Chapter 40

Izuku was currently lying wide awake in his bed. He could feel Katsuki's hot air fanning his neck, as the blond had an arm draped over the greenette's torso. The day had been quite eventful, and even though he was tired, he couldn't bring himself to fall asleep. The clock on his bedside table read 3:36 in the morning, and his eyes felt dry and droopy.

Conversations from earlier in the day replayed in his mind as he recalled Recovery Girl's words.

"It is quite an unexpected side effect. I hope you are mentally prepared for what's to come. Now that we know what the antidote does, we never know when the rest of your dormant quirks will manifest. It is going to be a tough ride, Midoriya," Recovery Girl had told him.

His emotions felt like a whirlwind of uncertainty. The breathing on his neck reassured him only a little, but honestly? He felt like he was falling apart bit by bit.

He was scared to fall into the depths of darkness all over again. He could feel the inevitable claws of depression and anxiety digging into his skin, trying to drag him under. It made him restless, his mind fighting against the darkness that threatened to consume him once more. He was trying...he was really trying.

But it was all happening so fast. Everything felt so overwhelming that he feared that he would succumb to the tempting invitation of his aching thighs. They begged for him to create the cursed work of art that once soothed him. It was a tough battle inside his mind.

Izuku turned his head to gaze at the peacefully sleeping blond. He never expected Katsuki to be the type to cuddle, yet there he was. Katsuki had refused to leave his side, even more so when Recovery Girl had informed him that the greenette couldn't be left alone. It made Izuku's heart ache with affection and longing.

It still felt so surreal to have the blond right next to him, hugging him, nonetheless. It made him feel so, so loved, that it was beyond scary. Before, he feared that Katsuki would always hate him and that he would never return his feelings. Now, he feared that Katsuki would get tired of him and that he would never be enough. How could he ever be enough for him?

The questions rolled around in his head, beckoning him deeper and deeper into the darkness. The aching became unbearable, and his breathing quickened. He couldn't help but wonder if all Katsuki was doing was an act, and he felt terrible for thinking that way. But, his insecurities decided to resurface and fuck with him in the worse way possible.

A whimper escaped his mouth, and he quickly brought a hand to cover his mouth. Katsuki stirred beside him, and Izuku tensed. He didn't want the blond to know he wanted to cry so, so badly at the moment. He craved his warm touch and his gentle whispers that soothed any anxiety he felt. But he didn't want him to worry. So he bottled it all in.

Or at least he tried.

His lips trembled as tears ran down his cheeks, sniffling as quietly as he could. He gently tried to get out of Katsuki's grasp, but the slightest movement had the blond tightening his hold. The greenette's head fell back into his pillow, a hand covering his eyes as he begged the tears to stop falling.

He didn't want to wake Katsuki...but then he started tasting blood in his mouth.

Not again!

He tumbled to the floor, hastily getting out of Katsuki's grip. The blond woke with a start, grumbling under his breath as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He reached for Izuku's body on the bed, but frown when he felt the empty space beside him. Groggily, he opened his eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness.

"Izu?" He called out, his voice hoarse from sleep. A thump was heard, and he sat up abruptly, alarmed. The blond wasted no time in reaching for the bedside lamp, flicking it on, and getting out of bed quickly. "Shit!"

Izuku's body was jerking on the floor, his head bouncing against the carpeted surface. Katsuki wasted no time in clearing the area around his body, doing his best to put his boyfriend on his back without hurting him. His heartbeat quickened, gulping as he counted the seconds since he heard Izuku collapse.

After two, awfully long minutes, the jerking stopped. and Katsuki felt like he could breathe again. He was kneeling next to the greenette's now still body, his gaze burning into Izuku's skin, waiting for him to wake up. He had a worried scowl in place, now noticing dry tears were staining his boyfriend's cheeks. It didn't take long for Izuku to gain consciousness, thankfully. Only about a minute before he heard a groan.

Izuku's head was pounding, causing him to wince as he opened his eyes, disoriented. The light of the lamp shone directly into his eyes, causing him to turn his head away to avoid being blinded. After his vision cleared, he blinked, taking in his bedroom, then a concerned-looking Katsuki.

"Kacchan?" Izuki mumbled, rubbing his temple and sitting up slowly. The blond helped him up, cautiously placing him on the bed.

