Chapter 4

The moment those words left Izuku's mouth, Katsuki felt a familiar pain in his chest. He stared at Izuku with worried eyes, watching as the boy buried his face in his hands and cried. His hands were still on the greenette's shoulders, feeling how he shook under his touch. Katsuki didn't know how to react or what to do. His heart was still beating erratically in anxiousness since he noticed his childhood friend having a nightmare the second he had walked inside the nurse's office.

Izuku simply kept crying, hands covering his mouth to silence out the sobs that threatened to come out. He was mad at himself for breaking so easily in front of Katsuki, knowing he would look at him with judgmental eyes. He didn't dare look at the blond, not wanting him to see just how useless he was at the moment. But he couldn't help it.

"Deku," Katsuki spoke, surprising Izuku with his gentle tone. His eyes snapped to look at the blond, eyes wide and teary. Katsuki had a frown etched on his face, brows furrowed in masked concern. He reluctantly pulled Izuku forward, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and resting his chin on top of his hair.

"K-Kacchan..." Izuku whispered, hands pressed against Katsuki's chest as he inhaled the sweet scent of caramel.

"It's not your fault," Katsuki whispered, making Izuku let out a strangled sob. The greenette wrapped his arms tightly around Katsuki's waist, burying his face on his shoulder as he cried. He knew that what Katsuki said was a lie. It was his fault; his mother had said so. His actions and his decisions drove his mother to suicide. He made her life miserable; she had said so!

"Since when...since when have you had nightmares?" Katsuki asked. It shattered his heart watching Izuku like that. He knew that the boy still grieved from time to time, but he didn't know that he had nightmares about that incident.

"This is the first time," Izuku lied in a whisper. Katsuki only nodded and slowly let go of the greenette. Izuku wouldn't meet his eyes, his fingers wiping away the tears that had stuck to his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry..."

"Whatever," Katsuki muttered, straightening his blazer. "If you tell anyone that I hugged you, I will kill you."

At his words, Izuku let out a forced, faint chuckle as he glanced up at him. The blond's eyes turned back to their usual emotionless glare, making Izuku's heart ache. Whatever small hope he had about Katsuki caring for him had gone down the drain. Of course he doesn't care about me. He never did.

"What are you doing here?" Izuku asked quietly, looking away from Katsuki yet again.

"The stupid teacher had me take notes for you since I was late," Katsuki explained with a scowl. Izuku gave him a small nod, frowning as he realized it was his fault. Why couldn't he do anything right?

"I'm sorry you were late. I'll make it up to you somehow." Izuku muttered, scratching the back of his neck anxiously.

"Tch, stop apologizing already. It's annoying," Katsuki rolled his eyes. "I was the one who decided to drag you down here, so it was my own fault for being late."

Izuku was about to apologize again but decided against it as he noticed Katsuki's annoyed glare. Despite being harsh to the greenette, Katsuki wanted to help him. His emotions had slipped when he saw how broken Izuku looked, making him push his pride to the side even if it was for a mere minute or two. Katsuki couldn't help but feel that Izuku had been lying to him, but no matter how much he observed the boy, nothing seemed to be wrong.

Or was Katsuki just blind to the truth?

"Here," the blond reached inside his bag and pulled out the notes, throwing them on top of Izuku's lap. "Don't lose them or I'll kill you."

"Thanks, Kacchan," Izuku said with a small chuckle. That was the second time Katsuki had threatened to kill him over a trivial thing. That was Katsuki, after all.

The sound of doors opening and small footsteps caught their attention, and they both turned their heads to see Recovery girl entering the office. The small lady noticed the two teenagers and crossed her arms. Izuku offered her a smile to show that he felt better, and she heaved a sigh before walking up to him.

"Did you get enough sleep?" Recovery girl asked. Izuku gave her a nod with a thumbs up, making the old lady narrow her brows in suspicion. "Take these and make sure to take two at least thirty minutes before you go to sleep. You need to regulate your sleep schedule in order to have better performance."

She handed him the bottle of vitamins and Izuku stared at them longingly. He had forgotten about Katsuki that was standing at the sidelines, watching their interaction with masked interest. Izuku gave Recovery Girl a smile, thanking her for her care and standing up from the bed. He put on his shoes and grabbed the notes, thanking Katsuki once again before leaving the nurse's office. Katsuki was about to make his way out as well until frail fingers wrapping around his wrist stopped him.

"Bakugo," Recovery Girl spoke, making the blonde look down at her. "Something tells me that Izuku's sleep deprivation isn't because of his studies. Please, keep an eye on him and make sure he takes his vitamins."

Katsuki offered her a small nod, frowning at her words. Why else would Izuku be sleep-deprived? Flashbacks to mere minutes ago crossed his mind as he remembered Izuku shaking and sweating in his sleep. Could it be that the greenette had lied to him about his nightmares? It couldn't be, he always knew when Izuku was lying. Right?

As Izuku walked inside the dorms, he bumped into Todoroki. The heterochromatic offered him a curt nod as a greeting, earning a wave in return. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm much better now!" Izuku said with a smile. "I only needed some rest, that's all."

