"Watch where you're fucking going!" J.P. snapped at the bird who bumped into him. His eyes widened as he realised it was actually someone he knew.

"Pasensya na po, Bodhi. I didn't realise that was you," J.P. said with a sigh. It had been a stressful day and all the stress was finally getting to him, even the ones he kept putting down all the other days, thinking that he was still doing alright and needs to keep his top position.

   He held out his wing and helped the other stork to his feet. He stood there for a few seconds as he watched Bodhi walk away with slow and calculated steps, almost as if it was taking a lot of will to take each one. He was also repeatedly tapping his feathers.

    J.P. had already known that stork for ten years and counting so he had picked up on his nervous ticks and stims. He given up debating and walked over to the other stork, following him.

   "Hey, are you alright?" J.P. asked the stork, trying to maintain eye contact because he had read on some article that eye contact could be very useful for these kinds of things, but Bodhi seemed to not really be willing to return it. The French stork wondered what had been going on.

"好。我好。很好。請離開了," Bodhi said, and his walking slowed down by a lot, but now he was looking everywhere. J.P. sighed. He knew he probably shouldn't be butting into these kinds of stuff, but he felt like he should be helping him with it.

"No, you're not 好. I can tell. I have no idea what else you said, but you're definitely not okay. What's bothering you?" J.P. asked, deciding that if the other stork was still hesistant to answer him, he was going to finally leave him alone. Maybe. If he felt like doing that.

   "I— 沒有... It's not important... Please..." Bodhi said as he started walking again. This time, it was a lot of small steps. J.P. sighed. He supposed he shouldn't be pushong any more. It wasn't like he had revealed everything neither, he thought, his brain drifting towards the mirror in his bathroom.

   "If you need anything, I'll be here— Eh... In my room," J.P. said with a reassuring smile as he continued the rest of the journey back to his room, taking out his Fly Pad and scrolling through the schedules for the day. He had only one delivery daily and the rest of the day was spent preparing for the next one.

His room was the last place he was planning to go to but he knew that Bodhi was probably going to the Common Room, the place all of them went to relax, and he knew that the anxious stork liked being alone whenever something was troubling him, just like the rest of them.

J.P. opened the door to his room complex and no more than three seconds did Lucky come running out the door. He sighed. That young pup didn't want to be anywhere near him. He wasn't bothered by it too much. His fils was just an additional weight to all the stress he had, so he was glad to be rid of him.

  The noon sun streamed through the window of the room complex. J.P. had spent so much time ignoring Lucky's room on the left that he had forgotten it even existed on most days, and those days were spend on his office table, which was right next to the door of his fils.

He took out his Fly Pad and walked over to the refrigerator on the rights side of the living/office room, and to the left of his door. He opened the fridge and frowned as he saw at least a dozen carton of Nestle milk staring back at him. He knew at once that this was Lucky's.

He frowned and started shuffling through the fridge, wondering where Lucky had even gotten the milk. Probably from the dining hall. It was a wild a guess as any. He frantically shoved past more cartons of milk, looking desperately for his collection of jams and wondered where they went.

  Then something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. It was near the window. Light was glinting off the surface. As he approached, he realised that it were the jams he had been looking for. He immediately threw one of them on the floor and slammed open the door to the hallway.

   "Ahhh—!"

   "Oh my fucking god, I'm so sorry," J.P. said, realising he had opened the door right in Bodhi's face. He was standing a metre away from the door though so he supposed the fat stork didn't get hurt with all the additional protection. Or at least he hope he didn't. He sighed, not wanting to think about biology. He wanted to yell at Lucky, but he supposed he could probably go do that later.

"Are you okay?" J.P. asked, even though he was pretty sure of the answer. Who would be standing directly facing a door and not end up using it?

   "So you know how you said that you'll be here..." Bodhi said, with a crochet needle in one wing and a ball of yarn in the other, with a half-finished beanie. J.P. nodded vaguely, but his eyebrows were knitted together, wondering if he should stop the process of making another beanie for his fils, but he decided against it. The anxious stork probably needed to crochet to stim and relax.

   "What's wrong? If you're not going to tell me, then I'll have no idea how to help you," J.P. said, adding the last sentence last-minute because he knew that the anxious stork would probably be tempted to hide whatever problems he was having, like the rest of them.

   "It's just an email stressing me out, and Ava's still on her delivery, though to be fair she just left a few minutes ago..." Bodhi said, sighing as he brought up his crocheting needle and the ongoing beanie. He started to knit. J.P. sighed as he opened the door wider, allowing the brown-eyed stork to enter.

"What's the email?" J.P. asked, raising his eyebrows as he crossed his wings. Bodhi shook his head. The stressed stork was tempted to ask him again — or even force it out of him — but he decided against it. It wasn't like anyone else knew what bothered him.

"You'll be okay. I'm sure there's nothing bad that could happen from the email," J.P. said, walking over to the small collection of jams by the window, feathers itching to finally find Lucky and shout at him or something. Anything to release all the anger that was still steadily burning inside of him, only couples by the smoke of nostlagia.

