever I needed it. And I needed him right now. All the confusion had cleared up. I didn't want to be angry with Sebastian anymore. I was sick of the fighting and the anger and the tension.

I just wanted to be okay.

"Please," my voice cracked pathetically, "please Sebastian let me explain again."

But he shook his head, and he backed away.

"You don't have to tell me again, Evie. You explained it enough the first time. I just," he paused, looking away, "I just need time. I need you to leave."

So I pushed away the pain and the desperation to stay, and I backed away from the room. My throat swelled up and I felt as though I was about to choke.

"Okay." My voice was barely audible, but I couldn't bring myself to check if he had heard me. I quickly exited the room and crossed through the living room, past the group of people that had gathered.

I walked by without a single emotion written across my expression. I didn't snap at anyone or release the tumult of screams and cries that fought to escape my lips. I was absolutely numb, at least on the outside.

I noticed Nate standing away from everyone else, his eyes focused on his phone as a deep red and pink tint rose up on his neck. I faltered slightly, remembering that that always happened whenever he felt guilty about something. His eyes met mine for only a brief moment, before the color on his neck grew significantly and he backed away, eyes still latched onto his phone.

Normally I would have questioned this, but right now I was far from my normal self.

I held it together all the way up the stairs and into my room. I held it together even as I shut my door and entered my bathroom where I washed my face from the streaks of make up and the dried sweat and tears that had stained my face. I was calm even in the shower, and even after I exited it.

I stayed silent as I climbed into bed, clutching the blankets around my body.

And it was finally then; right there, when I allowed the barrier to break and the tears to flow. But the sobs never came. It was only a steady stream of silent tears that cascaded down my cheeks as my heart clenched and squeezed painfully within my chest.

"I'm sorry Miss King," his voice was grim as was his expression. "We did everything we could. I'm afraid that the trauma from your fall was just too much."

For the first time in months his voice had returned. The sounds of the hospital echoed within my head. It was as though I was back in the hospital, back in the same room where I discovered that not only I had been pregnant, but also that I had killed the child. My child.

"It's not your fault." He told me, his voice soft yet firm, as though he was trying to convince me of this.

"It's not my fault," I repeated, wishing deep down that I could believe those very words.

+++++

"She said she didn't know."

"What are you talking about?" Mason repeated.

Sebastian was pacing back and forth, his shoulders tense and his expression blank. It was his eyes that were giving everything away. In their dark depths they were filled with anger, confusion, and hurt. He had called in Mason and Callum almost immediately after Evie had left, and since then, he had been pacing and repeating the same phrase as though he was a broken record.

"She said she didn't know." This time there was a harsh, sarcastic bite to his words, in an almost cruel, mocking way.

Mason and Callum watched him cautiously, glancing at each other as Sebastian's fists clenched and unclenched.

"Maybe you should take it easy tonight, mate," Mason offered, moving towards Sebastian slowly. "A lot of crazy shit went down tonight, and hey, it's really late alright? You should just get some rest."

"Yeah man," Callum quickly followed. "You've been through hell tonight. You're not in the right state of mind to be dealing with all of this."

Sebastian paused momentarily, staring at his friends as their words sunk in. "She said she didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" Callum nearly cried out, his patience wearing thin.

Sebastian only stared at the bookshelf beside him while his expression twisted from anger to pain.

"She said that there hadn't been any signs of her pregnancy, that there was no way she could have known."

Silence took over, as a result of the state of shock that Sebastian had put them in.

"She was pregnant?" Mason finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian didn't respond, he only continued to pace back and forth.

"She was pregnant?" Mason asked again in disbelief.

"She said she didn't know."

"What happened?" Callum pushed. "She couldn't have just said that and then walk out. How did it happen?"

Mason slowly recovered from his shock and nodded in agreement, urging Sebastian to further explain what had happened.

A humorless laugh left his lips almost immediately. "That's the problem. She said so much while saying nearly nothing at the same time. She was absolutely hysterical. I was too busy trying to calm her down to understand what she was trying to say."

"She's going through a lot too," Mason spoke up. "You know Evelyn. She holds in everything for too long and then she allows it all to build up and then break her. Of course she is going to be in a state of hysteria."

Sebastian only shook his head, clearly far too distracted by his own thoughts to listen to what either Mason or Callum were saying.

"How did it happen though?" Callum insisted, desperate to hear the rest of the story.

He spun on his heel quickly, opening his mouth; yet almost instantly, he shut it. His brows furrowed, signaling that he was deep in thought, and his pacing came to a halt.

"Sebastian?" Mason questioned, worry in his tone.

"God damn it," Sebastian snapped. He slammed his fist into the wall beside him causing the wood to split and sickening sound to echo throughout the room. Mason and Callum both stepped forwards cautiously, lifting their hands as though they were approaching a frightened animal.

"I just don't know!" He snarled out. "I don't know anything anymore except for the fact that she killed my baby and—"

"Don't say that."

Kate stood by the doorway, her hair tousled and her expression weary. But underneath the exhaust that had drained the liveliness from her face was a cloud of anger that had darkened her eyes and made her look nearly murderous.

"Excuse me?" Sebastian finally said after recovering from his shock.

"I get it," Kate said. "A lot of shit went down tonight and I know you have all this pressure on you, especially since you're the leader of this gang, but don't think for one second, that you're the only one."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed and his jaw locked.

"Kate, if you truly do 'get' what I'm going through, then you may want to get the fuck out of here while you can, because I am not in the right state of mind to deal with any sort of attitude from you." Annoyance and frustration were rooted deep in his tone, causing Mason to stiffen and move closer to Kate in an almost protective way.

But Kate was unaffected by his words, and instead she only moved forwards, past Mason and closer to Sebastian.

"After Evie had moved in with me, I thought she was one of the most fucked up, complicated people I had ever met." Kate confessed, ignoring the surprise that crossed each of their expressions. "But she was also one of the greatest, kindest people I had ever met. Apart from her anxiety attacks and the nightmares that haunted her every night, she would also be the first one to check up on me every time I was having a bad day. Shockingly enough, the girl who seemed to never smile never failed to put a smile on my face and make me laugh even when I wanted to cry."

Kate paused, her eyes narrowing in on Sebastian so that she could properly watch his reaction. "But even her being my best friend didn't change the fact that she was hurting deep down and that no matter how hard I tried. It would frustrate me so much that I could never get her to open up, and all I could come up with was that whoever she had run away from was just as complicated as she was. That maybe they had made her this way."

