Chapter 14

Katsuki was speechless, his brain not registering the impact of his body against the bedroom wall. All that his mind was focused on was the horrifying image of Izuku's thighs. He didn't even notice how the freckled boy scattered over to his half bathroom in panic, slamming the door so hard it made the floor shake.

Izuku was experiencing probably his worst panic attack yet. His secret was officially out in the open and the one to find out about it was the person he least wanted to find out. His breathing came out in painful spasms and his vision became blurry because of the lack of oxygen.

You're so stupid! You useless idiot!

"Deku!" Katsuki pounded on the door after coming to his senses. His head throbbed painfully, but he ignored it. He couldn't leave the greenette alone inside that bathroom. To say he was afraid of what Izuku might do was an understatement.

"N-No! Go a-away!" Izuku managed to let out through gasps. He was kneeling on the ground in front of the door, hands gripping his green curls in desperation. The blood from his cuts kept running down his thighs, eventually reaching the floor and staining it with its crimson color. His chest constricted painfully as he started feeling faint, eyes burning and body trembling.

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to fucking leave you alone!" Katsuki shouted, twisting the doorknob desperately. He was panicking, his heart beating erratically against his ribcage. His ruby eyes fell on Izuku's things that had fallen on the floor a few minutes ago. Rushing over to them, he picked the small bag of toiletries and opened it up, turning it over and letting whatever was inside fall out.

When his eyes scanned over the items, his heart dropped, a string of curses leaving his mouth. He felt nauseous as he stared at the blood stained razor blade among other regular things, making the situation even more real. He hated himself so much at that moment.

How could he never notice?

No. That wasn't right.

How could he ignore such clear signs? How could he convince himself that Izuku was alright all those times? It was obvious that the nerd wasn't fucking fine! Why did he let this happen?!

Katsuki rushed back to the bathroom door, pounding on it a few more times. He could hear Izuku gasping for air, and he grew even more desperate. He had to find a way to open the door without destroying it. Aizawa could easily expel him for destroying yet another door with his quirk. He needed to get through to Izuku, and fast.

"Deku, please," Katsuki pleaded, leaning his forehead against the door. Whatever pride he had vanished into thin air. He couldn't hide the concern in his voice, the desperation. "I need you to open the door, please."

Izuku was about to pass out on the bathroom floor. His chest and throat hurt and his lungs still wouldn't open up to let some air in. Even so, he tried focusing on Katsuki's voice.

"God dammit, Deku!" Katsuki exclaimed, running his hands through his spiky hair. Izuku was not responding. "You will leave me no other choice than to call the teacher. Hell, I'll even call fucking All Might if necessary."

Those words were the ones to catch Izuku's attention. His eyes widened in fear. If Aizawa or All Might found out, it would be over for him. He would much rather face Katsuki's wrath than have the two pro heroes find out about his current situation. So, with whatever little strength he had left, he reached towards the doorknob and twisted the lock.

The moment Katsuki heard the click of the door unlocking he barged inside the bathroom, accidentally pushing Izuku. The blond cursed under his breath and immediately went to the nerd's aid. "Fucking hell, Deku!"

"Kacchan..." Izuku whispered, finally starting to calm down. His chest felt heavy as he took deep breaths, and his skin was coated in cold sweat.

"Shh, don't talk." Katsuki frowned, grabbing Izuku from under his armpits and lifting him up from the floor to sit him down on the toilet lid. He rushed to get his first-aid kit then knelt in front of the greenette, opening it with shaky hands.

"No...don't," Izuku said, trying to get the first-aid kit from Katsuki. The blond slapped his hands away with a scowl, proceeding to grab what he needed.

"What do you mean by fucking 'don't'?! You're fucking bleeding, for crying out loud!" Katsuki growled.

"I-I can do it," Izuku stuttered out, not wanting him to see his thighs for a second time.

"Shut up and stay still, I need to clean your wounds before you get an infection," Katsuki said, ignoring what the greenette said. Izuku would not comply.

"Please, Kacchan. I—"

"Just shut up already!" Katsuki exclaimed, making Izuku flinch and look to the side with a frown. His heart sank knowing that he had made the blond angry. Tears welled up in his eyes, an immense feeling of self-hatred bubbling inside his chest.

You're such an inconvenience. His mother's voice sneered in his mind.

Katsuki noticed how the greenette tensed up and didn't miss the expression he did before he turned his head. Soaking a cotton ball with some hydrogen peroxide, he let out a sigh.

