Some of you have noticed (and are already mad) and some of you have not yet realized that I've never actually said my best friend's name in this rant book. Well, at least the one he goes by, but I've given you guys billions of subtle clues (and his actual first name is written in here though I didn't attach it to him). And now that I've brought this to your attention it's probably going to drive you crazy. You're welcome.

That was mean, I know. I'm feeling saucy. I just like playing games where I give you hints you don't know are hints and then eventually someone has a big ah-ha moment. This is how I keep myself entertained.

And if you figure it out (either his actual first name or the one he goes by) tell me and you'll win a prize. I don't know what yet, but you'll get something. Who doesn't like prizes?

Moving on, today let's talk about a serious topic, because I got a request for it: Bullies/Bullying

Did you know that the "falling in love with my bully" storyline is still a thing? Like, people still write it? Yeah. No. It is. It's somewhat disturbing, but I'm trying to be good about not immediately writing things off just because they sound strange to me. Hell, if I did that, I'd never read anything ever again and where's the fun in that?

Anyway, I just want to preface this by saying I've never really experienced the kind of bullying I've seen portrayed here (because some people sent me some bully stories to read and wow. Okay. It's intense). I went to a small high school. We didn't have cliques or anything like that. If someone was being a bully, someone else put them in their place pretty quick. It wasn't really like TV or the movies. And none of the schools I've worked in since (not all that many, but still) have had problems quite as severe as the ones I've seen here.

And in college. Ha. Too many drinks, too little time. I feel like it's high school shit that I have left behind me and I just don't give a shit anymore, but I know it's still a problem. And I realize types of bullying can be present in the workplace, so I thought we'd go ahead and discuss it. Here is another one of my lovely little lists I'm obsessed with:

1. Why is the bully bullying?

Typically the popular people aren't just bullies. Let me let you in on this super top secret fun fact about life: popular people are usually popular because people like them. Gasp! I know. It's scandalous. Everyone is supposed to love arrogant assholes and worship at the pretty people's feet. Yeah. No. That doesn't happen in real life (all the time. Sometimes yes. Anything is possible!) But what I'm saying is, why is it okay for popular people to bully? Because it's always someone popular being the aggressor in these stories and that confuses me.

Back in my day, the popular kids were popular because they didn't take shit from bullies and they didn't let other people take shit from bullies. In fact, the bullies were kind of the losers. If you were mean for fun, you probably didn't have that many friends.

And that's something I've learned more about as I got older: people don't bully because they feel like it. They do it because it gives them control. They feel powerful. Sometimes they don't know how to interact with people. I'd like to see that side more. Instead of it just being, I hate the bully until I learn why they're a bully (and it's always because of their shitty dark past) why not explore why the bully is a bully!

Don't give me this long, stupid woe-is-me story (because there is nothing I hate more than a woe-is-me story. It's part of my stone cold persona). Give me a real journey about self-discovery. About self-conviction and self-betterment. Don't let love conquer all. At some point you have to face your demons and I'd like to see more bully stories about that. Because someday the bully has to grow up if they don't want to end up worthless and on the streets. Just a thought.

2. Is it being blown out of proportion?

Seriously. Seriously? This kid is getting the shit beat out of them on a daily basis. They can't go in the hall without their head being slammed into a locker? They can't go in the bathroom without getting their face shoved in a toilet? They can't eat lunch without having food thrown on them? Seriously, if your life is like that, why aren't you talking to your parents? Why aren't you talking to counselors, teachers, friends, peers, somebody? Anybody? I don't get it.

And I think it's because I'm kind of far removed from the subject. I wasn't in on the big cyber bullying thing and I know I have a pretty rough exterior when it comes to getting picked on and stuff. When I was in school, it wasn't cool to have all these problems kids brag about having today. And I'm not one of those people that outwardly lets my problems consume me, but all too often, people that are like that (and it's not a bad thing) are the ones that are usually on the receiving end of bullying. Because I'm not saying bullying doesn't happen. But at some point, I just get sick of all the pity parties in these stories.

I don't know. I know everyone is going to hate me saying all this shit about it, but come on. If the whole story is "I have such a miserable life. I get bullied all day every day until I suddenly understand that my bully has a dark past which is why he's so awful and we fall in love", then I'm gonna call bullshit.

You guys know how I feel about pity parties. I hate pity. Hate it probably more than I hate almost anything. Okay, so the character gets bullied, but what do they do the rest of the day? School is only eight hours. Don't they have hobbies? Goals? Ambitions? Dreams? Desires? If not, you need to reevaluate your entire story.

