I'm livid. Honestly, I'm so fucking annoyed right now, you don't even know.

Can we just talk very seriously for a moment? And I feel as though I'm going to piss off a bunch of people, but I give zero fucks about that.

We're going to touch on: Sensitive Topics

Now, I thought I'd already covered this with the abuse rants and the sexual assault rants and the saving life rant, and the makeover rant, and the body image rant, but apparently I'm nothing more than a goddamn poster child now.

I got an email about a discussion going on in the clubs about how we should ban all rape glorification stories, and I actually read the entire thread. And it irritated me. Like a lot.

Not because they wanted to ban those types of stories. No. That I agreed with (to an extent (who am I to tell people their weird, twisted fantasies are always wrong?)).

It annoyed me how apparently anyone that has experienced the "r" word (goddammit, Wattpad. Please don't rate this) fits nicely into little categories of either victims or survivors.

And apparently we all have to be terrified of men, can't have a meaningful relationship with people anymore, have to be totally open with our pasts, and cannot under any circumstances ever be exposed to anything remotely connected to this sensitive subject because we can't handle ourselves.

Bull-fucking-shit. Don't try to group everyone into one nice little category.

That made me incredibly angry. More so than people trying to psychoanalyze me. I fucking hate when people tell me how I have to be. I hate it.

Don't treat me differently. Don't act like I'm some fragile little doll, because I'm not. I handled this shit for over fourteen years without sympathy from the self-righteous, I can handle it now. I don't need to be protected. Shit, I don't need to be vocal. I shouldn't have to be an advocate.

Don't tell me to go educate people on these hard subjects so that they get it. I don't want people to understand how I live. I can't want that, because it would make me truly evil to want that. I'd never wish it on anyone.

I don't want to be understood. I just want to live my life.

And above all, don't tell me how I have to act. Don't tell me that I have to hate everyone. Don't tell me I have to cry about it all the time or that I'll never be able to have a real relationship again because I just don't trust men.

Don't you ever tell anyone they have to stop being a "victim" and start being a "survivor". Some people never get over this and you have no right to ever tell them they're being weak and pathetic because they can't just "get over it". Fuck you. Seriously. You can just rot in hell if you feel that way. Fuck. You.

Don't act like my best friend is a saint and that I'm so strong, because I'm not.

Nothing gets me more than people actling like I'm a hero. I'm so far from it. So don't, because it's awful trying to be the hero. Truly. I'm going to suffocate from all this pressure. It literally makes me physically sick, because I just do what I have to in order to get by.

And apparently I'm a bitch for not telling people they deserve to die for some of the things they write.

I've probably cried more over the fact that people put so much faith in me—faith I don't deserve—than I have because of what happened.

Stop trying to make people heros. Just stop.

I tried to touch on this last night. I tried and tried and tried.

Not everyone acts and reacts the same.

How much clearer can I be? Seriously.

Not everyone fits into these pretty little boxes we can label and store away with all the other boxes just like them.

I love organizing things too, guys. In case you didn't know, I'm a bit of a neat-freak (read the phases chapter for goodness sake). But I never, under any circumstances, try to organize people into groups. That's ridiculous.

So I didn't sign the petition for a lot of reasons. Partially because I'm being bitchy for seeing people ignorant enough to say "it's never happened to me, but I understand", because the truth is that's stupid. No one understands.

Not even people that have been through this understand, okay? (It's like when people say "I'm not a homophobe because I know gay people", or "I'm not a racist because I have friends that are different races". People need to stop assuming that they know everything simply by knowing people. I absolutely hate when people try to justify how smart or cultured they are by literally using their friendships. Get a life).

I didn't sign it partially because they insist that you have to stop being a "vicitm" and start being a "survivor" and that's the reason these stories are so wrong. How about a big fuck you? I don't have to be anything unless I damn well please.

