✏️ Nathan

Something was bothering Caleb, I could tell. The Uber ride to the wedding felt...off.

He kept staring out the window and fidgeting with his phone. He'd barely look at me. Was that really it?

Was he going to propose tonight and what had happened between us this weekend was just...done? I felt sick just thinking about it.

I know I kind of pushed us towards finishing this with Sarah but I just had to know. Did that offend him? Did he feel off with me?

I felt my palms becoming sweaty just thinking about it. I closed my eyes but all I could think about for some reason was prom night.

Flashes of walking up to Caleb and Sarah making out in the hallway. The two people I was supposed to trust the most just completely betraying me.

I looked out the window to try and shake it off but it wasn't working. The memory was warped now. All I could think about was how it led to me and Caleb not talking for years after that. The way we just...broke. Our friendship, our connection. It was severed that night and for some reason, these past few days felt like I got a sense of it back. Even better than before.

There's a part of me that felt like I should never of went looking for him that night. Maybe if I hadn't had found out, me and Sarah would've broken up normally and Caleb and I would've stayed friends. Maybe I would've gotten this version of us way earlier on.

As though he could read my thoughts, Calebs warm hand reached out and grabbed my own.

It was hard and stiff and felt certain. He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed, bringing me back down to earth instantly.

I breathed out and leaned my head back on the car seat. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Smiling, I realized he was doing the same thing as me.

I resumed position just sitting back, eyes closed and grounding myself.

We didn't need to say anything at all but instantly I felt better knowing he was here. I smiled to myself remembering that's how it always was with him. He just always calmed me down.

It wasn't long before we winded down a road, and the car dropped us off at the bottom of a parking lot filled with cars. It looked like up the hill, there was the greenhouse that Sarah had posted earlier. It was huge and decorated with little fairy lights along the roof. Thumping from music was surrounding us instantly as we exited the car.

"Alright, here we go." Caleb shrugged beginning his walk up the hill.

I followed closely beside him. Our shoulders constantly grazing each others. I felt like we had a secretly only him and I knew. It felt electric.

"Do you remember that one night we spent all night listening to your Gorillaz album?" I spoke up.

Caleb threw his head back and laughed. "Um, absolutely I do. We stayed up all night eating twizzlers and drinking that Code Red Mountain Dew you loved. Damn, we gotta play Clint Eastwood soon and just blast it. Miss them."

"Deal." I laughed.

We were looking at each other and laughing when we finally reached the top. This wedding was packed with so many people. It was a good thing we dressed the part because we definitely blended in. There was no way anyone would think we didn't belong here.

"Oh, yum!" Caleb said, snatching some sort of appetizer off of a servers platter as they walked around.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"What?" Caleb shrugged, swallowing it back.

"You're impossible. We're supposed to be looking for Sarah." I smiled.

"And what, that means no snacks?" He smiled. "We didn't even get to eat dinner."

"Yeah I guess we were busy." I bit my lip looking at him. He stopped in his tracks, clearly shocked at my words.

"Bringing that up here? Damn, Philips. You shock me more and more every day." He said licking his thumb clean.

Damn, I don't know why I was so into that.

I opened my mouth to add something else that was bound to get him going.

"You know what being here reminds me of?" I said stepping backwards towards the dance floor. I hardly noticed who was around us. All I could see was Caleb. He was so damn beautiful. Can't believe all of his attention was on me.

"I think I do." He said stalking towards me.

"Should we reenact?" My eyebrow rose.

His lips quirked up at the side revealing his dashing smile that makes my heart stop. "We should."

I took another step backwards before I bumped straight into someone. Jerking back, I swung around and caught the person I was probably going to smoosh.

Holding on to their arms, my stomach dropped as soon as I realized who it was.

"Nathan?" Her small voice asked.

My mouth dropped open. There she was. The Sarah Lockwood herself.

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"What are you two doing here? I mean, don't you two hate each other?" Sarah asked, sitting down beside us.

We all walked off the dancefloor and found a nearby table. My heart was breathing out of my chest. What to even say?

"It's actually a funny story." Caleb laughed shaking his head.

"I'm listening." She smiled, sitting back in her seat. She swung her one leg onto her other, revealing a sexy slit in her dress. Her long legs, bare and smooth sparkling in the colourful lights of the dancefloor. She truly was a beauty.

No matter how I feel about Caleb, that was clearly a fact.

"I know this is probably a shock to you but...we wanted to come see you." I said. Judging by the smile on her face, she clearly wasn't freaked out like I feared.

"You two are...wild." She said shaking her head, looking at us both amazed. "I can't believe you both did this. Caleb, maybe I can understand but...you? Nathaniel, why did you do this?" She squinted her eyes at me and suddenly my face felt hot.

Why did I do this?

I looked back at Caleb who was looking down at his hands. Was he okay?

"I didn't want to lose you." I admitted. It was the truth.

