WITH A SIMPLE FLATTENING OF MY HAIR WITH MY HANDS, I tugged on the black backpack slung over my shoulder and opened the tall white door, and into the classroom I went.

The structure of the room was similar to what a classroom back at the Academy looked like, only bigger. Rather than the white rows of seat selections, I'd sit in a dark red velvet-like material chair that folded in the center.

The seat I had chosen, was right in the back corner. There, I'd be able to watch my surroundings; my peers, all while avoiding them and fading into the background. I'd spent years living in the limelight at the Academy--always sitting relative to the front of the classroom, any time Arachne hadn't beat me to it.

Everyone there knew who I was, and what I was capable of.

Here, I can simply be without having to worry about any other person in the building knowing who I am unless I want them to.

I blow out a harsh breath as I place my bag down in the aisle beside my seat, slumping into it shortly after.

"Rough morning?" A voice asks, and when I look up, to no surprise, Eliot, my boyfriend, is giving me a smug half-grin.

"Something like that." I wince.

He goes to open his mouth to say I told you so because I was up studying until one in the morning and he warned me this would happen. I hold a hand up, preventing him from saying it, my hand being a warning.

The smirk on his face grows as he draws his eyes back to the pen and paper in front of him. "Yes ma'am."

He tucks his pencil behind his ear, like he often does as he crosses his arms over his torso and leans back against his chair.

My mind wanders off to some place else; lost in the way his flexed hand joins the other, laying gently against his strong bicep. He's so very contrasting of himself it baffles me. He's careless, mindlessly watching the teacher instruct us on our lecture, yet somehow is always able to get the same grade as me, someone who studies for hours upon hours. He's slim and scrawny but still carries the presence of a strong man and he's witty—the wittiest, most charming person I've ever met while keeping up just as much respect for others as he could.

He knows I'm watching him—I can see it in the way his lips curl—but he doesn't care. He doesn't care because I always do this. I'm always in awe of him and likely will be every day I'm sat next to him.

"You should pay attention," he whispers, but still doesn't look at me. "Wouldn't want to have you staying up studying again."

I bite my bottom lip, containing a smile, pulling my eyes from him and looking forward. I look forward but I don't necessarily pay attention to the class being taught in front of me.

I should be taking notes but instead, I'm trying to ignore the haunting feeling that overcomes me when I remember what tomorrow is.

Sejanus' birthday.

He would be turning 19. A memorial dinner to celebrate his 19th birthday.

It's incredibly daunting to me because it feels like not too long ago he was sitting right in front of me in a classroom, but now, I won't ever see him again if I can help it.

I don't know who exactly is going to be there but I'd be a fool to not expect Coriolanus to. Just the idea of seeing him in the same chair my brother used to sit in at the dinner table every night sends a chill down my spine and it feels like he's reached his hand into my insides and is twisting my gut with it.

I haven't seen the father of my child since that day in District 12, and now that he's been here for 2 weeks, I'm not sure whether to be relieved or furious that he hasn't made a single arrangement to see his daughter.

"Hey," I whisper softly, nudging Eliot's shoulder but I pretend as though I'm paying avid attention to Professor Shapiro pacing across the front of the classroom. "Tomorrow's my brother's birthday dinner. Could you, um, watch Janus for a couple hours?"

He looks at me with suddenly furrowed brows and a frown. "Shit. Yeah. Of course."

He's scanning me with those chocolatey brown eyes and I can tell he's trying to analyze whether something is going on with me mentally, but I wish he wouldn't.

I purse my lips, then turn down to begin writing down notes, avoiding his gaze. "Thanks."

BLAKELY SPEAKS !
y'all i was STRUGGLING with exams this week but it's winter break now so !!!!!!!!!