~The past beats inside me like a second heart.~
-John Banville-

Beginning one's journey on Earth, everyone holds his glass jar of life tightly grasped against his chest, protecting it from the storms and pains, holding it tightly to prevent it from falling to the ground and breaking into a million shards of unrepairable substance. Filling this jar with every memory that he makes throughout his journey, a person carries his past everywhere. This past contains all the glitters and tears and all the dreams and rainbows of his life that he lives through and is meant to make him smile no matter what. He may smile that it happened or he may smile that it's over but nonetheless, it's meant to make a person smile and not cry.

My life jar was safely placed under the shade of a tree near the graves of my parents. I never tried to hold on to it unnecessarily because things are meant to be and it's better to accept one's past rather than crying over spilt milk.

Unfortunaly, things were not same for Cara. She was a person whose jar was all shattered and bending down to collect all the lost memories from the ground, she had fallen over and lost herself in the fading treasures of her life. Having a strange obsession over her past, she had fallen irrevocably in love with it and had a strong tendency for adoring sorrow even if it hurt her.

I realised it the next day when I woke up from a peaceful sleep after playing in rain puddles on night streets with her. It was really early in the morning and Rob was still asleep. Quietly, I got ready in his cabin and walked over to my study where she had been sleeping all these nights. Tapping the door lightly, I stood back and waited for her to open the door but no reply came. I waited for a few moments before deciding to leave and let her sleep a few hours more.

I was about to turn when I heard a soft jingle of bells and a strange urge to open the door and peek over her sleeping silhoutte took hold of my heart. It was completely wrong but for once, I wanted to see her calm and relaxed posture...away from all the wildness that she carried around every moment. I wanted to feel her serenity.

My hand lingered over the door knob before I made my mind and opened it a creek, trying to be as quiet as I could manage. A wisp of her nostalgic fragrance mixed with the scent of old books filled my head as I smiled at the thought of how someone could fall in love with someone's fragrance. I bent over slightly to peek inside the sunlit room surrounded by all the books that I loved so much. What I saw in front of me forced me to gasp audibly.

In the center of a thousand mysteries, Cara Evelyn stood straight as a pole and swirled around so adroitly, I could barely make out any details of her attire. A melodious jingle of bells could be heard and I looked towards the window to see that the three silver bells where missing. Her fair arms were held high up in the air and I could see a soft cloud of silver ruffling over her head. A thin silver ribbon trailed along with her hair. I couldn't make out what it was because she was whirling really fast. Dancing in her jeans, she had me gasping my heart out. Cara Evelyn knew how to dance better than I knew how to breathe.

Standing stunned at the doorstep, I looked at her as she spread out her arms slightly and slowed down. Coming to a soft pace, she spread her leg out and swayed around on the tips of her toes. Her eyes were closed and I felt as if she was meditating. It was until I made out the earbuds plugged into her ears and the wire going directly into the pocket of her jeans where probably her cell phone was held safely. She was dancing to a beat and stealing my breath away.

After a few moments of magical silence, she stopped dancing and I looked at the rose tattoo on her right foot with embarrassment. I was guilty of watching her in her solitude and she might never trust me again but I had a solid reason; she was so difficult to resist.

I kept looking at the dark ink painted on her foot as it advanced towards me lightly, accompanied by a soft jingle of bells, like she was walking on air. Coming really close, she snapped her fingers in front of me and I raised my eyes to meet the deep oceans rolling in her eyes. Her silver hair were soft and messy as ever as they graced her forehead adorably. A silver ribbon was tied around her head and it held the three little bells hanging sweetly over her soft hair. I felt as if my breath was lost somewhere in the streets of nostalgia as I looked into her beautiful eyes which were slightly shaded from under. I could see that she hadn't slept all night.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. It was strange that I didn't want to blink and lose the sight of this magical existence in front me.

"You're welcome." She chirped cutely while smiling and stretching her arm out towards the room. I returned her smile sheepishly and walked inside.

"You dance really close to perfection." I smiled as she walked over to sit in front of me in the window where I had taken a seat.

