Three Years Later:

We went to the funeral alone; Remus and I. Everyone else was gone, dead, missing, driven to insanity.

I guess it started when Marlene went missing...

No, wait. Actually, it started when Narcissa ran into my shop after not speaking with her in almost four years. She looked so different. The sides of her hair were dyed platinum blonde, obvious to match Lucious'. Her cheeks had sunken into themselves. She looked thinner.
She shuffled over to me and embraced me. I was standing in the middle of my shop where many of the chairs were so people could read. She hugged me in front of all of my customers. She didn't let go of me as she whispered in my ear 'I need to talk to you alone.' I looked at my customers.
"I expect that you are all law abiding folk, so if I come back and my books are missing I will personally hunt you down and take them back," I said with the most seriousness I could muster. My customers barely even lifted their heads from their books. Ah, my kind of people.
I hustle Narcissa upstairs. I shut the top door. Narcissa was already pacing across the kitchen, wringing her fingers. I crossed my arms.
"Where have you been?" I asked her. I didn't get an answer. What I did get was a right hug. As she hugged me the second time, I noticed her shaking. I pulled her off of me.
"Cissy," the name almost felt foreign on my lips,"What's wrong?" She was twisting two rings around her fingers.
"You're married?" I asked. I'd love to  say I wasn't hurt. I'd also love to say the hurt didn't come out in my voice. Both would be lies.
Narcissa must of heard the hurt because her head turned to the side and she let out a sigh of her own form of pain.
"I'm really sorry, Ana. I never wanted this to happen. After we graduated from Hogwarts, Lucious and I started living together. He forbade me from speaking to you or any other friend I had outside of Slytherin. I tried to contact you through Reg, but-"
"He died," I butt in. She nodded.
"Then Jackie moved and no other Slytherin would talk to you. Severus refused, said he hated you, I'm sorry. Anyway, Lucius and I got married. I got pregnant and about 10 months ago had a baby. His name is Draco and he's the cutest thing ever. I just had hoped you got to meet him." Narcissa continued mumbling about something. I put my hands on her shoulders.
"Cissy, calm down, why are you telling me all of this?" I asked. Without wasting a second, she burst into tears. I grabbed her and hugged her tight. She sobbed into my shoulder for a bit before lifting her head up. I barely heard what she said.
"Lucius is a Death Eater." My eyes widened. I pulled away from her again.
"Cissy, we must tell Dumbledore-" It was her turn to grab my shoulders. Her eyes went wide.
"No, Serana, no! You can't! You can't. He'll kill us, he'll kill my baby." Narcissa was full on sobbing at this point. I let her drag me to the ground. She and I sat in the kitchen floor. "You-Know-Who. Once you're a Death Eater, you never go back. I just barely managed to talk them out of making me one. Serana, everyone we knew, our gang, they're all Death Eaters. Even Sev." My stomach jumped into my throat. Severus? A Death Eater? I knew he hated me, but a Death Eater? I urged her on. Lucius said that if I came to you, he'd tell You-Know-Who, and then he would kill Draco." She had stopped sobbing and was simply crying.
"Why did you come, Narcissa? You out your son in danger-"
"I came because you're my friend. I wanted...I wanted to say goodbye," she whispered. "Lucius is out and Dobby, our house elf, is watching over Draco. I have a very short time here." I sucked in a deep breath as tears of my own fell formed in my eyes. There was a light rap at my door.
"Is everything alright?" It was one of my customers.
"Yes Kevin," I said, trying to keep my voice calm,"Everything's alright." I heard him walk back downstairs. At that moment a loud cry echoed through the upstairs apartment. I scrambled to me feet and sprinted towards the nursery room. Narcissa was at my heel. She had a baby of her own, she must know what it sounds like when it cries. I arrived at the nursery to see the oldest, Cecilia Dorcas, standing at her little sister's crib, whispering comforting words to the crying baby.
"Hey, baby girl," I said, ruffling her dark black hair. She grinned up at me.
"Wisty's crying," she said. I smiled.
"I know."
"You're crying." She pointed at my cheeks. I knelt in front of her.
"Mommy's just going through something right now," I said. Cecilia frowned and looked back at her sister.
"Is Wisty going through something?" I chuckled and stood up.
"No, no she isn't, baby." I bent into the crib and picked up the second child I had found on a mission, Wisteria Marie. I brought her to my chest and bounced her up and down lightly as her screaming softened. I turned back to Narcissa with an apologetic look. She was simply grinning.
"I see you and Sirius have been busy." She wiggled her eyebrows at me. I let out a laugh, waking Wisty up again.
"They aren't mine. Or ours. I saved them," I said. Narcissa knew me well enough not to ask. I felt Cecilia pull on my leg. I looked down at her.
"Who is she, Mommy?" She whispered very loudly.
"That's Aunt Cissy. She's your godmother," I told her. I heard Narcissa suck in a breath. I had felt as if Narcissa had been a big part in my life and deserved something of this size. Lily was godmother of Wisty, I had taken Jinxy's last name, Cecilia's middle name was Dorcas, I used Marlene and Emmeline's middle name for Wisty, and I had taken Jinxy's last name. All my friends who had stuck with me to the end was connected to my children.
Cecilia ran over to Cissy and hugged her legs. Narcissa lost her balance and stumbled, laughing. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and mouthed 'Thank You.' I nodded.
Before I knew it, Narcissa was leaving. I held both girls on my hips (you have no idea the amount of muscle I got from doing this) and watched her walk out my front door. My costumers did as well. We both had tears in our eyes. I am losing another friend. With one last look at me, Narcissa turned into the alley. There was a pop. My eyes fluttered closed, the tears dripping from them. She was gone.

