Chapter 39 The Wheel of Fortune

Tarot Mucha tarot deck – Wheel of Fortune, The Lovers, Two of Cups

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June 9th ...

Looking out her bedroom door and through the rear sunroom window, she watched the bright yellow and cream jonquils in the raised flowerbed over Miss Priss's grave swaying in the breeze. Everyday she promised herself she wouldn't cry and everyday the tears escaped her eyes. Turning, she looked at the beautiful golden and cream dresses hanging in the front of her closet door. She rose and fingered the silk of remade sarees before going to the kitchen for a cup of earl gray. The floral scent of bergamot, citrus, and honey calmed her as she sat down at her little glass breakfast table and ran her fingers over the golden-hued Tarot Mucha cards. The art nouveau styled tarot cards appealed to her as she stirred them around in a shuffling method called smooshing. A simple two-minute hourglass poured white sand into its base.

Dr. Claire McNaught suggested Cassie change from the deck that carried the weight of hope broken and horror of her past. The beautiful Crystal Visions deck was buried in its carved wooden box with her cat under the golden hues of her favorite flowers. Theodore 'Todd' Maree, the man who attacked her and killed her best friend, was dead after a murderous spree that left forty-eight women they knew of and nineteen men dead, but there were also a dozen young women who had disappeared from the Mayibe Chained discord group which Claire revealed might never be found. Theodore killed every quarter for ten years and sometimes every other month. Cassie knew it was a miracle she survived after she ignored it when her cards and her cat warned her the danger was coming. She remembered smooshing the cards around like she was doing this morning.

She started to gather them together when Miss Priss ran down the stairs and jumped on the table, sliding across the smoosh pile. Several cards fluttered to the floor.

"Really, Miss Priss?"

She picked up the fallen tarot cards. The four cards facing upward were the Seven of Swords, The Magician in the reverse position, the Five of Swords, and the Tower. She laid the two face-down cards to the side as she gathered the deck. Every day she drew her three Tarot cards, but sometimes Miss Priss would 'help' her, like today but never had she gotten a reading that was so far off. Turning over the other two cards that fell, she held The Fool in the reversed position, and Death. She didn't know anyone like the first three cards described. The last three, she certainly had nothing that could cause a sudden upheaval or any risk in her life from being overly naïve or foolish. Blowing on her tea and inhaling the steam, she stared at them trying to make sense of the spread. She didn't have any deceitful, manipulative men in her life.

Coming back into the kitchen with a packet of medicine, "Who's the hottie with the black wings?" Shivonne asked as she pulled Cassie's cup away from her lips and dumped it in it. "This stuff works for twelve hours and it's organic."

"This hottie is the deceiver, and in this position, The Magician represents a manipulative, overbearing and deceitful man." Cassie revealed as she grimaced at the taste. Getting up, she took a squeeze bottle of honey from the cabinet and poured it into her medicated tea. Stirring it well, she took another sip as she tapped the last card, "And lastly, here he is walking away from his lover after he hurt her with no remorse, and the Tower means..."

"Hey, I have this dress," Interrupting, Shivonne giggled and picked up The Fool card. "She's pretty... Which deck is this? I like the art, hotties with black wings and ravens."

"You would. It's called Crystal Visions Tarot." Cassie rubbed her eyes then winced because the pressure around them hurt. Miss Priss jumped into her lap, so Cassie dropped her hand to the silky gray head.

"It still blows my mind that you can make these things work for you and remember all the meanings." Shivonne glanced at her phone when it beeped. "I gotta get to the yoga studio, I have a class to teach. Are you staying home today?"

"No, I have an exam, cello recital practice, and then I have a commercial to record this afternoon," answering, Cassie coughed again. "Erin said he wants to come home this weekend, so I have to go get him."

Shivonne tapped the last card, teasing, "You're gonna die today."

"Death in Tarot almost never means literal death. The inscription on the stone reads, 'Life is changed, not taken away'."

Cassie's life had been irrevocably changed that day. Remembering how Shivonne looked at the cards, calling the black-winged males hotties and saying she owned a dress like the one worn by The Fool, Cassie still wished she had not been too sick to realize the reading was about Shivonne, not her. The man the cards represented had already arranged to meet, torture, and murder her best friend. The night that came after that morning had cost Cassie her best friend, her future as an opera diva, and five and a half years of her life because of her PTSD-fueled fear of people. Of the three of them, Cassie was the only one who would turn thirty this year.

Gathering the smooshing pile, she riffle-shuffled them twice then drew three cards. Turning them over one by one, she sighed as she read them and meditated on the meaning of each. The first was the Two of Wands for the beginning of a journey or planning the future. It showed the image of a woman holding a small globe as she looked into the distance. Cassie could see herself in this card with one staff anchored to a stone wall representing her little canyon and the other in her hand, ready to begin moving forward into the world beyond. The Strength card showed a woman sitting with a lion. When they looked at this deck together, Claire pointed out that Cassie was both the girl and the lion, but Cassie insisted Miss Priss was her lion. The last card was the Dancing trio of the Three of Cups for a family and friends celebration.

