When we were fifteen, things changed. You got other friends and school stressed you out a lot, I remember.

I missed you on most days, but we still had our Friday-sleepovers. Those nights I cuddled you extra tight, because even if you didn't say so, I knew you needed them. My cuddles. Probably just any cuddles.

"Can I hang out with you tomorrow?"

I knew the answer before asking, but still I had hope that you'd let me in on that part of your life. The part where you were at your weakest but acted like you were the strongest man on the face of earth. Where you and your friends went to some field just so you could drink in the company of each other and mainly your thoughts.

"No, Haz, you wouldn't like it."

"But-"

"No Haz, damn it, you make me stressed."

"I'm sorry"

"Whatever."

You hurt me when you said that. You hurt me more when you stood up from the bed and took your jacket of the chair you hung it over when you came over early that afternoon.

"Don't worry, okay, I'm not going anywhere."

"Then why do you have your jacket on, where are you going?"

"Out to smoke?"

"You smoke?"

"Only when stressed."

"I could help with that."

I still can't believe I had the balls to say that, much less the balls to do what I did next. That was a very bold move, that I'm still weirdly proud of, who'd known where we Would have been now if I hadn't had grabbed onto your jacket so tightly, pulling you towards me and snogging you like I knew what I was doing.

We both know that was my first kiss though. But that's okay cause it was your first as well.