Tw- body shaming? I think that's what it's called...

Gerard's pov

"Frank! Frank!" I called to my friend, trying to catch up on our way to class.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see ya. I thought you had left already."

"No, I... I had to piss!" I wheezed from running.

"Well hurry up, we're gonna be late!" He began walking again now with me beside him.

"Uhm... Frank?" He hummed, "Can I get some advice?" As I spoke my breath was visible through the frigid air. His was as well.

"For what?"

"I just... uh... Y/n and I..." I looked to the ground, "I dunno where I stand with her..."

"Aren't you two dating?" He asked as if it were obvious.

"No..." I shook my head, "Well... I dunno! I'm so confused..."

"Didn't you two make out? Or whatever?"

"Yeah... but it's still weird..." We had finally made it to the building and walked inside, immediately being met with warmth as our breath disappeared in the air.

"Why?"

"Cause... well... before that night, we were friends. But after that night, I just... it's so awkward..."

"How?"

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to kiss her, or hug her, or what."

"Does she do any of that stuff?"

"No," I said as we stepped into the classroom and sat down. He hummed.

"She's gotta wanna be with you. I mean, she let you kiss her and all. That's gotta count for something. But I dunno, girls are complicated."

"They are," I agreed, "But, I still like them. I really like Y/n."

"Although, Annabelle isn't too bad. She's pretty straight forward."

"I think it just depends on the girl. Some are complex and others are more straight forward."

"Yeah, probably..." The bell then rang and class began. Nothing particularly interesting happened throughout the class period. My thoughts kept wandering back to my dorm mate.

I like her a lot... even after what happened... and the fact that she makes my insides feel funny... oh Y/n... shut up... you're too gross for her... she's so... pretty...

"Gerard?" I hummed, Frank had his eyes on me, "You okay?" I nodded.

"I'm fine, why?"

"Oh, you just had a weird look on your face."

"Sorry, I spaced out..." Y/n...

"Dude, you're fine," He said, "We got like, five minutes, wanna play Halo after?"

"Yeah, Mikey should be able to play by the time we're done."

"Cool," He said, bringing his attention back to the professor.

We both sat impatiently as the seconds ticked away. Our eyes stuck on the clock. Both our hands held our bags, ready to bolt out the door. Just as if we were still in high school. Finally, the last few seconds ticked away. The bell rang, and we both dashed out the door, racing to the dorms.

"I'm gonna beat you this time!" I cried, speeding down the path to the dormitories. He laughed behind me.

"Yeah, I don't think so!" He caught up and passed me.

"Fuck!" I cried, making it to the door and walking inside.

"See!" He wheezed, "I win!"

"Oh, fuck off..." I wheezed as well. The two of us trudged up the steps towards Frank's dorm, passing Annabelle's, and my own dorm on the way. Stepping inside, we still breathed hard. Ray stood there, bag in hand, ready to leave.

"What's up with you two?" He asked.

"Raced..."

"Ah, well, you're blocking the door, so..." We groaned, but moved to the bed. He left the room as Frank set up the laptop and remotes. I sent a text to Mikey as he did so, which Mikey received.

"Mikey says he'll be joining us this evening!" I said, happily.

"Yes..." He handed me a headset and began our game.

"Hello? Mikey? Can you hear me?" I asked my little brother.

"Loud and clear, Gee." I smiled at the sound of this.

"Dude, I swear, you gotta come back over here! It was so much fun last time." Frank said.

"I know! I wish I could, but I'm swamped with homework. Also, did you get my present?"

"Fuck yeah I did, it's awesome!" Frank then eyed the new CD player Mikey had gotten him.

"Good..." Mikey said, "Are we gonna start the game?"

"Oh, right," Frank hit start game, the short three second timer went off and we began.

"Shit..." I whispered, "I got no good guns!"

"Sucks for you..." Mikey said.

"Are you getting in a tank!?" Frank asked.

"No... maybe..."

"That's not fair!" Frank cried.

"Tanks are way over powered!" I said at the same time as Frank cried.

"It's in the game, so it's fair." He then blew up my guy.

"Fuck..." I muttered. We played our game for awhile until after dark. Everyone wanted to keep playing, but there was a knock at the door that made Frank get up.

"Dude, Mikey, don't move..." I said, still focused on the game.

"What...?" Then, I hit the trigger and shot at him with a rocket launcher. Instantly killing his guy.

