«K-Kid... let go.»

And his eyes were cold and dead, but they were fixed on you.

He was seeing you this time, and there was nothing but disdain in his amber gaze.

His hand choked you with no effort, face motionless, a spurt of blood erupted from your lips.

There was someone else in the darkness of the cabin.

A tall man, a tall man in white leaned against the wooden wall.

He was looking at the scene almost bored, sleeping mask hanging from his neck.

Your lungs were burning from the lack of air, the pain in your throat was unbearable.

«Aokiji... sensei...»

He sighed, shaking his head in resignation.

«What were you thinking, [Y/n]?»

The sounds of soft tissues breaking came from your neck.

«Seeking affection from a man like Eustass Kid? Look at him.»

Tears were streaming down your cheeks.

The red pirate was killing you. Again, boredom and contempt were all you could read in his expression.

«But I...»

«And yet again...» Aokiji tilted his head «what was I expecting?»

Something soft hit your face, but it was enough to make you jump among the sweated sheets.

You woke up with unsteady breath and heart pounding. You grasped the extra pillow on your face and tossed it away.

It took several blinks to recognize the infirmary.

«Jeez, girl.»

You turned to the bed beside yours.

The Mohican was laying there, annoyed face and no pillow. His leg was completely covered in bandages.

«Don't glare at me like that. You went on and on whining the whole fucking night! I couldn't sleep at all!»

You opened your mouth to snap something back and immediately regretted it.

Your throat was on fire, and trying to talk made your trachea hurt terribly.

A cramp and a viscous warmth between your legs reminded you of your period.

A pained grimace entered your features and you averted your focus from him.

«Yeah, it sucks.»

His voice was quieter now, a tinge of sadness within.

"Thorin is dead"

A mix of tormenting emotions squirmed in your chest, adding up on the physical pain.

The image of Kid's eyes and his hand wrapped around your neck flashed in your mind.

You tried to swallow, but your wounded throat refused to do such a thing.

Your hands ran to hide your face.

«Captain Kid did that to you, didn't he?»

You didn't move.

«When he's like that, he could go as far as kill a nakama without even realizing it. Which is ironic, if you think he's in that condition because we lost a nakama.»

You peered at him from below your fingers. A bitter smirk was curling his thin lips. His face made your chest shrink.

The door cracked open and the doctor stepped in.

«Oh, you're both awake.» he observed «I'll take a look at your injuries, then.»

First, he unwrapped the Mohican's bandages to treat the wound. His leg was messed up, but nothing permanent, thankfully.

The pirate didn't complain for the whole time. However, he gasped loudly when your turn came and the doctor unbuttoned your shirt to auscultate your heart and breath.

«What the hell are you doing?!» he yelled, pulling the sheet above his head.

You lifted an eyebrow at him.

«Visiting my patients. Don't be such a baby. Have you never seen a woman before?»

«A woman yes, captain Kid's woman NO, and I like my eyes were they are, thanks.» he uttered from under the blanket.

Your fingers brushed the marks around your throat and you grimaced.

So much for Kid's woman. But I guess this one is on me.

The doctor glanced at you before focusing back on your parameters.

«Take it easy, girl.» he said «There's no such a thing as an easy relationship with our captain. And I suppose we could say the same for you.»

He placed a few pills and a glass of water on your nightstand.

«It will be painful, but try to swallow them. The bad news is that, between the intense bleeding and the shock, your body is worn out. Your muscles are rigid as hell and there's no energy left in you. You won't be able to eat anything today, so I'm setting up an IV.»

You nodded slowly, gesturing him to continue.

«The good news is that you won't be able to talk for at least the whole day.»

You eyebrows knitted together and he shrugged.

«Well, I never said it was good news for you.»

The Mohican laughed and you sharpened your eyes at both of them.

«Listen to me, girl. Stay here for today, try to rest and don't think too much about what happened.» the doctor said «I'll check on Wire and the others, then I'll be back.»

You slid back on your pillow and took a deep breath.

You felt like shit. Your body felt like shit. Your mind felt like shit.