After that was when Marlene went missing.
I was in church (Yes, I go to church. Sue me). My two children were in the nursery, so I could give my full attention to the sermon.
The Pastor was giving his closing statement, when Sirius burst into the church. The Pastor had enough discipline to continue, but a few of the young adults and kids turned their heads. Sirius shuffled through the pews, head lowered as the Pastor continued. I glared at him as he sat next to me. He looked very similar to how he looked when Regulus died, except more embraced. He leaned over, his lips as close to my ear without touching it.
"Marlene's missing." My eyes widened. Literally the day before one of my closest friends said she could never see me again or Tom Riddle would kill her child, now another has gone missing? I closed my Bible and stood up. The two of us shuffled out as prayer began. One of the young women my age sent me a small smile as I left. I could hardly return it.

We looked for Marlene for weeks, 7 to be exact. All of our friends would go out in teams for an entire 12 hours to look for her, one team at a time. The one team would return to sleep while the second went out. During this time, I thought it best to get a nanny for the kids (you know, when the full moon is up and every fiber of my body goes through excruciating pain to turn into a savage beast who may or may not eat the people she loves). There was a magical woman who lived near by, Catherine Diggory. She was married to a man named Amos. The two had a son, Cedric, who was only a year older than Cecilia and often came over as well. Florence (you remember her, right?) ran into a Death Eater while on a mission with Mary and was killed. Mary wasn't seen much afterwards.
Then, one day, seven weeks after Marlene's disappearance (her entire family's, actually), they found her body on a riverbank. And by they, I mean me. Cruel thing, fate.
I was walking Cecilia and Wisteria with Sirius along a river one day when we spotted something like a lump in the distance. We'd both seen enough bodies to know what it was. I had a gut feeling that I knew who it was. I let go of Cecilia's hand an Sirius took it. He stood between both smiling girls, but a smile could be seen no where on his face. He kissed my cheek quickly. I started walking forward towards the body. I looked back to see Wisteria standing, determined not to fall. She had a small bit of her pink tongue sticking out of her mouth. If only she knew that she was hardly doing anything and it was mostly Sirius. Cecilia was wearing her normal happy-go-lucky smile as he held Sirius' hand. She lifted a small hand to wave at me. It took every fiber in my body to lift a hand back.
I pressed onward. I knelt next to the body. She lay face down. Her knees down were in the River still, her face turned away. Her left hand lay at the level of her head and I could only assume her other copied.
The blonde hair was stained with red. The jeans on the girl's legs were slim. Her shirt was any normal t-shirt.=. I shut my eyes as they found their way to the girl's shoes. I didn't want to open my eyes, I couldn't. Marlene always wore a pair of shoes that she had coloured on in class a few times. The shoes were so unique, I could spot her from miles away. I forced my eyes open. It took so much energy to do so, but I did it.
Her shoes. They were her's, Marlene's. The tears came without warning. I am about to let out a shrill scream, but I knew I couldn't, not in front of my children. So, I pressed the back of my hand into my mouth as my body fell backwards. I caught myself with my other arm while I bit into my hand. I bit down harder and harder, pressed back the scream that was tearing its way up my throat. I bit until I tasted blood. The metallic flavour was enough to keep My scream at bay. I took my hand away from my mouth. I pressed the wound into my jacket. I stood, letting the brisk, English wind blow my hair every which way. Sirius had walked the girls a bit closer.
"It's her," I said in the strongest voice I could muster. "It's Marlene."
"Aunty Mar?" Cecilia whispered. I didn't turn around.
"Take them home, Sirius," I said. Without another wasted second, Sirius did so. There was a pop and he was gone. That wasn't the first time we'd apperated with our kids. I took both Cecilia and Wisteria away from their captures through apperation. They knew it well enough.
I stood above Marlene's body, tears pouring down my face, sobs fighting their way out of my mouth. After a few seconds, I collapsed to my knees and let out the scream the swelled in my throat. I fell forwards from the lack of oxygen and barely caught myself with my hands. I crawled the few inches I needed to take to get to her body. I sat up on my knees. I wanted to roll her over, but I couldn't find it inside me to do so. She wasn't dead, she couldn't be. My hands hovered over her shoulders before falling back to my sides. I cried and cried and cried, until my head hurt and my throat felt raw.
"Oh, Marlene, what has the world done to you?" I whispered. I finally gathered the courage to roll her over and almost wished I hadn't.
Her eyes were still open.
Her eyes, which usually held so much happiness, which always reminded me of warm Hot Chocolate, which always held a sense of security, stared blankly up at the grey London sky. The sight made the tears reappear. They didn't stop until Sirius came back with the others.

Thump. Thump. Thump.
The room was dark.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
We were silent.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The house was silent.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The world was silent.
The only thing I could hear was Sirius' heart beating next to my ear as we lay in bed. His arm was around me. I hoped he didn't notice my tears on his chest. I hoped he didn't notice that I felt his tears on my head. We were supposed to be sleeping. I couldn't even shut my eyes.
Marlene hadn't been killed by the Killing Curse. No, it was much worse. They shackled her to a wall by her legs and arms. They tortured her so the metal dug into her skin. They cut her. They wanted information.
The thought made a fresh set of tears roll down my cheeks so I buried my face in Sirius chest. He kissed my head.
"It's going to be okay." He whispered. That was the first sentence we'd uttered to each other since the river.
It's going to be okay.
Those words were the reason I managed to fall asleep that night. I had no hope before he said that, no hope that life will continue on tomorrow, no hope that we'd make it out of this alive. But hearing those words was enough to convince me otherwise.
It's going to be okay.
The biggest lie ever told.

