Chapter 1

Izuku felt like he was falling.

Everything around him was a dark abyss, even with his eyes open. He didn't know if he was falling or just floating in nothingness. Although the wind that gushed from bellow him making his hair and arms flail upwards made it clear that he was, indeed, falling.

He was supposed to panic, wasn't he? At least he thought he was supposed to. He didn't know why he was falling, or how long he would be falling for, or if he would ever reach rock bottom. But why would he panic about something that made him feel calm? Something that made him feel...at peace.

The quietness he always longed, the only sound coming from the wind. Where was the wind coming from?

Ah yes, he really enjoyed the silence. His mind could finally relax from the countless voices that would constantly taunt him. Voices that reminded him of things he already knew. He didn't need them to make him realize those things, he could do that by himself pretty well.

A white lily suddenly appeared from below him, falling much slower than him, passing by his side and floating up as he went down. Then another one, and another, until there were countless lilies floating around him. Hi, mom. Izuku thought, stretching his arm sideways to touch a petal of one of the many lilies lingering by his side. They were his mother's favorite flower.

When his pointer finger came in contact with the flower, a small amount of red substance dripped from it. He heard as it dripped into something underneath, catching his attention. His body turned around in the air, facing downwards to see what awaited his downfall. Green orbs widened at the sight, his breath catching in his throat.

All he could see was a garden of lilies...spread over an ocean of blood.

Izuku opened his mouth to let out a scream, but no sound came out. He fell into the ocean of blood, flailing his arms and legs around to try and swim to the top. It didn't matter how much he tried, he only sank deeper and deeper, the now blood-stained lilies sinking with him.

Why, mom? Izuku cried in his mind. Why did you leave me alone?

Pale hands reached out to him, making his eyes widen. They were his mother's hands, slowly closing in on both sides of his face. Slowly, her face came into view, irises red and malignant. Her voice came out as static, her hands now making their way to his neck.

"You made me miserable." She whispered, her fingers digging into Izuku's neck. The blood suddenly started choking him along with his mother's fingers, suffocating him. He tried to breathe but failed miserably as more of the blood made its way into his lungs. I'm sorry, mom.

Izuku jolted awake by the sound of his alarm, his breathing heavy and clothes soaked in sweat. He was coughing, the remnants of his nightmare still prominent. He stumbled out of the bed to try and hit the snooze button on his alarm clock. Much to his dismay, his legs got tangled up in the bedsheets making him fall face-first onto the floor, the alarm clock going down with him. There was a loud cracking sound, the annoying blare of the alarm coming to a stop.

Izuku let out a groan of exasperation, slowly picking himself off the floor and rubbing his now sore face. His cheeks were still wet from the tears he shed, and his clothes stuck to his body uncomfortably. The green-haired boy scoffed, irritated by how pathetic he was. He headed to the half bathroom in his dorm, picking up his toothbrush to brush his teeth. He didn't even bother looking at himself in the mirror, knowing that he would look like a mess.

After brushing his teeth, he trudged to his closet to pull out his school uniform. His eyes searched around his All Might themed dorm, looking for his towel that was draped over the headboard of his bed. His feet dragged him over to it and he picked it up—along with his small bag of toiletries—and made his way out of his room. It was eerily quiet in the hallway, but that was to be expected considering it was barely a few minutes past six in the morning.

He made his way down the stairs, not bothering to take the elevator considering the common room was only one floor down. There were very few lights on, the common room being dimly lit by them. Izuku hung his head low, eyes focused on his bare feet walking the oh-so-familiar path to the showers. Distracted in his little trance, he didn't notice a certain sandy blond haired boy standing a few feet in front of him.

Katsuki had his back to the green-eyed boy, earbuds tucked into both of his ears blasting loud music. He wore a black tank top and basketball shorts, certainly ready for his daily morning run. The time bomb was eating a piece of toast, that was until Izuku accidentally bumped into him from the back. The piece of toast fell from Katsuki's mouth onto the carpeted floor, making the blonde scowl in dissatisfaction and turn around.

"Oi! Watch where you're going, you damn nerd!" Katsuki spat irritated, snatching the earbuds from his ears. Izuku's shoulders tensed, his gaze quickly meeting Katsuki's ruby eyes nervously.

"I-I'm sorry, Kacchan." He quickly apologized, not wanting to anger his childhood friend. Although he always wondered if Katsuki was ever really his friend.