Sebastian let out a horrific growl and his fists clenched threateningly. "Kate, I swear to fucking god, you need to get out of here." His voice was a low hiss, and his eyes flashed dangerously as he spoke.

"No, Sebastian, I'm not done here." Kate cut him off. "Because after meeting all of you, it finally made sense. Yet somehow, as complicated as you all are, you guys work together. She might never admit this, but she is better when she is with you, as shocking as it sounds. Despite you're absolutely insane relationship," Kate continued, looking directly at Sebastian, "It was clear that she needed you, and you needed her, so no matter how much you guys yelled and fought, she was better than she had been before."

"Kate, what are you saying?" Mason questioned, stepping closer to her slightly. But her steady gaze remained on Sebastian, without faltering once.

"You two are good for each other. You know that, and despite her denial at times, Evie knows it too. She needs you, and you need her just as much—"

"What is your point?" Sebastian forced out, his tone stiff.

"My point is that you're a cunt."

Callum made a noise of surprise and Sebastian lurched forwards, a dark look covering his features. Mason moved quickly, angling his body defensively to block Sebastian from getting any closer to Kate.

"Move Mason," Sebastian growled out, his hands curling into tight fists.

"Mate she didn't mean it," Mason insisted, his body covering Kate's protectively as he refused to move from his spot.

"No I actually did," Kate snapped, moving from behind Mason. She stepped out of his reach and walked right in front of Sebastian, so close that she had to angle her head upwards so that she could properly look him in his eyes.

"You, Sebastian King, are a royal cunt." She stated once more.

"I'm going to give you one more chance to leave the room before I fucking lose it with you, and I don't care about how much Mason cares about you because right now I want to—"

"You know how much she needs you." Kate cut him off. "You know that deep down she needs you more than anything, right?"

Sebastian remained silent, but it was tacit knowledge that Evie and Sebastian needed each other as much as they needed oxygen.

"And right now, after all the shit that has happened over the past year and even last night, she needs you more than anything. So yes, I understand that you are under pressure and that you are in no proper state to handle all that she has thrown at you tonight, but you need to understand that all of this," Kate gestured around, "this wasn't easy for her either."

"She killed—"

"This is why you're a cunt!" Kate screamed. "You are too focused on something that you don't even fully understand to see how much she is hurting, how much she needs you. She is in pain! This whole Nick Harmon shit has her scared out of her mind, and while she is surrounded by so many people who will support her and comfort her, it's you—you're the only one who can truly help her. And you know that," Kate laughed bitterly, the noise almost venomous. "You know that but you don't care right now, because you're too fucking focused on your own confusion and hurt to care about her."

Sebastian's eyes had widened considerably. "You don't understand," he choked out, his voice hoarse.

"You're right," Kate agreed. "I might not fully understand how you feel now and what you're going through, but you need to know this. What Evie told you was not something she ever wanted to say. It's been eating away at her and driving her absolutely mad over the past year. It's caused her to have months of sleepless nights, forcing her to turn to drugs so that she could finally block out the pain. And now, all that pain is back."

"You're mad at her, which is understandable, but she needs you."

"I don't know," Sebastian started his voice now significantly weaker than it had been before, but Kate quickly cut him off.

"God damn it Sebastian King, you don't know? Well guess what? I don't fucking care. Because right now, the girl who cares about you more than anything in the world is upstairs sick to stomach and crying her eyes out because she feels so guilty and torn up over losing your child, but you know what, Sebastian that was her child too. And now she thinks she's lost you as well. So you can hate me all you want, hell you can even hit me if that's what you want, but so help me god if you don't get upstairs right now and be there for her I will personally drag you up there myself."

+++++

"He hates me."

My voice was low and soft. My face was tear stained and my skin was sickeningly pale. I felt painfully weak, as though I was on the verge of passing out.

The mirror was unforgiving. It magnified all my flaws and reminded me off all the reasons I hated myself. And lately all I've been doing is cry and feel bad about myself—I've let myself become weak.

Ever since Nick Harmon had weaseled his way into my life, I've felt absolutely hopeless and dangerously depressed. I felt as though I spent every day questioning my will to live, and I was growing tired of it.

No, tired would not be the right word. I was exhausted. I was completely drained. I had no energy left. I was sick of crying, I was sick of depending on Sebastian, and I was sick of constantly feeling bad for myself.

Nick had managed to tear me apart.

Every corner I turned, he was there. This man was brilliant. He was twisted and he was brilliant and he was breaking this gang down and crushing it to dust without moving a muscle.

It was like he knew all of our moves before we even made them.

It was evident as I stared into the mirror, looking into my broken eyes that I was far from the Evelyn Summers that once was. No one would, or even could, look at me and claim that I was the reckless, strong willed, and impulsive girl who was part of one of the most powerful gangs in England.

Hell, you couldn't even say that I was in a gang.

Nick. Nick Harmon was the cause of my demise.

There had to be a way to beat him, a way for me to beat him so that I wouldn't let him destroy me, because that is what he was doing—he was destroying me.

I felt so lost and confused, two emotions that I had never done well dealing with. In fact at this point in my life, I was being forced to face all the emotions that my father had worked so hard for me to never feel.

My father.

If he could see me right now, with my tear stained cheeks and broken spirit, well he wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet between my eyes. Cruel and morbid, yes, but in his eyes I would be seen as a weak and pitiful girl who served no purpose in the gang, and therefore wasn't of any use to him.

He wouldn't let me go down without a fight. He taught me many things and that was one of them—the second I gave up then I was dead to him and the gang.

I couldn't give up like this because of Nick. This wasn't how Evelyn Summers was meant to go down, not like this at least, weak, crying, and confused.

I swayed on my feet as flashbacks of my father caused me to become light headed and sick to my stomach. His cutting words, disappointed looks, and violent ways had always been why I hated him, but now I couldn't help but miss him.

He had made me strong. He made me absolutely ruthless, and now? Now I was the girl who spent days on end crying, and was now on the verge of passing out because the guy that she loved wouldn't hear her out over a dead child.

Their dead child.

"What have I become?" I couldn't help but whisper.

"A disappointment."

His voice rang out so clearly in my head that for a moment I was nearly certain that he was standing there, looking down at me with complete distaste and disgust, his large fist coming down to meet my face as it usually did whenever he felt that I was letting my emotions get the best of me.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not strong enough."

