My bracket and my nose both busted. But the nose is getting better at least.

Where have I been!? No one cares. Let's just rant about something I think it's time for: Character Voices

You ever read a story where you couldn't really differentiate between who was talking (or if anyone was even actually speaking or if it's just the narrator's inner thoughts)? And I don't even mean because they didn't use dialogue tags or quotation marks. I mean because there is not differentiation in voice. Like, you literally feel like it's one person talking the whole way through. No one has a unique voice with specific vocabulary or syntax.

So I'm here to offer suggestions for when you write dialogue, because I like to be able to tell which character is speaking based only on what they say. Because let's face it, does anyone talk 100% like someone else? Probably not.

I'm not doing a very good job. Let's just jump in and I'll make my suggestions and everyone can just pretend it helped them to make me feel better about myself.

1. Consider age

The most obvious way for me to describe to you what I'm talking about is to bring up the fact that most writers think they're good at differentiating between teenagers speaking and adults speaking. Teenage dialogue tends to be more sarcastic and informal (and laced with curse words). Adult dialogue, especially when it's an authority figure like a parent or teacher or boss tends to be super formal with big words. And that, to me, is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. That's when you're trying too hard.

I have a more expansive vocabulary than my dad even though he's thirty-two years older than me (actually 31 years, 360 days. Isn't that cute that our birthdays are five days apart? I love it). And my best friend has a more expansive vocabulary than both of us, he just doesn't use it. Word choice doesn't dictate age.

A lot of times I'll see a scene where a teen comes home from a party and their parent catches them coming in past curfew and the parent yells something along the lines of "[Insert first, middle, and last name here]. Why are you sneaking in at such a late hour? I have never been so irate and this level of disrespect is absolutely unfathomable and I'm irrevocably disappointed in you."

Quick question, if you're mad, are you seriously able to speak so coherently? When I'm mad I can barely form sentences. They're choppy. I'm not using the biggest words I know. Doing that doesn't make your character seem more mature. It makes it seem like you're trying to hard.

2. Consider personality

This is another thing that gets me. Too often the main character is also the narrator. And the new major craze is to have a really snarky, really sarcastic main character (because apparently that's tough?). So absolutely everything in the story has a sarcastic undertone. Even another character's dialogue.

Here's a little tip for you: the narrator's voice usually shouldn't leak into another character's dialogue. Obviously, there are exceptions, but typically not. And to combat this, think about a character's personality.

Okay, take this for example. I have a really cynical personality. My brother has a really bubbly personality. My best friend has a really optimistic personality. And my dad has a really witty personality. So all three of us would verbally respond to the same situation differently.

So let's pretend we're all three talking about a cat scratch on our nose (because that just happened and I have one and it's so terrible). Here's how each of us would probably say that:

Me: It's seriously the ugliest thing you've ever seen.

My brother: I got to play with the cat today! We got wild.

My best friend: At least it didn't get infected.

My dad: Instead of cat got my tongue, cat got my nose.

In this scenario (which is incredibly accurate and I'm super proud of that), we all had pretty distinct voices, don't you think? I like to think so. And it's because of three reasons:

1. We all focused on different aspect. I focused on the looks. My brother focused on the activity. My best friend focused on the health aspect. And my dad was trying to be funny.

2. We all took a stance that matched our personality. I was cynical about it. My brother was all excited. My best friend was looking on the bright side. And my dad was trying to be funny.

3. We weren't looking to impress. Typically, when you speak to someone casually, do you use the biggest words you know and the most complex phrasing you can think of? Probably not unless you're really trying to impress them. So just think about that. Or don't. I don't care.

3. Consider values/interests

This goes back to what I was saying earlier. I said that I had a more expansive vocabulary than my dad, which is true. But think about who we are. I'm an English teacher. He's a coach. Obviously I have the more sophisticated vocabulary. That's what I get paid for.

But we also have a specialized set of jargon (or specialized language used by particular groups) because he was a coach and I was an athlete. We can have a conversation about the key, the lane, zone defense, shotclocks, point guards, whatever. (That's basketball jargon for those of you that didn't know). But we may mention them and we may make references to them, because that's what we value. If I make a comparison or give an example, a lot of the times, they're sports references (as if you guys didn't already know that.)

Yesterday I told my kids that you can't kick a field goal and expect seven points. And some of them didn't get it, but most of them did. And they understood. And it made sense, because that's part of my character. It's part of my past. It's one of my interests.

So it kills me when you have these bad boys that show no interest in something like, I dunno, fashion, but they will occasionally mention something like "I like the sweatheart neckline", or "the Racerback makes your shoulders look sexy". If it's not one of their values or interests, I'd suggest they not say it unless it's a special circumstance. I get that people talk about thinks they don't value or aren't interested in, but if you haven't nailed down the art of giving each character a unique voice, I'd suggest you start here as a general rule.

Besides, you can learn a lot about a character from what they say. So that helps with the whole "show don't tell" thing everyone's obsessed with.

4. Consider geographic region

This is one of my favorite things and I've never seen anyone on Wattpad use it (I haven't even used it much) but I really want to see it! For a while I worked in an urban school and the kids there always made fun of me because, I'll admit it, I have an accent. I'm from Arkansas. Even though it's not thick, it's still there. The people in Chicago just think it's hilarious.

Then I moved to the school where I work now and the kids there have an accent thicker than honey (see what I did there!? See!?) One of my favorite things is that people from different regions have different sayings. And a lot of times, other cultures or areas don't understand what they mean.

Like, we have a foreign exchange student from Korea and one day one of my kids said "It's hotter than a two dollar pistol." All his other classmates understood. I understood. Our foreign exchange student looked mortified. He had no idea what it meant. At all. Not a single clue. He seriously was concerned the kid was talking about bringing a gun to school. And none of us thought twice about it. We explained it to him the next day after he sent me an email saying he wouldn't be in class because he was afraid of being shot. Bless his little heart.

But my point is I'd love to see more of this. Even when parents are talking to their kids. Like, in my dad's day, you said something was "bitchin'" when you thought it was cool. In my day, we said "dope" (sometimes bitchin', but not a lot). Kids today say what? "Lit?" Probably.

But I teach my dad my slang all the time. And we have weekly lessons where my students try to teach me slang and it doesn't go well, but bless my heart I try. (And some of y'all have noticed that I use a lot of my own slang in here. I said props once and someone called me out on it and asked what it meant. I refuse to believe you guys don't know what props means. Mad props to anyone that can explain it. You're the shiznit).

So if someone wants to write a book with communication blocks because of culture or geographic region, leave the link in the comments so I can read it! I really want to see that.

And that's my rant. Hopefully something made sense. Probably not.

My funny story for this one deals with the last point. My best friend works with guys from all over the place and he's been teaching them some of our stupid southern phrases. Their favorite ones are "I'm sweating like a whore in church" and "I'm busier than a two dollar whore on nickel night". His friends all say it now. With their Boston, and California, and Wisconsin accents. I love it!

And I love that they make fun of him for having an accent because he swears he doesn't but that's impossible because everyone has one and if you say mine is worse than his I will fight you.

So comment below and tell me what you think.What is some of the slang that you use? What are some of your favorite phrases?Did any of this rant make sense? Do I need to stop now? Okay.