It all happened so fast. Too fast. I didn't even have time to mourn for one friend before I lost another.
It was October 31st. Sirius was out, I was in. Lily and James were in hiding with their son, Harry. Jinxy went over to their house for a Hallowe'en party. I was home alone. I had put the girls down for bed and was tidying up the bookshop for tomorrow. I had two boxes full of books in my arms. I was wondering around the shop, putting the books in their correct spots. There was a knock on my door. I groaned.
I balanced both boxes on my hips and attempted to make my way towards the door. Another knock.
"Just a second!" I shouted. Wisteria started crying upstairs. I dropped my head and mentally screamed. Tonight was not my night. I managed to get to the door. Standing outside was Remus. I scowled. He knew he could just walk in anytime. He knew where the spare key was. I set the boxes down on a table, pulling the key from my pocket. I unlocked the door and opened it, my face still contorted into a frown.
I opened my mouth to greet him (or maybe to ask what he was doing here) but was interrupted by him pulling me into a very tight embrace. I was confused, but I hugged him back anyway.
"Remus, what's the matter?" I asked. His chin laid on top of my head. He let out a deep, heartfelt, saddening sigh.
"You're going to want to sit down." I lead Remus up to my room. We didn't have a living room, so most of the family time was spent in my room. Wisteria had stopped crying (probably because of Cecilia), so the house was quiet again.
Remus and I sat on my bed. I turned on the small lamp on, giving is some light. Once settled down, Remus took my hands, and worry immediately flooded over me. Remus had always been conscious of touching me in most ways because of Jinxy and Sirius. So for him to hug me as he did earlier, then hold my hands like this, something was VERY wrong.
He didn't seem able to get the words out. He'd open his mouth, then shut it again. It was very earlier in the morning, maybe 4:00. I thought maybe he had a dream-
"Everybody's gone." I blinked and shook my head. I couldn't process what he was saying.
"What...what do you mean everybody's gone?" I asked. Remus sighed.
"Everyone, our friends, they're gone," Remus said.
"What...where's they go?"
"They're dead! They're dead, Serana, they're all dead." Remus' head fell into his hands. It hit me like a tidal wave. I slipped off the bed and landed hard on my butt. My hand flew up to my mouth. The tears fell from my eyes before I could stop them. I pressed my back against the low bed. I bent forward, squeezing my eyes shut and pressing my hands against my mouth as hard as physically possible. After a few seconds, I stood quickly, too quickly. All the blood rushed from my head and I started to stumble, but luckily caught myself on the doorframe.
"Serana-"
"Get out, Remus," I said, voice deadpan. I let the tears flow freely. My face felt completely still, maybe because it was so stiff.
"Ana, please." I couldn't let him near me. If everyone was dead, it was my fault. I had the Mark, and they suffered because of it. Lily, James, Jinxy, Peter, Emmeline, Alice, Frank, Ted, 'Dromeda, Sirius, oh gosh, Sirius. The names burned my thoughts.
"Remus, please." I mimicked his plea, not to mock him, but in hopes that he'd understand. He did. He got up and left, leaving me alone in the emptiness. The emptiness surrounding me, and the emptiness growing in my heart.