"Just get rid of yourself. You're of no use to me or anyone else if you're going to be so pathetic and weak."

Once again, he words rang out through my head in the form of a harsh response. I remember the day he told me that, when it was my fourteenth birthday and I had gotten upset over a boy I had met at the club during an event my dad decided to hold.

I had told my dad about how he had used me, and how hurt I was. I was still young, and despite my rather rough upbringing, I was still believed at that time that that was what girls were meant to do when their hearts were broken, go to their dad for help and support.

I learned very quickly that my father would never provide me with either of those things.

With his words still ringing in my head, I focused back on the mirror. I had complained for far too long about feeling weak and hopeless. Perhaps now was my chance to redeem myself with the one thing I had left in my control.

"So what are you going to do, Evie?" His voice was a low hiss in my head, haunting me and terrorizing me. "How are you going to beat him?"

"Do you even remember what I taught you?"

I was done crying.

I was done feeling worthless and weak.

My hands reached for the faucets connected to the bath, my eyes watching as the water quickly filled the tub.

"She's just some pathetic, drugged up burden." Danny's words were like tiny knives that slashed open my skin, making me whimper with pain as I was reminded of his hatred towards me just over a day ago.

"I desperately want to die." My own words, granted they came from a terrible nightmare, replayed in my head.

"I can't look at you right now." The second Sebastian's voice filled my head I instantly clamped my hands over my ears, wishing desperately to forget his words, his hurt eyes, and then the anger that soon followed.

"Just get rid of yourself."

The water had filled nearly three-fourths of the way, and I had stopped it there, telling myself that it would be enough.

But you desperately want to live, right? My voice rang out weakly, attempting to push out the other voices that had filled my head. You said it so yourself!

"Do not second guess yourself," my father urged softly, "Do what you have to do to convince yourself. You know this is what you must do."

"You killed our baby." Sebastian's voice was chilled and sinister, making me nod my head slowly, thinking of what my father would say.

"Do what you have to do to convince yourself."

And with that last thought, I didn't hesitate to let myself slip into the cold bath water, slipping further and further down, shutting my eyelids and allowing my head to submerge underneath.

I had to do this. It was the only way.

"Remember what I taught you?" My father's voice was ringing throughout my head. "You need to commit, Evie. You need to sell it because if you don't you will fail and this will have all been for nothing."

The cure to being weak, scared, sick—the cure to stop endless tears, well it's quite obvious, is it not?

Convince yourself.

It's the one constant in my life, the one thing I know I can trust on.

So, what is this magical cure?

This is your only option.

Death of course.

This was the only way. I had to beat him.

+++++

The process of drowning; being stuck under the water, unable to reach the surface, unable to fill your lungs with the sweet oxygen, unable to fucking breathe. The most amazing part is your body's response to this situation. Because no matter what, no matter if you purposely have put yourself in this position or have found yourself in a rather unfortunate situation-

You fight.

Your instinct to survive is ignited by the adrenaline and the pure fear pumping through your veins, and you begin to fight desperately, animalistically even, to survive. And as you fight, as you struggle to not allow the water to fill your lungs, you instinctively hold your breath and you begin to suffocate. And as you do that your head feels like it's going to explode from the lack of oxygen and your throat aches but you keep your mouth shut anyway because you're so desperate to survive.

So in the end, you both suffocate and drown, or you miraculously find a way to survive.

It truly is fascinating, the way your body will fight so desperately on its own accord to keep you alive. And then it's rather pathetic, how eventually it shuts down, unable to function without any oxygen.

It starts to break down. You lose consciousness, your lungs fill with water, and then your heart stops and you die.

It makes you wonder, why even fight at all?

+++++

My head was aching, my lungs burning, and my limbs screaming out to me, telling my to thrash around, to fight. There were no ropes, no weight, no cage holding me hostage underneath the water, simply my own fucked up mind was the culprit I suppose.

You need to stay underwater.

"If you fail it will have all been for nothing."

My body was instinctively telling me to break the surface of the water, which lay only a few inches above my head, and gulp in the air that my body begged for.

My fingertips clutched the sides of the tub, forcing me to not move a muscle as I felt my consciousness begin to fade. And slowly but surely, I found myself being greeted by darkness, the darkness that I loved so much.

But just as I was verge of succumbing to it, my light appeared, and I was torn from Death's cold yet comforting arms and back into the world where I was forced to be vulnerable and exposed.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

+++++

Spluttering, gasping breaths and splashing water filled my ears as a bright light filled my eyes, forcing me to blink and squint in an attempt to shield myself from its harshness.

My chest heaved up and down as I desperately sucked in air while coughing violently, my lungs screaming in relief as oxygen filled them but at a pace much too slow for my liking. The massive pressure in my head instantly lifted, leaving only a dull headache in its place.

Strong hands were wrapped around my shoulders, their fingertips digging painfully into my skin, clutching onto me almost desperately. Without warning my body was lifted from the water, one arm wrapped tightly across my back, another under the back of my thighs. I continued to breathe in deep, labored breaths, my body instinctively curling into a fetal position in his arms as I worked to calm down and regulate my breathing, a task that seemed nearly impossible.

He placed me down on the bed and before even a mere minute could pass, he returned with two large blankets and a few towels.

"Take off your clothes."

It was only then that I found it in myself to meet his eyes. I knew what to expect. I knew that they'd be dark, harsh, and unforgiving.

But I was wrong.

Yes, they were dark, but only in color. They were also wide and dare I say, tear filled, showing the hurt and fear and danced through their depths.

It had to have been done.

I opened my lips to speak, but found it difficult to make my vocal cords work properly enough to push a simple 'What?' through my lips. Sebastian's jaw locked at my actions, and he took a step forward, placing the blankets and towels by my side.

"You're clothes are soaked, you're going to get sick." He bit out, his tone completely serious. "I'm not looking for a shag, if that's what you think."

His voice trembled slightly; however, I was fully aware that it wasn't the hurt that made it come out that way, but the anger that he was now fighting to keep under his control.

I shook my head in rapid movements, trying to signal that I hadn't thought that, but it was futile because he took no notice. Instead he helped me into a standing position, turning me around so that he could unzip my dress, allowing it to fall to the ground, with a sopping sound much similar to dropping rag on the floor.

I didn't even protest when he swiftly, yet gently removed my underwear and bra, leaving me bare to his eyes. But just as quickly as I was underdressed, a towel soon covered me, and then a blanket draped over, instantly warming my shivering body.

