I’ve had about a billion and one requests for this, so here…I’ll try not to turn it into mushy gushy vomit time: Top Five Things to know about Falling for the Best Friend 

Pretty much every other girl with a guy for a best friend is going to hate me for this, because it feels like I’m feeding the “opposite sexes can’t be just friends” stereotype, but I promise I’m not. In fact, I want to hopefully promote the opposite with my nifty list (also, this was my experience. Don’t take it as a strict guide…weirder things have happened).

1. At least one person will have gone through a shift in personality

That’s been the biggest thing I’ve always had to tell people: no I wasn’t always crazy about him. As a best friend, yeah, but as something else, no. That’s because who he is now isn’t the same person who was my best friend when I was a kid.

Honestly (and don’t try to deny it) everyone goes through a personality shift. Usually, it’s around eighteen-nineteen (that stage after high school, right on the edge of your twenties). For most people it’s not a completely drastic change. (Apparently it’s called growing up? Some people do it quickly…some people slowly…some people never).  But some people have quite a few major personality shifts (usually brought on by that lovely trauma we’ve talked about in other chapters).

My best friend’s happened around the time he started doing drugs and ended when he got clean and back on track. It was the point between his accident and his relapse and rehab that I realized I liked him as something other than a best friend.

And it freaked me out, because he was just so different. Really, it was kind of scary. I remember the first time I saw him in the hospital I realized he didn’t even look the same. He went from sixteen to twenty-five overnight. His voice didn’t even sound the same to me. It was freaky.

And where, when we were younger, he was kind of shy personality, he suddenly had this “do or die” personality. I mean, he’s a completely different person than when we were kids and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. He was nice then and now. He’s always been a great guy, but now he’s more laidback. I like that.

So really, I’m not exactly with my best friend.

My old best friend died. This guy is new. No one ever writes about that aspect, but it’s been true for most people I know that have a romantic relationship with their best friend. Maybe someone can write that? There doesn’t have to be an exact moment, though (some people struggle coming up with a moment). It’s really kind of a stretched out ordeal for the most part. (Changing who you are takes time)

I mean, if you ask him the moment he started having a thing for me he always says he doesn’t know, but somewhere around when I was fifteen/sixteen (so about the same time), because, ironically, that was when I went through a different personality shift of my own.

And, that being said:

2. Timing is incredibly hard

For us, at least. That’s the one thing we’ve never gotten right. See, I had a thing for him while he was in rehab. Then, he got out of rehab and decided he had a thing for me, but I was dating another guy. (And my best friend’s pretty honest about not knowing whether he actually liked me because he felt bad about how I was being treated in that relationship or because he just couldn’t have me, so that’s fun).

Then, I broke up with that guy, but my best friend had a thing with another girl (actually, it was a married woman (though I feel very protective of him and have to clarify that they broke up as soon as he found out she had a husband).)

Then we were both single, but he was way behind in school and buried in bills, so he didn’t have time for a real relationship (plus, high schoolers are hardly mature enough for the most part). Then he got caught up and suddenly I was caught up in my own personal issues and didn’t have time. And that went on back and forth for about two years.

Then we got together halfway through our senior year and didn’t tell anyone, because why should we? Then we started being a public thing for a few months after graduation, but then he moved eight hours away for a job and I moved two hours away for school, and now we’re ten hours apart and kind of at a standstill.

So that’s how good we are at timing.

3. The moment it goes from “friend” to “more than friend”

It’s hard for me to explain this part, but I’ll do my best. You’re going to get confused. The best way to describe it is that we were simply just 100% best friend for sixteen years, then for about two years we were best friends that sometimes kissed when we were bored.

We didn’t do it in front of people (because neither of us like PDA anyway and that’s a lot of commitment), but it wasn’t weird for us to be hanging out and kind of drift in and out of being just friends and being boyfriend/girlfriend, if that makes sense? That doesn’t make sense…it makes us sounds like friends with benefits…I guess that works. Think of it how you will. I don’t give a fuck.

But I remember the night it went from being best friends that kissed sometimes to more than just best friends, because it was a strange moment. It was February of my senior year (the 7th, not that anyone cares) and we were in the gym alone, playing basketball after practice. And I remember he stole the ball, threw it at the bleachers, and kissed me and my reaction was a very loud “what the hell?” because I realized that it was different. It wasn’t just a casual moment like we’d been used to for those two years. The atmosphere and our attitudes were completely different. 

And it took a lot of talking after that to get things sorted out.

Usually characters are all “I’ve waited so long for you to do that”, but I was a little more on edge. And I think it surprised him too, because I remember him apologizing a lot. That’s a lot more fun to read about than gory romance.

4. People either love it or think it’s really weird

There’s not much of an in-between. Love it or hate it. Some people (who believe that boys and girls can’t be just friends) think it’s all cute and wonderful and romantic and blah blah blah.

Other people get really creeped out (and they always ask “isn’t it like dating your brother?” No. Nothing like that, because I don’t think of him as a brother. I get that I’m from Arkansas but it’s more ignorant for people to believe we actually marry siblings down here than it is for me to think about someone I’m romantically interested in as a brother…(also, just for future reference, most people aren’t married to their cousin here either))

Some people are going to have trouble accepting it. I always see stories where it’s just a happy ending on all fronts, but that’s not usually the case. It takes a lot of people by surprise (why do you think we waited until after we graduated to say anything) and I think it would be more fun to read about that aspect instead of the fairy tale ending.

5. It’ll probably be less romantic than a conventional relationship

Maybe it’s just because neither of us are romantics (?) but I like that we hardly ever have those awful, gushy moments. Honestly, we don’t. The last text I got from him was “who’s the bitch now?” and a picture of the time and distance he ran on his treadmill (because we always say that after we workout with a better time than the other).

We really don’t go overboard. You know those people that send flowers all the time and are always taking pictures together and posting them on social media and are always making out in public and set selfies of each other as their lock screens and constantly change their social media statuses to “I’m so in love” or “I’m really missing my boo” after they’ve been apart for a day? Yeah, we make fun of those people.

I think our relationship is best described in a conversation we had a while ago where I told him I was an idiot and he replied “the problem isn’t that you’re a dumbass, it’s that you’re my dumbass.” The feeling is mutual, my friend. The feeling is mutual.

At the end of this whole, awful rant, I must state that I’m a huge believe that boys and girls can be just best friend. It can happen, I promise. Don’t feel compelled to have romance between a boy and girl best friend. They can be just friends. It’s okay. I promise no one will die from it.

Also, I had this really cool idea that I want someone to write: what if the female MC falls for their best friend…but their best friend is also a girl? I think there would be a lot of great things to explore in that. Or an unrequited love where the girl is in love with the guy (or girl, I don’t give a shit), but s/he doesn’t feel the same (because I see it the other way around a lot and she always changes her mind in the end).

But I think there’s a lot more to falling for a best friend that the simple “I woke up and realized I loved him” drama I see here all the time.

Hopefully I didn’t bore you guys…or make you throw up in your mouth. Not gonna lie, I’m not even going to read over this one for quick mistake fixes, because I’m going to gag. I hate talking about this, but, regardless, someone has to.

Examples are more helpful than strict bitching, in my opinion.