Chapter 9

The moment the door was locked shut behind him, Izuku lost it.

A blood-curling scream left his throat as he threw his bag to the other side of the room, its contents spilling messily around the floor. A string of curses flew out of his mouth one after the other as he felt tears well up in his eyes. He stomped over to his desk in pure rage and flipped it over, sending papers and picture frames flying to the ground. His fingers curled around his messy locks of green hair and tugged hard, making his scalp feel on fire.

So many emotions were invading him all at once, and it was too overwhelming.

Anger. Fear. Anxiety. Disbelief. Denial. Grief. Loneliness.

They all crept into every single crevice in his body like insects crawling up into his brain. They caused him to act without thinking, tearing his favorite posters off the walls and ripping them into pieces one by one. He knocked out every All Might figurine out of his shelves, scattering them across the already messy floor. It came to the point where he didn't have anything else to wreck or throw, and he let out an exasperated scream.

His eyes burned due to the overflowing tears that cascaded down his pale cheeks. His head throbbed with a pounding headache that made him wince in pain and let out a low groan. He stumbled over to his half bathroom and opened the small medicine cabinet, rummaging through the different medications until he found the painkillers. Popping two pills into his mouth, he turned the faucet keys of his bathroom sink to get the water running and drank from it.

Once both pills ran down his throat, Izuku turned the water off and made a disgusted expression. He had always hated the taste of sink water, but if he didn't drink the pills at the moment then it would have developed into something worse. It would take about half an hour before the pills started taking effect, so he had to endure the painful throbbing until then. The headache did nothing to improve his mood, but it at least took him down from the adrenaline high he was experiencing two minutes ago.

Izuku lifted his gaze to the bathroom mirror, meeting his dull, big, emerald eyes. They studied his face begrudgingly, taking in just how horrible he looked. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot, dark bags underneath them. His hair was all over the place after he had pulled at it earlier—it looked like a bird's nest, to say the least. He suddenly remembered that he still had his school uniform on, so he slowly brought his hand up to undo his tie.

Never breaking eye contact with his reflection, he proceeded to take off his blazer and school shirt. Once they were carelessly thrown on the floor, he moved his gaze to the different scars that littered his exposed skin. The most prominent ones were the ones he acquired at the sports festival when fighting against Todoroki.

He rested his hands on top of the sink counter, leaning forward so that his face was closer to the mirror. Degrading thoughts raced through his mind as he met his own eyes once more. His demeanor changed. It was as if a switch had been flipped inside his subconscious, taking the greenette to a much darker mindset.

"You," he whispered, directing his words at his own reflection. His eyes narrowed to a glare, showing off the deep hatred he had towards himself. "Why do you have to be so useless?"

You are nothing.

"Why do you even exist?" he seethed as his hands balled into fists.

You can't do anything right. You are a burden, a mistake.

"You are the reason she is dead." He smiled bitterly, tilting his head just slightly as he studied his own gaze. "They were right. She was killed..."

You should pay for all the pain you've caused.

"You killed her...she died because of you." He brought his right hand up towards his reflection, opening his fist to caress the outline of his jaw on the flat surface. Staring into his eyes again, he whispered, "I hate you."

You are worthless.

"I hate you!" he yelled, pulling his hand back and punching the mirror with brute force. Pain shot up through his knuckles, but that didn't stop him from punching again, and again, and again. Even as the glass shattered and shards prickled his skin, he didn't stop. He kept repeating the words with each punch he threw, pouring his anger into destroying his reflection.

The sound of an explosion startled him, and his head snapped to his room's door. Katsuki came barreling into the room in offense mode, ready to pounce on anyone his eyes landed on.

Just like that, the switch in Izuku's subconscious was once again flipped. The greenette stumbled backward, crushing a few shards of glass under his feet. This caught the blond's attention, which readied himself to fight, only to stop dead in his tracks.

"Deku!" he shouted worriedly, overcoming his initial shock and running towards the greenette. Izuku looked away from him, bringing his now bloodied hand up to his hair and cursing under his breath. The blond gripped Izuku's arms and looked around the bathroom, noticing the broken mirror and the splatters of blood. "What the hell happened?!"

"It's nothing," Izuku whispered as his knees gave up and he sat on top of the toilet lid. This was bad. There was no way that he could come up with an excuse. He didn't have any energy left to try and cover up his mistake. Katsuki had found him in the middle of a breakdown. He was completely, and utterly vulnerable.

"What the fuck do you mean it's nothing?!" Katsuki shouted bewildered, grabbing Izuku's right wrist to avoid touching his wounded knuckles. "This isn't fucking nothing!"

The greenette started trembling, not once meeting the blond's intense stare. Katsuki's heart thumped wildly inside his ribcage. When he heard the noise coming from Izuku's room, he thought that the boy was in trouble. Hell, he charged into the room, ready to fight villains and help his childhood friend. But what he found was much worse, and he couldn't even hide his growing concern.

Instinctively, Izuku tried pulling his wrist out of the blond's grip, but Katsuki only tightened his hold. There was no way that he was letting Izuku run away and hide, it was painfully obvious that something was wrong.