He picked up my drenched clothing and exited the room without another word or even a simple glance back.

I sat on the edge of the bed, the towel and blanket wrapped around me, unable to process the events that had just taken place. The dull ache in my head had turned into a splitting migraine, and there was a sharp, painful burning sensation in my chest every time I took a breath.

My eyes flickered up as he walked back in, carefully shutting the door behind himself. He continued his silence as he picked up the remaining towels next to me and entered the bathroom, where with a blank expression, he began to mop up the spilled water that had come from the tub.

It was only then, seeing him do that that the harsh, stinging slap of reality came across my face.

Sebastian was cleaning up spilled water, water that had come from the bathtub, water that had spilled on the ground after I had tried to drown myself.

I had tried to drown myself, yes.

"You have to sell it. How else will you get anyone to believe you?"

But had I actually tried to kill myself?

No.

"Sebastian," my vocal cords struggled to even utter his name, but I was desperate to catch his attention. I watched as he tensed, his jaw locking and his hands tightening around the towel, yet his eyes remained focused on the water, refusing to meet my own.

With shaky legs I stood up, unable to watch him crouched on the ground like that any longer.

"Please stop," I whispered, nearing him. "Don't do this, let me clean this up."

He didn't respond, in fact, he didn't even move a muscle.

"Honestly," I began, and with that word I seemed to have triggered something within him, for his stood up abruptly and whirled around, so that he was towering over me with only a few inches between us.

"You think that's the problem?" He questioned lowly, his neck tensing as he fought to remain calm. "You think a little spilt water is what I am upset about right now?"

His eyes shone with a whirlpool of emotions, each threatening to escape as he moved closer to me, his hands clenching into fists. "Is that what you think? Huh? Tell me Evie, is that what you think?"

Of course he is going to be angry. You knew that. You knew exactly how he would react.

My lips parted slightly while my eyes widened nervously as I struggled to come up with a response. And in my moment of hesitation, Sebastian broke down.

"How could you?" He suddenly screamed, his hands wrapping around my upper arms and shaking me almost violently, although I knew that wasn't his intention. "Evie, do you even know what you just did?"

His tone was incredulous, his eyes wide in disbelief. "Jesus Christ. Holy shit. Evie you tried to kill yourself!"

His hands were cutting off the circulation in my arms, making me wince in flinch in pain as yelled at me.

"Have you absolutely no care for your life?"

It had to be done.

"What is wrong with you?" He screamed again, the volume of his voice rising significantly as his eyes narrowed at me, desperately searching my own as if somewhere in their pits him may find the answers to his questions.

"God fucking damn it," he said after a few minutes of futile searching. He let out a low growl, and suddenly tore away from me, his fist coming in contact with the bathroom wall, causing a sickening crunch as the wall cracked and caved in under the force of his fist.

"How could you do this to me?" He bellowed out, causing me to stumble away, nearly slipping in the puddle of water that had remained on the floor.

His eyes were flashing with rage and the deepest form of hate as he viciously tugged at his hair, his breaths becoming uneven and harsher.

"How could you?" He yelled out, his eyes now latching on to my own. I watched in horror as a foreign look passed through his expression, followed swiftly by one of fury mixed with hurt. Without warning he lunged towards me, his hands latching onto my shoulders, coming dangerously close to my neck as he pinned me against the bathroom wall.

If the yelling had not been enough before, the sound of his fist crashing through the wall and my back slamming against it was enough to let the rest of the people in the house know that this was not one of our typical fights. Sure enough, as my back came in harsh contact with the wall, I could hear footsteps quickly approaching the room, yet Sebastian's voice tore me away from my thoughts as he began speaking again, his eyes filled with unkempt fury.

"Why did you do that? What were you trying to do?" He kept asking, pain leaking into his voice. "Do you even realize what could have happened? Evie, please. Evie..."

The broken sound in his voice made me want to double over with guilt, but I had to push that all away.

"You did well."

"What's going on here?" Mason's voice rang out almost hesitantly, as he took in the sight before him. Danny was not far behind, as everyone else decided to stay a few feet back, and when he saw my soaked hair and the towel and blanket wrapped around me, he immediately moved towards Sebastian, as though he was going to pull him off me.

But he didn't have to, because as soon as he took a step forwards, Sebastian ripped himself away, his eyes screaming at me even though his lips were unmoving.

"Will someone please explain what is going on?" Danny said after a moment of silence passed, confusion and worry now crossing his expression as he looked from Sebastian to me.

My eyes locked with Sebastian's for only a few seconds as I held my breath, waiting to see what he would say.

"Sebastian?" Mason questioned.

But the only response he got was a simple slam of the door as Sebastian exited the room without a single word.

"Evie?" He asked, now turning to me.

I felt my throat constrict as they turned their full attention to me, making my stomach twist and my face pale.

"I—" I couldn't find it in myself to say anything as panic struck me speechless.

"How about I help Evie clean up and get dressed and you guys just go downstairs or something and relax, maybe talk to Sebastian." Kate finally spoke up, her eyes cautiously meeting mine.

Silence settled between us and I let out a small sigh of relief at this, feeling the slightest bit of comfort at the fact that finally there was a moment where no one was yelling or being violent towards each other.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't even hear the sound of the door opening, and the approaching footsteps.

"She tried to drown herself."

My heart dropped to my stomach and I felt my body sway weakly.

"She tried to kill herself."

And then chaos broke out.

+++++

When Kate stood up to Sebastian, he had wanted to slap her. He was so angry and so unable to control his emotions, that he was willing to actually physically confront the poor girl; however not only did he know that he was only mad at her for being right, but also he knew that any threatening movement towards Kate would make Mason take action, which is the last thing Sebastian needed or wanted.

When she threatened to drag him upstairs, he then realized why Evie was so close to the girl, and why Mason was so infatuated by her. She was able to make him see how terrible he was being, and he had let his emotions get the best of him and cloud his judgment entirely.

So he listened to her, which is a rarity from him, and he found himself on his way up the stairs with the realization that he wasn't even angry anymore. Before Kate talked to him, he could hardly form a single sentence that didn't involve his hatred for Evie over something he could barely understand.

"She needs you, and you need her just as much."

It was true.

While Sebastian wouldn't necessarily ever openly admit it, everything Kate said about his feelings for Evie was completely accurate. He cared for her. He cared so much for her and it scared him. It scared him because he had known this for so long.

