«Isn't it ironic?»

You raised your eyes on the white shadow beside you.

You knew who he was, of course, but once again his wide figure was blurred, features impossible to distinguish.

«What would be ironic?»

Your voice was low, almost tired.

«You have a gift, [Y/n]. Even before we started training your Observation haki, I knew it was your thing. Plus, you are one of the best snipers I've ever met. Looks like all your skills revolve around sight.»

«So?»

«Yet you can be incredibly blind.»

A veil of sadness clouded your chest.

His long fingers reached your chin, hardly touching it, guiding your face so your gazes could meet. Still, you couldn't see him.

«And if I leave you without a goodbye, will you stay broken forever?»

Warm tears gathered in your eyes as your teeth grazed your lower lip.

«I...»

«[Y/n]!»

Your focus shifted beyond the tall man.

A young marine was waving at you, innocent grin plastered on his face and pink locks following his movement. Beside him, his blond companion sat, waiting patiently.

You squinted, noticing more people behind them.

Tashigi was smiling, and Smoker stared back at you with his usual stern look, but there was maybe a hint of softness in his eyes.

Tsuru-sama nodded towards you, a smirk curling her wrinkled face.

«Somehow, you made me the only person worthy of your affection. And when I left, you stayed in the darkness.»

Your eyes flicked back on his unfocused figure.

«Is this the reason you left without a word? So I could rethink the image I had of you and finally see other people?»

He seemed to shrug.

«Maybe. This is your dream, [Y/n].»

«But I needed it. I fucking needed an explanation, a farewell, anything!»

Suddenly, the air behind you caught fire.

An imposing presence had appeared at your back, and it was as red as blood.

The white figure took a step farther.

«Is that what you needed?»

The space was suddenly split in white and red, and you found yourself exactly in the middle.

You saw Koby's face turning alarmed.

Even without looking, you knew who was behind you.

Koby stretched his hand towards you as the blurred figure dissipated. Smoker pulled out his jitte.

«[Y/n], come!»

«Girl!»

You didn't move. Your tongue was glued to your palate.

«[Y/n], please!» Tashigi cried.

You opened your mouth to allow more air inside your crumbled lungs.

«Why don't you say anything?» you asked, voice feeble for just the red monster to hear.

No answer came.

«[Y/N]!»

The white hands were all stretched in your direction now.

But it was so cold in front of you, while the space behind was burning.

You could feel it now, it wasn't just one presence. They were two, three, four, ten. An entire crew of pirates.

Silent as they never were.

«[Y/N], YOU HAVE TO COME BACK NOW OR IT WILL BE TO LATE!»

«I...»

And if I go,

Will you stop me?

And if I go,

Will I turn to say goodbye?

Aokiji's voice blew in your mind.

«Will you?»

A violent shiver traversed your body, making you flinch among the sheets.

Your eyes snapped open in the darkness of the cabin, and you had to blink a few times to realize it was a dream.

Somehow, during your agitated sleep, the blanket slipped away.

It was cold, that night, no stars to be seen beyond the porthole.

Goosebumps crawled down your exposed skin as you tried to catch your breath.

Your head was still hurting lightly from the binge.

Kid shifted beside you, a low groan leaving his throat and making you freeze.

«What is it?» he grunted drowsily.

«N-Nothing.» you whispered «Bathroom.»

You slid out of the bed, rubbing your bare arms when the cold hit you worse and swiftly reaching the bathroom.

When the door was closed behind you, you grabbed the sink, gritting your teeth.

Calm down, [Y/n]. It was just a dream.

A stupid dream because you don't fucking know who you are anymore. Or maybe you never did.

You hid your face in your hands, sighing heavily.

"You need to look harder"

«Well, it hurts!» you hissed between your fingers «It hurts, sensei. Whatever fucking reason you had...» you looked up at the ceiling «...it never stops hurting.»

The door suddenly opened, and you jumped so high you landed on the other side of the small room.

«WHAT THE FUCK!» you gasped.

Kid stood at the entrance, wearing only his boxers. He was staring at you.

«What are you doing?»