"I'm glad you feel better," Todoroki said in his usual tone. He then reached into his bag—which hung loosely on his shoulder—and took out some papers. He handed them to Izuku, making the boy furrows his brows in curiosity. "I took some notes for you. Aizawa sensei had Bakugo take them, but I don't think you'll be able to understand his handwriting."

"Todoroki-kun! You didn't have to," Izuku pouted, but Todoroki just waved him off. "T-Thanks anyway! Oh, also thanks for helping me this morning. I'm sorry if I made you worry."

"Don't worry about it," Todoroki said before walking off. Izuku felt bad that the heterochromatic went out of his way to take notes for him. He shook his head and went to the kitchen, eyeing the vitamins and frowning slightly. His green eyes searched the area to make sure nobody was watching before he threw the bottle in the trash, quickly walking away to the stairs. Little did he know that ruby red eyes were watching him from the shadows.

The greenette made his way up to his dorm room silently, rubbing his eyes tiredly. His thighs ached every time he went up a step, his bandages rubbing against the fabric of his pants. The feeling made him want to scratch them, fingers twitching ever so slightly. Once he reached the second floor of the building, he went into his room and threw the notes on top of his desk.

The sunshine peeked through the thin slits of his curtains, giving the room a little bit of light. There were at least six hours left before they all had to be at their dorms for the night, so Izuku decided to change his clothes and train. He had to stay in shape, after all. He didn't want to disappoint All Might, who trusted him with his power.

Izuku looked down at his scarred hand, frowning as he remembered why he accepted the power. He thought that, maybe, having a quirk would make his mother happy and Katsuki would acknowledge him. But, oh how wrong he was. It only made them hate him more than they already did. If a quirk couldn't make them happy, what would?

Dark thoughts flooded Izuku's mind as he looked at the ground. Voices whispered inside his head, each one of them saying different things. The itchy feeling he felt earlier grew intense, his thighs aching to be cut. He automatically started scratching over his bandages desperately, his eyes snapping to his bag of toiletries.

Izuku knew that he couldn't go down to the showers to cut, there were too many people awake. He could do it in his small half-bathroom, but he feared that he might faint afterward and the blood would stain the tiles. Which only left him one last option. Ruthless training.

He threw on his red sneakers and walked out of the room, his eyes searching around for someone to spar against once he made it to the bottom floor. There were few people sitting in the common areas, few of them taking notice of him. Questions of his wellbeing were thrown at him, but he just smiled it off and told them what he had told Todoroki. It wasn't a total lie, after all.

His quest to find a partner to train with continued as he asked some of his classmates. So far, Kaminari and Iida had turned him down. Izuku's eyes then landed on Kirishima and smiled, knowing that the redhead's quirk would be perfect for training.

"Hey, Kirishima!" Izuku waved as he approached the redhead. "I was wondering if you would like to train with me?"

"Sure thing, bro!" Kirishima smiled widely, following the greenette out of the dorm buildings and over to gym gamma. They chatted along the way about basic things since they never really talked that much. Izuku knew that the redhead was a close friend of Katsuki's, even if Katsuki would say otherwise. The thought troubled him, wondering how Kirishima was able to break through that hard shell of his childhood friend.

Eventually, they reached gym gamma. They walked inside and didn't waste any time on positioning themselves, staring at each other determinedly. Izuku masked the eagerness to fight against Kirishima, longing for the bruises the redhead would leave. Training was another coping mechanism for Izuku—the pain from the fighting would leave bruises that he didn't necessarily have to cover up. It was a perfect disguise for his self-harming.

The teenagers started their training, Izuku throwing kicks and punches and Kirishima counterattacking with his hardening quirk. The redhead landed a few punches on Izuku's sides, making Izuku smile at the painful feeling. Of course, he himself had landed a few hits on his opponent; it was training after all. The training ended about half an hour later after Izuku managed to pin Kirishima down and restrict him of any movement.

They were both panting as Izuku helped his partner to his feet, offering him a smile. "Thank you for training with me, Kirishima!"

"No problem at all! Next time, I'll beat you." Kirishima grinned, wiping sweat off his forehead. "I look forward to training with you again, Midoriya."

"Me too!" Izuku chuckled as the redhead waved and left the gym. His body throbbed as it cooled down, the pain from his bruises more eminent. He smiled in satisfaction, bringing his hands to one of his bruises and pressing down on it. Great! Now whenever he wanted to feel pain but couldn't cut, he would just press down on his bruises. Perfect disguise for self-harming, indeed.

Izuku walked around the school grounds absentmindedly for the remaining hours, sitting down on a bench when he noticed the sun starting to set. The wind became chilly, and the darkness overtook the pinks and purples, just like it did his mind. He knew that he had to be in his dorms in a few minutes or else he would get in trouble.

After he walked inside the dorms, he took a quick shower, engaging in small talk with Tokoyami, Ojiro, and Iida that were also showering in their own stalls. Izuku's stomach grumbled lowly as he walked inside the kitchen after his shower, realizing that he hadn't eaten anything throughout the day. He didn't really feel like eating anything, so he settled for a chocolate chip cookie and milk. Once he finished, he cleaned his glass and went upstairs, unaware of the angry blond that stalked behind him with a certain bottle of vitamins.