   "你保準嗎? Because it's from my 媽媽 and I'm pretty sure some bad things could definitely happen from this..." Bodhi said. He was trying not to look at the Fly Pad in his wing, but J.P. could clearly see the little looks he was sneaking at it as he anxiously traced it.

  "I'm sure nothing bad could happen from it if you didn't do anything morally or legally wrong," J.P. replied, feeling grossed out about the fact that he had to include 'legally' in it. Legal stuff were mostly lies and he wished the legal things didn't really matter too much.

"Is ignoring an email morally correct?" Bodhi asked, his eyes travelling back to the Fly Pad in his wing as he felt himself tense up some more on the couch, and he curled up. He felt like there was an invisible force putting pressure on him and he didn't know if things would ever be okah.

"Generally, emails aren't even supposed to be answered unless it's very urgent or you really care about it," J.P. said. He knew some animals may have to disagree with it. He personally agreed. He usually didn't bring himself to answer any personal emails, at least not anymore..

  "Are you sure?" Bodhi asked, feeling a part of him clinging desperately to that one string of hope, but he felt like he was suffocating from all this. J.P. sighed, but also nodded. He felt quite awkward. He had witnessed this stork having an attack more than once, but it never really erased the awkwardness he would feel. Or maybe that was just the attack reaching out to him to join the hopelessness.

"Besides—" J.P. started, but he never got to finish the door slammed open, revealing a slight red-faced black pup who was sweating. The stork felt his eyebrows knit together. Even though he knew he should be completely okay with his son being maybe a little too hyper, it brought back things he didn't want to remember.

"Lucky, putang ina! Where did you go?" J.P. asked, accidentally using a higher volume to what he originally intended. He felt a bit of guilt tug at him but he ignored it. Lucky was supposed to be helping him make things easier, not give him more things to stress over, nevermind if he would also push away those things.

  "None of your business... Buwisit mo..." Lucky said, immediately turning towards his room and slamming it behind him. J.P. shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows, ready to run up to the door and bang on it until that pup would open it up, but Bodhi sitting in the corner caught his eye.

   "How in the world do you put up with him? Or am I just bobo?" J.P. asked, raising his eyebrows as he sat beside him. He released a long sigh, wishing he could go back to four years or so ago when everything was finally perfect and he had everything he always wanted.

"我不知道... Maybe actually try to listen to what he needs?" Bodhi asked, as he focused on his knitting once again. J.P. sighed. He had so many animals telling him that everyday, some even to his face, which would involve his very own father. It wasn't that he didn't care about Lucky. It was just that... He wished his fils were gone.

He sighed, knowing that no one should probably be wishing that. He wouldn't say that he would fully regret it though. Lucky was just a small fragment on what he had left, and he felt like things would just be so much easier if all the fragments would be gone now...

   "It's actually quite easy to put up with Lucky. I don't really know why it's bothering you so much..." Bodhi said, sending a puzzled but strangely reassuring grin to the other stork. J.P. was struck by an urge to spill everything and let this stork know everything he had been keeping inside, but still something had slammed on the break.

There would always be those times when one would just feel so emotionally exhausted that one wanted to just word-vomit about everything going on in one's life, but more often than not, there would be some sort of memory preventing one from doing so. Or at least that's what it felt like to J.P.

"All you gotta do is just listen to him. 我不知道為什麼你覺得這非常困難," Bodhi said as he continued to knit. J.P. had no idea what that had meant, but based on the chubby stork's disappointed tone and eyebrows slightly raised in surprise, he could make a quick guess on the gist of the sentence.

   "That bobo fils took the jam out of the fridge though, only to stuff the refrigerator with his stupide milk. I hate his milk," J.P. said, standing up and angrily kicking his leg at his office table, immediately regretting it afterwards as his orange foot had began to hurt and the supplies on the table were knocked over. He angrily sighed as he tried to put everything back again, but his wings were shaking with anger that it only made it worse.

"He does love his milk though, gotta give him that. He actually loves being cozy, and I can't really blame him," Bodhi said with a small loving chuckle, a chuckle that seemed so familiar and yet felt so far away. J.P. couldn't quite put a feather on it, but then there was something else that bothered him.

He didn't know Lucky loved milk and being cozy so much. He supposed he should've known given the amount of milk and beanies he gets daily, but he didn't, and there was an odd kind of sadness tugging at his heart. Being cozy was probably one of the last things J.P. would think about his son.

  He realised that maybe he didn't know Lucky all to well anymore. He was stuck with the memory of Lucky around five or four years ago, when everything was still alright. He had no idea who his fils had become now, and his emotions went numb with the thought.

   "Maybe you should actually try and spend more time with him. Or even just try meditation. It always helps me"

   J.P. absentmindedly nodded along to that, because he knew that it was true and that he probably should, but he couldn't really bring himself to do it before. Maybe he should try making a little more effort now and finally let go of what had been grounding him...

J.P. woke up each day thinking he would finally set things right in his life and he promised that to himself everyday, but he had spent the next week standing in front of the mirror as always. As he stared at the mirror — more on the frame with the engraved letters than his reflection — he felt his brain whirl.