From even the beginning he was certain that this girl, this crazy, impulsive, hard-headed girl, was one of the most incredible people who he had ever met—which unsurprisingly was not something he thought often, and quite obviously never admit it out loud to anyone.

What scared him the most, was when Kate was yelling at him about how much he was hurting Evie, he couldn't help but feel completely and utterly heartbroken, which was something he could hardly comprehend himself. He hated that he was hurting her, but he couldn't stop himself for acting that way because he was too invested in his own hurt to think about her.

So Sebastian sucked in his God forsaken pride and walked up the stairs because he knew that he couldn't go on just sitting around downstairs, ranting about something that was completely irrelevant when the girl that he loved was upstairs crying her heart out because she was worried that he didn't care about her and blamed her for something that was completely out of her control.

He could finally see that now.

With a deep breath, he lightly knocked on the door before slowly opening it, not wanting to let the hallway light flood into the room and wake her. He frowned when he saw that the bed was made and untouched. Glancing over towards the bathroom, he noticed a sliver of light shining from underneath the door, and a sigh of relief went through him.

Making his way over to the door, he repeated his previous actions, gently knocking before opening the door.

But this time a sigh of relief was not what went through him.

There was no way for him to describe what he felt at that moment, when he saw the bathtub and took in the sight in front of him.

He could say he felt gutted. His heart had dropped to his stomach and it felt at that moment that someone had taken a knife and ran it through his stomach, quite literally gutting him. His lungs felt as though they had been punctured, and any chances of breathing properly again had been torn from his hands merely due to the sight that lay before him.

He could have told you all of that, but even that would not properly explain how he was feeling. Because it was so much worse. The sight of her nearly unconscious body struggling to stay under water, the way her fingers desperately clutched at the sides of, forcing her body under—it made him feel like he was dying.

His reaction took place in the time span of less than a minute. Almost instantly had he rushed to the side of the tub, his hands gripping out her shoulders and pulling her pale, weak body from the water, forcing her back into the world as she immediately reacted to the oxygen.

She began coughing and spluttering, fighting to gulp down large breaths of air as her eyes blinked rapidly, finding the bright light of the bathroom rather discomforting as she struggled to regulate her breathing.

He clutched onto her arms with such fervor that he hardly noticed that his eyes began to water from all the caged up emotion and pain he was suffering from. He wanted to cry, scream, and even hit her for being so thoughtless, so careless with her life. But above all he wanted to tell her how much she had hurt him, because yes, he had been upset before over the news that his unborn child had died, but nothing in the world could absolutely tear him down and crush him than not having Evie in his life.

It's why for ten months he completely lost himself and even went as far to question his own will to survive.

And now, he had just pulled her away from a suicide attempt, and couldn't help but feel like he was the one dying.

But despite all of that, he lifted her from the tub, took away her soaked clothes, and wrapped her tightly in a towel and a blanket. He ignored the overwhelming amount of pain that filled his chest even when he mopped up the water that had spilled from the tub.

But when she spoke, when she acted like the only problem was the spilt water, that's when he lost it.

He was yelling before he could stop himself. He had punched the wall and then pinned her against it, on the verge of possibly choking her. He felt completely enraged when she looked at him in surprise, as though she had no idea why he was angry, as if he had no reason to be angry.

At the sound of footsteps entering the room, he tore myself away from Evie, forcing himself to ignore the urge to yell some more.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

Sebastian's chest tightened as she looked over at him almost expectantly, as though he was meant to say something.

"Sebastian?" Mason asked, turning to him now, waiting for an explanation. Knowing that he would snap angrily and lose his cool once again, he clenched his teeth in frustration and exited the room, slamming the door on his way out, unable to stand in that room any longer.

Sebastian heard the voices continue as he started towards the stairs, but the pain in his chest caused him to stop just as he reached the top. His hand tightened around the railing, before he let out a low, frustrated growl and turned around, making his way back to the room.

"She tried to drown herself."

He spoke out on his own accord, his anger and hurt getting the best of him as he stared straight into Evie's eyes, watching the way she paled and swayed on her feet.

"She tried to kill herself."

If you had asked him why he had done it, he wouldn't have been able to answer. Sebastian didn't know why he decided to turn around and walk back into the room, only to say the things that he knew would surely make everything worse, if that was even possible.

And with that, all hell broke loose.

+++++

Kate was crying. She was sobbing pathetically like some soppy, teenage girl, but more so just silently crying as she looked at her best friend in horror, unable to comprehend the information that had been forced upon her.

Danny was in a state of confusion, but all he knew how to do at that moment was repeatedly ask, 'What?' while frantically looking between Sebastian and Evie, anger slowly brewing within him when he looked at his younger sister; the younger sister that he had vowed to protect.

Mason was stuck between comforting Kate and questioning Evie, as he too struggled to process what Sebastian had said.

In fact, they all struggled to understand what had just happened.

Sebastian merely moved off to the side his eyes watching Evie closely as her back hit the wall and her hands began to shake. He watched as her lips dipped down into a down, what they always happened to do before she cried. But he couldn't help but notice that the action itself looked forced, while usually it was something she worked desperately hard to control. He narrowed his eyes at her, his fists tightening when she stealthily glanced throughout the room, like a child who was trying to get away with something bad they had done; however, when her eyes met his, he saw guilt instantly flash through her eyes before they became void of emotion, and she stared down at her feet.

Was this all a fucking joke to her?

"You're kidding me, right?" Sebastian's voice sounded foreign to his own ears. He looked at everyone else who happened to be too busy trying to understand what Sebastian now regretted telling them. Because he had told them so carelessly, they were all now completely oblivious to the obvious way Evie was acting, and she surely was not acting like a girl who had just been caught attempting suicide. While Sebastian had no idea how a girl in that situation would act, he knew that it was definitely not the way that she was acting.

"What are you talking about?" Callum, who for the most part had remained silent, finally spoke up.

Sebastian waved his hands wildly, his anger causing him to see red at this point.

"She's pretending to be sad right now! Haven't any of you seen the way she's been looking around?" Sebastian struggled to form proper sentences, as he wasn't sure what he was accusing Evie of.

"Sebastian what are you on right now?" Mason asked, his arms still wrapped comfortingly around Kate.

Sebastian let out a growl of anger as he glared at Evie, searching her eyes for some kind of explanation as she cowered back against the wall. Once again her lips dipped down, in that same forceful manner, and a few tears slipped down her cheeks as she began to cry into her hands, shaky apologies spilling from her lips as her cries grew louder.

