I kept the journal hidden at all times and would only read it late at night or when I was alone in the room. I couldn't risk Castle reading it because the contents in the diary could affect him.

I wasn't sure what other vile family secrets were in here, but I was going to find out.

After dinner, I was taking a stroll outside. Castle was being moody and sitting on the floor watching the trains move. He was upset because of the argument we had yesterday.

"Well, why didn't you ask me before?" I'd asked Castle when I came home after being told that I was co-chairperson by Devin.

Castle stared at me incredulously. "Told you what?"

"Castle, do you realize that I'm not qualified to become a co-chairperson of your company? Why did you sign those papers without asking me first?"

"You're my wife, and you'll...take decisions for me when I can't. What's so hard to understand?"

"You say I'm your wife, but you never ask me anything, not even when the decisions are directly affecting me."

"Fuck, Millie. I don't know...what the hell you want." He said, frustrated. "Why don't you just fucking say it?"

"What I want is for people in this house to stop deciding for me! That includes you too! And for god's sake, don't listen to your brother..."

He was sitting on the floor now, clearly upset by my outburst, and rocking back and forth, mumbling to himself.

The trains moved through the tracks, zigzagging, blowing smoke and whistle, moving through the tunnel in the hill.

"Don't talk to me like that!" He was breathing erratically.

I sighed, realizing my mistake. I started walking towards him, "Castle...I'm sorry...I was just..."

"I said don't talk to me! Leave." He screamed, swiping his hand over the moving trains and toppling them over. The engine lay on the ground on the side with its wheels turning.

I snapped back to reality. Castle has never been upset with me before, never screamed at me, so right now my heart ached with the thought that I was the reason he was feeling like shit. I shouldn't have said anything...I should have just let it go.

I was walking alone in the gardens; the mansion loomed at a distance, and the fog surrounding it was giving it an eerie look. I could hear the sounds of the water fountain. It was peaceful everywhere, the calm of the dead, and I was used to it. Nothing scared me more than people anymore.

I turned a corner and almost bumped into Theo.

He stood against the finely trimmed shrubs, holding a cigarette between his fingers.

"What the hell, Theo?" I stood there, dumbfounded. "You're just seventeen!"

He looked like he'd been caught doing a robbery. He took a long drag and puffed the smoke like a pro, which told me this wasn't the first time he was smoking.

"It's just a fucking smoke! Don't tell Devin or anyone about this."

"Drop it!" I ordered.

"Come on, Millie."

"I said drop the cigarette."

I guess it was my authoritative voice that made him drop it on the ground and crush it with his foot. He was still wearing the uniform from his private school.

I raised my hand towards him.

He rolled his eyes, fished out the packet of cigarettes, and handed it to me. "You know I can buy another packet, right?"

"You won't." I said, "Because if you do, I'll tell Devin. I don't care about anything else anymore."

"What's the big deal?"

"Technically, you're still a child."

His brows arched up.

"I'm seventeen." He said as if I didn't know it and as if seventeen was the new twenty-seven or something.

The kid lacked manners, and I had Devin to blame for that. I could bet Castle used to be the one to keep him in line. I also felt bad for him. He was at this age where he wasn't a child neither an adult, stuck somewhere in-between.

"A child," I said. "A bratty child with too much money and far too much time on his hands."

"You on your periods or something? A cactus gotten up your ass, maybe?" He snapped, "I'm not stupid. I know you had some fight with Castle too."

"That's none of your business."

"Listen, did you read the marked pages of the journal?" He asked. His tone was soft, secretive.

"No, I haven't."

"Well, by the time you finish it, Chandler is going to get married and have his kids. You're at a snail's pace and we don't have time for you to finish it."

I let the sarcastic comments slide. "What do you mean, we don't have time?"

Theo's light brown eyes met with mine. It always seemed to catch me off-guard and reminded me of a teen version of Castle. "Tomorrow we will recreate the day of the boating accident."

Fear splintered inside my heart. "How are we going to do that?"

"Leave that to me. Make sure you bring him to the lake. We recreate this without the other players. Devin and Dayana shouldn't know. The same goes for the little runt. Do not underestimate Chandler for his age; he knows more than he should."

I had a bad feeling about this.

"Is this going to be safe, Theo? I don't know what you have planned."

"And it's best you don't. Just do what I've said, Millie. We don't have any other choice. Castle needs his wits about him. His memories will only get triggered if he's exactly in the same situation."

"I'm worried about him."

"Me too, but if we don't want to end up buried in the family cemetery, we have to take this risk."

* ~ *

"Where are we going, Millie?" Castle asked me innocently as I buttoned up his shirt.

"For a little picnic with Theo by the lake. It would be nice to get a breather. You're spending too much time in your room." I tried to be as vague as possible and felt extremely guilty for doing this.

He didn't look too happy. "I don't...I don't like being near the lake too much."

I ran my fingers over his cheek. "I know, baby. This will remove that fear from your head, I promise."

He stared at me. A pause later, he said, "I trust you, Millie."

I felt a stab in my chest. I was going to betray his trust in me.

"And guess what? I made your favorite food. There's deviled eggs, chicken lasagna, and mini pizzas. All of them are my recipes. I told Isabelle not to worry about the cooking, and I also made lemonade and lemon tarts for dessert."

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life... I wish I'd known you sooner..."

"Now you have me."

He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me and covering his mouth with mine in a long sizzling fervent kiss that made me weak in the knees. His lips moved eagerly against mine, his tongue sucking mine as his strong hands tilted my face to get better access. I moaned.

"I love you," I whispered between kisses.

As usual, he didn't answer me.

When he didn't say it back, the disappointment settled in, but I didn't let it show.

"Let's go, Castle," I said and turned around to leave.

I walked to the door when I heard it.

"Love you too, Millie."

I turned around, tears blurring my vision, as I saw a genuine smile on his face.

I walked back into the room. "Thank you..." the fat tears rolled down my cheeks. Do you even say thank you to someone who said they loved you back? I guess not, but no one had ever loved me, let alone said it. "Thank you so much...I can't tell you how much that means to me."

He pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "You're a very simple girl." He laughed.

What if he completely forgot about me after he regained his memories? What if he refused to acknowledge me as his wife? What if he knew I was far below his league and wanted a divorce?

Then you'd be free.

There would be no more crazy in-laws trying to mess with my life, Castle would take charge and change things around here.

I would be happy for him if he got his memories back, but it came at a price. He could forget me.

I took his hands in mine. "Whatever happens...know that I'll always love you, okay?" I told him.

His expressions were perplexed. "I don't understand."

I wiped my tears, shaking my head, and plastering a fake smile. "Let's go. Theo is waiting." 

* * *

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x Kash