"Oi, look at me," Katsuki said, his tone soft yet demanding. Izuku weakly shook his head, holding back a sob. "I wasn't asking, Deku. Look at me."

Again, Izuku shook his head. His breathing got shaky and heavy as he tried to pull away from Katsuki but failed once again. Why was it that in a span of a week Katsuki had found him in such vulnerable situations? If he hadn't fainted that day, he would still be able to keep his act up. Because of his mistakes, the blond had seen through his façade, and he didn't know how to build it back up.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this," Izuku brokenly whispered, his shaky voice barely audible. His trembling got worse, and a small sob escaped his lips. The sound tugged at Katsuki's heartstrings, and his eyebrows furrowed, not having liked what he heard.

Since Izuku wouldn't look at him, he knelt down on the ground in front of him. He didn't pay mind to the few shards that prickled his knees, his goal was to get the greenette to look at him. If he was being honest, he didn't want to see the pain behind those green orbs. But he needed Izuku to talk to him. It was killing him to see his childhood friend in such a broken state.

"Talk to me," Katsuki silently pleaded, his tone laced with worry. This made Izuku finally look at Katsuki with wide eyes. He hadn't heard the blond talk to him or look at him like that since they were kids, and that made the pain in his heart even worse. He missed this. He missed his friend.

"Kacchan..." Izuku whispered, finally setting free the gut-wrenching sobs that he had tried holding back. He used his free hand to cover his mouth as his entire body shook violently, and Katsuki immediately pulled him into a tight hug. Izuku held onto him as if his life depended on it, letting all of his bottled-up feelings out in the form of tears and broken sobs.

Feeling the greenette shaking uncontrollably under his hold brought a tightness to Katsuki's chest. He could feel a knot forming at the back of his throat the more Izuku cried onto his chest. How long has Izuku been feeling like this? Was it because of the news they received? Just what was going through Izuku's head?

Katsuki had so many questions yet not a single answer to them.

After a few minutes, Izuku's sobs died down to mere whimpers. It was only when he tried to pull away that Katsuki's tight grip loosened, allowing the greenette to back away a little. They were both kneeling in front of each other on the bathroom floor. Katsuki's eyes never left Izuku, and when he noticed the other's mouth opening, he quickly interjected. "Don't you dare apologize."

Despite the harsh words, there was no actual bite behind Katsuki's tone. Izuku quickly shut his mouth and gave a small nod, bringing his un-injured hand up to scratch the back of his neck. It was obvious to Katsuki that the greenette wasn't going to speak up anytime soon, so he quietly stood up and looked around for a first-aid kit. Every room in the dorm building had one in case of emergencies, and at the moment it was very much needed.

Izuku didn't protest when the blond knelt back down in front of him and took his injured hand. Katsuki worked in silence, cleaning up most of the blood so that he could see the damage better. He didn't miss the small hisses that left the greenette's mouth as he pressed down in some spots, probably where he had pieces of glass stuck to his skin. Grabbing some tweezers, he concentrated on the very small shards, pulling them out quickly.

Wincing every now and then, Izuku watched as Katsuki treated his wounds. After cleaning up the rest of the blood and applying some ointment, Katsuki wrapped a bandage around Izuku's knuckles as carefully as possible. He inspected for any other injuries but was relieved when he found nothing else. Placing the kit back where he found it, he offered a hand to Izuku to help him stand up.

Izuku stared at the hand for a moment before taking it hesitatingly. He expected the blond to pull him up harshly but was surprised by his gentleness. It was as if Katsuki was a completely different person, and he didn't know how to feel about it, although the thumping of his heart made it clear to him.

Pulling him out of the bathroom, Katsuki made his way through the almost dark room, careful not to step on anything other than the floor. It wasn't an easy task considering that the ground was covered in different things. If he hadn't seen Izuku in the state he was the moment he barged in, he really would've thought that there was a villain attack.

Finally, he reached Izuku's dresser and let go of the greenette. Opening the drawers, he rummaged through the clothes and pulled out some shorts and a hoodie, throwing them in Izuku's direction.

"Change into this, you're coming with me," Katsuki said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"W-What?" Izuku stuttered, holding the clothes to his chest.

"You heard me," Katsuki answered, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "Or do you need me to get you out of those pants and change you myself?"

"N-No!" Izuku quickly shrieked, his face flaming up. "T-Turn around at least."

"We've changed in front of each other many times before, what's the big deal?" the blond asked with a roll of his eyes. Izuku simply huffed, trying to hide his nervousness and hoping that Katsuki would just comply. Noticing the greenette's stubbornness, Katsuki sighed and turned around. "Happy?"

"Very," Izuku muttered sarcastically, being quick to change his pants so that the blond couldn't see his bandaged thighs. He quickly pulled on the dark hoodie that the blond had given him right after, running a hand through his wild hair to tame it down a little. "I'm done."

After hearing that, Katsuki turned back around and grabbed Izuku by the elbow, pulling him out of the room and closing the messed-up door as best as he could. He definitely had to think of an explanation to give to Aizawa once their teacher found out about it.