As furious as Sebastian was, he couldn't help but be impressed by her skills as an actress. It seemed as though no one else could pick up on what Sebastian saw as her numerous mistakes: her forced cries, her sly glances, and obviously shaking hands.

Because if there was anything Evie hated the most, it was crying, so crying in front of large group of people was not something she would ever do willingly, or so openly as she was at that moment. She saw tears as a sign of weakness, claiming that crying made her pathetic and worthless. So her breaking down like that, so openly and dramatically, was all one big act that Sebastian saw right through.

"I'm going to figure this out," Sebastian hissed, his eyes locking with Evie's as she peeked through her fingers. "Don't think you're fooling me, Evelyn, because you aren't and you won't ever."

He watched as a fiery look momentarily flashed through her eyes, a look that usually crossed her face whenever she had some obnoxious, snappy response for him. But just as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared without a trace, only confirming Sebastian's belief that she was hiding something.

"Mate, I think you need to sit down," Callum told him cautiously as he shared a glance with Mason, who had just managed to calm Kate down.

Sebastian's eyes widened in anger as he caught on to what Callum was hinting. Now he was the crazy one, rather than Evie, the girl who supposedly just tried to kill herself and was now acting rather insane as if she was on a job.

And then it hit him.

Evie was on a job. She was doing something on her own.

His eyes met Evie's, once again attempting to search for something that was there.

"Fine. I'm going out. Don't wait up, I'll be back when I decide to come back."

+++++

"Maybe we could take her to some clinic, or even a hospital," Will offered, thought he sounded hesitant.

"And risk her being outside of the protection of the gang?" Mason questioned, "Sebastian would never allow that, and I'm sure you wouldn't either."

I could tell Mason was now speaking to my brother, and I strained to hear his response, but the longer I waited made me realize that he wasn't going to say anything. I frowned slightly at this, staring at my door as the boys outside of it continued to discuss the state of my mental health and whether or not I needed treatment.

My head snapped towards the door as it opened, allowing Kate to enter as she balanced a tray on her hands, a shaky smile dancing across her lips while her eyes shown with sorrow.

"I thought a cup of tea might make you feel better."

I gave her a small smile as guilt flooded my stomach making me feel insanely sick.

"Don't you dare let your emotions get in the way of this right now. You have to sell it."

"I added only a little bit of sugar and milk, just like you like it." Her eyes traced over me, while I reached for the cup, clearly her attempt to be subtle as she gave me a full body scan.

I thanked her quietly, which made her smile brightly, making me return another small one of my own.

"Would you like anything else? I can make you food if you'd like? Are you hungry? You must be exhausted." She was rambling, a nervous habit she seemed to resort to whenever she was under any sort of pressure.

I shook my head politely, attempting to quiet her so that I would be able to hear what was going on outside. Their voices were much more quieter now and sounded farther away, signaling that they had moved downstairs, most likely the living room.

I frowned at this, subconsciously becoming annoyed at Kate, blaming her for distracting me and letting them get away.

"Okay, well the guys seem to be busy right now so I'm just going to stay here if that's okay." She was now fiddling with her hands, avoiding eye contact as she continued to speak. "Just let me know if there's anything you'd like, because really I have no problem with making you food or getting you something to drink."

I nodded slowly, more focused on the way she was breathing in short, nervous breaths.

She was on the verge of a panic attack. "Are you okay, Kate?"

Her wide eyes finally met mine, and I sucked in my breath when I saw that they were swimming with tears. Her lips were trembling and I could see her trying to calm herself down. She was trying not to break down in front of me, yet I could tell she wasn't going to be able to hold out any longer.

"M-me?" She asked and added a shaky laugh for good measure. "Yeah, I'm f-fine."

And then it dawned on me, why my closest friend was so nervous and on the verge of an utter and complete meltdown.

"Kate." My tone was firm but soft. "This wasn't your fault."

Those words were all it took for the sobs to break through her lips in body wracking cries. This was such a strong contrast in comparison to the silent tears that streamed down her cheeks when she had initially heard the news.

And it was only then that I realized how much she had been bottling in, how much pain she had kept inside, concealed from everyone else. She had been so calm and collected this entire time, especially through everything she had been through.

"Did I miss something?" She choked out through her cries. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you and I wasn't, and I'm so sorry for that. But Evie, I just don't know what happened. I thought you were okay, and I..."

Another sob ripped through her body and I watched in misery as she buried her face into her hands and continued to cry. The noises she was making were overwhelmingly deafening.

"What the hell—" Callum swung open the door, only to be pushed aside by Mason, who didn't hesitate to rush to her side, his arms wrapping around her midsection as he cradled her to him.

You did this for a reason.

"I need air." The words left my lips as I hurriedly climbed off my bed and pushed through the cluster of people that had filled my room. I ignored the calls that asked me to wait and I nearly sprinted down the stairs before I shoved my way outside.

I felt like I was drowning again.

"I told you to convince yourself. How did you become so weak?"

"Do we need to put you in a clinic? A hospital? A facility?"

I turned quickly, my stomach jerking as Danny stared down at me, his expression hard and stiff.

"What?" I asked, my voice hardly audible.

"Just tell me now," Danny asked, his tone unchanging. "Tell me if you are going to need professional help because I'll get you that. I will, Evie. I will find a place that I know can help you and you can go there for however long you have to and then you'll be able to get better and it will be okay again because you'll be okay and everything, everything will be okay. So tell me what you want so I can give that to you."

My voice was trapped in my throat, leaving me speechless as I stared at my older brother.

"You're brother, always wanting to be a knight in shining armor for you. How sweet." His voice was biting and sarcastic, and I shook my head slightly, hoping to get it out of my head.

"Say something!" He yelled at me. "God damn it, Evie, this is me trying to help you."

"I don't need treatment." I finally said. "Danny, I'm fine."

"You're my baby sister, Evie." Danny finally said after a moment of silence. "I can't lose you. I mean, we honestly just had this talk only yesterday and now, now you've actually attempted to take your life and I'm supposed to just be okay with that?"

I couldn't bring myself to look him directly in the eyes, so I resorted to staring at my feet.

"I'm fine."

"That's not good enough."

"Really?" He exclaimed, clearly upset by my answer. He looked at something past my head momentarily before looking back at me. "Because when you had a dream about slitting your wrist open, it didn't seem like you were fine then."

