Time seemed to fly by whenever Michael was with Luke, the blonde always making him feel on top of the world whenever he was around him and even when he was not around Luke , the older boy would still send him silly text that would make him smile and he appreciated that allot. It seemed like Luke always had time for Michael and even when he secretly had none , he made some just for the dirty blonde because Michael deserved to feel special , he was to Luke.

It had almost been a month since they started dating, their one month anniversary only being two days away. They had been taking things incredibly slow but neither of them minded really, too caught up in the happiness and excitement of a brand new relationship.

Michael had also met Calum properly when he stayed over for a dinner at Luke's place , which he had to beg his mum 20 minutes straight for just to let him go. Even though she had met Luke and liked him didn't mean she was approving of whatever was going on, far from that. She was scared for her youngest son, knowing he sometimes was to naive and she was scared that Luke could take advantage of that.

She still checked on him from time to time whenever Michael was with Luke, and there was the rule of always having his bedroom door open whenever Luke was over. Michael didn't mind and neither did Luke , Michael liked to have the little bit of extra security even though he had learned to trust Luke and that he really didn't have false intentions. Luke didn't mind the suspicious looks Karen would throw at them whenever she passed Michael's bedroom, he was glad that Michael's family was looking out for him.

Besides the open door didn't hold Luke back from kissing Michael, just like now when they were watching reruns of their favourite tv show and stealing kisses every now and then, Luke would pamper the younger boy's face with kisses making the dirty blonde let out soft giggles. Michael had become quite comfortable around Luke and used to his touch , sometimes he would distance himself whenever it would get to much and luckily Luke understood and would just let Michael breathe.

Michael still found himself lying awake at night , staring at the ceiling and thinking about the handsome blonde who had just walked into his life with no other meaning than to make him feel loved and cared about, to make him feel special. He still would pinch himself while staring at that off white ceiling and smile whenever he could feel the slight sting of the pinch because this was all real and he still wondered how it could be, how somebody like Luke would choose Michael above everybody else he could get.

Sighing and snuggling closer against Luke's broad chest, Michael closed his eyes , not really interested in the episode playing on his laptop anyways. He liked to focus more on the sound of Luke's heartbeat, steady and calming. It were days like this what Michael would like to call his good days, days where he could touch somebody or let somebody touch him without memories popping up in his head and without making him feel nauseous or dizzy.

It were days like this that Michael could snuggle immensely close to Luke without having a single problem with it. Days like these he didn't mind being touched, he actually craved the simple form of attention especially from his new lover. Closing his eyes Michael completely focused on the heat the boy underneath him was radiating or the strong smell of Luke's cologne that met his nostrils in a pleasant way. It were all the small things about Luke that Michael liked allot. The way his body felt perfect against his, the way his voice sounded, the way he would always delicately touch Michael , the way he would always ask for consent no matter how small the thing was,

Luke moved his hand that was wrapped loosely around Michael's waist to the dirty blonde's hair and ran it through the soft locks making Michael hum , eyes already closed. Luke smiled down at his beauty and continued to play with the younger boy's hair. Maybe it was too soon to declare each other their love yet but that didn't mean that they weren't falling equally as hard for each other.

Michael let out a puff of air, opening his eyes and looking up to meet Luke blue one's that had been on him already and had been studying him for a few seconds. With a small smile on his lips Michael moved himself a little bit more towards Luke's direction to steal a small kiss. The younger boy giggled as Luke pecked his lips again before pressing a few kisses all over his face.

Luke moved himself a bit so he was hovering over Michael , the younger boy's hands placed themselves on Luke's upper arms as the blonde's elbows were resting next to Michael's torso "Is this okay?" Luke questioned and Michael nodded his head , even though they had been touchy before the blonde never failed to ask Michael if he was comfortable with something, it really helped the dirty blonde's trust grow.

The younger boy nodded his head and smiled "Yeah" Luke let a small smile slip past his lips before closing the gap between them , Michael's arms wrapped themselves around Luke's neck pulling him closer while Luke's hand softly placed themselves on Michael's sides, warm fingers burning into the younger boy's skin in such a delightful way.

Slowly letting their lips move against each other , their eyes were closed and they were lost in the moment. The sound of lips softly moving against each other filled the room with the occasional sound of giggling. Luke's hand trailed up the younger boy's sides a bit, one going up to cup the dirty blonde's soft cheek while Michael's stayed locked behind Luke's head, pulling the older boy closer to him. It wasn't that they hadn't kissed before but they never really made out like this, especially not with Michael underneath the older boy. Luke was always worried that Michael would feel trapped and freak out but Michael wasn't , he could only focus on the feeling of Luke's chapped lips against his and the burning sensation that he felt where Luke's hands were touching his bare skin.