"Agh! Fuck!" Mikey cried, I just laughed.

"Annie, hi," I heard Frank greet. My head shot up at the sound of this, but Y/n was nowhere in sight. Oh...

"Hi Frankie..."

"Uhm, Gerard, could you maybe..." He pointed towards the door.

"Oh... oh yeah... yeah..." I stuttered, "Mikey we gotta go, bye."

"Damn, I was having a lot of fun."

"Me too..."

"You can take it with you, just don't break it." Frank said.

"Really? Thanks..." I disconnected the extra remote and headset before taking the laptop from the bed, "Mikey! Don't go! I'm taking you with me!"

"Sick..."

"Bye guys..." I said before leaving the room and shutting the door. With the laptop in hands, I wandered back to my dorm as I spoke with Mikey.

"Why'd you have to leave?"

"Annabelle came over, Frank wanted me to leave."

"Oh, yeah it's probably best you don't stick around for that..." He spoke as I opened the dorm room door.

"Yeah, they're probably having relations..."

"Probably..."

"Who're you talking to?" Surprised, I jumped a little, but then saw Y/n sat on her bed.

"Oh... uhm... Mikey..." I stuttered.

"Cool," She smiled.

"Is that Y/n?" He asked.

"Yes..."

"Should I go? Are you two gonna-"

"Mikey, I can mute you."

"But I was just asking!" He said as I sat down on my bed.

"Still, that's weird..."

"You're weird!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"No you!"

"Fuck off!"

"Oh yeah, well," I made idiotic noises into the microphone, he did as well. At this point we hadn't even began the game and we just talked for a good hour.

"Well, I gotta go, I have tons of homework."

"Mkay, bye Mikey."

"Bye Gee..." I turned everything off and set them on my desk. Before sitting down, I looked to the pretty girl asleep on her bed. She still had her day clothes on. My heart fluttered just at the sight of her.

Am I allowed to kiss her head? Oh how I want to hold her... no, not for me...

Her full size mirror stood hung on the wall between her bed and desk. I had been avoiding it ever since she put it up. Now, I only stared.

Gross... I'm so gross... my hair is always a mess... my nose is too pointed... my eyes are a weird shade of hazel... my lips are weird... and my body... there's not a single girl who'd want this... Y/n wouldn't want this... not at all...

Tears had sprinkled my cheeks, but I didn't take any notice and just got ready for bed. By the time I had finally climbed under my sheets, my thoughts had swirled around more than ever. I can't let her hear me cry...

Desperately, I tried silencing my cries in my pillow, blanket, and anything else I could find. My desperation for silence wasn't enough, I had awaken the fair maiden, and the thoughts only got worse.

Great... now I've awoken her... I'm just a big mess! A big, disgusting, loud, obnoxious mess... no wonder I couldn't get the girl... even after we kissed...

"Gerard?" She whispered. I stayed silent, "Gerard?" She whispered once more, "Are you alright?"

"Uhm... y-yeah... yeah I'm fine..." great... now I'm lying to her!? Fuck...

"Why are you crying?" I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

My face was then buried back into the pillow and blankets. Quiet footsteps could be heard, and then, a weight shift in the mattress. She had sat down beside me.

"Gerard?" I didn't respond, "I... I um... I think we need to talk..." No... not now... not while I'm crying, please... I can't let her see this...

I just shook my head.

"No?" She asked. I nodded, "Why not?"

"Cause... it's... it's not a good time..." I spoke fast.

"Oh, well, uhm, I guess..." She thought for a moment, "I guess this is goodnight, then." With my face still buried in my pillow, she kissed the top of my head, and left the room to change. I turned around, facing the ceiling. She... she kissed me... Y/n...

A small smile tugged at my lips as the tears finally disappeared. My thoughts had been clouded with her. But that nastiness inside of me, that was still there, even with it out of my mind for now.

I agree... we do need to talk... but now isn't a good time... tears... I can't let her see them... my tears... my sad, sad, tears...

OwO-
:( so sad :( poor Gerard, ah ok this chapter took me forever to write! I had an idea for it, but then it was rlly bad, and was going in a totally different direction than what I wanted it to go, so, I changed it, a lot, and for good reason! I get to go to hot topic with my friends tomorrow and I'm excited :) Have a whimsical day~peace out cheesebags