"Shit, no. I– dammit, please don't cry. I'm not mad at you, I just–" Katsuki trailed off, not knowing what to say for once. His hands trembled as he reached for the hem of Izuku's shorts and slowly lifted them up to reveal once again those dreadful cuts.

Izuku wanted to curl up in a ball and hide in a corner. He could hear Katsuki's sharp intake of air as he examined the cuts. Hugging himself, the greenette buried his nails on his sides, feeling disgusted with himself.

"This will sting," Katsuki muttered, placing the cotton ball against one of his bleeding cuts. Izuku flinched a little, but made no other indication of it hurting. Deciding to finish his sentence from earlier, the blond spoke up once again. "I'm...mad at myself, Izuku."

Hearing his actual name come out of Katsuki's mouth had the freckled boy snapping his head towards him. Not only did he not called him "Deku", he spoke with such softness and vulnerability that it caught him off guard.

"I have been such a prideful asshole towards you that I kept hurting you even though I knew there was something wrong with you," Katsuki frowned, continuing to clean his cuts. Izuku's heart fluttered inside his chest, listening intently to what he had to say. "Fucking hell, I knew there was something wrong, yet instead of helping you I only made it worse."

"You didn't–"

"Of course I did! You've been screaming for help for so, so long, but I fucking chose to ignore it. I could've prevented this!" Katsuki hissed, feeling his eyes begin to burn as he tossed away the bloodied cotton ball and replaced it. "I–dammit, for how long, Izuku?"

"...what?" Izuku whispered, looking away when the blond looked up at him.

"Don't play dumb. For how fucking long has this been going on? And please, for the love of All Might, don't lie to me." Katsuki said, going back to tending his cuts. It was painfully obvious that it had been going on for a long time. Beneath the recent wounds and scars were traces of faded ones. That fact made Katsuki's heart sink even lower.

"A year, give or take," Izuku admitted quietly. Katsuki nodded slowly in acknowledgment, proceeding to apply ointment in the cuts. They both stayed silent while Katsuki finished, wrapping the bandages around each thigh and securing them.

"I won't try to pry more information out of you for now, but we're going to continue this conversation later. Right now you need to change out of those clothes and treat your knuckles. I'm going to get something to eat for the both of us." The blond said after putting the first-aid kit aside. "Take this time to breathe and don't try anything stupid, ya' hear me?"

Izuku could only nod in response, not making any type of eye contact. Reluctantly, Katsuki left the bathroom and left the greenette to his dangerous thoughts. He didn't want to leave Izuku alone, but he didn't want to make him feel more overwhelmed than he already did.

Izuku felt emotionally drained. He didn't know what to make of the situation. It had only been an hour ago that Katsuki said he didn't care, yet...he treated his wounds so carefully and spoke with such softness that it contradicted those words.

He just pities you. Don't get your hopes up.

But what if there was a possibility that he didn't? That he genuinely cared?

Katsuki has been a hothead for the majority of his life. He would never admit that he was worried, sad, happy, or embarrassed. So hearing him say he was mad at himself just minutes ago had the greenette in shock. Did he meant what he said?

He would much rather see you dead.

Izuku didn't know what to believe anymore.

A light kick to his shin had him snapping out of his thoughts and looking up. Katsuki was looking down at him with a raised eyebrow, holding two cup noodles in his hands. "You can move from that spot, you know?"

"Sorry," Izuku mumbled, standing up and going to the sink. He didn't say anything else while he quickly treated his knuckles and stepped outside of the bathroom.

The first thing he noticed was his scattered things on the floor. Alarmed, he searched for his razor blade with his eyes, trying not to seem obvious. Katsuki caught on, though. "If you're searching for that thing, I got rid of it. Ain't no way in hell I'm letting you near it again."

Izuku turned to look at Katsuki with a glare, but bit the inside of his cheeks to hold back a protest. He couldn't let him see how much it affected him. He had taken away his best coping mechanism! What was he supposed to do now?!

Silently, he looked for some new clothes and went to the bathroom to get changed, coming out shortly. Katsuki handed him one of the cup noodles and sat down on his desk chair, running a hand through his hair. "This is the easiest and fastest thing to make. Eat up then rest, we still have to prepare for Tsukauchi's questioning tomorrow."

It was all a problem after another. When would poor Izuku finally have a break from it all?

With that thought in mind, Izuku sighed and ate his food, although he wasn't really hungry. They cleaned up the mess afterwards and laid the futon down for Izuku to sleep in. Katsuki mumbled a short goodnight before the both of them went to sleep, although none of them really rested that night.