Remember a while ago when I told you guys about my best friend's fangirl and how she's writing a fanfiction? Well, I've been keeping up with it and it's getting juicy.

But it's also getting worse than crazy. And some people have been asking me about it, so I did a little research (actually I had some friends that are into fanfiction tell me things they disliked about it) and I compiled a list of: Things to Stop Doing in Fanfiction

And I'm gonna use the fanfiction about my best friend as an example a lot, because why the hell not (it actually exhibited a lot of what everyone else complained about) so here you go:

1. Not giving credit to the right people

This is a big pet peeve of mine, but seriously, people need to start crediting the original writers. I don't care if you write "[insert story/tv show/ whatever else here] fanfic". You need to cite the original author of the work. Honestly, I'd prefer if everyone had a Works Cited page at the end of the fanfic, but I get that's excessive. But seriously. Please give out complete credit. As much as possible.

Why? Because it's the right thing to do.

Also, when you're writing about a band, DO NOT put the lyrics of one of their songs without crediting the actual songwriters. I don't care if the band you're writing about sings the song, if they didn't write it by themselves, don't have a scene with them writing the song (probably for the MC) by themselves. That pisses me off to no end.

I hate when people say "well they're the artists and it's just as hard to make someone else's song your own". Oh, my darlings. That is no excuse and also not true. The creative process is different for everyone, but having been in both positions (and obviously my best friend and our mutual friends having been in both positions (because it's kinda their job)) we all agree it's a lot harder to write a song than to cut someone else's work and make it your own. So give credit where credit is due. That should be common sense.

2. Not doing any research

If you're using pre-existing characters they are going to have their own hobbies, interests, jobs, etc. Don't just take what you know from reading the books/watching the movies/ checking out band interviews (since fics about real people are popular these days). Do your own research.

If I were to write a fanfiction about (shit...I have no interests...) To Kill A Mockingbird, for example, I would need to research the time period, racial tensions in the area, and law. Yes, law. Because Atticus Finch is a lawyer and if he's going to be part of the story I need to have a basic understand of law.

You can't leave out parts of a character because you're too lazy to research them. That irritates me too when I read the fanfiction about my best friend: his fangirl throws aside the things that interest him, because she doesn't want to research them. She knows nothing about music or the music industry and if she wants to write about him there is no excuse. You need to know what you're writing about.

Do a little research. You're not going to die. You're going to make your story better.

3. Using Unimportant Details to Prove "Number One Fan" Status

You see this a lot in fanfictions about real people, apparently, and I think it's sort of a way of saying "I know them so well, I know even the little things about them, I'm the biggest fan."

Seriously, unless it's important, don't include it. This fangirl is always mentioning weird little things about my best friend that don't matter. She makes it a point that she knows everything about him (as she likes to put it right before she makes up a bunch of pointless "facts" to prove it, such as his favorite color, his favorite song, his favorite food, etc. that aren't right and have nothing to do with the story).

Once she put his favorite record shop. That I understood. He hangs out there. He has a lot of business there. It's important to his career. Of course it's important to the story.

The fact that he sometimes likes to mix different things with alcohol is not, because it has nothing to do with the conflict or the character development. It's just a lesson to readers that sweet tea is probably not the best thing to mix with vodka. It doesn't further the plot. It's not relevant. The fact that he did it has no place in the story, because it's irrelevant.  

Stop trying to prove the number one fan status by spewing as much useless information as possible. It's not fun to read and people change over time (especially when their fans run the joke into the ground and set it on fire). Keep that in mind. What part does this little piece of information play in the story? If it doesn't have a point other than "it shows just how well I know my character", then don't use it. It doesn't impress anyone, but it annoys many.

4. Having overly gratuitous sex scenes

This isn't just a fanfiction problem, but I put this everywhere I can: I'm tired of seeing the smut that is literally just porn. I know how sex works. I know the mechanics. I know all about the throbbing members and parts and positions and that jazz.

What gets me is that everyone has a different emotional experience with sex. So why do we insist on cutting off emotions and focusing only on the big picture?

Seriously, I'd much rather read about the flavor of lips, the smell of perfume and sweat, the feeling of flesh meeting flesh where it hardly finds company, the marriage of hair and fingers, the anticipation of every single touch. That's a lot more fun than the basic mechanics, because you can look up a wikihow article on how to have sex.