And it was the kind of torment that made you restless, burning inside and outside, sore limbs with pins and needles, throat dry and hurting. As soon as you closed your eyes, all you could see were Kid's livid eyes, Thorin's grin and Aokiji's white back.

Hours passed with you snapping in and out of consciousness, usually waking up for the pain or some nightmare.

You didn't remember the doctor setting up the IV line, but you more or less remembered him saying that you had high fever and injecting something in your arm.

Your head was split in half.

A part of you wanted to jump down from that bed, and scream and cry, tearing the room apart in a tantrum of rage. The other part just wanted to lie there and sleep, maybe forever.

Then there was your numb body, which refused to move, but at the same time refused to let you some relief from the pain.

During the brief periods you were awake, you could hear the drunken yells of the pirates on the deck, accompanied by sounds of shattered bottles and delivered punches.

They were drowning their pain in the alcohol and why the hell not.

"We just lost a nakama. We cannot lose another one"

It was dark when you woke up in a bath of hot sweat.

Your neck was still hurting quite bad, but your muscles felt a bit less stiff.

«Looks like the fever went down a little.»

You squinted at the Mohican, who was now sat on his bed.

He didn't have the round little shades he used to wear all the time.

His eyes were bloodshot with purple circles around them.

Your attention dropped on his leg and you gestured toward it.

«It's fine, I'll be able to walk soon.» he said «What about your throat?»

Your mouth twitched.

«That bad, uh?»

You sighed and shook your head.

It was not that bad, compared to the loss of a nakama.

You saw it in Kid's eyes and now you were seeing it in the Mohican's. And you were sure it was the same for all the pirates who now laid passed out on the deck.

What am I doing? I'm here crying over myself when I'm not even the one suffering.

All the shit I'm going through, I brought it on myself. But they didn't.

Of course, the realization didn't ease the ache. Not the physical one, nor the horrible feeling that was breaking your guts apart when you remembered Kid almost killed you.

But that was exactly the reason you couldn't stay on that bed thinking about it anymore.

With a deep breath, you forced your body to move, slowly, and sat.

«What are you doing? You're supposed to stay put.»

You clicked your tongue, carefully placing your feet on the floor.

Your limbs were tense and dolorous at first, but moving around the room helped them relax a little.

When you could move quite well, you approached the Mohican's bed and tugged the blanked over his face.

«Whaddahell?!» he groaned, pulling it down.

He saw you dragging a bucket near the sink and start filling it up.

«Oh no. No no no no no no no no! You're not taking a bath with me in here.»

You quirked a challenging eyebrow at him, pouring some soap in the water.

«Holy crap!» he snorted, shoving his head back under the sheet «Gurl, you're gonna have us all killed.»

If your throat didn't hurt so much, you would have chuckled.

You quickly rinsed your body from the sweat and soreness, wrapping your hair up. Once done, you rummaged in the little wardrobe to find something clean.

«You done?»

An extra large clear shirt was all the infirmary had to offer. It was long enough to cover almost up to your knees, so you made it work. After stuffing your panties with new pads, you were ready.

«Shit, you can't even talk! How am I supposed to know when you're dressed again?!»

Trying not to make any sound, you left the room.

«Hello?!»

A cold dawn was rising when you stepped on the devastation of the deck.

The ship was now navigating in open sea, which wasn't surprising. The pirates wanted to leave that island back as soon as possible.

It was still dark, the pale light filtering from beyond the horizon.

Unconscious pirates and broken glasses were scattered all over the place, snores and incoherent whimpers echoing around. The mixture of booze and puke intoxicated the air, making your stomach clench.

Grimacing, you noticed a light coming from the galley and quickly headed towards it.

Inside, the warm smell of scrambled eggs eased your nose.

Killer moved the pan on the flame and turned.

«[Y/n]?»

You raised two fingers as a greeting.

«What are you doing here? I heard you were out.»

You shrugged, walking over.

It was impossible to guess where he was looking, but you felt his eyes scanning the marks around your neck.

«How do you feel?»

You rolled your eyes.

«Yeah, the doctor mentioned you can't talk yet. This might be the best day of my life since we took you in.»