He was telling himself to finally open the door to Lucky's room and talk to him, but each time he was distracted by the mirror. He sighed, giving up. He ran his feathers along the engraved letters. The initials. He felt himself want to tear up, but he stopped himself from doing so.

He found himself thinking of meditation. He was far from anything religious nor philosophical, even though his parents were both Catholics and wanted him to be one as well. He didn't agree with a lot of their ideals, but they still got along together as a family. He wished he and Lucky could have that, but after the incident, he found it hard.

   He supposed that he could try meditation, even if he was more leaning towards the Jewish religion. Who knows? Maybe he could be a Taoist or Buddhist in the end. They were a Taoist... J.P. shook his head, trying to lock away his memories of them all over again.

   He finally walked out of the bathroom and into his room with a wide floor-to-ceiling window, and some really thick curtains. Most of the light was coming from the single overhead lightbulb, but he didn't mind. Sometimes he had forgotten he got a bamboo vanity on the left side of his room beside the door, also engraved with the same initials as the mirror.

J.P. felt the usual sadness try to tug at him once again, and he let it, but he didn't allow the tears to fall. His head was starting to hurt. The mirror in the bathroom and the vanity were both overwhelming him, pounding into his skull. He should probably finally switch out the furniture, but he couldn't bring himself to throw it all away. He couldn't bring himself to even let a day pass without spending at least thirty minutes in front of the mirror.

   He could already hear Bodhi or Ava telling him that he should spend those minutes with his son instead, but how could he when there's so many things he still hadn't done? Lucky would always be there anyway. It wasn't like he was going anywhere, and if he would, that would be so much better.

    J.P. had his usual stack of medals, trophies and awards all on the shelf, and then the occassional books he would actually read. He usually didn't even remember they were there unless he was having a particularly bad day, and it would either make his day better or worse.

He sighed as he sat on his bed, with the headboard stuck to the wall and one side stuck to the window, with the curtain between them so no creepy bitches could watch him while he slept. He usually felt very weirded out when someone watched him sleep. There was only one animal who he'd allow to watch him sleep, but they were not there...

J.P. took a deep breath, not bothering to expound further on the thought. He didn't really have a clear idea of what meditation was other than probably clearing his mind of all the bullshit in the world and finally calm down for once. There was a pose one would do, right?

   He closed his eyes and held out his wings, immediately opening them two seconds later and placing his wings down again, feeling very awkward. The spa Wednesdays usually helped more, but he had already gone and faced the usual attacks after going there.

   J.P. absolutely hated it, how some storks still even slightly considered that he would be female just because he still liked to relax that way with some spa stuff and paint his feathers. He was male and would still identify as male until the day he died, and hopefully he wouldn't be deadnamed on his tombstone. He was glad he ensured they weren't deadnamed.

  He sighed, deciding to just close his eyes and lay on his bed. That still counted as meditation, right? Of course, it could also be called sleeping, and he was completely okay with that. No matter how hard he tried though, his brain still kept thinking of more and more things like it couldn't calm down.

J.P. found himself thinking of the email, and wondering what it could've possibly contained to send the nervous stork into an attack. He knew a few of his triggers, which just happened to be nearly everything, so there were just as many possibilities for what the email to Bodhi could have contained.

He found himself thinking of the mirror again, but he quickly shut all the other possible thoughts that could've followed if, focusing on the mirror instead. He found himself thinking of being deadnamed even after establishing everything. He found himself thinking of Lucky. He sighed. Meditation was probably not going to work like this, then again he wasn't really doing it properly.

J.P. considered searching how to meditate properly but before he could fully type that in the search bar of the search engine in his Fly Pad, he received a notification about the next batch of deliveries which would be happening next week. He sighed. He loved being at the top though, so he didn't let the stress stop him. Nothing was going to stop him.

He decided to go do a few practise rounds in the obstacle course, and so he did. He didn't push himself too hard here though. That was Ava's job, especially now that she had been promoted. The stork got some pain almost every week in her wings now from all the flying.

  J.P. missed those days when he was still flying a lot with them beside him. When he would still get those pains in his wing, but they would be there, and everything would be alright. When he had finally found love.. When he and Lucky still enjoyed their time together...

   He shook his head. He shouldn't be nostalgic for a past that could never be his now. There were things he didn't miss, like how he still wasn't at his maximum level at T.O.T.S. His life right now was definitely better and he shouldn't be pitying himself just because he lost one animal.

After that thirty minute long practise, he went back inside the dining hall to eat an afternoon snack again. Lucky was there, drinking milk, as always. Despite everything that had happened, J.P. found himself smiling. Bodhi was right. His fils really did enjoy the milk.

He shook his head as he grabbed a tray and walked over to the line, but he didn't even bother to make an effort to sit at Lucky's table. He had spied Bodhi, Ava and K.C. eating at another table, but he knew they would not waste a chance to pepper him about the black pup, considering his fils was just right there.

   J.P. just went and sat at his own table and it was just him, his plate of Filipino-style spaghetti, and his thoughts. They had calmed down during all the flying, but now that he was back on the ground again, thoughts started to swirl once again in his head. It was already overwhelming for him.

   Maybe he should try and fix all of this. He shrugged as he took a bite of his food.