I know what you do. I wanna know the emotions.

On a side note, the fangirl finally wrote a sex scene starring her MC (so basically her) and my best friend. And it's a good thing I'm not that squeamish, because I would have thrown up. It was...it's horrifying reading about your best friend's thirteen year of fangirl's desires to be fucked by your best friend.

He's old enough to be her dad, I swear. And the MC even calls him daddy and it...no...he...no. Don't do that. Don't do that. That's another reason I think you shouldn't put sex scenes in fanfictions about real people. It's weird reading about real people having pretend sex.

5. Making girlfriends/wives "bitches" or "fakes"

Did you know that I'm the world's worst best friend because I didn't just drop my entire life to move with him so he could take this dream job and live out the life he's wanted since we were kids? Did you know that if I want to have a relationship with him I have to be by his side every second or I'm a "bitch" or "fake"?

That's something I cannot, and will not, accept about any fanfiction about real people. You do not know these people. You have no right to call women names, because you're jealous they're dating someone you have a crush on.

I don't read a lot of articles on the latest boyband crazes, but if I ever do, someone in the comments always has to say "those two aren't dating. She looks like a fugly bitch. If you think that relationship is real then lol bye."

First, "lol bye" isn't cute or cheeky or whatever. It's fucking stupid and makes you look very uneducated. Second, calling someone "fugly" isn't okay just because they're a public figure (or dating one) and it's the internet where you're totally safe to call people names. That doesn't make their "fake" relationship horrible. That makes you a bully. Who's the bitch now? Third, you don't know these people's personal lives and just because they are public figures doesn't make it okay for you to be so harsh and judgmental. Cool down those hormones, please.

The last time I was my best friend's date to a public even there was a picture of the two of us on the website and somewhere else. And the comments on the ones of just him were predominately good. When I entered the frame, there were a lot more negative ones. I got a ton of attitude (from predominately thirteen to seventeen year olds) and he's not even famous outside his circle. But out of all the comments about half of them were about how I must be fake or was a total bitch (though none of these girls had never met me).

Why? Because I didn't just drop my entire life to chase his dream?

We live ten hours apart and see each other once every couple of months (if we're lucky). He hasn't had a complete 24 hours off since September. We didn't see each other for our birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Easter, anything. I've missed some of the biggest milestones in his career and he's missed a lot of milestones in my life. It's hard. It sucks. But don't you ever say these girlfriend's/wives are "fake" or "bitches" because they aren't constantly by your hero's side.

It's not fair for him to ask me to give up my life. It's not fair that I don't get to have an education and a career, because if I want to date someone with a more prestigious career (like a musician) I have to be by his side every second, be totally comfortable in front of the camera, and give in to his every whim and desire.

I can't imagine how bad it could be if he does make it big. But you know what? Despite all these ignorant little girls calling me fake and a bitch I wouldn't change anything. This is our life and it's hard, but we make it work. It's a give and take relationship and it's great. Nothing anyone says about me or us is worth getting so upset about, because they don't matter so much.

Accusing your favorite band member's wife/girlfriend of being "fake" or a "bitch" because you're jealous it's not you? That's not great. It's not fair. It's not nice.

Families put up with a lot of shit for having noted loved ones. Don't make it worse with your fangirl jealousy, please.

Some notable public figures do have fake relationships. But "calling people out" like that is not okay. It's called bullying and y'all need to grow the fuck up. As women (most of us here are, I believe) we need to start supporting each other. Stop with the name calling and take a stand. That's all I have to say about that.

Anyone have any thoughts on any of this rant? I don't read fanfiction a lot, so I really don't know. It's a lot of what others have complained to me about, so feel free to chew me out or whatever.

And that's all, folks. But, for those of you whom have been asking, yes, I finally told my best friend about this fanfiction. He's refusing to read it, though. He even asked that I not tell him the name of the author, because he doesn't want to have to filter himself around anyone. Wise choice, too. It's...oh...it's a terrible misrepresentation

But I read it with the rest of the guys. And we laugh. And we vomit. And then we laugh some more. It's like a train wreck: it's horrible, but you can't look away. (She's actually a good writer, but the idea of her fanaticizing about someone too old that I know too well is just wrong.)