Turning three more cards, she almost laughed aloud while her hope rejected the slither of fear that tried to crawl up her spine. The Wheel of Fortune for changing seasons and a positive turn of events had a beautiful maiden adorned with poppies in her hair. She leaned on a wreath of poppy flowers, with an hourglass at her feet and a turning windmill in the distance. The next was The Lovers with an angel watching over the man and woman as he wrapped his cloak around her in a turbulent world. It represented the beginning of a relationship and choices to be made about friendship, love, and loyalty. Closing her eyes, she meditated on her hope. Everything she had worked on with Claire for five months bolstered her to take this first step. Turning the last card, she held her breath for a moment. A winged lion hovered over a couple sharing an intimate discussion while drinking from golden chalices. The Two of Cups signified the growing of an emotionally rewarding partnership or relationship.

"Please, let it be true. Please, let him forgive me."

She dressed quickly and filled the picnic basket she ordered online for today with breakfast pastries. Her hand trembled as she unlocked and opened the gate, but she resolutely walked the mile down the road to the Rocking M homestead. Audie the bull followed her like a dog.

Her brother's husband Nick was just walking toward the Veterinary Clinic building. He froze, staring at her in shock as she raised her hand to wave at him. He turned and rushed inside Grandpa Cordell's house then came out a moment later with Erin. Her brother sprinted toward her, outracing his husband.

Panting, he seized her, "Oh Cass! What's wrong? What are you doing?"

Blinking back her tears, Cassie smiled at him bravely. "I brought breakfast for you both, Tim, and Grandpa Cordell."

Nick hugged them both then almost doubled over to catch his breath. "Good lawd, Darlin'... We thought... Something was... wrong."

"Something is wrong." Cassie squeezed his shoulder then looked in Erin's eyes. "I should have done this years ago."

Erin cried as he held her. "You just needed time.  Your doctor explained it to me. I'm sorry I didn't understand."

As her tears leaked, Cassie admitted, "I didn't understand either. Dr. McNaught helps me." She held out the breakfast basket. "Let's eat before you have to go to work."

She walked between them back to the house. Two people had joined Grandpa Cordell on the ground in front of his porch. Tim's cousin, Lloyd, and his wife Audra stood carefully away from her, but Cassie inhaled and walked toward them as bravely as she could. She held out her hand to them.

"Hello Sheriff McConnell, Mrs. McConnell."

Lloyd's jaw dropped for a moment then he held out his hand and took hers, gently shaking it. "Good morning, Miss King. This is my wife, Audra."

Cassie shook Audra's hand then said, "Erin and Nick told me what you did. I think you're amazingly brave."

Audra smiled beautifully, announcing, "You're the brave one today. We were just leaving for the station."

Cassie realized she had come a little too late so she offered, "I brought Dutch breakfast pastries. Would you like to take some with you?"

Lloyd tipped his head thoughtfully then said, "I think we can be a little late. I am the Sheriff after all."

As they went inside Grandpa Cordell's house, Cassie asked, "Where's Tim?"

"He had to go to Grand Junction to pick up a new pump for Tiana's pool then he's going to install it. He said he'll be back tomorrow," Nick explained then he grinned at her, "We can call you when he gets back if you want to surprise him like you did us?"

Cassie nodded then she looked out the window at Tim's house. "Do... do you think he'll forgive me for throwing him out of my life and telling him not to come back after he read that book?"

"Darlin', he would wait forever for you to come back, even if you came back from the dead," declaring it, Lloyd chuckled as he hugged Audra to his side. "Just like I did."

Audra gave her a smile, revealing, "McConnell and Ballard men don't give up on the one they love easily, even after they think they lost them. Tim has been miserable these last few months and we didn't know why until Erin told us what happened. Tim told me about you. About how much he was falling in love with you and how much he missed you."

"Sometimes he stands out by the pasture fence, listening to you singing to Audie," Grandpa Cordell revealed as Erin pulled plates from a cupboard.

"He understands that you needed time, even if he's convinced himself he will be alone forever." Nick poured mugs of coffee, adding, "This is a big step for you, and he will be happy for you.

Cassie shook her head, disagreeing, "It is a small step because I may never leave the Rocking M."

"But it is significant because it makes your fear smaller and your world bigger. Don't doubt yourself." Audra patted her hand and then squeezed it. "We're going to be sisters-in-laws, trust me."