You glared at him.

You didn't "take me in", you took me captive, for fuck's sake!

He chuckled, going back to his eggs.

You stood beside him with a sigh, spotting your improvised moka pot and putting some powder in it.

«I don't think coffee is a good idea right now.» Killer observed.

You shook your head and hinted at the deck beyond the porthole.

Killer tilted his head.

«Are you preparing coffee for the crew?»

You nodded.

«[Y/n], the men are drunk and upset right now...»

He stopped when you faced him with resolute eyes and stretched your neck, pointing at the bright bruises.

«...but you know it already.»

You both went back to your burners.

«Kid didn't come out for the whole day, yesterday.» Killer said softly «If he doesn't show up today either, I'll go check myself.»

Your lips tightened, and he didn't add anything else.

Once enough coffee was prepared, you grabbed a few cups and went back to the deck.

A sharp wind was making the morning colder.

You wanted to start with Booka, who clumsily laid nearby the railings, with a rivulet of drool dripping down his chin, but when you spotted Heat and Wire sat in a corner you changed your mind and reached them.

Wire was tugging his black cape down his head, groaning lightly, while Heat had his thumbs pressed over his eyes in a painful grimace, messy blue hair all over his face.

You pounded your feet on the floor to announce your presence, since they both had their eyes shut, then you crouched in front of them, offering the steaming cups.

«[Y/n]?» Heat squawked, squinting.

You did your best to offer a warm smile.

«Are you... are you okay?»

He took his cup, and Wire did the same with a snort.

«Crap, I feel like the seatrain ran over me.»

You put two bottles of water in front of them, then snapped your fingers in front of Wire.

He hissed.

«What?»

You pointed at his wound.

«I'm fine. Why are you not talking?»

Heat peered at your neck from below his knotted locks.

«Does it hurt?»

You shook your head.

What a liar.

Again, you gestured Wire to uncover his wound.

He huffed, but eventually complied, probably more to send you away rather than really accepting your attention.

You touched the border of his injury, which were turning purple, and he flinched.

You glared at him and pointed at the infirmary with a peremptory movement.

The pirate frowned.

«You can't tell me what to do, girl.»

«Just go, man. That thing looks awful.» Heat sighed, sipping on his coffee.

Wire scoffed.

He stood, tough, and slowly headed to the infirmary.

«You should probably be there too, ya know.»

You smiled, lightly patting Heat's shoulder, before going back to the galley.

The rest of the crew was not that easy to treat.

The vast majority of them yelled at you while you tried to pull them on their feet, some tried to hit you, some other to throw you overboard.

Luckily, they were too drunk to represent a real threat.

Booka almost puked on you when you grabbed him before he fell back.

You were not sure if not being able to talk was a curse or a blessing on that circumstance. It certainly confused the pirates even more, since they didn't really know how to deal with a silent-but-glaring-[Y/n].

When almost everyone was standing again (a couple of desperate cases had to be transferred in the men's quarter by their more sober comrades), you helped the doctor with the aftermaths of the night.

A lot of men presented minor wounds from the brawls and skull-crushing hangovers.

The doctor frowned at you, but he understood that you couldn't stay in bed anymore.

The fever was almost gone, anyway, and the more you moved the less your muscles felt sore.

Everything inside was still burning, and the sense of nausea never left you, but you could deal with it. Better that than rolling in a bed picturing Kid's void gaze in your head.

By noon, the crew was more or less back taking care of the ship, although no one was talking much.

Killer cooked lunch, but it was still impossible to swallow anything for you.

Instead, you grabbed a mop and started cleaning the deck. Your goal was becoming tired enough to be able to sleep.

It didn't happen.

Eventually, you ran out of things to do and shuffled in the infirmary, where the doctor checked your neck and applied some medications.

You managed to sleep a few hours, but as soon as you closed your eyes, the nightmares were still there, waiting for you.

The sun was setting when you got up again.

Walking down the hallway, you crossed path with the first mate, who was holding a warm bowl of stew.

You frowned.

«Kid didn't come out yet.» Killer explained.