«What are you doing! I'm in the bathroom, for fuck's sake!»

«But you're not using it.» his eyes sharpened «Were you crying?»

«No!»

A disgusted grimace deformed his face.

«Is that what you do now? You lock yourself here to cry at night?»

«You should go back to sleep, this brusque rise messed up your little brain.»

A flash of rage crossed his eyes and his flesh hand grabbed the collar of your tank top, tugging you against his hard torso and forcing you to tiptoe.

«Don't you speak to me that way, [Y/n].» he blew in your face.

«Then don't push me!» you retorted, swatting his hand away.

Surprisingly, Kid let you go, but his dangerous expression didn't falter.

«It's for him, isn't it?»

«Who?»

«The bastard that made you join the Marines.»

Your heart missed a beat.

«It's not.»

«Are you lying to me, birdie?»

He took a step towards you, and you took one back.

«Kid. Don't.»

«You're still thinking about him. No, you're always thinking about him.»

«Don't you...» you swallowed. The trembling of your body already gave you away, and you were too shaken to lie «Don't you think about the people you loved that left you behind?»

He grit his teeth.

«Aww, poor birdie, daddy left her behind.»

All the muscles in your body tensed up.

«What the fuck are you doing, Kid?»

He advanced until your back hit the wall.

«What? Am I hurting you? Am I hurting you like he did?» he bared his teeth in a sneer, amber eyes glowing in sadistic pleasure «Will you cry, birdie?»

You didn't cry.

Instead, you hakied up your fist and hit him as hard as you could.

Armament haki was fairly new to you, so the use you made out of it was clumsy and probably not too efficient, but it was enough to made his head jerk violently as you clearly felt the impact against his jaw.

Kid grunted, quickly recovering his balance.

He looked at you, while his tongue came out to collect a few droplets of blood from the corner of his mouth.

«Yes. Yes, fight me, birdie.»

He lunged forward and you barely had the time to roll aside and slid beyond his leg, gaining the wider part of the room.

As soon as you were behind him you tried to hit the back of his knee, but he dodged.

You managed to avoid his mechanical hand, but right when you were about to attack him again, his iron grip tightened on your left biceps.

Shit.

He pounded you to the floor and the air escaped your lungs in a painful gasp.

You tried to wriggle out no matter the ache, but his metallic hand pushed you down.

The last thing you saw was his flesh fist ready to hit you.

You turned your head to the side and closed your eyes, bracing yourself.

«Fuck!» you cried in frustration.

But no impact came.

After a few seconds, you dared to open your eyes.

Eustass Kid was looking down at you, still straddling your body to the ground.

However, every trace of anger seemed gone from his face, and an amused smirk was hovering on his features.

«Not bad.»

«Wha–»

He grabbed your arm and pulled you on your feet.

You blinked at him, still confused.

«What... why did you stop?»

He quirked his non-existent eyebrow.

«Did you want me to splatter your head all over the floor?»

«But I... I hit you.»

«Yes you did.»

His fingers ghosted over his reddened cheek and an absent smile lingered on his lips.

«You even hakied up. It was a crappy armament, but still.»

«So why didn't you do the same?»

«Because you'll admit it wouldn't be exactly the same thing, would it?»

You frowned.

He looked totally calm now. Hell, he looked even pleased! Where did all that anger go?

Among your pantings, you suddenly realized that the surge of adrenalin had wiped away your rage too, along with the acute sadness.

Kid shrugged.

«I'm going back to sleep, you do whatever you want.»

You watched him turning and reaching the door.

When his hand was on the doorknob, though, he stopped.

«It pisses me off.»

Your arms wrapped around your torso, now that he was not close anymore.

«What?»

«You hit me back, because that's what you fucking do when someone hurt you. Then why do you hide and cry when he's the one hurting you?»

Your breath got stuck in your throat.

«That's not...»

But the words died on your tongue.

Because that was exactly how it was.

«He abandoned you. So what? Will you let it define you forever?»

About a dozen of minutes later, you stepped back in the cabin.

The candle on the nightstand was burning, diffusing a trembling light in the wooden room.