They both pulled back for air , eyes meeting each others and smiling against each others lips, pressing one quick peck against Michael's lips before asking "You okay" Luke softly ran the pad of his thumb over the younger boy's cheek and Michael nodded , smiling "Yeah" he said before deciding to be a little bit more bold, in his own may , and softly placing his hands on Luke's and slowly sliding Luke's hands underneath his shirt. Luke's eyes widened at the move, knowing that he really hadn't touched Michael like that before "You sure?" he quizzed not wanting Michael to feel pushed to do certain things to please Luke but Michael just nodded and gave his boyfriend a reassuring smile "Yeah" he said, not looking away from Luke's questioning gaze.

Letting his hands roam underneath Michael's shirt Luke pulled Michael in for another kiss, and another one while Michael closed his eyes and relaxed underneath the older boy, feeling his heart rate pick up and his body burning from the feeling of Luke's fingertips trailing over his exposed stomach. The thing was, for most couples this was normal, but to Michael this was intimate and Luke was glad that Micheal was trusting him this much but it also made him worry because what if Michael was pushing his own boundaries for Luke, he wouldn't want the dirty blonde to feel pressured.

They kissed for a while, Michael enjoyed kissing Luke like this allot, both boy's caught up in the feeling of each other against their lips. Luke's lips trailed down a path of kisses down to Michael's neck but when he started to softly suck at the younger boy's neck Michael's breath hitched and he gasped, hands immediately moving towards Luke's chest in a pathetic attempt to push the boy off of him, he couldn't handle this ,this way too much. Michael started to panic, he wasn't nearly strong enough to push Luke off of him and he felt like he was suffocating underneath him.

Luke immediately noticed Michael's response and pulled himself back , eyes set wide as he realized what he had done. It wasn't really Luke's fault that Michael suddenly felt like he was suffocating yet he blamed himself for it. "Mikey" Luke whispered softly as the boy was breathing heavily still underneath him , his eyes were wide, looking at Luke like a deer caught in headlights. Luke mumbled a 'fuck' underneath his breath before lifting Michael's body so that he was sitting against the headboard before pulling his own body back again and making sure there was enough distance between them.

"Michael please, talk to me" Luke whispered as he watched his boyfriend struggle to breath normally and shake as he was trying to fight the memories that were rushing through his head, he hated them, he didn't want to see himself in that position ever again yet his memory wouldn't let him stop thinking about it. He needed Luke, to touch the boy and know that it was just a memory, it wasn't happening anymore, it wasn't going to happen again, Luke isn't like that.

The dirty blonde outstretched a shaky hand and Luke took it, squeezing it in hopes that it would offer Michael some comfort. It did, Michael closed his eyes and focused on his breathing just like his therapist had told him , in and out, in and out, in and out. Until he slowly started to breath normal again. Luke couldn't do more than just watch, scared that if he would try to touch Michael to comfort him it would only work against him and set off an even bigger reaction.

Running his thumb over Michael's knuckles , Luke tried everything he could without breaking any boundaries to calm his distressed boyfriend down "It's fine Michael , just breathe , take your time" he whispered softly "You're okay" and Michael knew he was okay, opening his eyes he looked at Luke , his heart aching as he saw how helplessly the boy looked even though he probably looked the same in Luke's eyes.

"Can you hold me?" The dirty blonde whispered, his throat aches and it felt horrible "Are you sure?" the older boy questioned, not wanting to make the boy feel uncomfortable. Michael nodded his head and Luke slowly moved towards him, wrapping his arms ever so slowly around his boyfriend.

"You're okay, I got you" Luke said as he held Michael tightly, the younger boy clinging to him. Resting his chin on top of Michael's head and closing his eyes he slowly ran his hand up and down Michael's back in a comforting motion. "It's all going to be alright" Luke whispered.

It took a few minutes before Michael finally calmed down , his dead tight grip on Luke loosening. Blinking away a few tears that had managed to spill from his eyes. This had been the first time that Luke had seen him having a panic attack, he once called him after to hear his voice in hope of making him feel a little bit better but it wasn't quite the same.

Michael wondered what Luke was thinking, he was too scared to even look the man in his eyes, both of them were quiet not knowing what to do or say next. All the younger boy knew was that he liked the comfort of being in Luke's arms right now, his face pressed against the blonde's broad chest , breathing in that familiar calming sent and listening to his lovers heart beating. The dirty blonde was extremely tired, panic attacks usually suck the life out of him and this one was no exception.