You noticed he was wearing his gauntlets.

Is he expecting to fight him?

The blond followed your eyes.

«This is just a precaution.»

«Let me come.»

Your voice came out as a hoarse whisper, and it hurt, but at least it was something.

«[Y/n], what the hell.»

«I'll stay outside unless you say otherwise.»

Killer hesitated.

«Please.»

He sighed.

«How come you still want to see him?»

You bit your lip and shook your head.

I honestly have no idea.

«Are you really going to wait outside?»

You nodded and he paused.

«Fine then.»

You followed him till the captain's cabin.

There was no answer when Killer knocked, so he carefully got in and closed the door behind his back.

You leaned against the wall, trying to catch the sounds from inside. The first mate's low voice could be heard briefly, but nothing more.

He came back about ten minutes after.

You observed him as he closed the door again and sighed, studying you for a few seconds.

«He's still absent,» he said «but he doesn't look aggressive anymore.»

You stood and he rubbed his nape.

«I don't think he will eat...»

«What about his wounds?»

«He didn't do anything.»

You scoffed, restless.

«Can I go in?»

Killer clicked his tongue, uncertain.

«It's still not safe.»

«Well, screw safety!» you snapped, throat burning «I'm your prisoner, I'm not supposed to be safe from Eustass Kid!»

He didn't move and, despite not being able to see it, you felt his intense gaze on you.

«What?»

«It's the way you say his name.»

Your eyes widened and an instant heat invaded your cheeks and neck.

«You're out of your mind.» you muttered.

Killer took a deep breath.

«Fine. If he turns violent, shout or make a loud noise. I'll be out here the entire time.»

«There's no need for...»

«That's the only condition.»

You pouted, but accepted with a curt nod.

Before you slid inside, Killer placed a hand on your shoulder.

«Please, be careful.»

The cabin was wrapped in the penumbra.

You stomach clenched when you realized Kid was still in the same position you found him two days before.

The cold bowl stood on the desk, untouched.

His arms were still dyed in red, but the blood had turned dry.

Hesitantly, you walked around him so you could see his face.

Killer was right, the demonic fury that curled his features was gone. His eyes were still fixed in the void, though, and you could spot in them a blurred light of... pain?

You swallowed in your damaged throat.

«Kid?»

No reaction.

Holding your breath, you took a few steps closer.

The red beast felt cold, in the centre of the room.

The memory of how suddenly he snapped the last time startled you.

You could swear your pounding heart was audible in the silence.

«Okay, hum, I'm gonna touch you now...» you whispered, slowly stretching your hand toward his flesh arm.

You were shaking.

«Please don't kill me...» you muttered.

When your trembling fingers finally made contact with his forearm and nothing happened, you let your breath out.

Kid's head imperceptibly turned to you, but his gaze remained unfocused.

Now you could feel how tense his whole body was.

Your other hand joined the grip and you gently tugged him.

«Let's go have a shower, okay?»

His eye twitched but, surprisingly, he followed you.

You were so shocked you almost stumbled on your feet.

Once in the bathroom, you had to do all the work.

Kid was totally unresponsive.

You knew how losing a close nakama could hit a captain hard, you just didn't expect Eustass Kid to be that kind of captain. At least before coming to know him.

You had to climb over the tub to reach his shoulders and push down his fur and tore vest. Freeing him from his slacks was easier.

Next you let the water flow and regulated the temperature, filling the tub.

«Come.» you said, holding his cold hand and stepping inside.

Even your whispers were now turning hoarse, but you ignored the ache.

You kept the shirt on, not wanting to be naked in case he snapped again.

Luckily, he answered to your light tug by sitting, which was what you needed.

You slid behind him, pouring some lotion in your hand, removed his goggles and started to lather his wild hair.

He tensed up and you almost jumped away.

Oh, [Y/n], for fuck's sake!

With another deep breath, your fingers dived deeper in his locks, massaging his scalp with calming circular movements.

It took a few minutes, but he gradually began to relax.

Yes! Yes, okay.

After his hair, you went down on his neck and shoulders, then his back, rubbing the blood away, paying particular care to his wounds.