"What is he talking about?"

I feel my body tense as soon as I heard his voice behind me, watching as Danny gave me a somewhat apologetic look before his expression hardened and he looked at Sebastian.

"I think you guys need to talk."

I watched in disbelief as Danny turned on his heel and walked back inside, leaving me alone with Sebastian outside in the freezing cold morning air. It was still dark outside, most likely around four in the morning.

"It was just a dream," I muttered, refusing to turn and face Sebastian as I let the words slip through my lips.

I felt him come near before he whipped me around, his hand grabbing my arm in a bone crushing grip as he stared down at me.

"You know what?" Sebastian spoke quiety, his dark eyes completely empty. "I don't care."

"What are—"

He ignored me as he walked back into the house, dragging me with him.

"Get everyone downstairs now," he ordered to Danny as soon as we walked inside. My brother was sitting against the wall, his head dipped forward and his face in his hands, but the second he heard Sebastian's commanding voice, he jumped from the wall and quickly made his way upstairs.

It wasn't long before the everyone made their way downstairs, their eyes cautiously taking in Sebastian and me.

"What's going on?" Mason was the first to speak.

"Grab your keys," Sebastian snapped. "We're going back to the club."

A chorus of questions rose up before Sebastian held up his hand, a sardonic expression dancing across his features.

"I'm sorry, but I thought my name was Sebastian King, the leader of Kings." He spoke lowly yet powerfully. "And for a second there, I thought that everyone was supposed to listen to their leader and do as he says, not stand there like fucking headless chickens and question his commands."

With that, an even thicker layer of tension draped across the shoulders of every single person in the room as they took on looks of complete seriousness and made their way outside and into their cars, not even daring to think about why they were being ordered to go back to a club that had been compromised by another gang.

No, no one questioned it and no one thought about it. Fortunately for me, this was exactly what I wanted, even needed, to happen. I couldn't help but allow a small smile onto my lips as I sat in the passenger seat of Sebastian's car, only to quickly remove it when I saw him glance in my direction, his eyes catching on to the smile that had only momentarily ghosted my lips.

"I don't know what you're up to, but whatever it is I'm going to find out eventually." He whispered quietly as he started the car and peeled out of the driveway. "And it better not fucking upset me."

+++++

A leap of faith: An act of believing in or attempting something whose existence or outcome cannot be proved.

Everybody who has ever been deemed impulsive in his or her life knows far too well what a leap of faith is. Unsurprisingly, over the years I have become quite familiar with the term, as most of my actions rest purely on it.

My father hated me for the lack of structure in which I chose to live my life when it came to working for him; yet, when he realized how successful I was, he no longer questioned my technique, and instead began to praise it.

However, my father was quick to remind me of the risk I was taking every time I chose to take a leap of faith. Before every job I ever completed under his command, he would go over every possible outcome that I could be faced with, and while I initially thought it was tedious and unnecessary, I grew to understand the importance in this process.

Granted, while it may not show ever, I did think over the majority of my decisions, making it my job to consider nearly every outcome I could ever face, just as my father had taught me.

It had to be done. It will be worth it.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Sebastian opened my door, a look of annoyance crossing his features as I hurriedly unbuckled myself and stepped out the car. My eyes widened when his arm wrapped around my waist, locking me to his side as we entered the club.

It was upon our entrance that I realized I was wearing a loose pair of black pants and a large t-shirt. Nevertheless I walked with my head held high next to Sebastian through the eerily silent club. The usual music and flashing strobes lights were long gone, and in it's place was bright fluorescent lighting, making everyone painfully aware of those around them.

Looking through the crowd of people, I realized that every person in the club was a member of Kings.

Sebastian had called a meeting with the entire gang.

"As you all know, with the reemergence of 9 Black Guns as well as their new leader, Nick Harmon, we have found ourselves faced with major setbacks. Just over a day ago, one of our own was attacked by a member in this very club, and only hours ago did Nick Harmon slither in through these doors and once again attack us."

"It seems like all he wants is her!" Someone cried out, gesturing towards me. I could feel Sebastian tense up next to me, anger rolling off his body like waves of heat.

"I don't believe I gave you permission to speak," Sebastian said in a frighteningly calm voice.

"Does it even matter anymore?" The same man cried out. "You said it yourself, we're being attacked in our own club. We're becoming weak and you haven't done anything about it."

"Come here."

Sebastian's eyes were black with fury as he motioned in front of him, gesturing for the man to stand where we stood on the elevated ground above everyone else.

The man paled slightly, but confidently walked towards us until he stood before Sebastian and me. My jaw locked as he openly traced his eyes over my body, a look of distaste flashing through his eyes as he did so.

"Come on, is she really worth the gang?" He now glanced past me, but only for a millisecond before he returned his gaze to Sebastian.

My jaw dropped and instantly Sebastian pushed me behind him, effectively blocking me from any chances of physically harming the arrogant fucker who was glaring angrily back at me.

"Come on, you know I'm right!" He now angled his body to the crowd looking to the rest of the gang for support as he spoke. "We used to be the most powerful and dangerous gang out there, and now we are on a fast track downwards all for some girl who tried to fucking drown herself in a bathtub?"

"What did you just say?"

Sebastian now had the man pinned against the wall by his neck as he stared down at him with malice and loathing. I could see Sebastian's muscles straining under his t-shirt, aching to crush the man who was now shaking and cowering away in fear.

"Everyone knows," he wheezed out. "Everyone in London knows."

"Good. This is exactly what you wanted. This is good. You did well."

I tried my best to look like I had been gutted but was trying to hold it in at the same time. I didn't want anyone to know that on the inside I was doing victory laps through a field of fucking flowers.

Sebastian glanced back at me, his eyes searching for some kind of reaction. Instead, I only dropped my eyes to the floor and willed a few tears to roll down my face so that Sebastian could see, but be shielded from everyone else by the curtain of hair that draped over the side of my face.

Sebastian pushed away from the man and stalked over to me, only to stop halfway and turn back to face the man who was now gasping for air.

A silent scream passed through my lips when the sound of a gunshot rang out through the air, causing many to jump in surprise. The man who had once been confidently talking back to his leader, now lay dead in a puddle of blood, with a deep, dark red hole placed perfectly between his eyes.

"If anyone else would like to say something about how I run this gang, please do step up at this point." Sebastian's tone was hard and mocking, a challenging look gracing his features as his eyes scanned the crowd thoroughly.

