I WIPED THE ROSY TIP OF MY NOSE AS I sniffled one last time, flattening my hair with my hands in the bathroom mirror one last time before I'd go back out to face Coryo and continue my night with him and Sejanus until we'd go home.

When I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of just how much I've changed since I've gotten here. My eyes are tired--red-rimmed with dark circles beneath them. My nose can never go back to its normal shade now as I'm always fucking crying and I'm wearing black nail polish. Chipped polish on my fingertips, it reminds me of how my favorite color has been stripped from me entirely away with my fondness for high heels. I can't even put a pair of heels on without feeling like a fraud and now my hand refuses to reach for a hair straightener because I don't have the energy within me to do so.

I'm tired. I'm really fucking tired and I'm ready to just give up and let the world fall out beneath my feet.

I've been fighting it for years--since youth, and I just can't ever seem to win.

The last bit of hope I've held onto has crumbled in front of me and now all I'm left with is a woman I don't recognize staring back at me in the mirror.

Blowing out a harsh, trembling breath, I pull open the rusting door and begin walking down the hallway when a gunshot sounds.

I physically jump in place, freezing as I slowly look around me. There's a cry following, and everything in my body is screaming at me to run.

Music continues to play, and there's still a party going on in the main part of the bar--but something is clearly going on here--in this hallway.

If someone's truly hurt, I can't allow it to remain on my conscience. And if it's Sejanus or Coriolanus--

I slowly inch down the black hall, and for once, I think I'm relieved to not be wearing high heels.

There's 3 doors to choose from--however, only one in which I hear commotion coming from.

Slowly, with a trembling hand, I peer my head through the small crack I've made with the door and all I can see is the back of Coriolanus' head. He's holding a shotgun in his hand and all I can do is gasp as I fumble with the door. I'm almost entirely inside now--showing me access to Lucy Gray in front of me, Sejanus and a man I don't quite recognise, and a woman lying limp on her stomach with another stranger kneeling over her.

A gasp breaks loose from my throat and without knowing, the door has slipped out of my hand and bangs against it's frame--revealing my presence.

Coriolanus shot this woman.

All pairs of eyes land on me, including Coriolanus', his lips parted at the sight of me and his eyes untrained. He drops the gun without hesitation, recklessly--as it clashes against the floor it fires once more and my entire body jolts in it's place as my tear-induced gaze falls on the dead woman in the darkness of the room.

"You killed her." the boy says, turning to look directly at Coriolanus as he comes to sweep me up. His hands meet mine and I'm far too unfocused to even process it.

He killed her.

The feeling of the coldness of his palms against my wet cheeks suddenly sink in but it's not necessarily clicking with me. A woman is dead in this bar and there's a party going on and the father of my child killed her, and--

"Coriolanus... what did you just do?" Lucy Gray exclaims, a gasp of her own crying out of her mouth.

"Well, you just killed the mayor's daughter, son." one of the mysterious boys says, a devious and taunting side-grin on his face.

"Mare, we're going to be okay. No one will even think it was us." Coriolanus says to me, voice barely above a whisper as he looks into my eyes.

Us?

"If you weren't a rebel then, you sure are now." The same boy says with that same wicked grin.

My eyes move up, but not to meet Coriolanus's--Sejanus. He's gasping as he, too, looks over the scene and his hands fly up to run down the back of his head.

"You think you're just going to walk out of here?" the boy with curls that had previously been kneeling over the dead girl's body says, standing up. His eyes are daring and it almost feels like a threat to Coriolanus. "Got a surprise coming, Capitol Boy. So, if I'm gonna swing for this, you swing with me."

He grows, quickly on his feet as he begins to charge toward Coriolanus but he barely makes it before his friend fires a shot right in the center of his chest.

None of this feels real--it feels like some havoc in some nightmare I'm bound to have and it feels as though I have no control over my body with what is happening.

As soon as the shot sounded, Coriolanus wrapped his arms tight around me and pulled me to him--shielding my face away from the, now--two--dead bodies in the room.

I can still see my brother's face, though. He's in utter panic mode--as am I--and his eyes are wells of tears. I want to go and hug him but honestly, I'm frozen and I can't fucking move.

"Mare," Coriolanus' soft but panicked voice breaks me out of my thoughts, he's now pulled me from the cocoon that was in between his arms and now he's tilting my face up with his hands on either side of my face. "Sweetheart? I need you to go home. Right now. Can you do that for me?"

I don't look at him but for some reason, I nod. I nod and he does too and he escorts me out of the room and I'm suddenly dizzy.

MY HANDS ARE STILL SHAKING AND MY BREATHING STILL SOUNDED ALMOST LIKE A RATTLE. Shaky as it's released from me, it's the only sound I'm left with in the dark corner of this bedroom.

There's no desk for me to sit at, or a bed for me to lay upon. I'm left with only a pillow at my side as I hide in this corner.

Nothing feels real anymore. I think I'm still in a dream and I can't quite escape it.

I'm alone—enveloped by this darkness looming over me and no one is there to reach out a hand and pull me out.

The front door shuts, causing me to jolt as my hand flies up to my lips and I begin nibbling lightly at the chipped black polish on my nails.

I hear footsteps, inching closer and closer to me and I contemplate making a run for it.

The shadow outlining Coriolanus's tall figure comes into view and the pace of my heartbeat begins to quicken.

I press my knees further into my chest as I bite back any words from dumping out from my mouth because honestly, I'm terrified and I've never been so conflicted.

"Hey," he leans down, his hand slowly reaching for my face but I remove my hand from my mouth and block his arm with my own.

"Don't."

I don't bother looking at him—I physically can't. But I know that his features have changed because the energy radiating off of him has shifted and he knows he can't say or do anything anymore to get me to stay.

He was hoping he could come back in here again and place a kiss on the top of my head and it would be all sunshine and rainbows but I physically can't do it anymore.

He stands there for a moment, leaving me to look at his darkened blue pants as I stare directly in front of me.

It's silent and it's so deafening I can't quite believe it.

"You've killed people, Coriolanus." I say, my voice barely caught in my throat and it feels like my entire body is now caving in on me—on my heart. "And you've liked it."

Thinking the words and saying them out loud are two entirely different things that I can't quite recover from. And neither can he.

"I'm not a monster." He says, but I'm not sure if I believe that anymore.

The goodness I'm so used to seeing in his heart has been dimmed with each time he's killed and now, finally, the light has been burnt out completely.

"Mare, I'm not a monster." He repeats, but this time, I don't think I'm the one he's trying to convince. His knees crack as he kneels down to get on my level but I still refuse to face him. "You—you're the one who told me that I wasn't a monster."

Yes, I think, but don't say, but my mind has been changed.

I blow out another shaky breath. "I just... don't think this is the best place for me right now. I... I need time to think—space to think."

I move out away from him, ignoring his hand that's reaching for me as I stand up and walk out the door.

BLAKELY SPEAKS !

i just... cannot process the fact that we say goodbye to these babies in just a couple days