Some were really deep.

He didn't even flinch once.

You swallowed when it was time to get to his front, trying to gather the courage.

You moved. Your shirt was soaked by that moment.

Avoiding his gaze, you started to lather his chest.

Your fingers traced the edge of his scar, and his metallic hand snatched on yours, suddenly grabbing your wrist.

Your heart stopped and you instinctively jumped back, but he held you in place.

Your eyes flicked on his.

He was not absent anymore.

«What. The fuck. Are you doing.»

Your voice failed you, and you had to painfully push out the words.

«I... your wounds...»

No, seriously, what the fuck am I doing?

His grip tightened and you stopped talking.

Kid let his gaze travel upon you, trying to grasp what he had missed so far.

At some point, his eyes sharpened and his flesh hand stretched over your neck.

You froze.

However, his fingers barely brushed your bruises.

A frown curled his features.

«I did this.»

Your heart started beating again. Too fast.

Doesn't he remember...?

He grimaced.

«I did this.»

You saw the shadow of fury deforming his face.

No no no no!

Before you could think, you had already thrown yourself at him, your free hand holding his cheek.

«Don't.» you choked «Don't go back now. Stay with me.»

He shut his eyes and bared his teeth, in an attempt to muffle the rage.

You could feel the tension running through his body.

«Kid, please. The men need their captain now.»

And I need...

«Their captain?»

His eyes sprang open, pupils dilated.

His voice made you shudder.

«What kind of captain? The one who gets his nakama killed?»

A mad smile spread on his livid lips.

«This I can provide.»

He could attack you again now. You sensed the danger.

You finally managed to get your other arm free and grabbed his face, shoving your resolute gaze inches from his.

«Bullshit.»

He snarled, but you weren't done.

«The kind of captain is worth dying for, and the kind of man I'm risking my life for right now.» you hissed «That you will provide.»

His breath became ragged as he dolorously clenched his fingers on your arms, digging nails and metal in your skin.

After a few seconds of twitching, he stopped, grip growing loose.

Your hands slid down to his neck, then his chest.

«Stay, Eustass Kid.»

He snarled again, prosthesis running to cover his face, like he was fighting an impossible struggle inside.

Your chest sunk at that sight.

You waited till he finally took a deep breath and dropped his arm.

«Birdie.»

A shiver traversed your body.

«Y-Yeah?»

«Get off me, so I can stand.» he flatly said.

«Oh.»

You clumsily moved back, flailing in the shallow water.

You followed him in the cabin.

Kid didn't speak. He barely looked at you, actually.

Unsure of what to do, you watched him sitting on his bed, still rubbing his head with a towel.

After a couple of minutes, he tossed it away.

«Can you attend my wounds?» he growled, still not looking in your direction.

«Yes.»

You grabbed the first aid kit from his drawer and sat beside him.

It took almost an hour to disinfect all his injuries and put stitches where needed.

He let you do, acting like you weren't there, not showing any sign of physical pain.

When done, you collected the leftovers and placed the kit back.

«You can't stay here tonight.» Kid suddenly said.

You turned to him, confused.

He frowned at his pillow.

«I'm not stable.»

Finally, his eyes flicked on yours.

«I would hurt you.»

Your heart raced again.

«Okay.»

You headed to the door.

«[Y/n].»

Stopping, you turned to him.

A deep frown settled on his face.

«You stay too.» he hissed.

A weak smile bent your lips.

«See you tomorrow, Eustass fucking Kid.»

Once outside, you crumbled against the door, letting out a heavy breath.

«It went well then.»

You jumped.

Killer was sitting in the aisle, sharpening his scythes.

«Wait... you were here the all time?»

«Yup.»

He fastened his blades and got on his feet.

You rolled your eyes, trying to mask the sneaky smile that threatened to bloom on your mouth.

«Don't worry, I didn't hurt your precious captain. I might end up sleeping on the deck, though.»

«I'm on duty tonight, you can use my bed.»

«I don't–»

«...unless you prefer the men's quarter.»

«Your bed will do just fine, thanks.»