Kid was lying on the bed, hands busy fixing what looked like a bashed mechanical toy.

You walked over quietly and laid by his side.

Your eyes were soon captivated by the fluid movements of his fingers, handling screws and moving parts of the robot-like puppet.

From time to time, thin violet rays sprang from his touch as he used his power to proceed.

«What is it?» you asked.

«Some trash I found in town.»

«And why did you take it?»

He shrugged, without stopping his work.

Sleep had almost dragged you back in its arms when the toy dropped on your side, startling you.

«Here. Throw it away.»

You rubbed your eye and picked it up.

It had an uncertain smile on the metallic face, clearly added by immature fingers. All the limbs were now attached to the right places and perfectly mobile.

«It's kind of cute.»

«It belongs to garbage.»

He leaned over to take it away, but you quickly rolled above it, shielding it with your body.

«Mine!»

Kid frowned.

«Why would you want that shit?»

«I said mine!» you pouted, glaring at him behind your messy hair.

The redhead slumped back on the mattress.

«Whatever, keep it.»

You smiled and brought the puppet in front of you.

«Hey, can you give me a red lock? I could put it on him and call him Eustass.»

He turned to you with a twitching eye.

«What?»

«Look, he's happy!» you chirped, shoving it in his face.

He grabbed your wrist and gave it a curt tug, bumping you into his chest.

«Ouch.»

«Are you looking for trouble, woman?»

«Never.»

A tinge of softness entered your smile, despite the amber gaze burning on your skin.

His grip grew looser, so you brought back the toy by your side, leaning your forehead on his pectoral.

Kid's body relaxed and he abandoned his arms around you.

You felt his flesh fingers lazily tracing paths on your back and, for some reason, your heart speeded up a bit.

This man is bipolar.

Oh, whom am I kidding. We both are.

«You're cold.» he grumbled.

You closed your eyes.

«Not anymore.»

He tensed up at your words, but only for a second.

His hand slid lower, soon probing the firmness of your butt.

You grabbed his arm.

«I told you already, I need a little break. I'm all red and swollen down there.»

«Maybe I should check.»

«Yeah... no.»

«Then what about your a–»

«Don't even think about it.»

He huffed, hand going back around your waist.

«Someday.»

«Don't count on it.»

«Never say never, birdie.»

You scoffed, nuzzling against his chest.

«Goodnight, Eustass Kid.»

The captain sat down in the galley, glaring at his first in command.

«I know that you're smirking inside that mask, Killer. Quit it.»

Killer cleared his voice and put a plate in front of him.

«Sorry. I heard the hustle from my cabin, last night. I thought she was out, but, judging by your face, she wasn't.»

The redhead grunted, touching his cheek where the bruise was still visible.

«She hakied up, okay? I wasn't trying to dodge anyway.»

«She did? You must have really pissed her off.»

«I guess.»

Killer stopped, suddenly staring at him.

«Wait. You didn't... hit her back, did you?»

«I totally could have!» Kid snapped «...but no. I didn't.»

«Good.»

For a while, they ate in silence.

The dawn was still a few minutes away, and the day was promising to be foggy and cold.

«You didn't ask her to stay either.»

Kid's fingers tightened around the fork.

«That's none of your business.»

«Fine, I don't want to have the same conversation again.» Killer stood and placed some dishes in the sink «You know the time you have.»

«Why the fuck are you so worried about it, anyway?»

«I'm not, but the men are asking questions. They already consider her a nakama, and it's getting harder and harder for them to control themselves around her. Sooner or later someone will spill about the alliance, about Shanks, or...»

«Enough!» Kid barked, getting on his feet «If someone spills, I'll just throw him over board. [Y/n] is a prisoner until I say otherwise, is that clear?»

«Why the hell are you lingering so much, Kid?» Killer turned to him «I know you don't want her gone. Plus, she can handle herself. I already told you I think she'd be a great asset for the crew, and the men would be enthusiastic. Do you think she would make you weak?»

«Shut up, Killer, before I make you.»

The blond pirate watched him heading for the exit.