Just because someone has a hard time seeing past what happened doesn't make them a "vicitm". And getting by doesn't mean you're a "survivor". I don't think people actually realize how demeaning and restricting these terms are.

How about we just start calling them people, yeah? Cool. Great.

If they want to cry because they were severely violated and subjected to physical and psychological torture, they aren't weak. They're stronger than some jackass hiding behind a computer pretending to be an advocate.

I didn't sign it partially because I simply don't sign petitions. Ever. I don't exploit my experiences just to claim I'm an advocate. It seems self-righteous to me so I just don't. It's not me.

I also didn't sign it because they placed the blame directly on Wattpad. No, it's not Wattpad's fault. It's a free forum. Don't look for stuff that you don't want to read. These people that run the site, like ambassadors, work for free out of the kindness of their hearts and I totally appreciate that 100%. Thank you, ambassadors.

Yes, I get mad at Wattpad for rating some of my rants, but that's just me ranting. I'm not literally angry at them. I don't think they're stupid, because it's my fault they got rated and set to private. The rules are clear as day and if you follow them, you don't have to get rated. Simple as that.

So thanks, Wattpad Admins. Thanks for giving us this awesome, FREE website. Thank you.

But mostly, I didn't sign it because the fact that they were suggesting we get rid of everything that mentions "trigger" words. I think that is incredibly wrong.

Getting rid of all the "r" word stories just because some of them are sick and make it sound like really fun, lovely sex doesn't mean that the actual topic should never be discussed. Not at all.

It's like my best friend says: We always attach stigmas to things that scare us and things we don't fully comprehend so that we can stop trying to understand.

We put people in little boxes, give them excuses to compensate for our naivety, and never actually discuss anything.

It's easier to believe that everything happens a certain way so we can predict what we've never experienced and we don't have to be as afraid.

And when we become advocates we don't do it to make people understand. We do it for the glory. We do it because we want to be seen as the "good guy". We do it for personal gain.

I totally agree with him. It's what we do.

And I think that's wrong. I don't think we should get rid of all the stories that deal with the sensitive issues. I don't think the words "eating disorder" or "suicide" or "r*pe" or "abuse" should be banned.

I think we should talk about it. I think we should have discussions. We should tell stories. We should be honest.

We shouldn't make them sound fun or glamorous. We shouldn't just act like these events happen to spice up a story line.

We shouldn't just apologize and claim to understand. We shouldn't be all rainbows and butterflies.

We should be honest about these topics. We should finally be able to talk about them. (Also, we shouldn't assume people that have fantasies we find disgusting are evil. We should challenge them to defend their positions the same as we defend ours in a civil manner).

Let's stop putting people in boxes and assuming that all experiences and emotions are the same.

Don't assume that we're fragile creatures.

And don't assume that by hearing one person's story or seeing one person's struggle you know everything.

We're individuals. We're real people and we feel things we don't understand. We go through things we can't comprehend. All of us. Not just people with certain experiences.

We're not victims. We're not survivors. We're not advocates or activists.

We're people.

We shouldn't be afraid of offending someone by telling an honest story. We shouldn't be afraid to speak. To write.

And I swear to God, if you ever say "I speak on behalf of all [insert sensitive topic here] victims/survivors", I will hate you forever. Do not. Ever. We're not all the same. You cannot speak for us. We don't have to believe like you. We didn't ask you to use us for your own glory.

You're not going to get any teary gratification from me and you'll have to get your head out of your ass if you want my respect back. It's just as disgusting to think that you speak for all these people like they can't speak for themselves. We're not incompetent.

Get over yourself, you self-righteous, narcissistic ass.

Stop acting like we should hide from these sensitive topics. That we should "protect" people from their horrors.

No, we need to be honest. And it's not to make people understand. It's not that at all.

It's that we need people to know that there is no right and wrong way to feel something or experience something.

Those other rants were my truth. I never said they had to be the truths of others.

That's the beauty of life and writing. The same story can never be told twice.