I had to go to a wedding the other day (I hate weddings) and the bride wasn't even old enough to drink (which I think is too young, but what do I know) and me, being the awkward person I am, bought her a bottle of wine for her shower the week before. Then I realized I can't give it to her, because it's illegal to serve to minors. So she ended up with a nice card and some money. And I have free wine.

This will be interesting.

Anyway, let's talk about something I always get asked about: What is a 'Strong' Female Character?

I have a list of what I typically see as criteria for "strong" female characters. And of course I have commentary on what I think about that...shall we begin.

1. She's always the best at everything

She's beautiful. She's smart. She can kick a guy's ass and not chip a nail.

Never been in a fight before? Watch her run up this wall, do a back flip, then land an uppercut before choke holding the guy and putting him in an arm bar.

She lives in a magical world? She's the chosen one! No one's powers are stronger than hers. She doesn't even need a team to help her beat the villain. There just there because why not.

She lives in a dystopian society. Don't worry. She'll single handedly overthrow the government even though she's never done anything in her life.

Give me a break. I'm so tired of these things, because I've seen them. I'm no longer impressed by any of them. They don't make you strong, they make you pointless. What's the point of reading a story if there is no urgency? If the MC is so strong and badass that she can literally do anything then I'm never going to wonder how the conflict turns out. I already know she wins so I'm not going to waste my time reading. Trust me, I have better things to do.

Instead, I'd like to see her have flaws. Okay, so she's not strong enough to punch a guy and knock him out ("The heart punch. It's a strong man's punch." 10,000 points if you can name the movie that quote comes from) but what if she's really smart and can set up traps? What if she isn't the chosen one? Maybe she's smart enough to use her group's strengths to their advantages. Maybe she has a kickass work ethic that makes her push herself past her limits just to accomplish her goals.

I just want to see someone struggle. It's the most amazing thing in the world to see someone struggle and pull through. Everyone loves that.

Work smarter, not harder. They don't have to be the best. They just have to be smart. They have to be on their game.

Which leads me to my next point:

2. She never needs help

Honestly, it's a hell of a lot harder to ask for help than it is to suffer in silence. It is for me, at least. Because I don't like people to know I have weaknesses. I don't want people to see me as a liability. I don't like relying on other people. And I know a lot of people do the same with their "strong" female characters.

But that's not good. Not at all. If you need help on something, but you don't get help, do you know what happens? You don't learn. You don't get better. You don't accomplish things to the best of your ability.

More than I want to see someone be independent, I want to see them grow. I want to see them learn and challenge themselves. I want to see them step back, assess the situation, and realize that in order for them to be their best and do their best, they need help. They need to better themselves. That's what I want.

And let me let you in on a secret: no one gives a shit that you need help. They're not going to think less of you. If anything, they'll think more of you for trying your heart out to accomplish your goals.

When I ran track I ended up being my coach's go to. As soon as we got to a meet, I had to get dressed, stretched out, and ready, because sometimes he's throw me in events I wasn't even supposed to do because someone went missing or there was a miscommunication or someone panicked or whatever. And my weakest event was always hurdles (because I was scared of them because a little mishap when I was little).

And it killed me that my entire first two years I'd be terrified when he asked me to run off a set for him, because I knew I wouldn't perform at a higher level than my competition and that's not what an athlete wants. So one day, I swallowed my pride and asked my best friend to help me out and he didn't care to at all. We spent months after school, working hours after practice on it until I could run them with my eyes closed. I could run off a 300 hurdle without batting an eye then turn around and breeze down a 100, because I worked so hard. And I've never been more proud of myself.

No one thought it was weak that I had to ask someone to work with me so my steps were always accurate. No one thought less of me that I had to have someone perfect my posture. No one thought anything negative. They didn't care. So I promise no one will care if your character needs help. Promise.

And if they do, just remember, it's harder to admit your weaknesses than it is to flaunt your strengths.

3. She never shows emotions

My track coach's motto was: You never let them see you cry. Ever. And I remember when I had my serious injury at districts, I wouldn't let them help me up until I had the tears out of my eyes. I refused to get up until I had it as under control as I could get it. Then when we got back to the trainer's office, my coach came in, took one look at me, and told me I could cry. He had to actually tell me I could have emotions. And I bawled my eyes out because it hurt so bad.

And you know what? I don't think any of those girls would have cared to see me cry out there. You don't pull muscles out of your chest and bounce right up without at least flinching and there was no way in hell they expected me to do that. But I refused to let them see me cry. Not because I wanted them to think I was tough. Not because I made it weak.

Because my coach told me not to cry. I made that promise and I intended to keep it. So when he told me to break it, you bet your ass I did. So I'll give it to you, there's a time when it's okay for a heroine to not show emotions. But if I'd shown emotion then, no one would have thought less of me (in fact, they obviously didn't think more of me that I didn't cry, because I'm sure no one even remembers it). People shouldn't be judged as "strong" or "weak" based on how they react.