"I like dancing. It's good because I am light." She shrugged and untied the ribbon around her head before tying it over our heads to the window sill. The bells glittered in the sunlight and she raised her arm to hit them lightly as they created a beautiful symphony mixed with the rush of sea waves in the morning air.

"What was the song?" I noticed that the earbuds were in the pockets of her jeans now.

"Oh, you want to listen to it?" Her eyes shone with extreme excitement as a huge smile spread on her face.

I nodded and she took out her cell phone hurriedly as if she'd lose me if she didn't hurry. Handing me out one of the earbuds, she plugged the other one inside her ear before she played the song and held a finger to her lips as I frowned.

The song was in a language foreign to me and I couldn't make out the words of the male singer in it. The music, however, was quite relaxing and soft. Strangely, it made me think of my older days with my family. I closed my eyes and listened to it quietly. After a few minutes of nostalgia washing over me, the song ended and strangely, I felt sad over it.

"Want me to replay it?" She raised an eyebrow and smiled teasingly. Although the song had affected me in strange ways and I felt really sad inside, I nodded and smiled back. She replayed it and we listened to the beautiful and foreign symphony together.

"What did he mean?" I asked her as the song came to an end and she replayed it before I told her to. Closing her eyes in a trance, she started speaking softly as the lovely music filled my head and I felt as if I was rolling in the softness of her voice.

"I saw you..
In laughter adorned cheeks,
In priceless thoughts,
In mentions of beauty,
In the hair of Sohni*,
In the walks of a peahen,
In earthen ware bowls,
In bronze flatware,
The more I get you,
The more you seem less...
Whenever you stretch,
Come see me...
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful...
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful..." I closed my eyes and rested my head against the window sill as she took a deep breath and continued translating the song for me. Her words sounded like a beautiful lullaby and I wanted her to never stop the narration of this wonderful tale.

"The rainy seasons of childhood passed,
The string of teenage years passed by,
I turned around and looked behind,
To see my whole life lost...
Even then, I have passed each day holding on to your hope,
My breath depends on the one look you give me...
I request you to not break my heart,
As it twirls and twirls, oh beautiful..
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful..." I could hear her light sobs over the music in my ear but kept my eyes closed. I wanted her to cry her heart out for once. My insides were screaming to hold her but I didn't want her to become conscious so I stayed still and focused on the words instead of the pain in her voice.

"My intoxicated eyes look out and wait upon you, O love,
Quench the thirst of my love,
Adorn my body with flowers,
What are you thinking?
I am already lost...
Again and again on every branch,
Every direction, I await you...
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful..
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful..." The longing in her voice intensified as the addictive music rolled through my veins and I felt a strange sorrow take hold of my heart.

"I saw you,
In the soft light of morning dawn,
In streams and brooks,
In moments and years,
In the lovers who love,
In those with zeal and those with zest,
In the anguish of love,
In living examples,
The more I get you,
The more you feel less....
The thread of my life,
I have attached with my beloved...
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful,
Even my heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful....
The heart twirls and twirls and twirls and twirls.........
The heart twirls and twirls, oh beautiful...." Her voice turned to a whisper as I opened my eyes to see her body racking with the shivers of her sorrow.

Two trails of fresh tears decorated her soft cheeks as her head rested back and her teeth bared in pain. Her hands trembled as the song started playing again in our ears but this time she stayed quiet and sobbed more and more with every note of music. I clenched my fists and reluctantly, drew out my hand to hold her wrist and drag her near me. She gave in easily and rested her head against my chest as I enveloped her frail shivering body in my arms and rested my cheek over her soft silver hair. The song kept playing and she kept crying without getting tired. After something what felt like an hour, she backed away from my hold and a feeling of emptiness rushed over me instantly.

Her hair were all messed up and her eyelids were hiding the chaos in her eyes as she looked down at her hands and then brought them up to wipe her tears cruelly. My earbud was already plugged out of my ear as she plugged out the one in her ear and placed them in her lap. I crossed my arms to deal with the hollowness inside me but in vain. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet my gaze and I saw the lost years of her life haunting at the back of her blue oceans. They looked...dead.