"Tch," Katsuki scoffed. "You made me waste a good piece of toast!"

"I can make you another one if you want." Izuku offered, adverting his gaze.

"You should! But thanks to you I'm already late for my run, so thanks for nothing," Katsuki scowled. "You reek! When was the last time you showered?"

"O-Oh, I was just lifting weights in my room before coming down," Izuku lied easily. "I'll be going now, don't want to make you later than you already are."

With that, Izuku hurried away. In his hurry, however, his bag of toiletries fell from his hands. The items inside the bag spilled on the floor, and Izuku let out a quiet curse before bending down. He picked up the items in a rush, not bothering to put them correctly inside the bag as he rushed to the bathroom. He gazed over his shoulder momentarily to where Katsuki was standing and noticed the blond looking at him with a serious expression.

As the greenette boy disappeared behind the bathroom doors, Katsuki kept staring in his direction quizzically. He had seen one particular item the nerd had dropped, an item that spiked his curiosity as to why the boy had it. Izuku might have not noticed yet, but Katsuki was always studying him. Especially after what happened with his mother, Inko.

The only ones who knew about the incident were him, Izuku, All Might, and their homeroom teacher Aizawa. Katsuki wouldn't admit to it out loud, but he was heartbroken when he received the news. His mother cried for the entire day and had Izuku stay over for the night, not wanting the frail boy to be left alone. The two boys barely exchanged words, both of them too absorbed in shock and disbelief. Katsuki had wanted to comfort the boy, but he didn't know how to.

A quick glance at the time had the blond muttering profanities under his breath, leaving the piece of toast on the floor and heading for the front doors. He threw his running shoes on before heading out the doors, the chilly morning breeze kissing his skin as he put his earbuds back in place. His gaze wandered to the dorm building one last time before he started jogging away to commence his daily morning run.

Izuku stood with his back pressed against the wall in panic. He hadn't expected to run into Katsuki, obviously, which sent him into a slight panic mode. He re-checked his bag to make sure he had everything, and surely enough, he did. He let out a relieved sigh, knowing that Katsuki most likely didn't see his razor blade.

The freckled boy grabbed it with shaky hands, a small smile gracing his lips. He went inside one of the shower stalls, putting his things aside and undressing. He threw the pile of sweaty clothes by his side, not caring if they got wet. He turned the knob in front of him, setting the water temperature to hot. The water was cold at first, making him flinch a little before warming up until it reached the scorching hot temperature he enjoyed.

His cuts from the past few days stung as the water made contact with them. Multiple red lines decorating his pale thighs, dancing across his skin like a cursed canvas. It was such an ideal place to cut, a blind spot for prying eyes. Nobody would ever notice as long as it was not on his arms...nobody should ever notice.

The pain was his only coping mechanism. He deserved pain after all he has done. Death was too merciful for him. He had to suffer—he had to feel pain. At least until the voices told him that it was enough, until they were pleased. Until his mother was convinced that he had suffered more than she had. Until his father deemed him worthy of his presence...

Until Katsuki didn't find him useless anymore.

Just then, he could finally take the swan dive off the roof of the building like Katsuki wanted.

He would be at peace knowing that he made them all happy, then he could finally take his own life. Just thinking about it was exhilarating, although it still wasn't time. He had to keep up his façade for a little bit longer, hopefully not too long.

Suffer.

The hand holding the razor blade moved in autopilot, pressing the sharp edge to his skin and dragging it horizontally. He hissed as the hot water met his now open wound, but he smiled, nonetheless. Tears prickled his eyes and ran down freely down his face, dripping from his chin into the now bloody water that pooled under his feet. He needed more—he craved more.

He kept slashing at his skin continuously, watching the blood ooze from his multiple cuts and trail down his legs. That's enough, for now.

He cried silently as he cleaned the razor, putting it back inside the small toiletries bag. The pain was so much that it made him dizzy, which was perfect. His breathing became frantic as he held a hand to his chest, smiling widely. He was aware that the rest of his class would be waking up soon, so he cleaned himself up and turned the water off.

Bandages were a part of his toiletries; he wouldn't want the cuts to bleed through his pants. He wrapped them around his now treated wounds before throwing his boxers and school uniform on. He ruffled the towel through his hair, trying to get rid of as much water as he could. Grabbing his things, he took one last glance at the mirror to make sure he looked normal. Once he was convinced he looked decent, he walked out of the bathroom to be greeted by his classmates.