Our reactions make us unique. Something that might irritate me might give someone else anxiety. Things that I think are hilarious, my roommate gets angry at. Things that make me cry sometimes make other people laugh. You can't tell how tough a person is based solely on how they react to things, because there is no guide for the right way and the wrong way.

If the weight of the world is on your shoulders, everything is going wrong, and it's all up to you (which is how stories go), it's okay to be emotional. I don't want a play-by-play of "poor me", but I also don't think it's fair to ask that she be stone faced. If I'm following this character's life, public and private moments, then I want to see those dark moments too. I want the good with the bad. I want the tears and the laughs. I want the anger and the fear. I want to feel a million things, because I don't want to go numb.

Never having emotions makes your reader go numb and there is nothing worse for a story than having your readers feel nothing.

4. She never reacts to tragedy

The biggest thing I've seen for a "sure fire way to tell if a heroine is 'strong'" is the fact that she faces tragedy/trauma and isn't even phased. A lot of well revered "strong" characters are raped, kidnapped, tortured, abused, etc. and never even flinch. Okay, I know I just said that everyone reacts differently, but c'mon.

Not every woman can just not react to something like that. You don't put getting past something like that in a story just to make someone tough, you know why? Because tough is living with that. It's knowing you don't get passed that. It's going to be with you forever and you have to live with it. You have to adjust. You have to adapt.

It's easy to pretend nothing happened. It's easy to pretend to be fine. It's not so easy to admit you have problems.

Just because you "got over it" doesn't make you strong. It makes me think you're hiding something from me. And I don't like when characters hide things that never come into play.

Let's think about this before we just throw these things in a story. They aren't cute little details you can add for drama. They're events that shape the way you are and the way you aren't. You can't sweep it under the rug.

5. She's always a "badass"

And by badass I mean they're rude. They're arrogant. They're disrespectful. They're assholes.

What's wrong with being nice? Why is that such a weak thing? I love being nice. LOVE it. That's why I always thank new followers. I thank everyone that's voted for any of my work. I reply to every comment I get. I just do. I think it's nice people take time out of their lives to do these things for me, so I should at least thank them, right? I love being nice. I don't see how being nice could ever be overrated.

You know something? Anyone can be rude. I can sit here and throw insults all day. Everyone can. You know what's hard?

Being polite to people that make you want to rip their head off. It's hard to let someone tell you how bad you suck and how much better they are than you then turn around and just smile politely and tell them you're sorry they feel that way.

I was always taught that you don't tell people how great you are. You show them. If I have to tell you I'm great at something, that means I'm not confident enough in my abilities that I think you'll be able to pick up on them if I just show you.

So don't let your characters tell me what a badass they are. Show me. So the mean girl is making fun of her. Don't slap her. Any idiot can slap someone. Smile. Tell them you don't want to be rude, but you have to go to class, then go in there and kick that test's ass. Succeed in life.

Success and happiness is the best revenge for any bully/villain/problem. Let your character's succeed in the face of adversity. Don't let them get caught up on proving their strength. Let them develop it as they work to succeed.

That's all I have, but I'm so interested in what you have to say. What do you think makes a strong female character? Maybe we'll talk about it more. If you have anything to add or to suggest I'd love to hear it, because I think this is important. I think we need strong women. I just don't think we're getting them so much as being told they're strong. So lemme know what you think.

I don't have a funny story, but people get mad when I don't end with something. So, lemme think. Oh! I've been helping my best friend with this project thing (I don't wanna explain), but we have to actually talk. We can't just text. So I hadn't called him in a few days and I called him yesterday and he sounded all weird, so I asked him if he was okay.

And he just started blubbering about all these weird things. So I thought he was legitimately crying and it almost made me cry, because I've seen him cry a total of two times in my entire twenty whatever years of knowing him (and once was when he was in the hospital and his ribs were all collapsed and whatnot (and we just talked about how it's okay to have emotions, but I'm telling you he doesn't and it drive me crazy which is why it drives me crazy when characters don't)) and I thought he was really stressed out. Then, right when I was on the brink of tears, he started laughing and told me he was just fucking with me. He had just woke and has a cold which is why he sounded weird. He was not crying.

And this, people, is why I have so much anxiety about talking to people on the phone. I never know when they're serious. Seriously. If you ever call me (I don't know why you would), 9 times out of 10 I let it go to voicemail. Hell, I don't even answer when my dad calls. Text me. Email me. Write me a letter. Don't call me.

If people didn't like to play pranks on me I might be a more social person. Until then, I'll just hang out over here and be skeptic. And read everything with angry undertones. I always feel like people are mad at me. And they have every right to be. Because I talk about stupid things. But that's your story. I know how much you love hearing things where I end up looking like an idiot. It's cool. I do too.