"I feel like I can never cry enough. I wish I had a deadline to my sorrow, a border that ensured me solace after all this pain. I never get tired of crying." She held my gaze and spoke lightly as if scared by something. My heart twisted at the agony in her words.

"If you won't let go of your sorrow, it won't let you free. You have to let it go to free yourself, Cara Evelyn." I whispered and took her shivering hand in my hand before rubbing it gently to calm her down.

"You know what haunts me, Aaron? That I don't want to let go of my sorrow. I madly adore this pain that has its home in my soul. I love this strange sadness like my life depends on it. It's the only thing that makes me feel belonged because I never belonged anywhere. I have no home to go back. I have no one waiting upon me. I am a lost wanderer and it'll never change. You can judge the extremity of my madness by the amount of pleasure I feel when someone calls me Cara. Even though I know that they call my name but still I like to imagine that I am being called "beloved". I am someone who has never been loved, an unwanted presence. The only person who made me feel belonged......" Here, she broke down into sobs again and I hugged her tightly.

"You don't have to talk about it." I hushed her and rubbed her back softly as tears made their way to the borders of my eyes and I held them back. The amount of pain resting inside this girl was too much for her frail body. I took a deep breath and decided to confess the most beautiful truth of my life to her.

"I could have said a long poem in your praise if I were a poet before doing this but I like to rush to the ends when the ends are beautiful, so here I am rushing to the end and telling you that I love you, Cara Evelyn, and as we sit here enclosed in a million stories, I would love to create and add our own story among them. Do you mind?" My cheek was resting over her silver hair as I turned my face to kiss the top of her little head. She backed away slowly but kept holding on to my hand.

"You'll end up getting hurt, Aaron." She pressed my hand feebly as concern lit her hollow eyes. "I don't want to hurt you." Her gaze faltered and averted to the world outside. I smiled lightly.

"I don't mind the hurt as long as I have you." With that, I lifted both of her hands to my lips and kissed them one by one. "My grandma says that we should not kiss only one hand because it brings bad luck. I don't believe in it but I can't risk you." I pressed her hands softly in my hands as she looked in my eyes and smiled slightly.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are like the sea, Aaron Troy? Deep and calm. Always holding on to the shore no matter how many times it sends you away. That's the reason I love the sea." She left the words unsaid but my heart picked up pace as I realised that she had just confessed her love for me.

"I'll always hold on to you." I smiled brightly at her.

"But I'm not the shore, Aaron Troy. I am air and water can't hold on to air." She shook her head slowly and stood up. My smile disappeared as her words slowly sank in my heart and the feeling of hollowness returned.

She was right. Air always loomed over water but water could never hold on to it. Cara Evelyn would always haunt me but I'd never be able to get her.

***

The whole day passed by lightly and we took a break from our adventures to spend a day inside and watch movies in the lounge. Things felt better and Cara seemed quite uplifted after all the crying in the morning. Her wildness had returned and she joked around with me and Rob as she cooked food for us. It almost felt as if the gloomy morning had been nothing but a dream.

I was wrong and I realised this in the middle of the night.

I jerked up from a nightmare as I was sleeping by the window in the reading nook. I couldn't precisely remember the details of the dream but it had left me with a deep feeling of distress and emptiness. My breathing was shallow and my heart was racing. I got up and drank a glass of water. I was planning to go back to sleep when a strong urge rose in my heart to check her out.

Through the moonlit alleys of book-filled racks, I made my way towards my study. With every step, my pace increased and I couldn't recognise the reason of my anxiety until I reached her doorstep and opened the door.

Cara Evelyn was no where.

Author's Note

*Sohni is a reference to a beautiful woman equivalent to Juliet in some Asian countries.

The real song is "Jhoom" (twirl) by Ali Zafar. I have used its translation. You can listen to it or "Wildest dreams" by Taylor Swift if it doesn't suit your taste. ♥♡

Wow. The story is turning out to be something finally. I promise it'll open up more gradually and you'll know EVERYTHING. Just be patient. :)

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My exams are going on and I woke up all night to type this update for you guys. They are ending on 22nd July. If you want an update before it, comment and I'll try my best to do it. :') Where will you find another author who updates stories for you in her exams? :D

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Much Love xX
Hazel ♥♡