I sat on the kitchen floor, back pressed against the door.
"Serana, please, please, don't do this. Don't shut me out, don't let me loose you too." It hurt, shutting her out, but I couldn't let her near me.
"No, Emme, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but you have to forget me. I'll hurt you." I barely mumbled the last part, but she heard me anyway. She stopped pounding. I heard her kneel on the second step. I knew her hands were pressed against the door. The tears still fell from my eyes. Wisteria was screaming in the other room, but I didn't have the energy to go to her.
Emmeline fell silent. As did I. I pulled my legs in closer. Just then, I heard a crash from my room. I stood quickly.
"Serana, what was that?" Emmeline asked. "Serana?" I walked quickly to my room, wand in hand. I hadn't managed to stop crying yet, but I hardly cared. In my room, was Remus. He stood next to the window. He must have fallen inside.
"Get out," I said. He looked cross; his jaw clenched, his eyebrows were very slightly knit, his eyes were stormy. I felt the judgement of his eyes weighing down on me and felt immediate shame. I lowered my head.
"Don't push us away," he said. "We lost them all too, not just you. We hurt too." His voice was deadly and struck a cord in my heart. But I couldn't stand down, not yet.
"You think I don't know that? I know you hurt, and I know if you lose me, it'll hurt too, but if you die, or Emme dies, I would never forgive myself."
"And if I let you go, I'd never forgive myself! Not to mention Sirius will be pissed." I was about to retort, but stopped. Sirius?
"You said Sirius was dead," I said. Remus sighed.
"I was distraught last night. Not everyone is dead." I glared at him and crossed my arms.
"Explain." Remus sighed again.
"It's not going to make you feel good," he said.
"I already don't feel good." We sat.
"Last night, Lily and James were betrayed. Someone told You-Know-You where they were." I sucked in a breath. "As you know, Elle was there and...and she was caught in the crossfire." I put my hand on his shoulder. He loved her, I understood him."At the same time, Death Eaters broke into Frank's house and kidnapped him and Alice. We don't know where they are." My tears started up again. My brother, not my baby brother. "Peter was found by the person who betrayed Lily confronted Peter and killed him, at the same time killing ten muggles.
"Good news though, Harry is alive. He's living with his aunt and uncle. Neville is unharmed and living with your mother. Ted and 'Dromeda are alive with their daughter, but in hiding. Haven't heard from Mary. Emme is fine, as you can tell. But the Order's dead.
"When Lily and James died, You-Know-Who died with them." At this, a smile broke out on my face. Though tears rolled down from my eyes, the smile spread across my face. They didn't die in vain, that's good.
"What about Sirius, where is he? Is he alright?" I asked hastily. Remus' complexion turned ashen.
"He's alive. Do you remember what I said about Peter being murdered? And the ten muggles?" He asked. I didn't connect the two, so I nodded.
"Yeah, the same guy who betrayed Lily and James." The names caught in my throat. Lily and James.