Fine. They get bullied at school. What do they do on weekends? What are they working toward? Do they like art? Are they really into sports? What college do they want to go to? What is their dream job? There has to be more than a bully and love. There has to be some force that drives the character to get out of bed in the morning and I'd like it if people focused on that more. Cool? Cool.

3. What about observers?

As someone who has worked in different schools I have to tell you how farfetched I find this. Seriously, the second I see someone being bullied I'm obligated to step in. Why don't these teachers do anything? Do y'all seriously go to schools where teachers just stand back and do nothing? Because you could probably go to the board and get their license yanked if they witness physical abuse and do nothing. They don't need to be teaching anyway. (Although, I will tell you, I've always been told I'm allowed to not break up fights so long as I do send for help. But I will break up boy fights. Just not girls. I don't care how sexist that sounds, but you cannot break up a girl fight unless you want to get seriously hurt. That's just fact).

And I have the hardest time in the world believing someone can have zero friends. I really, truly do, but a lot of people insist they have no acquaintances, so I guess I'm obligated to believe that. But I would really like our characters to have at least one friend (even if it's just some old lady they talk to at the bus stop every morning or their cat) because 1. It goes against Maslow's hierarchy to have no companionship (I mean c'mon. Even Chuck had Wilson (Castaway reference, yo)) and 2. That makes for a really boring story.

What about the kid that is always friends with everyone? There's always someone at every school. I've seen that in every school I've been in. My best friend was that guy in our school. We were always having lunch with the latest social outcast of the week and by the next week they would be back with their normal friends. Typically, high schoolers don't stay mad at each other that long and when they do, they can jump ship and find another group.

Middle school. Yeah. No. Middle school is hell. I'll give you that. Middle school is a weird ballgame where everyone loses. And everyone is ugly inside and out, so don't worry so much about middle school. You always grow out of it.

My point: you can be bullied and still have friends. And at some point don't people get tired of watching someone get picked on? I've told people to shut the fuck up before and I'm not usually one for that. I let people deal with their own problems, but there is a point where you have to stand with someone. You don't have to do it for them, but it's nice to have a friend by your side.

4. Sometimes bullies don't know they're bullying!

What!? I know this sounds crazy, but it's true in most cases of bullying (trust me, I'm trained in this). The person doesn't know they're being a bully! I see this all the time in the schools I work in. Kids take jokes too far. They tease a kid thinking they're being funny but really they're capitalizing on a huge insecurity. I talked to a kid that used to call people names every day and he just said he thought they were just nicknames. He didn't realize people were actually bothered by them.

Sometimes they even think they have a genuine reason for being a bully. I talked to a kid one time that had leaked a girl's naked picture and he said he did it because the girl had cheated on one of his friends and he honestly thought she deserved to be paid back. There was another kid I talked to that thought it was okay for him to steal another kid's lunch money out of his backpack because the kid he was stealing from had a dad for a doctor, so he figured the kid had pretty of money.

I think it would be an amazing dynamic if someone explored a bully that didn't know they were a bully. It's always really interesting to me to bring these behaviors to the bully's attention and explain why they're wrong and then watch the kid struggle to figure out what is socially acceptable and what is considered bullying. That's something someone really grows from and I think we need more characters being exposed to this struggle. Go. Do it. I'll read it.

I think that's all I have to say. I dunno. I'd love to hear what you guys have to say, because I don't feel like this was very thorough. I feel like I'm too far removed from bullying and such, but maybe I accomplished my goal of at least giving you something different to consider before crafting your bully characters. Did it help? Yay or nay? Hmm.

Yeah. I feel like this was a mess. I need to just abort rant now.

If you guys think of other things to say or add then lemme know. If I get enough, I'll make a whole chapter of your opinions. The goal here is to help other people. Give ideas. Give feedback. Give viewpoints. Give advice. That's what this is all about.

So I'd like to take a second to brag on a couple of readers here for doing just that. A few chapters ago two people were having a lovely conversation in the comments where Squidgeey was offering forevermacy advice on how to write from a guy's POV where the guy is being pushed by the "guys don't cry" mentality. I think it's so cool when you guys comment on other people's comments offering opinions and advice. So go check out those two and give them some feedback on their work! They care enough to help each other, so go help them out. I'll be over here thinking about what kind of prizes I can give for people winning at my little guessing games. (If you have suggestions those would be great)