"How the fuck did you get down there?" Katsuki wondered, brows creasing as he proceeded to check Izuku's pulse. He noticed how the greenette avoided eye contact, and he frowned. "Izu?"

"I-I was going to the bathroom," Izuku stammered, biting his bottom lip gently. Why was it so difficult to lie to Katsuki? Was it because he knew that the blond could see right through him?

"Why were you crying?" Katsuki asked, cutting to the chase. By the looks of it, Izuku hadn't slept a wink that night. Something had been keeping him up, and he needed to know.

Izuku looked taken aback by the question, unconsciously touching his cheek where the tear stains were. He felt Katsuki's unfaltering gaze burning into his skull, and he couldn't stop his lips from wobbling. It didn't matter how much he didn't want the blond to find out, Katsuki was still able to unravel the truth without even trying.

"I'm sorry," Izuku whispered, eyes watering once more. "I didn't want to w-wake you..."

The boy started trembling, looking down at his lap shamefully. He knew he was in for a scolding. He knew that Katsuki genuinely wanted to help him, the blond had made that extremely obvious. Yet, his insecurities and doubts always messed with his head, and it was so, so exhausting. He feared that he would ruin everything because of his own mind.

Katsuki scowled, and despite the headache he knew Izuku had, he couldn't stop himself from smacking the boy upside the head. The greenette flinched at the impact but was startled by Katsuki pulling him into a hug and placing a hand on the back of his head.

"You're such an idiot," Katsuki grumbled, hugging the boy tightly, being mindful of his injured shoulder. "Next time I'll punch some sense into you if necessary."

"Kacchan..." Izuku trailed off, burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend's neck. The scent of caramel filled his senses, and the comforting aroma made him want to cry even more.

"I don't care how insignificant you think whatever goes on in your mind is, I am here, Izu. I will be here from now on. I know that I wasn't there for you in the past, and I will forever live with that regret. Please, rely on me. Please..." Katsuki whispered brokenly, tightening his hold on the greenette.

It didn't matter how good things were going between them, they were still far from alright. The trauma living in Izuku's mind would take time to heal, and with everything that has unraveled in the past month, it was clear that it would take even longer. Katsuki could not even imagine how the freckled boy was feeling. He could not express just how much he admired Izuku's strong will, even though the greenette himself didn't see it.

Upon hearing the emotion behind Katsuki's tone, Izuku couldn't hold back the knot that had formed at the back of his throat. He felt safe in Katsuki's arms, more than he thought he'd ever feel. It made the long-awaited decision much easier to make. The parts of his wounded soul that Katsuki had yet to discover.

He just hoped that Katsuki cherished him all the same.

"I think I'm...ready to...tell you everything," Izuku whispered, clutching the front of the blond's shirt. Tears fell silently down his freckled cheeks, tainting the pale skin.

Upon hearing those words, Katsuki backed away, giving Izuku his full attention. He had thought that the greenette had already told him everything, so he was a little surprised to hear him say that. He was more than relieved, knowing that Izuku trusted him to such extent. Even so, he didn't want him forcing himself to tell him.

"Are you sure?" He asked, a worried crease between his eyebrows.

Unconsciously, Izuku brought up his hands and pressed his thumb in between the blond's eyebrows, massaging the spot gently to get rid of the crease. The action earned a raised eyebrow from Katsuki, making Izuku blush in embarrassment. "S-Sorry, I just don't like that look on your face. You might get wrinkles..."

Despite the situation, Katsuki chuckled, making Izuku's blush deepen. Taking a deep breath, Izuku continued, "I-I am sure...I want to tell you."

Katsuki straightened up, giving Izuku his undivided attention. The greenette felt shy under his scrutinizing gaze, but he knew he had to do this. He had kept Katsuki in the dark long enough, and all he has done is support him and care for him. He could do this.

"I know I already told you about my mom...but there is more to it," he whispered. "Ever since we were little, I guess I was kinda attracted to you. I didn't think much of it back then, just thought that it was some innocent admiration. It took me a few years to realize that...it was more than—uh, thinking you were cool and stuff..."

"God, this is so embarrassing to admit out loud," Izuku grumbled, his face flushing a deep red. Katsuki could feel his cheeks heating up but kept on listening. He would be lying if what Izuku was saying didn't boost his pride."It was in middle school that I came to accept that I was gay...and not only because I had a stupidly huge crush on you, but I'd get flustered when seeing other boys shirtless and—well, I just thought some of them were attractive, ugh!"