«Are you that afraid she might say no?»

Kid growled between his teeth before slamming the door.

After you woke up and showered, you went to the infirmary to help the doctor out with the minor wounds occurred during the last battle at John's Dockyard.

The man took the occasion to hand you two big bags filled with stuff he purchased for you.

Going through it, you assumed the rest of the crew took the liberty to add some things, but there was basically all you needed and more.

«What's with all these little dresses?» you asked, dividing the clothes in piles on a gurney.

«Well, they are practical plus they're hot. Good compromise, isn't it?»

«I'm the only woman on a pirate ship. Is it really a good idea to remind the men all the time?»

«As if they would touch you!» he sighed «You're not forced to wear an ugly uniform now, enjoy being a woman. And please, please don't make any joke about how much you're enjoying it with the captain already.»

«...I wasn't going to.»

The Mohican entered the room, cutting the conversation short.

The doctor gestured him to sit.

«[Y/n] will change the bandage on your leg.»

«Great.» he groaned «Oh, I saw the captain's face, by the way. Did you really do that?»

«Do what?»

«Did you punch him?»

The doctor dropped a big book and turned to you.

«You punched captain Kid in the face?!»

«He deserved it.» you muttered, kneeling in front of the pirate and starting to undo his bandages.

«I believe it. But... did you punch captain Kid in the face?»

«Actually, this is the second time. But the first time it was barely a blow, maybe it doesn't count.»

«And he didn't kill you.»

«Well, for a second I though he would.» you smiled lightly «But he knew I was right.»

The two men exchanged a glance above your head.

«Does he... hum... does he seem pissed?» you asked, without looking up.

The Mohican scratched his cheek.

«Not really.»

«Fine. Your leg is healing up nicely anyway.»

Later that day, you sneaked back in the cabin and indulged yourself to try out some of the new dresses.

You were never the type of girl who cares about clothes, maybe because you went from the rags of your childhood to the marine uniform.

Now, in front of the big mirror, that comfy brown dress wrapped around your chest in the perfect way, with the deep V-cleavage showing the curve of your breasts like you didn't know it was possible.

I... I do look hot.

«What do you think, little Eustass?» you asked the mechanic puppet, sat in the corner of the desk.

You had stolen one of Kid's nail polishes to paint the top of his head red.

«I bet you approve.» you smirked.

Your lips curled as your hands touched your chest.

Not sure it's a good idea... oh, what the hell! Pirate women go around hundred times sluttier all the time. And this is the Victoria Punk.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped on the deck.

The crew was scattered around, as always. A few men were fishing, sat on the railing nearby.

Booka turned to you, clearly bored by the activity.

«Hey girl, where have you...» his voice faded as his eyes dropped on your cleavage.

You clicked your tongue.

Sure you were expecting it, but you were also expecting his gaze to snap up immediately after.

It didn't happen, though. Booka kept staring at your chest shamelessly.

«Oi, my face is up here.»

«I know where your face is.»

Your jaw slacked at his cheekiness.

Beside him, Leo turned as well.

«Oh – holy crap.»

His eyes lingered just a few seconds, though, then he made the effort of looking at your face.

«I appreciate the change.»

«I think everyone does.» Booka grumbled (and yes, he was still staring).

The slap that suddenly hit his nape made him squint and almost lost his balance on the railing.

«Stop it.» Heat ordered from behind.

A genuine smile bent your lips. When Heat looked at you, he didn't even lower his gaze.

«You look very nice, [Y/n].»

Your cheeks warmed up a little.

«Thank you.»

«I'm telling you,» Booka growled, massaging his nape «if you walk around like that we will all get surprise boners, ready to be cut away by captain Kid.»

Leo nodded vehemently.

«We'll end up a crew of eunuchs.»

You replied with a devilish smirk.

«Well, that's not my problem, isn't it?»

«You're evil.»

«All women are.» the Mohican agreed, walking over «What did she do this t– well, helloooo.»

«Not you too.» Heat hissed, glaring at him.