Sarah looked me over and slowly nodded her head. Reaching behind me, she picked up her champagne glass and tilted it to her lips. "Truth is," She took a sip. "I wanted to actually talk to you when I got back. I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things while I've been here."

I looked at her confused. Where was she going with this?

"I've been coming to terms a lot about our relationship and...wait, Caleb - are you sure you want to hear this?" She tilted her head to look over at Caleb.

What was going on?

Caleb looked between her and I and I felt a sense of understanding from him.

He got up from his seat and looked at us both as he stood with his hands in his pockets.

"You know what, I've actually gotta run. This is as far as I wanted to take you anyways, Caleb. I'll see you, around?" He said.

I felt confused and suddenly I couldn't breathe. What did he mean this is as far as he wanted to take me? I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

I slowly nodded and Caleb gave me a faint smile.

"Good luck" he said nudging me on the shoulder. "Bye, Sarah." He winked. Walking off and straight out the doors.

Wait. I thought. Don't go.

Sarah sighed loudly beside me. "Ugh, that was a little uncomfortable eh? Imagine, my ex boyfriend here while I tell my best friend that I have feelings for him." She shook her head and took a long sip of her champagne.

"Wait, what?" I shook my head and looked back at her.

She put down her champagne and held both of my hands with her own. Her hands were so much smaller than Calebs. It sort of made me feel sick.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Nathan." She started. I tried to ignore the way my stomach cringed at how she said my name.

My name is Nathanial, I thought.

"Ever since I left you the other day, I've been feeling all wrong about what I said to you. You've always been there for me through so much. You've been the perfect guy just standing right in front of me and I couldn't see it." She smiled at me. "I want to be with you, Nathan. Really with you. I want to give this a try, for real."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This is what I've wanted for four years and yet, all I could think about was that guy who just walked out those doors.

"What about Caleb?" I asked.

Her smile dropped. "Caleb is...he's not a serious option. He's fun, carefree. He's not husband material. You - you are husband material. You're nice and sweet and I feel so safe with you." She squeezed my hand.

With Caleb, he made me feel different than a safe option. He pulled another side out of me than I've ever experienced. I felt...daring and risky. I felt like I could do anything and be anything with him. I'm the safe option for Sarah - I always have been.

"Why now?" I asked cutting through my thoughts.

She thought over her answer. "I guess...I was here and I was hoping you'd chase me. When you didn't I was sad. I guess I always thought you'd be there and it broke my heart to think you wouldn't be."

I realize that's how I feel about Caleb. Thinking of him not being here again...breaks my heart.

"You know you'll always have me here for you. Even if we're not together."

She looked at me confused. "But that day I told you we had to stop - you said you couldn't do this."

I thought it over. "I guess I was scared too. I've never known myself without you and the thought of you not wanting me hurt. But...honestly, these past few days I've realized that I'd be okay." More than okay.

"Nathan, I don't understand. Do you not want to be with me?" She dropped my hands and leaned back.

Was that what I was saying?

Yeah, that's what I was saying. I wanted Caleb. I wanted him so badly, it hurt. I couldn't lose him again.

I nodded my head, with tears stinging my eyes. "Yeah, Sarah. I'm saying I don't want to be with you. Not like that."

She let out a breath of air. "Seriously? You flew all of this way. For what?" She shook her head.

I thought it over. "To find myself, I think. I needed answers and I got it." I smiled.

She sighed and reached out her hand to grab mine. "Then, I'm really happy you came." She smiled.

I looked at her with amazement. "Really?"

"Nathan, you're my best friend. You always have been. If you're happy, I'm happy. I'll always want the best for you." She squeezed my hand.

"I needed to hear that, Sarah. You have no idea." I closed my eyes. I didn't even realize how much I was needing to hear that.

"So...who's the lucky girl?" She asked, shifting my collar. My hickeys!

"Oh! Sarah- I don't think we should talk-" I said, immediately feeling my cheeks heating up.

"Oh, come on, Nathan. I just told you how happy I was for you to be happy. You can tell me." She laughed, slapping me on the shoulder.

"It's...it's a guy." I breathed. Her eyes widened as she took in this new information.

"You are...woah." She smiled. "Nathan, I'm really happy for you."

"Really?" I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears as much as I possibly could. It wasn't working since she wiped a couple off of my cheek.

"I wanted you to experience life and find out more about yourself and look at that. A few weeks and you did just that. I can't be more proud of you." She pulled me into a tight hug.

I tried my best not to squeeze the life out of her but it was hard. She was saying all the right things. I felt like I could breathe easily again. Well, almost easily. I needed a certain singer guitarist.

"So, what are you still here for?" She said, wiping a tear off of her own face.

"What?" I sniffed, wiping more tears from my eyes.

She winked, tilting her head to the same door that Caleb walked out of.

I took in a sharp breath and turned to her. "I really do love you, Sarah." I said squeezing her hand.

"I know." She smiled. "Now go catch your man." She winked.