Izuku grumbled out, feeling his face turn a shade darker than Katsuki's eyes. Hell, it could put Kirishima's hair to shame.

At the thought of Izuku finding guys other than him attractive, a small spark of jealousy ignited within him. Yet, knowing that Izuku had liked him ever since they were kids made a blush that could rival Izuku's spread across his cheeks, tinting the tip of his ears a deep red. Before he could say anything, Izuku continued speaking.

"As you know, I didn't really have any friends back then...so I had no one to confide in. I kept my homosexuality a secret from everyone...until I decided to tell mom," the greenette said, breathing out shakily. "S-She had always been supportive of me and she was my only friend...so I felt confident in telling her, thinking that she would love me a-anyway. But I was so, so wrong, Kacchan...s-she even told me that I w-would be better off d-dead."

"What?" Katsuki breathed out, eyes widening in disbelief. Tears had welled up in Izuku's eyes for the hundredth time that night as he pulled his knees to his chest, forcing himself to keep going. The blond had already heard part of the story, but this was newfound information. If he couldn't believe what he had heard before, at that moment he was completely flabbergasted.

"Later that day I heard glass breaking, and when I went to check...she was throwing pictures at the walls, fuming. It hurt so much, Kacchan. When I tried to calm her down, she would recoil at my touch...she looked at me with such a disgusted expression." Not being able to hold it back anymore, he choked out a sob. Katsuki, even in his shocked state, immediately pulled him into a hug.

"A-After that she wouldn't l-look at me. She would lock herself inside her bedroom, b-but even with the door closed, I could hear her c-crying," Izuku rasped out between sobs. "I ruined her life, Kacchan. I ruined her! I was the reason why my father abandoned us! I was the reason for her misery and her depression—!"

"Stop! Don't you fucking continue!" Katuski growled out, hating the way the greenette talked about himself.

"You weren't there!" Izuku exclaimed, body trembling. The words felt like a blow to the face to Katsuki, and he had to bite the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from crying. His heart ached inside his chest, the stinging feeling of regret swarming through his veins.

"You didn't see the way she slowly crumbled apart and isolated herself! How I would beg her to eat and get out of her room, but she wouldn't even look at me. I had lost the one person I had...I lost everything...a-and I couldn't deal with it," Izuku whispered brokenly, clutching Katsuki's shirt tighter. "I-I just couldn't! And that's h-how I started...cutting. It was the only thing keeping me sane...keeping me alive."

Katsuki hugged the boy tighter, this time not even bothering to stop his tears from falling as he could practically feel Izuku's emotions at the moment. He could feel every ounce of pain behind his voice, every inch of regret and sorrow. Fuck, he could feel everything just by the way he spoke.

"Next thing I know, I get home to her in the b-bathtub with her wrists s-slit open and m-multiple cuts along her arms. I-I had thought that she ended her life because of me!" the greenette sobbed, a few hiccups leaving his mouth as he poured everything out. "I-I'm so broken that I'm afraid I can n-never be fixed."

"Fuck, Izuku. I-I'm sorry," Katsuki whimpered, his body trembling as he clutched the boy against his chest. "I should've been there for you, I should have! I could have prevented those things, I-I would've protected you, but I-I didn't, and...fuck!"

"K-Kacchan—"

"I swear to fucking God and shitty All Might too that I will pick every single piece of your broken soul and help you mend yourself back together," Katsuki promised, pulling back to stare at Izuku straight in the eye, wiping away his tears.

Izuku choked back a sob as he threw himself into Katsuki's arms, crashing their lips together in a salty and sloppy kiss. The blond kissed him back with so much emotion and determination that Izuku could feel himself melting into it. Katsuki wrapped his arms around Izuku's waist, bringing him as close as possible while deepening the kiss.

He was going to show the freckled boy that there could be light in the darkness. That even shattered glass could be transformed into something beautiful with the right treatment. That being broken wasn't a synonym of weakness, but of strength to fight against your own mind. A battle not everyone could win, but he had survived all along on his own.

A war he did not have to fight alone anymore.

~•●○♡I hope you enjoyed this long chapter♡○●•~