They chatted like a family as they ate the honey-drizzled flaky apple and golden raisin filled Appelflaps and almond-paste filled Banketstaff dusted with confectioner's sugar. It made Cassie's heart hurt with how happy she felt to be surrounded by family again. Audra reminded her so much of her late grandmother Adeline that Cassie was certain they would become best friends.

~~~~

June 10th...

A knock at the door drew Tim's attention while working in the office he had converted the smallest bedroom into.

"Come in," he hollered, then he returned to scowling at the accounts.

He had moved all the ranch business paperwork and ledgers to his house after he painted and pulled out all the carpet his father had put in for his mother before her death. Lloyd, Nick and Erin helped him gut and remodel it over the last three months. The clean walls and polished tile floors with the underfloor heating and cooling system made the house much more comfortable and appealing to him. He saved some of the pictures of he, his sister Molly, and their dad to display in the living room, but everything else from his childhood he put away. This was his home now and he longed to fill it with happy memories. The knock came again and he wondered who wouldn't just come in. Swearing softly under his breath, he went to the door. Opening it, his breath caught in his chest.

Cassie tried to smile her most beautiful, but her shyness and worry squeezed her breath. "Hi."

"Cassandra?" Tim couldn't believe his eyes. 

She was standing on his porch wearing one of the dresses he bought her. It was large on her still, but the breeze off the mountains, blew it against her full curves. Resting at the top of her cleavage was the necklace he gave her. A piece of crystalline sunshine. 

 "How are you here? Are you okay?"

"I walked and I am. I've got a new therapist; she's been helping me." Cassie held out the basket nervously. "I... uhm, I missed your birthday so I was hoping," she hesitated then blurted out, "I was hoping the dinner date offer could be for your half birthday?"

He stared at her dumbstruck as she stood, holding a picnic basket.

When he didn't speak, she apologized, "I'm sorry for being so afraid and pushing you away. I let my fear hurt you. Please, please forgive me. Can we please be friends again?"

"Friends?" He shook his head in disbelief that she was actually standing on his porch as he insisted, "I can't be your friend, Cassandra. Not after everything that happened."

His words felt like he stabbed her, as tears rushed to escape her eyes. "I understand." She set the basket down and turned, going down the steps.

"Where are you going?" He rushed after her, getting in front of her.

Tears ran in rivets down her face as she meekly answered, "I'm going home."

"Why?"

She stared at him in confusion. "I hurt you and you don't want..."

"No!" He interrupted; his mind rushed through what he said to her, and he cursed internally for being so bad with words. "I didn't mean it that way... What I meant was I don't want to be just friends because I love you." He reached out carefully but she hugged him almost painfully. As he held her, he whispered into her hair, repeating, "I love you and I want to marry you."

"You do?"

"I do... I didn't mean to break things between us. I just wanted to understand what you went through so I wouldn't hurt you on accident."

"I know. Dr. McNaught helped me understand that," Cassie revealed.

"You know Claire?"

"She came to talk to me about Theodore Maree and my PTSD. She has been counseling me twice a week since February. It was her idea that I come to visit you. I'm sorry we can't go to a restaurant yet, but..."

Tim interrupted her, "I'd love to have dinner with you. I've missed your cooking, and playing cards or talking about tarot, but I've missed your voice most of all." He chuckled admitting, "Hell, I've missed everything about you, Darlin'."

"Really?" Cassie was shocked, but he kissed away her doubt.

From the clinic, Nick, Erin, and Grandpa Cordell watched them kissing in front of Tim's porch. "Looks like we'll be having another wedding soon," Erin announced.

"With Molly and Sergio's next month that will make three in a year," Grandpa Cordell announced as he wiped a tear, saying, "Fern would be so happy."

"You know she is, Grandpa," Nick said. They grinned at each other as the phone rang. Grandpa Cordell picked up the receiver and answered, "McConnell Veterinary Office, Rocking M Ranch. This is Doc McConnell."

~~~~~

Tim reluctantly stopped kissing her and asked, "Please come inside."

Nodding, Cassie followed him as he picked up the picnic basket. She was shocked to see the inside of his home had the same color scheme as hers, from the golden blond stone tile floor to the pale cream walls. There was even a print on the wall of the flower-filled meadow behind her house with the sunlight on the stone cliff.

"I bet you think I'm a stalker," Tim said as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I just... I needed to remember a place and a time when I was happy."

Turning away from the print, tears threatened in her eyes again. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Gently, he reached out and rested his hands on her arms. "I should have asked you if I could read about what happened to you before I did. It was an invasion of your privacy that I deeply regret."

"Oh, Tim. I understand but I don't want to talk about it or him. It's in the past and I am working through it."

"If I ever do anything that triggers any kind of fear or a bad memory, promise you'll tell me," Tim begged. "I don't want to ever hurt you."

Her chin trembled as she repeated, "I love you."

"I love you too." His eyes searched hers then he asked, "So what did your cards say about us?"

"Claire suggested I get a new deck for my new life." She went to the basket and pulled out her new deck. Opening the carved golden oak box, she laid the three she drew last yesterday face up. "They encourage us to accept that the season is changing, and we have a choice whether to be friends or become more."

Looking at the cards, Tim reached around his neck to remove a chain holding two rings. He bent to one knee, holding her hand as he spoke.

"I choose more. I ordered these when I paid for Lloyd and Audra's rings because having hope for them made me have hope that someday you'd come back to me." He slipped the yellow gold ring carved with the view of the mountains around the Rocking M Ranch and accented with a canary yellow diamond sun on her ring finger as she gasped.

He declared, "The cards on the table are telling you the same thing I am asking, Darlin. Marry me, Cassandra."

"Yes."