Where have I been? Busy. But let's talk about: Things Writers Should Do With Male Characters

1. Realize that males can have emotions

I feel like everyone always focuses on the big emotions, like how it's okay for guys to cry, and I like that. I'm on board with letting our male characters cry. Why not?

I'm also on board with them feeling other things. I'm telling you, arrogance and aggression are the only two emotions I ever see a male character have on Wattpad. But why can't they get jealous? Why can't they get annoyed? Why can't they be bouncing off the walls happy? We attach crying to the word "emotional", but that's not always the case. It doesn't have to be that.

I think a lot of girls don't realize that guys can have a lot of intense emotions, because all too often they're portrayed as the calmer of the two genders. I see it a lot in female writers trying to write in a male POV that they cut off all emotions. They stick to only fact and while that might be okay for certain characters, it's not a dead giveaway for a male.

If you have trouble thinking about this, I want you to take a step back and think about male songwriters. Women get a lot of shit for writing about their emotions and singing about them, but men do the exact same thing and no one really cares that much. So no one is going to care if your male character has emotions outside wanting to fight or screw.

For example, the other day (I keep saying the other day, but really I mean last month, just work with me) when I was with my best friend, he was doing this work interview thing (I don't know. I'm not very attentive when there's a dog in my midst and I was totally playing with his dog when I was supposed to be paying attention. What do you want from me? I'm pretty much a five year old), I overheard him say "I'm getting all emotional over here." I don't know the context. I don't know if he was kidding. All I know is I heard him say that. So there. He's of the male species. He said he was getting emotional. I have just provided you with concrete truth that males can have emotions.

Call me detective.

2. Give them an actual POV

For once I want to read a male POV that is more than just strict observation. I don't want to hear about how "She had big tits and her ass looked great in those pants". That's not a male POV, that's just a dick (haha, Addy jokes).

If you're going to do first person POV, then I want some biases. You can't do first person and then just give facts. You might as well do third if you want to do that. Give your character a personality. Let them think about what they see. Let them make comments. It's not that guys only state what they can tangibly see and feel. No. They have biases. They attach emotions to things. Just like girls. We need to get over this gender divide.

Let's play a game. I'll go through my text messages with my best friend and we'll see how many times he tells me thing things that aren't strictly observations. We'll focus on things that have emotion words. Rules clear? Okay. Go.

"You think you get sinus infections from too much cocaine? Or is that something my parents told me so I wouldn't do drugs? I'm very concerned about this." (Random bartending musings)

"My soul feels empty this cloudy Tuesday morning." (I have no idea. He sent it to me after he got off work, so your guess is as good as mine.)

"Dude I'm tired tonight. Emotionally charged day bro." (Because tired is a feeling. He didn't just say he was going to bed.)

"I'm so mad" (He thought he left his guitar at work. He did not, because it was followed by "False alarm. I'm better")

"You ever cry when you listen to old Blink songs? I don't. But you might." (More bartender musings. But he thought about crying, so it counts, right?)

"I'm kinda excited" (Excited is a feeling.)

"I sympathy" (Pretty sure he meant sympathize. I just responded with "Hi, Sympathy. I'm Addy." Dad jokes.)

Sure. He has his moments of strick observation. But it's not always "the sky is blue", "the grass is green". Sometimes it's "Wait until you smell it. I can't really describe it. Kind of like [an old guy we used to know]'s house maybe? Old man and dog?" (Don't even ask. But that's more than an observation. He attached a memory. A bias. He proved my point!)

3. They don't always have to come to the rescue

Sometimes they're the one needing rescued! I like independence and strong people as much as the next person, but I'm starting to get a little weary of how high of a price we put on a character that can do everything. I don't like that.

I like someone that is strong enough to admit when they need help. No, I don't want other people to do everything for them, but at some point, you have to realize that it's not good to put that much pressure on someone. I get we want strong characters for role models, but you do realize that if you don't ask for help on things you can't handle or don't understand doesn't make you weak, right? If you refuse to ask for help when you actually need it then you're refusing a great learning experience and I think that's almost as bad as not doing anything for yourself.

So it's okay to let our female characters be the ones that come to the rescue if a male character needs it. It's okay to ask for help that you actually need!