"I'm so sorry Mikey" Luke was the one breaking their silence, the dirty blonde didn't respond "I got caught up in the moment, I wasn't thinking and I pushed your boundaries, I'm so sorry"

Luke had never felt such a strong hate towards himself, he hated himself for getting to caught up in Michael and how good his lips felt against his, how his hands felt on Michael's soft pale skin, how hot Michael was underneath him, he got caught up in Michael and his brain stopped working for a second, he hadn't even realized that he had started to mark up his lovers neck.

Michael had this spell on him, always wanting to be around him and keeping him on his toes, and always wanting more of him. More of Michael and he liked the way his brain wouldn't stop thinking about the boy at night making it hard for him to fall asleep. Yet he never wanted to overstep the younger boy's boundaries, far from that, he was totally okay with waiting no matter how long it would take.

The older boy didn't care that there would be no sexual part in their relationship for probably a long time, as long as Michael wasn't ready Luke wasn't going to push him. It still pains Luke to think about the stuff Michael had been through and had to put up with just because someone couldn't keep their filthy hands to themselves, Michael was too good for this world and he never deserved to be put in such a situation. Yet he was and Luke wishes that he could go back in time and prevent it somehow even though he knows that's impossible.

The dirty blonde didn't respond and Luke was scared, scared that he had screwed everything up big time. "Michael , baby please" Luke begged softly "Talk to me, I'm so sorry you have to know that , I never meant t-" "Luke" the dirty blonde cut him off, immediately silencing the older boys rambling "I want to tell you that it's okay and that I'm fine but I promised you and myself that I wouldn't lie to you"

Closing his eyes and taking in a shaky breath he continued "It's not your fault Luke, I was having a good day and I was enjoying kissing you allot, I didn't mind your touch at all." Michael whispered , breaking away from Luke and finally looking up at him , his bloodshot eyes meeting ocean blue one's that were full of regret and worry "It just got a little bit too much for me " he said with a sad smile "It happens, and it sucks" Michael said with a shrug.

Luke knew that Michael had bad days, were he didn't liked to be touched and he respected that even though he had this undying urge to hold the boy in his arms all the time. "It's not that you did something wrong, it's just that my brain stops functioning and all I can think about is him, and what he did to me and it scares me" Michael whispered.

"I understand baby, it's fine" Luke said pulling the dirty blonde a little bit tighter against his own body , Michael closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath before relaxing into Luke's arms because It was just Luke, not him. "Thank you, for understanding" Michael whispered , his head started to pound and his eyelids felt heavy, yet that was pretty normal after he had a panic attack.

Raising his eyebrows and brushing some of Michael's fringe out of the younger boy's face he smiled softly. "You don't have to thank me for that Michael" he stated kissing the younger boy's forehead softly. "But I want to" Michael said softly "You always understand , you always put me before you and you never question me whenever I have bad days and barely can stand hugging you" Michael stated "That's because I know that you can't do anything about it , Mikey you have to stop blaming yourself for everything" Luke stated.

Michael always thought that everything was his fault, it wasn't unusual for a victim of sexual assault to think that way but it just saddened Luke to see Michael blame himself for everything and if he would ever cross paths with the pathetic excuse of a man who did this to his lover he wouldn't be able to promise to keep his hands to himself.

The younger boy stayed quiet after that, wanting to argue that it was his fault, he was so fucking naive in thinking that his teacher was being nice , he had put himself in that position half a year ago, he was the one staying after class to talk about his parents failing marriage.

Biting his lip and trying to hold back his tears Michael buried his face in Luke's chest "But why do I feel like it is my fault" he said tightening his grip on Luke's black t-shirt in attempt to stop himself from crying "Baby boy it isn't ,I promise you that, there was nothing you could've done to prevent it how sad it may sound, it's his fault not yours okay?" Luke whispered letting the younger boy cling to him. "You need to stop blaming yourself darling, he was in the wrong not you" Luke reassured his boyfriend and maybe that was what Michael needed to hear at the moment, it wasn't his fault ,no it wasn't.

Hi guys, i know i haven't updated in forever but it's summer vacation and i have a job and i really just don't spend that much time inside with my laptop anymore and i am extremely lazy but hey who isn't.

i hope you enjoyed the chapter it was kind of a rollercoaster of emotions and stuff

don't forget to like and comment it would mean the world to me !!!!