"That was Sirius."
For a few seconds, the entire world stopped turning. Everything froze. I stared blankly at Remus as if he were speaking an entirely different language.
"No, no, you're wrong. You haven't got the whole story." Sirius would never do something like that. He loved Lily and James like his siblings, he wouldn't hurt them. Not ever.
Remus put his hands up.
"I'm not arguing. But he's been sentenced to a life in Azkaban-" That's when I lost it. I completely went nuts. Tears and sobs came from my eyes and mouth and I had absolutely no control over it. Remus brought me into a tight hug. I heard Emmeline crying on the other side of the door. Wisteria had stopped.
"It's not bad to cry, you know," Remus whispered. I could hardly hear him over my sobs.
"I know. I already am."
A few minutes passed.
"It's not bad to cry, you know," I told him through my still going sobbing.
"I know," he whispered into my hair, "I already am."

It's difficult to describe my emotions at the funerals. I was so utterly heartbroken, yet not a single tear could fall from my eye. I could only stare at their gravestones and think of seeing Lily afterwards to console me. Upon remembering she wasn't there, I thought of Jinxy, then Marlene, then Dorcas, then Charlie, and Cissy, then Alice, and, for some reason, I thought of Tonks, and old friend who died years ago. It was then when I realized what Remus said was true. Everybody really was gone. I had Remus and I had Emme. I also had the Diggory's. But where were the people I started life with? Where was my mother? Where was Frank? Where was Lily? Severus? Gone. Gone.
They were all gone.

"Mother? Can you hear me?" I whispered into the darkness of my room. I hugged Sirius' pillow to my chest, hoping to hold on to what I have left of him. "Mom?"
Silence.
"Mom?"
The tears started up again.
"Mom."
I needed her. I needed my mother.
"Mommy."
Here was a 21-year-old witch crying and screaming for her mother like a child.
"Mommy."
I needed her with me.
"Mommy, please."
Where was she?
Gone.
I pressed my face into the pillow and wept.

I sat up in bed. It'd been a month. A month since all my friends died. I was still mopping. I had a shop to run, two baby girls who needed me.
The night of the funeral was seared into my head. The hours I spent screaming for my mother need once escaping my memory. I couldn't abandon my children to feel the same way, to feel as if they couldn't talk to me, couldn't see me. For some odd reason, the words of my father popped into my head.
"Keep to the ones you love, dear Serana. Keep to the one you love, when all else fails."
I didn't understand what he meant when he said it, but I do know now. Keep them, protect them. Life isn't about me anymore, because of my children. My life is about them, and the few friends I had left.

That night, I promised that when I woke up, I'd be completely new. Much like the New Years Resolution I made so long ago. I wanted to be good for Cecilia and Wisteria. I was going to be a good mother.
I shut the light off and took off my glasses, folding them gently. I placed them on my nightstand, never to pick them up again. At least, not for a very long time.