I'm tired of seeing the knight in shining armor swoop in and save the day. Sometimes they swoop in and accidentally screw everything up. Sometimes they're the one caught with their back to a wall and they need help.

And I'm not even talking about all these bad boys that need fixed or all these depressed boys that need saved, because you know how I feel about that.

C'mon. Frodo needed help taking the ring to Mordor. So it's okay if your characters need help too. (I just made a LOTR reference. Because Tolkien was a genius.)

4. Making them an active member of their relationship

I didn't know how to say what I'm trying to say in twenty words or less, so I called it that. And what I mean by making them an active member of their relationship is this: I always see male characters with significant others in one of two positions

a. He's a total jerk/arrogant "bad boy"

b. He's the super sweet one in the relationship. He's the one bending over backwards to please the SO. He always picks out the perfect gifts for birthdays/anniversaries/holidays. He plans the perfect dates. He's like the dream guy.

I don't see a lot else. Just those two (but I don't look very hard. I just read what people recommend or what people ask me to read or sometimes I stumble into the dark side of things that I'd rather not discuss.) I want to see a guy that is an active member of his relationship in that, he does things for his SO and his SO does things for him.

Just because he isn't this amazing prince charming doesn't mean he has to be mean to his SO. Sometimes guys don't want to plan dates. Sometimes they get you really bad gifts for holidays. Sometimes they write you gorgeous, heart felt letters that make you cry and then turn around and refuse to get off the couch and help you clean because goddammit everyone at work is talking about Game of Thrones and he's gotta fucking catch up (true story. I've never watched Game of Thrones, but my best friend has because his coworkers talk about it and he gets lost if he doesn't at least vaguely keep up).

My point: he doesn't have to fit into only one of two categories. Maybe he's super sweet, but sometimes he just screws up. Sometimes he thinks the SO's favorite book is 1984 when it's To Kill a Mockingbird. Sometimes he tries to be nice and buy his SO the album she's been talking about for weeks only to find out she already bought it and that's what she's been telling him for the past three weeks.

When you have a relationship, it's a lot of give and take. I want to see both, not one or the other. Give and take. Not give or take.

5. Make them three dimensional

They don't have to fit strictly into one category.

They don't have to strictly be a jock, a jerk, a player, or a nerd. They can be combinations. They can be individuals. They can be anything they want.

I like when I read a character that has one foot in a certain group (because I'll just face it and admit that there are social groups that come with common characteristics (stereotypes get their start somewhere)), but they also have touches of other groups. Like, when really tough guys hold kittens or something. Or when nerdy people know karate. It's fun! It's great. I like that! Let's let our male characters do that, because I'm tired of the arrogant bad boy, the stupid jock, and the self-harming nerd. Let's mix it up.

Let's have a good looking character not be a charmer. He always says the wrong thing and has no social skills. Let's have a social butterfly actually be really smart and loves making friends so he can learn new things. Let's have the class clown actually be really into working out. Let's just let people be themselves, not a stereotype or a cliché.

Fun story time. The other day my best friend was trying to describe something and the only way he could think of involved using the word "sexy" a lot. And every time he said it, he would kind of giggle and I think that's great. Like, he's this guy that's totally comfortable with his body, he'll tell you about his sex life, he's not shy, he never avoids uncomfortable conversations if you really need to have them, and he laughs when he says sexy (which "bad boys" are all too comfortable saying). He also laughs when he says "naughty". And I like that. I like that in school he played sports, he had flings, he went streaking a lot, and yet he still laughs when he says words like that. That's not stereotypical and I love it.

That's all. Do you want another funny story? Do I even have one...hmmm...

Oh! My best friend and I have been trying to figure out how to use emojis (emoticons? Is there a difference?) because we thought we were too old for them, but people keep using them when they text us, so we've decided to figure out what they mean and when the appropriate times to use them are. And it is going horribly. It's like trying to teach parents to double click (anyone remember that? Is that still a relevant reference?)

The other day he sent me the little jazz hands looking one and followed by "Coming on a little strong."

We need a list of meanings. Otherwise we'll just be over here sending each other the really blank faced one. It's my favorite. He has no soul. Just like me.

Anyway, what do you guys think? Do you agree? Disagree? Want to add anything? I'm all ears. Or eyes...or whatever. I've lost control of this rant somewhere.