«Sorry, sorry.» he adjusted his shades over his eyes «Ah-hem, I came to inform [Y/n] that she's taking over the outlook post now.»

«Fine.» you said, heading to the main mast.

«You know who's the smart one here?» Booka was saying to Leo, meanwhile «Killer. With that helmet, he can stare as much as he wants, no one will ever know.»

«I bet he does that.»

«Yes, the kinkiest guy is always the least suspicious.»

You had to choke down a laugh.

It was exactly Killer you found in the crow's nest.

You took the telescope from him, squinting your eyes to try and make out where his gaze was falling.

After a few seconds of silence, he snapped his fingers in front of your face.

«Hello?»

«Huh, yeah.»

«Do you feel comfortable taking over the shift by yourself?»

«I do it all the time when I'm on duty.» you replied, shrugging off your curiosity for the time being.

He hummed, passing you by.

You frowned lightly.

You didn't know why, but you had to let something out.

It was there from the night before, crumbling in your chest.

«Hey, Killer.»

He was the only one you could tell. The only one who could help you figure it out.

«Yes?»

«Your cabin is close to Kid's. Did you... did you hear us last night?»

«Sadly, I hear you every night.»

You groaned, hiding your face in your hand.

«That's not what I meant.»

He hummed.

«I know. Yes, I heard something.»

You curled your lips.

"He abandoned you. So what? Will you let it define you forever?"

«You know,» you murmured «Kid said something to me... and I think he's right. Can you believe it?»

«I can.» Killer looked at you «I know you were abandoned by someone important, [Y/n]. Whether it was because of you or not, you have to let it go.»

You closed your eyes, trying to supress the sadness.

«It's not just this... he was so much stronger and wiser than me. The pain, that will always be somewhere inside me. It's fine. But the anger...» your fingers clenched on your dress «I now realize that I'm not angry at him for leaving. I'm angry at him because he left without a word.»

You brusquely turned to face him, tormented eyes searching his mask.

«What kind of person does that? What kind of person leaves you behind without an explanation, without saying goodbye, knowing that they'll break you forever?»

Killer didn't reply, tilting his head to better look at you.

«In the last two years, I tried so hard to find a reason, a justification for it, but...» your hand ran to mess with your locks «I have nothing. I trusted him blindly. He was everything to me, and he left me without a fucking word.» you swallowed a lump of pain «How can I accept this?»

The silence flooded the crow's nest.

You lowered your gaze, realizing you had just hurled a haemorrhage of weakness over the Massacre Soldier.

«Sorry. I can't say this to Kid without getting him mad, and I don't even blame him. I guess this is why I told you. But it's my freaking problem, you can forget about it.»

You turned, hanging the telescope around your neck.

«Maybe he just wasn't strong enough.»

You looked back at him, confused.

«What?»

Killer shrugged.

«No matter how strong a man is, some goodbyes are just too hard.»

You blinked.

Aokiji... not strong enough?

"Do you trust me, [Y/n]?"

"Then you need to look harder"

«Obviously I don't know the whole story, but it sounds to me that it's not your weakness you have to accept. It's his.»

"...and if I go, will I turn to say goodbye?"

It sounded so absurd you could only keep staring at him until he opened the hatch.

«K-Killer, wait. Will you tell Kid?»

«I think he knows already.»

He started climbing down the mast.

You bit down your lip, then hurried some words in your mouth before he disappeared.

«Thank you.»

Killer turned to see your restless face following his movements.

«Thank you.» you murmured, again.

He shook his head.

«Don't thank me. Don't ever thank me, [Y/n].»

«Why not?»

«Because you're a marine prisoner on a pirate ship, and I still don't know what we will do about you. So don't be grateful to any of us.»

«You called me nakama before.»

Killer placed a hand on his mask and let out a ragged breath.

He was struggling, you could see that, although you weren't exactly sure why.

«Please, don't do this.» he whispered.

«Do what?»

Something that resembled a bitter chuckle escaped his helmet.

«Shit. I'm starting to understand how you're giving Kid so much trouble.»

«Okay, I'm really confused now.»

«See you later, [Y/n].»