"No? No one has something to say?" He asked again, playing with his gun in a careless manner as if he were waiting for someone to stand up and say something.

"Well I'm glad that has been settled," he said. "And for future reference, if anyone ever tries to undermine me in any way, know that I will personally end your life in a slow and painful manner, is that clear?"

A low grumbling of affirmative responses rang out through the crowd, signaling that Sebastian had been heard loud and clear.

"As I was saying before, we are faced with a threat. I've decided to tighten security at all of the clubs, as well as employ numerous teams of men out to track the whereabouts of 9BG as well as Nick Harmon specifically, so we can put an end to this madness once and for all."

He looked through the crowd once more, his eyes flickering to me as I stood by his side doing the same thing as him, watching the face and expression of every person in this room.

"Who is with me?" Sebastian finally asked, and from the roar of his men, he knew he had secured the loyalty of his gang; however, he was now painfully aware that there was a rat in the gang, and he was going to stop at nothing until that rat was bleeding out with a bullet in his head, much like the man only a few feet away.

My eyes trailed over to the man Sebastian had shot, and I glanced back at where he had stood in front of Sebastian and me. While Sebastian spoke out to his men, I very carefully glanced behind me, taking in the few faces of those who had seemed to break off from the larger group.

When I saw the few people, I immediately identified the man I was looking for. The mole—in Sebastian's words, the rat. My heart plummeted into my stomach, and before he could bring his eyes up to meet my own, I turned back to the front merely pretending as though I had been listening to Sebastian the whole time.

It must be a mistake. It has to be a mistake.

"Don't you dare let this make you back down. You can't back down now."

I ignored my screaming conscience and my father's words as I mulled over every possible loophole that could be presented in this situation.

"He was one step ahead of us."

"Everyone knows. Everyone in London knows."

My dad taught my many things. Yes, he was a despicable man, but he was an incredible teacher. But despite all the skills he taught me, there was one that had always stood out to me the most, possibly since it worked best with my leap of faith technique.

The art of manipulation, while taught, has to come from within. People always carelessly believe that manipulation is the simple act of getting someone to do what you want, however that is more the art of persuasion if anything.

Manipulation is when you take everything you know and use it to your utmost advantage. It's when you take someone and delve your talons into my mind and control their every action, making them completely at your mercy.

Yes, my father would have been disappointed in the way that I had cried endlessly for so long, but I could only imagine how he would react now, if he had known what I had managed to pull off.

I had taken a leap of faith based off of a gut feeling I had, and with manipulation as my weapon, I took action on it and now I had my answer, and I was now one step closer to beating Nick Harmon at his own game. It was clear that the man enjoyed his control over others, but I refused to let him have that for long.

"Let's go."

Sebastian's face suddenly appeared in front of mine and his hand wrapped around my wrist in a tight manner.

It was relatively quiet as we made our way home, and upon entering the house everyone seemed to quietly go off on their own way. Everyone, that is, except for Mason and Kate, who not so subtly had snuck into Mason's room together, blushes on their cheeks paired with soft smiles.

I frowned when I realized that Emily wasn't here, having been away on an extended job with a group of men who Sebastian deemed one of his finest teams.

I could only imagine her reaction when she heard the news of my incident, and I prayed that it will have blown over before she returns from her job—the job that was meant to have been mine, if I was still a member of the gang.

"My decision is final. You, Evie Summers, are no longer part of the Kings."

My jaw clenched as I thought through the last forty-eight hours and the hell I had been through during that time. It seemed like from all the work that I was now more a part of Kings than I had ever been, and I couldn't care less about what Sebastian had to say about that.

After cleaning myself up, I slowly made my way to the bed, hesitating when I saw him sitting on the side of the bed that was usually vacant. I stared him for a few moments, before I finally mustered enough courage to speak.

"I was trying to get Kate out of a bar fight. I got shoved and I fell down a set of stairs. I didn't know I was pregnant so I didn't realize that the pain in my stomach was from losing the baby, I just thought I was internally bleeding. That's it. That's the story. You can hate me for it and you can pretend like I had meant to do it but just remember that that baby was mine also."

Without so much as a glance back at him I swiftly climbed into the bed and turned away, so that my back was to him.

I held my breath until he turned off the lamp, allowing darkness to sweep over us. I felt the bed shift and dip down as he slid in, the warmth of his body only a few inches from my back. A small gasp escaped me when his arm sneakily wrapped around my waist and pulled me into his chest.

I felt my heart take off as his head lowered to the crook of my neck where a steady fan of breath hit my skin.

"You're dad was a fucked up, but intelligent man. He taught you many things, more than I had realized. But let me remind you this, my sweet Evie, what he taught you may work on everyone else, but not me."

"I know what you did."

+++++

He knew.

Granted, I know I'm not a world-renowned actress, but I had thought I had played my cards right and had acted the part almost perfectly. Even my own brother had been in tears, asking where he went wrong and what had made me so depressed that I didn't want to live anymore.

There was a difference between persuasion and manipulation.

Manipulation was filling up a bathtub while listening to the man you loved get his ass handed to him by your best friend. Manipulation was then climbing into the bathtub as the footsteps neared, effectively giving yourself enough time to put yourself in a state of such oxygen deprivation that everyone would think you had just attempted suicide.

Manipulation was then acting like a remorseful, depressed girl who was so conflicted that she couldn't help but just cry and cry.

Manipulation was a tactic that had seemingly worked perfectly in my plan to personally discover who the rat was in the gang.

However it was now persuasion, the act of persuading someone to do or believe something, that was going to help me take on my problem with Sebastian. Because yes, while I had momentarily managed to manipulate him, he seemingly had pulled himself out of the trance I had everyone else in. So now I had to persuade him that all of my actions were done with good intentions, and more specifically, done for the sanctity of the gang—despite my abrupt removal.

But most importantly, I was going to have to rely on both when it came to confirming the theory that spurred my leap of faith.

My theory in which the rat was specifically informing Nick Harmon of my state of stability, because for some reason it mattered in this situation. My theory that if news broke out that little miss Evelyn Summers had attempted suicide, Nick Harmon would have no other choice than to speed up his plans and get to me before I was gone forever.

But lastly, I was going to have to use honesty, a tool I rarely bothered using, when it came to telling Sebastian that I had found the rat, and that the rat was someone I had known for the majority of my life.

Who also just so happened to be one of Danny's right hand men.

Nate.

+++++