The clouds above me had turned a dark grey when I opened my eyes again and a cold chill circled my body. A drop of water landed on my cheek and I didn't even bother to wipe it away. The rain came soon after that, it banged down on me but I didn't even flinch. I just lay on the grass and took it all, not caring that I would probably catch a nasty cold.

"I don't care anymore," I whispered through my hoarse throat and dry lips, and I squeezed my eyes shut, "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

The sky rumbled with thunder at my comment and for a brief moment it felt like someone was listening to my pain. That someone was there. But then the rain thrashed down and the thunder became more frequent and I realised that it was just Mother Nature doing its thing.

"There is no reason for me to even be here," I said to myself, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall, "Why am I even here? What was I put on this earth to do? Be a hooker? Be someone's trash? Tell me goddamnit!"

I waited for a response, I waited stupidly for someone to tell me that all was not to be lost. That it would all be okay. I wanted someone to hold me and comfort me. In that moment, drenched in freezing water and laying on the unforgiving ground, I wished that I could go back in time. What would it have been like if I had just stayed with Derek?

Would I have made a better life for myself? Would I have married Derek? Would I have children? There I was, a crying, fully grown woman with no future prospects. I had nothing. At least when I was with Derek I had something; I had clothes and a house. I had what I believed was happiness.

Maybe I should have never runaway in the first place. Never met Harry. Never had to deal with the inevitable heartbreak that came with meeting him.

I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, remove my very existence from the earth. Remove the memory of me from anyone who I had ever met. I was a burden, a charity case to anyone who I had ever spoken to.

"Just let me die here!" I cried out in a broken voice, my heart wrenching out my chest. What good had I ever done? What happiness had I brought upon the world? I had done nothing but pollute the area and the people that surrounded me.

Closing my eyes, I felt the goosebumps rise on my arms and my clothing became even more saturated. The cold was now getting to me and I shook and shivered, but never once did I think of getting up. I was ready to die, to freeze to death or catch a cold that would send me to my grave.

My subconscious wandered through my memories, picking and choosing which things it wanted to remember. Even though the rain fell and the wind howled, I was transported back to a happier, warmer time.

I was nine years old and completely obsessed with my dolls. Boys had cooties and all I wanted to be was a pop singer. I was completely focused on myself, I didn't have to worry about anyone or anything.

My mother walked into my bedroom one day, sat on the edge of my pink bed and watched me as I played. She had a sad smile on her face, almost as if she was seeing my future.

"Matilda sweetie, I have to tell you something," she whispered and I turned to face her. She had tears in her eyes which confused my small mind.

"You know the baby in mummy's tummy?" She said slowly as if she was trying to keep her composure, "Well it's not there anymore."

"Where has it gone?" I asked slowly, dropping my dolls on the floor as I became more and more confused.

"It's gone to heaven baby, it couldn't survive in mummy's tummy," a small tear fell down her face and I wasn't quite sure how to react. My future brother or sister was gone.

Of course I didn't know what my mother was going through, how heart-wrenching her miscarriage had been. Laying on that cliff top, I felt that same feeling of pain that she had experienced. It smothered me and suffocated me.

I closed my eyes, ready to let the world do its bidding. If I lived or died, I didn't care. I didn't want to be responsible for myself for once.

Short chapter sorry! So Mat has seemingly given up on everything, what is going to happen in the last chapter? And what will happen to her in the sequel!

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